This week’s topic comes from a reader who sent along the following questions:
Do you let your kids play with squirt guns?
Yes. In fact, on some summer afternoons it’s a required activity, as in “Go outside and burn off all that pent up energy. Now.”
I have 3 boys with tons and tons and tons of energy. But the world seems so dark now that I don’t let them “play shoot” each other even with their fingers.
This strikes me as a rule that would be frustratingly impossible to enforce.
I went through WalMart today and they had those huge guns that hold a gallon of water. They just looked like fun.
They are fun.
Anyway, am I going overboard and should the NRA be concerned about me?
I don’t know much about the NRA, but I think your concerns are valid. We do live in a dark world, and all kidding aside, the decision of whether or not to allow your kids to play with weapons can be a difficult and important one.
I used to be an outlaw-all-weapons kind of mother myself. Nothing seemed fun or playful to me about pretending to shoot your brother, especially with the kind of horrible violence that exists in our world today. But my boys’ natural inclination toward weaponry and their dogged insistence upon inventing various forms of play violence despite my best efforts made me re-think my own stubborn stance. My kids don’t watch violent television or play violent video games, so their attraction toward play fighting was coming from within them, it seemed.
I wrote a column about my struggle with this dilemma once in which I said:
I realized I had largely misunderstood their boyish passions. Play battles aren’t so much about the violence as they are about the eternal struggle between good and evil. I may witness an occasional dramatic death scene in which one of my sons lies writhing on the floor gasping his last breath, but for the most part their imagination centers on the triumph of good over evil, and that is not a bad thing.
Ultimately, I think that boys’ play fighting with guns or other toy weapons really is a matter of “Boys will be boys.” I have come to believe males of all ages do indeed have a natural inclination toward combat which females might easily misunderstand. This inclination can be distorted and perverted by exposure to negative influences but it can also be guided toward the good by loving parents and a healthy family life.
Now this happens to be an issue that I have seen turn ugly in some circles, even faith-filled Catholic circles. But I do think it is a discussion well worth having. I just encourage commenters to please share their views on this topic in a way that respects others’ different opinions.
So what do you say? How do you handle the weapons question? Do you allow your children to play with toy guns or other weapons, checking the airsoft review already? What are the reasons for your decision?
Funny, I just
wrote a post on this today.
no place to post on the pix article…..but i couldn’t resist!
what a beautiful smile!!!!!!
d.
I have found that even boys who aren’t "allowed" to play with guns will turn the most harmless objects into weapons of mass destruction 🙂 I’ve seen little boys turn carrots, duplo constructions, little sticks, etc, into guns in a heartbeat, despite their parents best attempts at keeping all such means of violence away from them. I figured from an early point in parenting that it just wasn’t worth the fight, and that generations of little boys have grown up playing war and seem to have turned out ok. Sometimes the bigger deal you make out of something, the more attractive it becomes. My boys have been allowed to have squirt guns, nerf guns, etc, and have all gone through phases with them, but then they seem to outgrow it and move on to more interesting play.
I don’t allow real guns in the house, though—not because I have a problem with the idea of owning a gun, but because my father nearly shot his brother in the head when they were kids (I mean, he missed his brother’s head by approximately one inch and shot a hole in the wall of their house!!), this despite the guns being locked in a cabinet. So I’ve always been afraid of having any real guns around, at least while my kids are younger.
Well, my sons’ daddy is in the Army. When other mothers would see my three year old "shooting" bad guys, they would ask me about my allowing him to do this. I even had a nine year old girl tattle on him and another boy who were sitting at the top of the basement steps shooting at the children below. Since she seemed so horribly shocked, I went to the boys, admired their instinctively good selection of location (for its clear shot at their victims), but then explained that the shooting of "unarmed civilians" was not acceptable and that any game that scares or annoys other people was not nice. But to the girl and the mothers, I told them that he wants to be like daddy. To pretend that the Army doesn’t shoot bad guys is, well, lying.
My sons are now 8 and 6, and their weapon of choice is usually a light sabre. Always, always, always, their game is one of good vs. evil. They NEED that. They want to DO something, save the world, feel empowered. Sometimes, I have an opportunity to have a teachable moment. More than once, I have pointed out that Batman doesn’t kill the bad guys, he takes them to the police where they go to jail. They have seen Star Wars Episodes 4 – 6, so I remind them often that, in the end, Darth Vader repented, and that is a good thing.
And in real world discussions (we ARE in a war right now and my children can not avoid noticing it), I ask them all the time, "Wouldn’t it be better if the bad guys became good guys?" This is a tough concept for them, but I push it and insist on praying for the bad guys. It gives them something to think about before going back to their game where the bad guys don’t convert and need to be destroyed.
