I have heard from a number of moms who struggle with this issue in one way or another: How to balance duties to your vocation versus time spent in leisure pursuits—online, on the phone, watching TV, or other “time wasters.”
The computer is probably the greatest temptation. It’s just so accessible, so instantly gratifying, so pleasantly connected to other real live grown up human beings. Before you know it, you might have spent 45-60 minutes reading blogs, visiting discussion forums, and catching up on news, but basically accomplishing absolutely nothing while your household falls apart around you. I know I have been guilty of this, and it always feels terrible afterwards.
One way that I control this temptation is to schedule online time only during specified times in my daily schedule, while the baby is napping and after other work has been done. I have heard of others who set a timer for themselves and only spend 20-30 minutes at the computer each day. Still others designate certain days of the week where they avoid the computer altogether.
If you are wondering if you spend too much of your day involved in any one particular activity (computer, telephone, television, etc.) a good way to test yourself is to avoid that activity for a day or so and see how much you suffer (or maybe how much your house and family benefit). In my experience, this can be a good gauge of how large a part of your life that particular activity has become.
So, share with us please. Do you spend too much time online in your day? How do you keep your online time in line? What strategies have worked for you and would you recommend for others? Answer here and then go clean the kitchen floor, okay?
Back in the states I know I spent too much time online, but usually at the expense of my own sleep, like very late at night. Here in China I have found that if I take my computer with me to Starbucks and leave the powercord at home, I can only go online for about an hour, and my son can pretty much occupy himself with his trucks at Starbucks during that time. If you are having trouble limiting yourself and are lucky enough to have a laptop, perhaps you might try unplugging as a way to keep yourself timed.
Of course, not being able to read blogspot blogs has really cut down on internet time…..
my internet habit is very bad right now. my husband is out of town for a while and i always use the internet a lot more when he is gone and i get bored and lonely. my kids are still young, the oldest is 4, and that doesn’t feel like company quite as much as it probably should.
one thing i have noticed about my internet use, other than it takes away time from other more important pursuits, is that it seems to really be hurting my attention span. i frequently have 2or3 pages up at one time, and click between them before I even finish reading so i am usually reading at least 2 things at one time. then that carrys over to the real world where i find that everything is just so slow and boring. i can’t even watch television without being bored very easily. forget about books.
its not a good thing at all. i am trying to discipine myself to limit my internet use to just 1hr in the evening before bed but i have not been very successful yet.
dh is a teacher and needs the computer for his work. This helps limit my computer time greatly…but when he gets up to watch the news(which only lasts 20 minutes at the most)…then I rush to the computer and try to catch up on all things catholic and american in internet. So I have absolutely no knowledge of german news at the moments!!???!!
Otherwise I try to limit my morning time to 8am to 8:40am. The school girls have left the house and the 2 little ones are playing together, before we have to leave for kindergarten. Right now I am cheating. mea culpa
I wake up before my children get up,I usually try to get up around 5:30 or 6:00 and go through all my emails. I only spend about an hour online, this is enough time for me. It works out better for me when they are sleeping.
I have been guilty of spending way too much time on the computer. Actually as I sit here eating the rest of my breakfast I was just thinking that I need to curb my internet again. It seems like I am able to limit my time for awhile but then find myself sucked back in. Some thing that I have done to disapline my online time are 1) Make a list of things that I want to acomplish while online i.e. check e-mail, read Danielle’s blog :), research something specific, find books at the library to put on hold etc…. 2) As much as I love being a part of yahoo groups I found those suck up way too much time. And while I might get something good everyonce in awhile, it is usually not worth the 100’s of e-mails that might get sent into my box even if they are from a Catholic mom’s group. 3) I set aside a certain time of the day to get online, usually in the middle of the afternoon when there is a lull in our day, though I still get online after the kids go to bed because usually my brothers are on AIM and since we don’t live close together and they don’t use the phone muhc (guy thing?) it is my way to stay in touch with them. Unless they have something really important to talk about I make sure I am in bed by a certain hour. 4) I remind myself of all the things that aren’t getting done while I am online, cleaning, playing with my kids, sewing, reading etc… I am curious to see some more ideas. Usually I am trying to get away from things, but in reality I am not. The sooner I remind myself of that the sooner I get off, which speaking of that it is a beautiful day outside and I am going to get the rest of my day started. God Bless!
How did you know that I have been MEANING to clean my kitchen floor for two weeks now??? (Well, and also the floor in our entryway, laundry room, and dining room…)
I spend WAY too much time online each day. It got progressively worse while I was suffering through morning sickness…all I could handle was sleeping or sitting around…so I sat at the computer.
