A reader writes:
It would be nice to know that there are others out there who struggle with the conflict of truly being open to life and loving children and wanting a big family, but at the same time being overcome by the fear of the realities of a really big family and not knowing how to “slow down.” I’m really afraid of having a husband and lose it to cancer, just like my father who needed HCA from https://homecareassistance.com/grand-strand/. Because NFP isn’t as easy as everyone says it is and depending on one’s fertility signs, it doesn’t really always work. At least not for me.
Hmmmm, I do not want to get bogged down in the details of whether or not NFP “really works” here other than to mention that NFP methods test out at 98 point whatever percent effective, but what really counts for most people is “user effectiveness” which is a lower number. The simple fact is that using NFP to space or prevent pregnancy, particularly for some people, is not quite as simple as popping a pill. And that’s a good thing. Because we ought not to be using it the way some people pop a pill.
I think that with NFP, there wind up being many “accidental” pregnancies that are not truly “accidents” at all. Couples often know when they are bending or breaking particular rules or not paying close enough attention to fertility symptoms and lo and behold—a pregnancy results!
This might lead to a great deal of frustration with NFP, but as I said, I think it is a good thing. NFP is not fun. This fact likely encourages many couples to be more generous in planning their families than they would otherwise be. The seriousness with which most couples learn and use NFP is usually directly proportional to the seriousness of their reasons for using it. Personally speaking, if conception did not come easily for us and my husband and I had to actively plan every single pregnancy in the way people using artificial birth control do, we might have 3 or 4 children by now. We surely wouldn’t be expecting our eighth. We would be missing out and wouldn’t even know it.
All of which brings us to the heart of the emailer’s struggle. It can be hard—so very hard—to accept God’s plan for our families in place of our own. It is downright scary sometimes to turn something as powerful and potentially life-changing as our fertility over to God. And this works both ways. I know women struggling with infertility who want desperately to conceive and are unable to. These women too experience frustration, disillusionment, and fear in accepting God’s will for themselves and their families.
But our bodies and our fertility do belong to God. Sometimes the hardest words in the world to pray are “Thy will be done.” I know that when I pray it, my mind sometimes races through all the possibilities of what “God’s will” might be and I am tempted to add, “Oh, except for that! Thy will be done as long as it isn’t that!” Something to work on.
I don’t have any particular questions to pose on this topic, but there is a lot to think about here and I am pretty sure you all will have something to share. Thoughts?
Very nice words Marie. Thanks for the good insights.
Going back to the original reader’s question. I do believe that yes, NFP can be very difficult, especially if you are inexperienced or not well trained when some sort of crazy cycles come your way. We learned NFP just before our second daughter was conceived. At that time, we realized that the only reason we had to delay pregnancy was to learn NFP and didn’t feel that was a good enough reason. We had the basics down, but we were still very confused when we went back to NFP after her birth. It was made even more frustrating and confusing by the diagnosis and subsequent treatment for thyroid cancer, which threw my entire body and endocrine system into mayhem. Couple that with the endocrinologist who recommended I NEVER have any more children, since the cancer seemed to be made to grow quicker during the pregnancy and you had a young (newly Catholic) couple who was very fearful and confused, but also trusted in the Lord and the wisdom of Holy Mother Church. I am pretty sure that daughter number 3 was a complete gift from God, as I do not think I had ovulated at all between babies number 2 and 3. This made that a time of very difficult charting and lots of abstaining since I really wasn’t sure what was going on. But, once pregnant, we knew that no matter what happened, God would be with us. I was still scared to death to tell my endocrinlogist about the pregnancy, however. But, even he has seen the grace of God in my life and I think has been touched by the witness God has allowed me to be. He as given me the go ahead to have more babies as long as I am healthy. I smile at that, since I know it will only be God who allows that. Through all of the ups and downs of all of this, we have struggled with NFP. It has not always been easy, especially for my husband. If he were less convinced that God is in control of our lives, it would be worse. But, I can honestly say, that our marriage is stronger for all the struggles and that we have grown closer than we thought possible through it all. I believe NFP has been instrumental in that. NFP requires you to face your fears on a monthly basis. Am I afraid that I will not be able to provide financially for my family? Am I afraid that I cannot be a good mother to the children I have now, never mind the possibility of future children? And what do we do with these fears? We can either wallow in them or we can give them over to God and beg Him for a big ol’ heaping helping of His Grace. It frustrates me to no end when my 8 year old refuses to let me help her with something that I know is too hard for her. How must God feel when we do the same to him? The fact of the matter is that without God we wouldn’t be able to do any of it. He is the one who makes it all possible. NFP simply allows us to use our resources to discover His will for our marriages and our lives. It comes down to a relationship with God and accepting His will in our lives whether we choose to practice NFP or "let nature take it’s course". The great thing about NFP is that it allows for "Father (in Heaven) knows best." If you practice NFP strictly by every rule you know and check and check and you still end up pregnant then you have to realize that that baby was willed by God and will be a very special person. I was very scared to find myself pregnant for a third time after all I had been through, but I can honestly say that that child has changed both my husband and my self for the better in countless ways. I pray that those of you who struggle with NFP will find God’s grace and peace in your lives. God Bless!
In response to Ian, and with respect to Danielle, here are some actual, verified statistics from peer-reviewed studies about the 2 most common modern methods of NFP.
Successful use of any method of NFP is dependent upon: couple motivation, competent teaching, understanding and following of the instructions.
Numbers in brackets correspond to the study references below.
Sympto-Thermal Method (Serena, C.C.L.I., etc.)
Percentages of pregnancies during the first year of :
perfect use to avoid pregnancy : 0.5 % (1) – 2 % (2)
typical use to avoid pregnancy : 3% (3) – 10.9 % (4)
Ovulation Method (W.O.O.M.B., etc.)
Percentages of pregnancies during the first year of :
perfect use to avoid pregnancy : 1% (5) – 3 % (2)
typical use to avoid pregnancy : 2.5 % (6) – 19.6 % (7)
REFERENCES
(1) RICE FJ, LANCTÔT CAL et al. The Effectiveness of the Sympto-thermal Method of Natural Family Planning : An International Study. Int. J. Fertil., 1981 ; 26, 3, 222-230.
(2) TRUSSELL J, KOWAL D. The Essentials of Contraception. Chap. 9 in Contraceptive Technology by HATCHER J, TRUSSELL J et al. Ardent Media, New York 1998, p. 216.
(3) FRANK-HERRMANN P, FREUNDL G et al. Natural Family Planning with and without Barrier Method Use in the Fertile Phase : Efficacy in Relation to Sexual Behavior – A German Prospective Long-Term Study. Advances in Contraception, 1997 ; 13, 2/3, 179-189.
(4) WADE ME, McCARTHY P. A Randomized Prospective Study of the Use-Effectiveness of Two Methods of Natural Family Planning. Am. J. Obstet. Gynecol., 1981, 141, 4 : 368-376.
(5) KLAUS H, GOEBEL JM et al. Use-effectiveness and Client Satisfaction in Six Centers Teaching the Billings Ovulation Method. Contraception, 1979 : 19, 613-629.
(6) THAPA S, WONGA MV et al. Efficacy of Three Variations of Periodic Abstinence for Family Planning in Indonesia. Studies in Family Planning, 1990 ; 21, 6, 327-334.
(7) WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION. A Prospective Multicentre Trial of the Ovulation Method of Natural Family Planning. II. The Effectiveness Fase. Fertility and Sterility, 1981 ; 36, 5, 591-598.