Among our family’s favorite saints are St. Michael the Archangel who carries (and uses) a sword and St. William of Gellone who was a knight who defended his homeland. All my boys (especially my husband) love/want/need heroic role models.
I have 3 boys. The oldest is 20, the youngest 13. I always let them have water guns, but was diligent about not allowing them "toy" guns. They made their own anyway! I agree with Danielle, it is an innate instinct in boys to battle. (Just for the record, I also have 2 girls, aged 24 and 22. They also loved water guns!) We are a good Catholic family, which is not an easy task in this world we live in.
Maybe I’m an odd man out. For years I’ve heard parent after parent say that he/she banned guns only to have his/her children make weapons out of whatever they could: sticks, their fingers, their imaginations in some other way, etc. My boys do not do this. It surprises me that so many parents have this experience when it has not been my own.
Generally we don’t do the gun thing and for the most part don’t make any mention of it. I think we have acquired a couple of those large capacity water guns in more recent years, which they occasionally play with during warm months. Still, my children (all boys btw) still do not turn any given object into a gun in any kind of weather. They are "all-boy" boys, but still no making one’s own guns happens or has happened.
It makes me wonder whether my boys are wired differently, or if their environments are somehow vastly different from that of other boys. It has not been an experience of ours and is a very foreign concept to us.
Well I played with toy guns with my brother/cousin/friends all through my childhood. Army was the game of choice. We had generals, majors, privates etc… Some of us ended up in the military. It was never an issue we were just playing and we knew it. None of us ever shot a cop or turned to a life of crime. It was just play.
Now where you have to be concerned is real weapons. I have several firearms and they were in the house when I grew up. I even had my own when I was 14. But it was only to be used when an adult was around. It was not tolerated any other rime. I went through firearms training through the police station as well as my dad. I am proud to say that I will bring my sons up the same way. Knowing about and using firearms is not a bad thing. Kids just need to be taught how to handle them properly and that they are NOT toys.
I fail to see the logic in removing all toy guns, they will just ind another way to play Army, cops n robbers etc…
.mike
My husband just unexpectedly outraged a co-worker by telling this story (for context these guys are big burly guys who work at a wooden boat yard–not shrinking violets. . .)
A friend was dropping his 4 year old off to play with our kids. The boy had fallen asleep on the way over and was not too into staying so my kids were doing their best to help him wake-up and play. My son said "let’s watch a movie! John Wayne! oo-ooo-ooo [like old-style indians], blam, blam." daughter pipes in "yeah! John Wayne! ooo-ooo-ooo, blam, blam!"
Mr. Co-worker was shocked and said he didn’t think kids should be endocrtinated into the violent culture. My husband was suprised at his response.
When we talked about it later (after I stopped laughing) we hit on the fact that it is hard to stay clear of the importance of battle/guns/use of force once your kids start learning about the history of our country. It wasn’t too long ago that many families were fed by Daddy’s gun–that oppression was fought because of guns:
"You know the rest. In the books you have read
How the British regular fired and fled,-
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
From behind each fence and farmyard wall. . ."
I want my sons to be couragous, loyal, strong, willing to sacrifice for the good, the true, and those in need (I have similar goals for my daughters–but they are manifested diferently). That old fashioned Gentleman is my ideal for the boys.
I’m the mom of three teens, two of which are sons, now 18 and 13. I never bought a "realistic"-looking gun, but I have bought squirt guns and super-soakers for the sheer joy of water fights in summer. And I never let them watch TV or movies with gratuitous violence. But yes, mine also crafted "guns" out of lego, sticks, and more. They even made their own bow and arrows!
Over the years, I noticed my youngest was never without a "sword" and was intent on being a swash-buckler during imaginative play every day…for years. I finally pointed out to him the sport of fencing…and now he’s a card-carrying member of the US Fencing Association and takes regular fencing lessons and competes too. He plans on going to a Catholic high school near us where he can compete on their fencing team. I’m glad I let him pursue his sword passion!
One more thought here: I would like to suggest that we call all our sons to heroism–to learn how to sacrifice and lay their lives down in small way now, so they can do do later in life. We need heroic and HOLY men of character, integrity, and honor. One day they may grow up to be in law enforcement or the military, or another field that requires the use of force. But even if they do not choose those fields, learning to lay their lives down is good spiritual discipline.
When we look esp. in St. Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians we find a lot of war lingo there – the whole armour of Christ idea. He talks about the finght not being against flesh and blood but against the principalities of the darkness. I think this concept is very important in our Catholic faith, as is "turning the other cheek", which in my mind is categorically misunderstood as being Catholic is becoming a doormat. In my mind it means to not be afraid, and to not recoil, to stand up against the forces of evil.