My goal for computer use is to only use it during 1)nap time, and 2) before dd gets up in the morning (which I usually extend through her breakfast because she is very pokey in the morning…and I am short tempered in the morning!)
I have found that what is effective in using the internet less often was to give up the things that take up most of my internet time that aren’t productive (i.e. order entry for home business, productive…reading random stuff, not productive) but I can’t figure out if reading blogs counts as productive or not productive (they’re all either Catholic or homeschooling blogs…so I really do learn a lot!)
I guess a happy medium would be if the house is relatively clean and the kids are relatively happy, it’s okay to sneak a few minutes on the internet! I hope I get to that point someday!
My internet time is usually naturally limited by the demands of being Mom- someone always needs me the minute I sit down! My trouble seems to be limiting the time of my older children, who could while away whole afternoons if I would let them. Anyone else have Webkins at their house?
I feel like the time police!
I have been struggling with this too! With the boys getting older, I find there are lots of moments in the day when I can easily sit at the computer, check my email, check a few sites, and before I know it I have been on and off the computer all day (or so it feels), a few minutes at a time. It’s like I’ve nickeled and dimed my free time away.
I’ve decided I’m going to do something very radical: leave the computer OFF (gasp. I feel weak just typing that) except for my designated time slot.
That’s what it takes for me, I’m sad to admit: removing the temptation all together.
Time spent online is my biggest procrastination tool. Too many times I have found myself wasting time by looking at celebrity nonsense I don’t even care about. But, it’s inherently easier than tackling the many chores around the house, especially since I’ve been suffering with pregnancy nausea a lot and sitting is second only to lying down!
I don’t have any tricks, but on a disciplined day, I might spend 1/2 hour online max checking email, about 5 or 6 blogs or sites, with additional time if I’m doing research or taking care of our bills.
This is a sore spot for me. I have a sort of compulsion to visit certain web sites every day. Oh, yes, I suffer if I do not read them. On the other hand, they are a sort of social and spiritual sustenance for me.
I’ve tried a few things with some success–if I stick with them. The first is to write down as they come to me the sites I want to visit, the e-mails I want to write, or the information I seek (Internet searches and all). Then if I give myself a break of 10 or 15 minutes (not more than one for every hour or more of "house" work) and do as much on the list as that time will allow.
Another, and I did this during Lent and am considering returning to it, is to take that list and give myself only 10 minutes for the whole day. (With a possible return to it at bedtime.) Really cuts down on the more frivolous reading. (I do let myself compose e-mails on a notepad while outside with the kids or something.)
The best thing I have done to curb my "internet appetite" is to set a timer for 15 minutes. We have an extremely slow dial-up service, so I have to work *fast*! I try to read mail, and 4 of my favorite blogs first thing in the morning before the timer goes off. I have a few *Webkins* in my household, too, and I set the timer for them also, so they help me to remember that when the timer goes off, it’s someone else’s turn…..keeps me honest that way!
PS Even though I know that I am *fairly* disciplined when it comes to internet time—my "on the phone time" could really use some help! I have a hands-free headset so I rarely "sit down and just talk", but although I am folding laundry, washing dishes, cooking meals, or sweeping the floor, I am still not truly available to my three darlings….anybody have any ideas about that? Perhaps another day….
I have a very active toddler, so the only time I can go online is when he is asleep. I don’t feel guilty about me time online either, unless I find that I haven’t written any emails or posts because I’ve been websurfing. You see, since I have no car and can’t afford a lot of long distance calls, time online really is my adult time/thinking time/reflection time and inspires a lot of my prayer time. It’s very fruitful, and I’m a better mother this way than I would be otherwise.
What I try to do is only go online during one of my son’s naps, and spend the other nap (the afternoon nap today) doing housework. It’s amazing what can be done in an hour of concentrated time a day. If I have emails still to write or think of something I want to check, I might go back online while my husband is putting my son to bed in the evening – that’s my time to relax, watch a tv show, take a bath, or play online.
If I find too much of my time is being spent browsing and not doing enriching things, I’ll make a list (emails to write, things to look up, things to do (bill paying, forms, etc) online) and try to do those things first.
Internet is not so bad until I add it to the time I’m working on our homeschool newsletter and solitaire and and and…
Actually I can be very impatient watching my kids get ready for their day and too anxious to have them do it my way. Solution: computer!
