A reader writes:
Do you think you could start a discussion about and for womenwho regret sterilization procedures? I have recently finished reading abook by Christopher West and I feel nauseous about the fact that I gaveup the precious gift that is fertility. I am sickened, almost to thepoint of depression, that my husband and I are “lying with our bodies.”We are both converts to Catholicism and NFP and the pro-creative andunitive acts of conjugal love weren’t exactly discussed around thedinner table!
First of all, you have my heart felt sympathy for your suffering. Iknow you know this, but I will repeat it here anyway: You and yourhusband are not responsible for actions you took while ignorant of theTruth. I think that in your case, talking about “lying with yourbodies” is unnecessary and hurtful language. I would encourage you stopthinking about your marriage in this way as that phrase implies anintent you and your husband do not have.
Though sterilization reversals are not required by the Church, these procedures have brought peace and healing to many. I once wrote an article on this very subjectand the sources were not difficult to find. Your situation is notunique. In fact, one of people I interviewed for the article, JohnLong, has even written a book about sterilization reversalsin which he profiles couples that have had reversals done and whotestify to the peace and healing it has brought to their marriages.
If you are inclined to have the reversal done, I would encourageyou to continue looking into the possibilities. You mentioned that youwere unsuccessful in finding the help you need through One More Souland I hope that readers here will point you toward other potentialresources. If God wants you to do this, He will help you find a way todo it.
In the meantime, I would just remind you of this: When we have donesomething we deeply regret it can be tempting, even after seeking andreceiving forgiveness, to wallow in guilt and remorse. It can betempting to despair and to think that our problem is “un-fixable.”
But we must never despair. Our God is a good and generous God. Hehas made us in His own image and we are His precious children… evenwhen we make mistakes. If we despair, we deny these truths and doubtGod’s forgiveness. If we despair, we deny God’s omnipotent andall-encompassing love. If we despair, we doubt that Christ did indeedsuffer and die for our sins and that it was indeed “enough.” Humandespair is an insult to God.
Instead, place your marriage in God’s hands and throw yourself onHis infinite mercy. Remember that it is Christ Himself who tells us:“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”(Matthew 19:26)
May He bless you and guide you.