Help a mom out! Maybe win a prize!
Michele is a sweet lady who is seeking your advice. She happens to be wife of the man who owns One2Believe, a Bible-based toy company that makes the P31 dolls occasionally advertised here. But Michele is also a mom and here is what she writes:
My daughter Hope is 5 1/2 months old. We recently took away her pacifier because we were getting up 30-40 times a night to plug it back in. Plus every time we gave it to her she just spat it out. Now she is having a tough time going down for naps and when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she is having a hard time going back to sleep.
We tried giving back the pacifier but she doesn’t want it. We tried a blanket, a lovey, and even her own fingers, but she doesn’t want any of them. She sucks on her bib during the day, but I can’t let her wear that at nap time or bed time for fear of strangling herself. So my question is … Do you know of anything (besides a pacifier since she doesn’t like it) to let her suck on or some other way to help her go to sleep?
To make things interesting, Michele has offered a prize to the commenter whose idea works best: your choice of P31 doll, Messengers of Faith doll, or any of the Bible figurine sets. Since I am brain dead from having spent last night up with my own wakeful baby, I’ll just step aside and let you all share the wealth of your wisdom. Happy helping and good luck!
God Bless You! My second ds was diagnosed with MSPI at 6 weeks, and after trying the diet for 4 1/2 months, we switched to Neocate. Since then, I have learned much about food intolerances, and I’m guessing that Hope’s sleep issues have to do with them. My son started sleeping six hours in a row the day that we switched him to Neocate, whereas before he was sleeping less than one hour at a time. However, even the most elemental formulas often have offending ingredients in them. Neocate and Elcare, being the most elemental, still have corn in them, and babies can react to that. Alimentum and Nutrimigen (sp?) have "broken down" milk proteins in them, which can cause pain and sleep issues. If it is an option, maybe you could look at changing formulas. Also, sleep positioning may help! I will be praying for you!
I used the same method that Amy Parris described, with the five then ten then 15 minute comforts, with the rules that Amy outlined. It worked well for us, and within a week the crying was for just a minute or two, almost a habit. I confess that the first time we did it I sat on the floor outside her bedroom door crying myself, but it did work. Teaching babies to get themselves to go back to sleep on their own is always tough, but it’s an important life skill for them! Hope will be so much happier once she’s mastered it.
God bless you! I know that this time is difficult, and made extra difficult since you are trying to function on so little sleep. I hope something posted today helps you soon!
This may sound obvious, but try praying if you havne’t already, Praise and Thank God for your child and the situation at hand.:)
I can’t offer much else dear, my girls have all slept with us and nursed to sleep. That has it’s ups and downs too.
I will pray for you to gain wisdom. Take care.
I am pregnant with my second, but my 16 month old…we also did the controlled crying starting at short intervals and increasing. Seemed to work really wel….although before we did that…the magic trick for us..was the swaddle wraps. Not sure if you have seen them. But Angelica must have felt very secure all swaddled in it…they are velcro so they stay really tight. The second I would put her in that, lay her on her back…she was out!! I believe they are called Swaddle Me Wraps…worked like magic…we were dreading the day she grew out of them….
Michele, I commented before, but since you posted that Hope has acid reflux, I thought I’d comment again. My 9 month old had acid reflux and has been an incessant crier, day and night. I have tried several natural remedies, as well as the Zantac that the doctor prescribed when he was about 2 months old. Do a google search for GRIPE WATER. There are several brands. I tried Baby’s Bliss, since they also made a cream that helped with his eczema (he also has food allergies). I also bought the teething tablets all from the same website. I tried it all!!! I do believe each of these things helped.
Again, I agree with Amy Parris’ post — we have tried the same exact plan with Dad going in and letting them cry for short stretches. If nothing else, it breaks their sleep pattern (is Hope waking at the same time each night?) up a little bit and eventually helps them (and us!) to sleep better.
I wish you all the best — this sleep-deprived time will hopefully end soon (no pun intended!!). Blessings!