So, therefore, I do believe that it is actually important for children – boys and girls alike – to understand that to gain the crown of heaven means to fight. Evil does manifest itself in this physical world because of sin, and in certain circumstances weaponry is in order, always with the idea behind it that it is evil against good. Royal knights, soldier heroes, St. Martin of Tours, St. George, St. Stephen (who fought with Holy Spirit inspired words), St. Peter who spoke filled with the Holy Spirit at Pentecost…… all these are prime examples of people and saints who fought the good fight and ran the race. And often were killed in the process – the blood of the martyrs became the seed that died out of which our Catholic faith could spread all over the world.
We bought our boys foam swords and shields, and they love chasing Daddy – the bad guy, who becomes a pirate, or Lizard Man or a dragon. etc….. and they ALL squeal with joy and tons of fun when finally the good knights have won.
Yes, let the fight to their hearts content. let them understand that as young men they need to lead the good fight up the steep hill into heaven.
Blessings to all.
I join deborah in confessing this is not the place to post but Danielle, you didn’t give us a chance yesterday. You are so beautiful–and thin!! There is no way you are having Baby Bean #8! Raphael looks just as proud of you as you do of him–he will cherish this picture forever!! Has he figured out the "gun" thing yet??
Great comments. We have five boys (and three girls). all of our boys have played and still play with toy weapons of all sorts. We have never restricted them and their play has always been between good guys and bad guys. Some prefer guns, some swords, one prefers the long bow. All of our kids were taught at a very young age the difference between real guns and toy guns. Daddy is a police officer so we do have guns in the house. On a regular basis, he goes over the difference and gun saftey. Our kids know not to EVER touch a real gun without Dad’s presence and permission. My boys like playing with toy guns but it isn’t an all consuming thing. Unlike a cousin who was never allowed to play with toy guns of any sort. Every time he was over, that was all he ever wanted to play with. I also have seen him make guns out different toys also. I think boys are just hardwired that way and as a parent you set yourself up for trouble when you try to change that. Oh, and great article by Ian!
I grew up in a non-gun owning, non-hunting household (unusual in our area at that point in time). My mother outlawed cap guns until we somehow managed to acquire one from a box of auction stuff. We still weren’t really supposed to be playing cowboys and Indians with it, but I suspect we did (and we were girls!).
There was no way to totally outlaw guns around my kids because their father and grandfather were hunters. We always had rifles (no pistols), and shotguns in the house. The bullets were carefully put away where no one could get at them, except Daddy. What I outlawed around here was kids running around with sticks! I’d seen a kid in my neighborhood get a stick stuck down his throat because he tripped and fell on it. So we had plastic light sabers, we had all kinds of squirt guns (including huge super soakers which happen to work very well for taming agressive male sheep), we had cap pistols, we had plastic guns that shot projectiles with rubber things on the ends, but they didn’t run around with sticks. My son had his own B-B gun by the time he was 11 and took hunter safety when he was 16 (and that was really old to take hunter safety around here). He goes deer hunting with his father every year, although he has yet to get a shot off due to the lack of deer in our area.
When my husband and I were first married he was an out of work carpenter a good deal of the time. We ate a lot of meat that he shot himself, both venison and squirrels, and a lot of fish that he caught. He’s not a trophy hunter, he’s a put meat on the table hunter.
My kids actually played cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians far less than my sister and I did. I think part of that, however, is due to the fact that when we were growing up so many of the kids shows were westerns. There was Rin Tin Tin, The Rifleman, The Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Fury, Sky King, Annie Oakley, and Hop A Long Cassidy, just to name a few. Besides that many of the evening programs like Bonanza, Wagon Train, Rawhide, Sugarfoot, The Bounty Hunter, Billy the Kid, Broken Arrow, and others also got watched by kids. We played Rin Tin Tin and Bonanza for hours on end. My kids were more apt to play Star Wars.
My daughter and her friend had an "Indian hut" and occasionally were allowed to cook over a real open fire (under close, but not hovering supervision by her father). There was no shooting the Indians, the Indians gathered nuts and berries and made interesting crafts.
My children grew up knowing that guns were used for providing food, for putting down a suffering animal, for target shooting, and sometimes in war, but that some bad people also used them to hurt people. Learning to handle them didn’t make them violent. I’m not a member of the NRA and I haven’t shot a weapon in over 30 years (I took riflery in phys ed in college), but I think that guns have their place.
By the way the only kids who got seriously injured around our area got hurt by bows and arrows, not by guns.
