Admit it, ladies. We can be hard to shop for. I am sure there is more than one panicked husband out there who could use some help with his Christmas shopping list. So let’s give them some hints by sharing a few gift-giving do’s and don’ts.
I’ll start by telling men what not to give the love of your life for Christmas. Read on carefully, gentlemen.
1. Do not buy exercise equipment, diet books, or any other kind of “self-improvement” gift unless she specifically asks for it. And even if she specifically asks for it, you are obliged to protest that she is absolutely perfect exactly the way she is, marvel at her over the top efforts at self improvement, and then not only buy her the chosen item, but also get her something romantic and pretty to go along with the gift. No joke. It’s required.
2. Do not buy her something that you really want for yourself. You see, the night vision goggles you bought last year didn’t really count as a gift for her. And the gameday recliner? Same deal.
3. Do not buy her something that you also bought for your mother, your sister, your secretary, or the babysitter. A gift for your wife needs to be something you choose especially for her. No negotiations here.
I think it’s also important to note that the best gifts are not necessarily the expensive ones. In the end, it really is the thought that counts. One of the very best presents my husband ever bought for me was a gold locket. Months earlier, I had noticed the locket and remarked to him about how pretty I thought it was. And (here comes the important part) he noticed! He remembered! He had taken time to select a unique gift that he knew I would enjoy. I hadn’t thought about that locket since I had seen it in the store, but when I opened the box I cried at the sight of it. I was rather pregnant at the time, of course, but they were tears of genuine gratitude. I think … Oh, of course they were!
So ladies, time to share your great gift ideas and tips so that we can then print the list and leave it oh-so-subtly taped to the refrigerator door. Or send the link in an anonymous email to our ever-grateful husbands.
This is a hard question! Geez. If money were no object, I think it is an even split between a ring (I’ve got the wedding ring, of course, but that’s it) and an immense Le Creuset dutch oven that could hold about 12 quarts.
Since money is an object, I am asking for earrings, bottles of red wine, slippers, and several books from Ignatius Press, plus long underwear, knee high socks, and other boring things. Oooh, and since I’m thinking about it, subscriptions — to Faith and Family, of course, and the Register — plus an itty bitty reading lamp that I can use in bed even with a toddler slumbering next to me.
I never ask for much because I like to give rather than receive. The two things my husband knows I want each Christmas are a calendar (usually a farm scene) and a journal. That’s all I ask for! We try to keep under a $60 limit for each other.
Any sort of pampering is always appreciated. Although I consider myself very low-maintenance and not really concerned with those long gone manicures, pedicures, expensive haircuts, etc. I do think many moms would relish in the peace and quiet of an hour massage, a haircut that actually allows the time and money to stay for the blow dry and style, a pregnancy pedicure, etc.
This is always hard for me because my birthday comes 3 weeks before Christmas. So I have to think of gift ideas for myself twice in the midst of holiday planning and activity. I really just like having family time browsing in our favorite bookstore with a stop at the cafe and hopefully a bag of books to take home!
I only want a very few items. I love an ordinary item in an extraordinary way…for instance "gloves", but not just any old gloves (I buy the 2 pr. for 88 cents at Wal-Mart for me). I want SPECIAL gloves…isotoners, or leather, in a bold color that complements my coat. Or, special super-duper house shoes in different styles…one for freezy mornings…one for quick jaunt to the bathroom…a nice pair when company hangs out…some with a sole that can go get the mail!
Peace be with you!
I forgot to mention that on my last birthday, EVERYTHING came from the local "Catholic store" and I LOVED every.single.item. I have a beautiful "saints" bracelet; a candle called "His essense"; an amazingly gorgeous picture of Mary cradling Baby Jesus. Hubby even got me a lovely red (for the Holy Spirit) pyx with a Chi Ro on it (http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Dpyx%2Bchi%2Brho%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3Dyfp-t-501%26x%3Dwrt%26js%3D1%26ni%3D21&w=134&h=150&imgurl=www.religious-supplies.com%2FProductImages%2Fpyx%2FPC991sm.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.religious-supplies.com%2Fbrowseproducts%2FIndex7.html&size=7.3kB&name=PC991sm.jpg&p=pyx+chi+rho&type=jpeg&no=9&tt=11&oid=465427d338631c9c&ei=UTF-8), as I have recently been commissioned as an Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist! It was the most amazingly thoughtful gift…one that made me cry. One can never go wrong with Catholic goodies for me.