Very Simple solution here. Put her in your bed. Mine always slept with me till they were about 2, or when they were ready for their own bed. Some kids need the security of Mom and Dad. I have 5 children and every single one of them slept with me when they were infants. They were all healthy babies. Let her go to sleep when she is tired. Does it matter if she is up till 10? 5 month olds dont’ go to school yet. So, my solution is to lighten up and put her in bed with you. Also, check out the allergy issues. I had one daughter who used to wake up hourly till she was 18 months old. We found out later on that she had many food allergies.
Hi some babies start to cut teeth early. May be that is what is happening here. Try to get her a teether and see if it works.
Mamie Gigi
Mamie stands for grand’ma in French
It makes me feel like crying to hear so many parents say that it is healthy to let their baby cry it out and that it is normal – and helpful – for a baby to cry. Not to diss those parents that used the cry it out methods but babies cry for a reason. They are scared, hungry, need changed, or just want to be held. They don’t cry in order to be controlling. A baby does not need to know how to self-soothe, it is the parent’s job to comfort their child. A baby does not need to know how to go to sleep on their own, that will come later. Believe me, each child will at some point learn to go to sleep on their own but a baby, who has no reasoning, only understands that crying will not bring their parent to them. They feel helpless alone in a crib crying for comfort only to be ignored. A baby can not understand why their cries aren’t being answered. They don’t stop crying and put themselves to sleep because they have learned to be good babies, they stop because they finally realize that crying out for help won’t help them. The Ezzo method is very extreme and harsh and even the baby whisper books are teaching you to train your child to stick to your schedule. As parents, and especially mothers, it is our job to adjust to our children and bring them up in the most loving and caring enviorment. That will mean some sleepless nights and putting the child above yourself but that is why mothers are described as selfless. Remember, a three month old, eight month old, or any child under a year does not understand why their cries are not being answered. They finally give up, which only teaches them that their mama or dada will not come running when they need them. How sad.
My granddaughter is 2 1/2 months. We just had our son buy a wedge for the crib. It is helping a lot. She is very happy to sleep on her side and the wedges keep her from rolling on her tummy or her back. They are available for about $13-$15.00 at most walmarts, targets, and kmarts. Good luck and God Bless you and Hope.
I didn’t read all the posts, but if Hope has acid reflux, one solution would be to a)let her sleep in a "bouncy seat" which would keep her upright and keep the acid in her tummy or b)elevate the crib mattress with a blanket underneath and then make a u-shaped towel to prop under her bottom to keep her from sliding down the mattress. Our son had severe reflux and this helped quite a bit. He slept in the bouncy for nine months, at the pediatrician’s recommendation. I would also think she could be teething, and a baby washcloth could help there–she could chew on it as needed and then you toss it in the wash. I’ll keep you all in prayer!
I feel sad about all of the "cry it out" advice, too…..
I did not do that with any of my little ones…I feel like the amount of time that my babies need me at night is so tiny by comparison to the rest of their lives that I am honored to help them make it through the night.
Just my opinion, obviously, not a popular one..
So, if you want a different way—here is just what worked for me.
I have 4 kiddos—and I went through some of what you are describing. My first and second had "acid-reflux" and I quit drinking regular cow’s milk and eating acid-type of foods. As we were still nursing, this helped immmensely!
Additionally, I would give my baby a little snack before bedtime—but not TOO close…she needed time to burp, and digest a bit. Then, Daddy or I would hold her over our shoulder, or cradle hold ( to help the tummy feel better ) and she would go to sleep within 30 minutes or so.
Once you have your baby to sleep, try not to rush putting her down….warm up the baby sleeping place with heating pad or micro pack—whatever works–then wait *10* minutes to gently lay her down.
For my babies who liked pacifiers, we chose NUK brand—just seemed to work for their mouths.
God Bless you, Michele, I am still in the "bone-crushing exhaustion" phase with my current baby, so I know how you feel…at least a little. I will pray for you each time my baby and I are up tonight….
Sweet dreams!
Hi dear,
I’ve commented before, but I felt I had to include something here.