I am married to a cop. I raised three sons. We did not play with guns. Occasionally, a squirt gun did make its way into the pool or backyard. There were very strict rules about the squirt gun, no shooting at any living thing especially heads. If they did the gun was taken and thrown in the garbage. Sounds harsh I know, but until the day you receive the phone call that a friends 14 year old has accidentally shot and killed himself, you will never know.
We don’t have any guns in the house, but we do have 4 boys and an impish grandpa.
My father taught my 2-year old how to "finger-shoot", and it is now one of his favorite activities. At church, he shoots the parishioners, at home he shoots the baby, the other day he came up to me, pointed both hands at me gun-style and said "My got shotguns."
He also tells his brothers to put their hands up, when they do, he shoots them with a "Bang!" We have tried to tell him not to shoot people, especially when they have they hands up, but I think we’re going to have to wait for him to outgrow this one.
Am I worried? No, and even if I were, I don’t think there’s anything I could do about it.
I, too, have little boys who will turn anything at all into a sword or gun. Even before they knew the right words, they would play it — "I’m going to sword you!" with their lego or lincoln log sword they had made. I decided early on that we would try to channel this into defending the innocent, good v. evil, putting on the armor of Christ. I think that impulse must be in them early. (I know I didn’t do it!!) My sons have dressed up as St. George, St. Michael, St. Martin of Tours…. you name a saint with a sword, we’ve done it. They also enjoy being St. Joseph protecting Mary and baby Jesus, even though St. Joseph has no sword.
I do have 2 rules: no guns that anyone could mistake for the real thing, (ours are very obviously toys, usually flourescent colored water guns) and no shooting mommy (just because I don’t like it). Daddy takes them to play Laser Tag, so he’s on his own. 🙂
I am now a grandmother and have the same concerns in regard to my grandchildren playing with toy guns. My daughter reminded me that when she was growing up they(she and her three brothers) had toy guns, water pistols. She also reminded me that they all grew up with a healthy respect toward their fellow man. The boys did belong to the NRA, do target shoting and some hunting.
I think todays problems are not the same in as much that the children are exposed to much more violence with out guidance of what is real, fake, or respect for life. More and More people seem to want physical satisfaction immediately instead of talking over problems. This is seen in road rage, the supermarkets and other public places when customers and clerks,etc interact.
Today world seems more difficult today with families moving all over the world in order to earn a living. When people stayed in one community everyone knew each other and therefore the children had many guiding them in the right direction.
We all need to pray for guidance in how to help the world to be a better place for our children.
Nanny Herlean
I have a son and three daughters and I have allowed toy guns, light sabers & swords in my house since the beginning. My poor son was over run by barbie dolls, American Girl dolls and Polly Pockets. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all to have boy toys (! ha, no pun intended) in the house. Why are boys’ toys a problem and girls’ toys not?
I think we have to encourage our sons to be brave, courageous and manly. One of my favorite movies is Walt Disney’s Sleeping Beauty where Prince Philip saves Aurora by slaying the evil dragon with a sword that represents three of the cardinal virtues. It is very politically correct these days to down play masculinity and try to change the way boys are, and will become as men. We have to support our sons in their endeavors to grow up and become men. If allowing them to play with swords and guns and such, supports that, I’m all for it!
My only rule about guns is nothing can look realistic.
My boys are fiercly competitive and they love to catch eachother, wrestle, prove eachothers male prowess and the like (and they are only 3 and 4). While I have yet to buy them one of those indoor toy guns (and probably won’t unless someone gets them one for their birthday), I have no problem with squirt type guns with their neon colors or those guns that shoot the soft pellets.
But I am also a big fan or re-evaluating my parenting choices when it loooks like a problem is occuring. So if it seemed like my boys were being more violent and cruel than just normal competition then dh and I would discuss changing some rules.
yep, as mum of 4 {3 boys 1 girl} I would agree pretending to shoot things or fight is a very natural thing to young children, they do grow out of it, but water fights are great in controlled conditions!!and they will make a ‘gun’ out of anything!!
many of these experiences are just like mine. i was adamently against gun play early on in motherhood. when my first son was born, my husband and i had this discussion many times and i said no way. at that time we had no television either so i assumed my son would just grow up peaceful and non-violent. when he was about three (maybe even younger) he got ahold of one of our wine bottle openers that can be bent into a shape very similar to a gun. and guess what, he went around going pew pew pew. i could not believe this as i am a stay at home mom, he wasn’t (at that time) around alot of other kids…it just seemed like a natural instinct. now my kids are the same as most of the other mentioned, we have tons of toy gun, (i do sort of stick to the rule that they have to have a "fantasy" element to them, like be space guns or whatever, and my kids in general, love to play with the guns but are pretty unviolent in "life", rarely hit eachother etc. so i think it’s possible to achieve balance. i do make sure that my kids have a healthy respect for the power of real guns-we don’t own any-but i want to make sure they know that real guns are very dangerous.