Peace be with you!
A few years ago I created an amazon.com "wish list" of things that I would like to get ‘someday’ for a splurge. Some were recommendations that I got from other people for the future, others were things I’ve always wanted but don’t exactly need – like a certain book, or a cast iron skillet. I had forgotten all about the wish list, and a few Christmases later my husband astonished me with thoughtful perfect gift after thoughtful perfect gift. It turns out he had discovered my wish list!
What I’d really like for Christmas is some of our VHS home videos converted to DVDs. Or, on a more romantic note, registration for my husband and I to take a couples swing dance class together, with babysitting set up for the children.
But I would like a gameday recliner. In Steelers colors, of course. 🙂
I don’t have a husband who will buy me a Christmas gift, but I really appreciate receiving a gift for my hobby – baking. Some things may be a bit expensive – like a Kitchen Aid stand mixer – but most things are rather inexpensive, like fancy cookie cutters or cake molds, or even a good cookbook. Mind you that is my hobby. I think that a gift to support your loved one’s hobby – whatever it may be is always special.
I would love tickets to go see the Nutcracker ballet or the symphony. Doesn’t have to be the big city; here at home would be fine.
Or, a simple pair of small gold hoop earrings that I can wear day in and day out that won’t be tugged out by little ones.
A day of pampering at The Chocolate Spa at the Hotel Hershey would be most welcome but too pricey for us!
http://www.hersheypa.com/accommodations/the_spa_at_hotel_hershey/
I have a love for old books (you know, the kind with tattered leather/cloth covers and fragrant pages), so my husband always asks me for titles that i’d like to have and he shops for the vintage copies on eBay. This year, i requested a copy of Sigrid Undset’s "Kristin Lavransdatter." I’d seen lovely 1929 editions going for $3.99, which is his kind of price! Maybe it’s a quirk, but i see something really meaningful (and even romantic) about holding an old loved book in my hands that my husband finds for me. And "hunting" for it online fulfills something man-ish in my husband. 🙂
All I want for Christmas is to lose 10 lbs, to somehow get all of this extra skin that sags on my tummy off and I would like my boobs to look like they did when I was 18 again.
My husband does not make that kind of money, so I will settle for a case of Heineken instead.
All’s I want for Christmas is to be together with all my children and husband this year. My younger daughter was away last year working on the Disney Magic Cruise Ship. Boy, was it lonely without her! I’t already been magical this year because she has been able to share in all our pre Christmas preperations. I’m enjoying shopping more this year because I am spending less money! I think I have finally realized that "Less is more" most of the time. If anyone asks though, I really would like a 10 class card for Yoga.
I would recommend that husbands look at the sizes on their wives’ clothing and buy the same size. Although it is nice to think that my husband sees me as a size 4, it’s inconvenient to have to exchange the item for the proper one.
I would recommend that wives make long lists of things they would like. Saying "I don’t want much," is very frustrating to husbands, and you risk getting junk. The list could include even boring things: perhaps your dishwashing gloves are a bit worn or your toothbrush is at the end of its life? Is your lipstick low, your mascara almost dry? Most men would be thrilled to have a list of 20 items, even if 19 of them were under $2.
I also recommend that wives not purchase things for themselves after Oct 1st. Are your slippers getting holey? Suffer for a few months and put them on your list. The zipper on my wallet has been shot for a while now, but I’m patiently waiting until Christmas. I have demonstrated to hubby the seriousness of the situation, so he’ll be not to skip that item.
To the husbands: The best gifts are the ones that no one told you to get. The ones that you thought of yourself. The ones that show that you love and really know your wife and what whe would like/need. My favorite gifts from my husband have been the ones that show the most thought. The amount of money spent is not important. In fact some of the best things have been inexpensive. Gift giving for me is not about getting "what I want", but for feeling the love of the giver. Don’t ask what we want…. just buy us something that you think we would like/need.
I just read the post under mine, and I agree with that too. I mean don’t just get the stuff that’s on our "list" because the men do get very frustrated having to think up gifts all on their own. It is easier on them if we give them a list of things that they could buy for us…. but then, guys, at least come up with one small thing on your own!