Not that this has been a misdiagnosed case, but I’ve been throught this a few times. Sometimes, Acid Reflux is actually the baby being sensitive to milk proteins in the mother’s milk. My daughter was nearly diagnosed with AR and it was actually the milk protein sensitivity. My sister-in-law went through the same thing.
So, I just wanted to share my experience.
I don’t think it has to be related to her mouth…here are 3 ideas. Best of luck to you getting some much needed "zzzz"s!
Bear with womb/heartbeat sounds: http://www.toysrus.com/sm-mommy-bear-with-womb-sound–pi-2401847.html
Or blanket with heartbeat sounds: http://cgi.ebay.com/Teddy-Bear-Baby-Blanket-with-Heartbeat-Soothes-Infant_W0QQitemZ140153267499QQihZ004QQcategoryZ3081QQcmdZViewItem
Ocean Wonders crib Aquarium: http://www.toysrus.com/sm-ocean-wonders-aquarium–pi-2265070.html
PEACE (and sleep) be with you,
Annamaria
I hope you realized what you were getting yourself into when you requested help on this topic!
My first born was IMPOSSIBLE! Nothing worked unless mommy was holding and nursing her. Any attempt to change this (even if she seemed to be fast asleep) was useless. I read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and loved it! There are no immediate solutions given (sorry), but there are several options depending on your baby and your situation. My second child seemed just the opposite of the first, and using the advice in this book led to both of them sleeping without tears and through the night. She also has another book for toddlers, and the advice in it worked WONDERS when my then-three-year-old refused to go to bed at night.
Dear Michelle,
When my nephews were young and teething, my sister bought a plastic pretzel(the ones filled with water) and then would keep it in the freezer to keep it cold.When my nephews were tired or wanted to chew or suck on something she’d give them that.It was cooling with no sharp edges and just the right size for a baby to hold in their hands.
They have different shapes and colors to choose from.Good luck and I hope you can find something that will comfort your little one!
Is it possible you need to raise one end of the bed so the baby’s feet are lower than the head? Our youngest while he wasn’t congested (or with outward signs of being congested), needed the tilt to breath easier. Being cradled in ones arms produces that tilt naturally. Sucking opens the mouth but also gives a feeling of choking if the air is blocked by the nipple, finger etc.
So many great suggestios! My advice is to read "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. William Sears. As you probably already know he is a respected Pediatrition. The reason I say to read this book is because we don’t know your parenting style. Is the baby nursing, or using a bottle? Always, sometimes, or never sleeps with you? Etc., Etc. I did something different with each of my kids, BUT no matter what I was doing, THIS book helped. Dr. Sears will tell you what HE does, but he will also give you help for other options. It’s not a long book and very interesting. Hope this helps! Peace in Christ.
I just want to clarify that in throwing out the baby monitor I do not suggest letting the baby cry it out. A mom, even in a big house, can hear a baby cry, and hear it before they are screaming.
I became so used to getting up that I was out of bed at the first sign of restlessness. My noise finished waking up the baby. When we accepted that babies make some noise in their lighter moments of sleep and stayed quiet she was able to put her self back into deep sleep.
Nightmares: When my Dad went on retreat when I was 7 another father taught all the dads to trace a cross on their children’s forehead at bedtime and give them a Blessing. My sister remembers her nightmares being gone from then on out.
Mary B – interesting comment about nightmares and blessings. You made me call to mind a book I know of, but haven’t read: "Will You Bless Me." I heard of it b/c a fellow college alum illustrated it.
http://www.willyoublessme.com/Learn%20to%20Bless.html
I cannot say what might work for sure. But my son has a cloth bib on all day long because he likes to chew on it. At night it comes off but we found a doll that he likes to chew on. I regretfully could not find it online for you, but it is called the "Parents Magazine 2 in 1 doll` It is a soft doll, mainly a couple of heads with an internal rattle. It is wearing a hat, with can be used for teething and is wearing a gown of which the ends are knots that can be used for teething. You can flip the gown from one side to the other over the head, one side with a dark blue gown with stars and moons, for night and one with a white gown with clouds and suns, for day. It is cuddly, light and can be carried during the day, and is machine washable. It seems to have worked well for my son, whom even now at 22 months has teething issues and chews on his bib during the day. I wish you good luck, I could not get my first child to sleep through the night until she was over 3 1é2 because of night terrors, so I know how sleeplessness feels.