I have to agree with Danielle on this one – boys are just going to sword fight and gun sling and there’s no taking that out of them seemingly. We didn’t introduce guns to him but the first time he saw a little toy pistol at a garage sale the game was on.
I am not a Mother, but just thought I’d add my two cents anyway! I think the battle ideas with boys and men can be a good thing (so long as it is not taken to excessive extremes of course!) in the sense that if we want our boys to learn the solid values of their manhood, then we need to allow them the freedom to roleplay. Much in the same way that girls play with dolls and prepare for motherhood, we should not be afraid to allow our boys to play soldiers, policemen etc. as what they are really roleplaying, as Danielle said, is the power of good over evil, and their own place as protector, provider and saviour. We want our men to be men.. but it all starts as little boys aspiring to be men 🙂
My brother-in-law has four boys and has started a club for the two oldest (13 and 11): The Knights of the Silver Shield. I think he got the name from a specific story about a knight who was left behind to defend the castle while all the others went out to perform glorious deeds.
They have invited a handful of friends from other Catholic families to join this group. I’m not sure how often they meet, maybe once or twice a month. They either read a story or watch a film and talk about virtue and chivalry, honor and protecting those who are weaker than they are. Sometimes they talk about other moral issues.
I think it sounds like a great way to channel boy’s natural interest in warfare and battle into an awareness of their own struggles with good and evil.
I also wanted to comment on your picture post…adorable picture and both mom and baby! I see no baby-belly there, you look very thin and beautiful! You will get back to this pre-baby thin soon enough. I wish you a very easy pregnancy and delivery!
Strangely enough, hubby and I have been discussing this recently…mostly prompted by the fact that about 4 times in the last few weeks there have been stories on the news about people who were shot by police after commiting crimes with realistic looking toy guns. Of course, our oldest is a 20 month old girl, so the gun issue hasn’t come up yet there.
Obviously, as I am sure that the other parents here have this precaution as well, we will never have realistic looking toy guns…it’s just not a good idea on so many levels.
My parents took the "no guns" thing to an extreme, and we couldn’t even have squirt guns (that is, until I bought my own in college!) and instead my mom found "squirt bugs" (the water squirted out of their mouths…*giant eye roll*…my mom is a biology teacher and thought that the squirt bugs were the coolest…my brother and I weren’t as impressed!) But, I also grew up in the suburbs, and I don’t think that any of my friends families had any guns.
Well, hubby grew up on a farm…and my BIL who is my dd’s godfather is an avid hunter…so, I insisted before dd was born that my MIL buy and use a gun safe (they used to just leave shotguns sitting by the back door!) So, obviously, my kiddos are going to be WAY more exposed to actual guns than I ever was…and they will probably be taken hunting by their uncle when they get old enough…so a complete ban on guns just seems dumb…
At the moment, our philosophy is no toy guns, but an okay to "super soaker" type water guns. If our kids decide to get creative and make guns out of sticks and legos, etc. all the better…a good use of creativity!
Just for variety’s sake, I’ll add my two cents worth. We do guns, real and fake. When someone is cleaning an animal and butchering it, it makes a pretty big impression that this is real. The kids learn that early and respect the power of guns. I grew up in a total gun household, my first bb gun at 4, real guns shortly thereafter. This brings to mind someone’s post of a couple weeks ago, asking how big families can survive on small incomes. For us, guns are a means of putting food on the table.
As my dh is in the medical field we come at this from a different angle!
No loud guns(could damage hearing) unless child wears ear protection…which kinda takes away the fun doesn’t it!
No dart guns or pop guns unless everyone in the room is wearing eye protection as the wrong shot with a nerf dart could damage someone’s eye.
Children must use their own money to buy additional batteries for any non-learning toys they have (guns that happen to be quiet enough with cool flashing lights!).
Water guns are ok but everyone must have a gun and no shooting above the shoulders.
Toys, including guns, can not be used to intimidate others (like a 3yo brother!) and there must be a story line to go along with gun play.(I hear some great creative stories!)
With 3 boys and one princess we have much gun/sword play here. However it is never an impromtu decision as everyone must prepare for battle! We even have extra hearing,eye, and helmet protection in the vehicle:)
The kids have also gotten to see the real life effect of a gunshot wound on animals…not as a lesson to scare them but with more of a biology/medicine emphasis.