Some Gift ideas for the Hubbies:
1- pajamas- really nice soft warm ones
2- gift certificates to get a massage or/and a manicure/pedicure
3- tickets to a play/show
4- necklace- does NOT need to cost much- but we can wear it proudly! and mention it is from YOU as people admire it.
hum…I’ll keep thinking!!
Best wishes to the men!!!
Okay, I’m not a girly-girl. But one of my best gifts (for my late summer birthday, not Christmas) was when I wanted a weed-whacker (really and truly) and he WENT WITH ME to Sears to help me pick out the right one. Yeah, so I admit referring to Sears’ tool section as "Day Care For Husbands," sexist sow that I am, but he took the time to let me drag him from model to model so he could advise me on what would be the best one for my needs, then spent his hard-earned money to make my life easier. I still get misty-eyed when I use it. And I am really, really, not joking for once in my life. Of course, he also bought me some chocolate that year, which was gratefully accepted.
Two years ago, my husband bought me spa package- like a whole day of spa treatment. This was something I did NOT ask for and he chose all on his own. It turned out to be the most dreamy and delightful gift. I am pretty sure he could repeat that same gift every Christmas for the rest of our lives and I’d be happy. 🙂
I have to admit that i am very hard to buy for and giving suggestions makes me uncomfortable like I am asking for too much. My husband of almost nineteen years usually doesn’t even ask anymore Instead , years ago he started buying me Precious Moments figurines. I once commented on how beautiful they were and he ran with the idea. I now have three curio cabinets full and each one is picked out having something to do with what we are doing in our lives. One year when we were looking for a new house he found a retired piece of a boy and girl making a sand castle. I believe it is called building our house with love. Because this one was retired I never thought he would be able to find it and was very surprised. I still don’t know what he spent but it is probably best.
Another gift that I usually receive, from my husband, is a gift certificate for a massage. I would never spend the sixty dollars on such a luxury for myself but boy are they nice.
For the last 2 years my husband has given me time with him. When he asked me what I wanted, I said time with him (really!) I’m not a jewelry girl, I like to buy my own clothes, and what I really want is time with him away from the kids. He designed and printed out a certificate and promised me dates every 2 weeks during the year. We have a babysitter who is not too expensive and every 2 weeks we go on a date. Usually it’s something simple like going for a walk or going out for coffee. The dates usually last for about 2 hours or so (keeps the cost of the babysitter low.) Evry so often we go to the movies or on a BIG date. All in all its been a great gift.
I don’t wear any jewelry besides my wedding ring and don’t wear perfume so the standard gift ideas don’t work for me. My husband has bought me great books that I didn’t ask for but he thought I would enjoy (and he was right!). A few years ago he secretly contacted many of my friends, even some I grew up with but haven’t seen in many years, and asked them to put together a couple of scrapbook pages for me with pictures of us together. He sent them the pages and a prepaid envelope to return them. I don’t open his mail without permission so I didn’t even try to guess what was in these envelopes (and he wisely wrote our address as a return so I wouldn’t know who they were from). He gave me the scrapbook on Christmas and it was such a wonderful gift! Not only because of the memories, but because he put so much thought into it.
Every year we take some of our designated Christmas money and buy ourselves season tickets to a local theater. My parents agreed to babysit the kids and this way we get a date night at least once a month. The gift of time alone together is precious. Another very popular gift around here is gift certificates for massages, facials, and pedicures.
I have to add one thing that I know I, and all my coffee loving friends, would appreciate for Christmas…gift cards to places like Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks. I always feel so guilty buying cups of coffee out because they are so expensive!
One thing we started many years ago was to set a limit. Not quantity, quality. So, we go with 3 gifts. One for Faith, one for Hope, and one for Charity(love). Amazing how creative my dh has been over the years. We give ideas of what we would want and setting this limit has helped bring us closer. The gifts aren’t always for each other. We have over the years made the Hope gift a donation to an organization for food for the poor etc. One year he got me the music album with the song "You Are The Woman That I’ve Always Dreamed of..I knew it from the start…" That song was the song he had playing when he asked me to marry him.
I love giving gifts and getting gifts this way. It gets us to think and makes it personal.
My best hubby gift tip is, think about the things that your wife loves to do (even if she doesn’t get to do them too often) and base a gift on that.