We went through this with my now-3-yr-old. What worked was her was one of those water-filled teethers, kept cold in the fridge. She preferred a butterfly shaped one that had a knobby pattern on the wing filled with water and a bumpy texture on the "handle" wing — she’ very kinesthetic.
Just want to clarify that the advice I gave earlier about letting your baby cry for 2 minutes, then sooth, then 3 minutes, then sooth and so on was for a baby that was not wet, hungry, hurting, ect. This is used as a last resort. Sometimes a baby can get so tired or overstimulated, that that may be the only way for a little one to actually fall asleep. We went through this with my son, and nothing I did seemed to work. I would rock him, let him lay on my chest to hear my heartbeat, sing, everything. This happened very often. I finally used this advice that I recieved from my sister-in-law, and after a few days of being consistent (again, making sure there was no other reason for the crying) he would go to sleep with only five minutes or so of crying. He got more sleep because of it, and I was able to keep my sanity. When he woke in the middle of the night, I would nurse him until he was asleep again, and put him back to bed. Now, he is a well adjusted little boy, that sleeps well. Not to say that we don’t have our times where he just doesn’t want to go to sleep, but that’s normal. Doing this did not hurt his trust in me, or anything else. Again, you want to do this as a last resort, when nothing else seems to be working, but when you decide to do it, be patient and consistent. Give it at least 3 days before you give up and move on to something else.
God bless.
Forgot to mention that my son sleeps with a lovie, it is one of those duckie stuffed heads that has a small blanket with satin edging attached to it. We got it at a baby shower, but you can find them at Walmart.
Here is one kind of like what he has
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5039006
This one is more like what he had
http://www.amazon.com/Kiddopotamus-Co-Huggacub%C2%BF-Security-Blanket/dp/B000HEG7E2/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-1048844-1458262?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1190212692&sr=8-1
Hope you find something that helps
I sleep well with my babies beside me in bed. They have nursed when they awake and both of us are back to sleep in moments. Call it co-sleeping, shared sleep, the family bed or whatever. It has worked for us. We’ve never needed a pacifier or any other lovely. The little ones have never sucked their thumbs. With our first we tried Babywise and it broke my heart to let them cry. Our babies are young for such a short time and most of the world lives with the reality of keeping them close at night. They do not need books on how to get your baby to sleep at night.
Apologies if I am repeating others’ comments, but I simply found that when I stopped placing unrealistic expectations on my babies and my husband and I let them be close at night we all sleep better and are happier.
God bless all you mothers.
acid reflux and allergies – definately a combination for sleepless nights. Out of our 8 children I can definately see, in hindsight, that it is our children that have some sort of food allergies/intolerance (never been tested but after years and years have been able to put two and two together) that were very poor sleepers and more high needs. I’ve never had a child with reflux but anyone who has been pregnant and had heartburn can certainly commiserate with how laying flat makes it worse and is very disruptful to sleep. I agree with everyone about addressing those issues and have to put my two cents into having baby in your bedroom or bed. Your presence may be just the soother needed to overcome the irritation she is experiencing. If she is in bed with you or next to your bed it is way easier to sleepily reach over and pat, reposition, comfort her. It also eliminates wondering if she is stressed about being away from you.