Every am big kids help little kids and get ready– teeth, hair, bed, dirty clothes etc while I get my time in. Unless I’m under the gun to get the newsletter out today :{
I get off as soon as they are ready to start school. If we have a good a.m. I can play solitaire during recess!!
I learned a lot the past few years!!
I probably spend around an hour total on the computer each day. I have NO problem with guilt spending that time because it is nearly always interrupted and I have no life outside children, homeschooling, chores, church, and grocery shopping. I have given up everything for my family (mostly willingly), so give me my morning shower and a little computer time and I’m satisfied.
You just had to blog about this NOW, when I am looking to waste a little time didn’t you? lol 🙂
I have an internet "problem". Like Paige, I think it’s worsened when my dh is away (as he is today, on an overnight trip). I get bored and lonely and internet time is a way to "escape". It’s easy to say "just a few minutes" and have that stretch into an hour or more. 🙁
I am GUILTY! And my kitchen floor is gross. During my most recent pregnancy, I was physically unable to do anything except sit and lie down for the last 2 – 3 months, so I began surfing and discovered blogs! To make it even easier to sit at the computer for long periods, we homeschool using an online school, so I can (and do) check email, surf, read and post blogs and send instant messages to my husband. I have a timer that I use for other things, but I haven’t done it for computer time yet. I resist this for soem reason. Maybe i don’t actually WANT to curb my computer apetite!
In the fall we’re going to be using a differnt curriculum for school, so the computer will not be so convenient, but it has become a habit, unfortunately. When we finish school for the year (this week, I am thinking), I won’t "have" to be on the computer all day, so I am planning on setting certain times or days for computer use. I will start using the timer too. We’re selling our house too, and I plan on not having the computer in such a convenient place as we have now. Plus, right now we have direct-line-of-sight internet access, which means that the computer is online all the time. When we move into town (we’re "in the country" now) we might have to get a dial-up connection, which will severely cut my online time, because I hate waiting for a connection.
I also am guilty if it is on all day. I check websites multiple times for updates and look for emails. I have contmeplated turning it off except for one daytime allottment of time and one in the evening. BUT IT SCARES ME!!!! :))) I know I need to do it though. I am going to try it and see how it goes. I think I will be more productive and spend more time with my kids. I just know this! It’s funny how you know something deep down, but chose to ignore it out of fear or aprehension. That would be this issure for me. I agree with Rachel – sometimes for me I have to take the temptation away altogether.
I guess I shall begin right now!! 🙂
I love to read and begin my day with all sorts of newspapers and internet surfing. It gets me going and I enjoy reading so much, in fact, I’d even read the back of a cereal box if there is nothing available in the house… I do try to limit my surfing to down times and night time, rather than watching tv. I think it’s ok to waste time on the internet, if that’s what you enjoy. As a society I think we are way too obsessed with being busy and productive. A little leisure never hurt anyone and is good for the soul!
The computer is my biggest temptation to linger too long over – there’s just so much good, encouraging stuff there to read! I’m also a bookworm but I don’t even attempt this during daylight hours because my children have a way of seeing a book in hand or the phone and instantly becoming in desperate need of my attention. It’s been a good mortification for me I guess you could say.
I watch my computer time by giving myself boundaries like only during nap time, and after everyone has been tucked in for the night and my hubby seems happily occupied elsewhere and doesn’t particularly need my company for 45 minutes or so. I might sometimes sneak some e-mail reading and responding in while dinner is bubbling away on the stove and if my dh is home early enough and out playing ball in the yard with the kids. I do admit that the computer has, on occasion become fodder for my next confession ~smile~
For Lent this year, I gave up online forum discussion on a certain wonderful Catholic apologetic website (access conveniently provided by Danielle’s "Media" links on the right.) I also gave up browsing any headline celebrity "news", in an attempt to curb attraction to gossip.
It felt GREAT!! And I really wasn’t seriously tempted to cheat. Almost like I had been craving a self-imposed limit of sorts.
What helps me now, since I’m no longer fasting from these sites, is to remind myself of how rapidly my energy is depleted by sitting down and staring at this screen. I need to get as much household maintenance done as early in the day as possible, and if I have the energy/time/desire at the end of the day, I weigh the time spent online against the amount of sleep I will need for the upcoming day.
I have relegated my main computer time to after the kids are in bed and the kitchen is clean.
Mostly, I use this time to blog. My intent is to keep a journal that my kids can read one day. Hopefully it will give them a better understanding of how much I love them as well as to help me remember what life was like at every little stage.