Theresia
I’ve been perusing through all the wonderful comments and would like to add something about ALLERGIES AND ACID REFLUX. It seems that maybe Hope really isn’t feeling too good – and laying down makes acid reflux worse (maybe she could sleep in an infant car sea?) You mentioned that she has allergies and that you ended up putting her on formula. 5 of my 6 kids (ages 12-2)have been born with an allergy/intolerance to milk (and the last one was also soy intolerant – some of them had acid reflux as a result – until I changed my diet) One thing that is very important to know is that ALMOST ALL FORMULA HAS DAIRY – EVEN SOY FORMULA. I haven’t looked into it in a long time but I think that there is a newer formula on the market that is actually dairy free (not more gentle and more broken down dairy – but actually dairy free) and very expensive. If your daughter is allergic to dairy or soy then you will want to check your formula ingredients – both (dairy esp.) has many forms/names. I think casein or whey may be listed in the formula ingredients – I cannot remember. My first allergic child had a severe dairy allergy. We discovered that his symptoms were less severe on soy formula than breastmilk with even a hint of dairy in it. But, THE SOY FORMULA DIDN’T WORK FOR LONG. And the symptoms he had been experiencing started showing up when he drank soy formula as well (since it has dairy). So, in a nutshell, your daughter could still be getting whatever it was she was allergic to – but now it could be in her formula – and it could be bothering her now even though it didn’t at first. I breastfed all my kids so I just got used to the limited diet – in fact when this started for us there was no dairy free formula on the market. I am not a proponent of putting a small baby on medication myself. However, a friend of mine had an infant with acid reflux due to an allergy so the pediatrician put the baby on low doses of acid reflux medication and their daughter turned back into a happy baby. Hope you find an answer soon.
God Bless
Hello Michele,
I’m sorry Hope is having a hard time, we will add her to our prayers. Meanwhile have you tried reading Elizabeth Pantley book http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392 No Cry Sleep Solution. It details some good ideas that will take a bit of time and patience on your part but are definately worth it. I haven’t read all the comments so I am not sure if someone else has already suggested this. The other tip that comes to mind is a worn out baby if your schedule can manage that. I have noticed that when I let my babies get plenty of fresh air and activities they are tuckered little ones that sleep well. The best to you, Hope, and the entire family.
…Just saw your comment about Hope’s allergies and acid reflux. Consider a heating pad on the lowest setting under a towel under her bed sheet, the heat might keep fresh blood flow to her back/tummy area which might help with her discomfort. If the idea of a heating pad scares you a bit try a flat bag with rice or the like that you place in the microwave to heat up and slide it in under a towel under her sheet. Also putting a pillow or two under her mattress to elevate her upper body would also ease her tummy from the acid reflux settling there. If the allergies are causing some congestion try a tiny amount, maybe the size of your pinky, of vicks vaporrub ointment or the equivalent on her throat covered by a handkerchief folded up into a triangle and then folded so that it is about an inch in width loosely tied around the neck. I use the handkerchief so that the babies don’t get the stuff on their hands or eyes or mouth or whatever and it helps the stuff last longer helping them breathe easier. I would also send some intercession requests to St. Catherine and Luke the Evangelist who was a physician. They’ve always been great help to me with the children’s health. Again the best to Hope, you, and the family.
Hi Michele,
I think it’s smart to check out what some of the other ladies have suggested about Hope’s diet/health – dairy in the formula, ear infection or fluid in the ears, teething, etc. If those check out to be normal then I would try raising the head of her bed a bit and let her sleep on her tummy.
When mine are old enough to roll over and lift their heads, sleeping on the tummy is not such a worry. Mine actually sleep on their tummy from pretty early on, contrary to what the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests. From my perspective as a nurse (and my husband as an ER physician), we think that sleeping on the tummy actually helps a baby not to choke if they spit up – it can’t roll back into their throat and trachea – it just rolls out onto the bed and makes a mess. For a baby who spits up – from reflux or whatever – it’s probably less frightening to them if it just rolls out of their mouth and onto the bed. They can also pull their limbs closer to their bodies, snuggle down, and not startle themselves awake like back sleeping babies do.
I realize this may not be Hope’s problem (I think I just wanted to put the above paragraph in to defend the tummy sleeping habit). Just thinking out loud here. And if she does spit up a lot, like you said, when she’s on her tummy, I’ve used those thick, cloth, absorbent pads that go across the width of the bed – do you know the ones I mean? I had several back when I first started having babies but I don’t know if I’ve seen them around as much when shopping for my more recent ones. Anyway, you just lay in on top of the sheet – it covers about a third of the bed, and you can do a quick change of it in the middle of the night if the baby vomits all over it. That way you don’t have to change the whole bed. Even if it soaks through a bit, just take that one out and put another one down and deal with the sheets in the morning.
If it’s not feeding time and she awakens with a wet sheet, she might just be happy enough to have that dried up and then put back in – you mentioned that she doesn’t even like you to pick her up. That doesn’t sound like a baby who needs your comforting or needs you to bring her to bed with you or is frightened in any way. It sounds like one who may be uncomfortable and wants it made right so she can get back to sleep.
The urge to suck is very strong when they’re young, and sometimes that urge isn’t met when the baby has to be bottle fed (they don’t have to suck or pull as hard as when nursing). I’m in no way critical of you making that switch – you gotta do what you gotta do to try to figure things out. I just wonder if she does want to suck on something. I like the idea someone mentioned of cutting the strings off the bib and letting her have it. All nine of my kids have sucked their thumbs after giving up the pacifier themselves around age 5-6 months. I LOVE it that they have that self comforting technique that never drops on the ground or is lost at night. I have never had a speech problem with the kids….by the time they can talk they just suck their thumbs at nap or bed time. I think only our two year old sucks hers now….maybe our 4 year old does at night too….but they’ve all given that up on their own to by a reasonable age. It hasn’t been a big deal for us. So if she goes for her thumb, which she would be able to do much better on her belly, I certainly wouldn’t discourage it. It’s nature’s pacifier.
God bless you, Michele, in your efforts to comfort and soothe little Hope. Cling to her name, and hope and pray that things will work out soon! I sure will pray for you.
put honey on the pacifier
It sounds like perhaps little baby is teething. Have you considered treating the teething as a symptom rather than thinking of it as him wanting to suck? So for example, tylenol, or baby orajel (which by the way never worked for me) as a means to numb the gums? They also sell teething blankets where the ends have little teething things on them. Absolutely brilliant invention but you can put him to sleep with hit bc it’s not large enough to go around his neck. 😉 I so feel your pain.
Dear Michele,
I am an OB nurse and have also worked on Pediatric units. My first instinct was: maybe your baby is hungry. Babies go through physical and mental growth spurts and need more calories. Babies also change their own schedule. Just as soon as you think you have them on a nap/wake/eat schedule-they change it. For the next few days, go with the flow, watch her for cues of hunger, fatigue, needing a diaper change, having gas which causes discomfort.Also watch her for increased mental and physical awareness and activity which means she will want to be awake to "play" more. I hope this helps!
First, I noticed victor’s comment. I’ve always read that you never give honey to babies under 1 year old. The following link explains why:
http://www.honey.com/consumers/honeyinfo/faq.asp?ItemID=61
My babies have all nursed to sleep. I let them sleep however they’re comfortable (on side or tummy). They have slept in or near our bed while nursing. If it’s teething as some suggest, try a little toothbrush. My kids favorite "teether" is a baby toothbrush.
Yeah, okay, NO honey for anyone under the age of two – serious botilisim concerns!
I am with several here who have said to let her sleep on her tummy. We did it from about 4 weeks on…. and they slept great.
Letting her cry it out is not a bad option, either, once you know she is fed, & dry, and safe.
Good luck!
I had a child that needed her sweater, it was soft and pink she had it on most of the time for sleeping, or slept with it, when she grew out of it then she slept with it, rubbing it as she slept. now at four her baby sleeps with it and naps were always better with that. Night time was o.k with outit if she had something coving her arms pj’s ect. Good Luck Barb
As I was going over the other comments I saw one on teething, I am a big fan of benadryl rubbed on the gums of a teething child, doesn’t take much last for about 4 hours, taste good, also. The doctors in my area suggested this when I was having an ache and couldn’t find anthing wrong, just rub a small amount on the area and I hoope that will work for her if this is the problem.
music