If I do look at the computer other times during the day, I try not to sit down. I find it hard to stay long if I’m not comfortable.
About eight years ago, I had a real internet problem. However, I have to say I don’t regret it—-I think the internet and online friendships I formed during a very dark time in my life really helped me get through it without totally losing my mind. However, becuase of that very dark time and all the time I spent on the computer during that period, in my mind I now associate spending too much internet time with major depression, and since I have no desire to sink into another depression, I shy away from too much internet (not that I think being on the internet CAUSED the depression—it is simply associated with it in my mind because of my own experience). What that means in my real life now is that if I find myself getting too involved in blogs, bulletin boards, etc, it’s a warning sign to me to take a good hard look at what is going on in my real life and to remedy whatever might be making me want to escape on the internet.
On the practical end of things, we had cable internet for a couple of years, and I LOVED it. However, the computer was on ALL THE TIME, and I found it much harder to monitor what my now pre-pubescent older children were up to online. Plus it was expensive. My husband and I talked about going back to dial-up for MONTHS before I finally had the guts to do it. It helped that money was tight at the time 🙂 We have been back to dial-up for nearly a year now, and boy, has it cut down on the internet time for EVERYONE because it’s so darn frustrating to waste so much time waiting for pages to load. Our kids don’t know our password to get online, so they have to ask permission every time they want to go on the internet, and this has helped greatly, too.
Another positive: I read in the paper not long ago that if you turned off your computer when it was not being used, it would save nearly $30 a month in electricity. As I had just received a horrendous electricity bill in the mail, this article really piqued my interest. My husband and I started being vigilant about turning of the computer (printer, etc, too) at night and sometimes even during the day when nobody would be using it for hours. Our next bill was $40 lower—-I don’t know that I can attribute this totally to the computer, as we were militant about other electrical appliances as well, but I do think it really helped.
Turning on our dinosaur of a computer takes about five minutes (it’s VERY slow to boot up. UGH!), so that’s another deterrent to too much internet use.
I do want to reiterate that I think the computer/internet was a saving grace for me years ago, and I still think most of what I do online is healthy—-emailing and staying in touch with distant friends and family, keeping abreast of the news (who has time for TV?? plus I don’t want my kids watching the news), researching things I am curious about, and let’s not forget–SHOPPING!!!—, so I don’t feel at all guilty about what time I do spend on the internet these days. I just keep on eye on it to make sure I am not letting my internet life cut into my "real" life too much. That’s when I believe it gets unhealthy.
Confession: I do go on the very fast high-speed internet at work when it’s slow sometimes. What a treat 🙂
We have eight people in our family and only one computer. I have to compete for computer time. It’s like buying a box of 8 ice cream bars. There is no fear of eating the whole box when there are eight people in the house, each wanting a fair share! My time is early before anyone is up and I’m only on until I have to get off and get everyone ready for the day. If I want more computer time, I have to get up earlier. That doesn’t happen very often.
HI: There are days when I get too caught up in using my computer just for e-mails and not make time to do my morning prayer time and so now I do my prayer time before I check my e-mails BUT some days that is sooooo hard to do!! And yes today is kitchen floor day so I will close for now!! 🙂 🙂
FIrst of all, let me tell you that your articles are very inspirational. They always make me feel good after.
Let me share with you how I balance my everyday life. I think I was born a workaholic. Multi tasking is the best for me. I can normally do 3-4 tasks at the same time while enjoying some leisure time.
I cook, do my laundry, clean the house while listening to the radio or watch/listen some tv shows. Most of the time, I go online from 11pm – 2 or 3am because it’s part of my job. While doing my communication or doing some research, I spare a few minutes reading and answering emails, etc. It’s just a matter of giving priorities and knowing what your priorities are.
Now, I was able to find time to share my thoughts because I did my laundry last night and I am doing some research today while watching/listening to a noontime show —- by the way, I’m here in the Philippines.
God bless and more power!
I am 66 year old retired and my six kids have are all grown & have families of their own. I only go on my computer in the evening and never on Sunday and I am not one to watch TV as it is still hard for me to sit for any length of time and when my children were little of course there was no such thing as a computer, but I do know that you could not be on the phone for very long or the children got into things, my one thing that I did do every day was to take them for a walk, which gave us all time together..and I did watch TV with them in the afternoon once in awhile and even back then I had a hard time just sitting and not having something to do and you do need a lot of energy when you have children also you have to be creative to keep them from being bored and I did enjoy those days they are where I have my best memories of my children growing up…
this is my break time between chores