For instance, I love to 1) read nonfiction (mostly Catholic) books, 2) watch cooking shows (and cook fun things…I don’t have as much enthusiasm about the 3 meals a day x 7 days per week x # of weeks until my kiddos are grown and out of the house), 3) scrapbook.
Books can be difficult, so look for a title you know your wife wants, or get a book that is hot off the presses!
I did make lists this year for me and the girls that I gave to my mom, my MIL and my hubby (all asked for lists). Hubby got me the kitchenaid mixer I’ve been wanting for 5+ years (he had to fess up as I balance the accounts and the $200 missing would have REALLY freaked me out!) and I’ve been doing a happy dance ever since! (and if any husbands are looking for a big gift for a wife that loves to cook and doesn’t have a kitchenaid mixer…It makes a great gift…plus there are about 12 different attachments that you can purchase as future gifts, such as the pasta attachment and the ice cream maker!)
Two of my best gifts were gifts that my husband came up with all on his own. One had bubble bath, a paperback, some chocolate, and a diet pepsi all together in a gift bag. Of course I also got the time to use these. That cost maybe $15 and I one of my most favorite gifts in our over 20 yrs of marriage because he knows how much I love reading and taking a bubble bath. Another time he somehow wrote down items from my makeup bag and went to the dept store and begged help from the cosmetic clerk and got me several items of makeup. Makeup is one of those things I don’t buy myself much because I feel like the expense is a bit friviolous. One time he also actually found a CD that had our "song" from when we were dating on it. This wasn’t easy since it was an obscure group that only had about one good song. Lots of times the gifts are very practical like lamps, pot and pans etc. Even the pratical can be full of love for instance when I was going to school I got a laser printer so that I wouldn’t have to drive to campus every time I needed to print something. That showed he was thinking about me when getting the gift. Generally we give each other a list of that includes all price ranges and the practical and frivolous so we get something we like but we don’t know exactly what it is. The amount doesn’t matter as much as the thought so don’t worry if the budget is tight. In fact if the budget is tight don’t buy something expensive that your dear one will fill stressed about getting.
One of my favorite gifts that my husband used to give me when there were "younger than school-age" children in the house: a gift card to a bookstore/cafe. That card was to be used for Coffee Breaks. I was not to buy books for the children with it. Instead, I was to use it for a fancy coffee, maybe a muffin, maybe a magazine. My husband would give me a couple of hours of child-free time every so often to enjoy my Coffee Breaks.
Think about all those things that your wife liked to do/have back when you had more money and time. If you used spent part of every date night at the book/coffee shop, then get her a gift card and an afternoon "off" for that. If she used to love scrapbooking but never finds the time/money for it anymore, then chances are she still likes to scrapbook and would love being signed up for classes and given a gift card to a craft store. If you all had a subscription to orchestra tickets in your pre-child days, chances she would be floored if you bought tickets to a concert and arranged a night for you all to go do that…or even a cd of good orchestra music!
Also, listen to your wife. I always drop plenty of hints, if you can call saying, "Hey, this would make a great birthday gift for me!" as I mark the catalog page and hand it to him a hint. If you come up with your own great idea, that’s wonderful, but I’d rather lose some of the element of surprise and get something I genuinely want than a random guess.
And finally, believe your wife. I am a practical person. I am really not one to care about getting jewelry and perfume and things like that for gifts. But for years, when I would say, "What I’d really love is a new vacuum cleaner, or a nice set of kitchen knives," my husband would disregard the idea because it was too practical and he doesn’t like to get practical gifts. But I really wanted those things, would have loved getting something I could use every day that would make my daily work more enjoyable, and I would never spend that money on myself. He is slowly starting to accept this. (but I’m still waiting for those kitchen knives, lol)
I got my wife a treadmill for Christmas one year. She mentioned that she’d wanted one. This went over like a lead balloon. Also, if I got night vision goggles I’d think it was the coolest thing ever. Girls have no taste.
I’m no saint but we don’t trade gifts. We were broke when first married(still are some months;)) and decided then that it was something we wouldn’t do. We gave each other a piece to our Fontanini Nativity set instead.
Since we now have all the pieces we want, we agree to fill each others stockings (with little things like Altoids, a favorite hand lotion, maybe a $5 card to the Barbeque joint around the corner) and make a donation to Food for the Poor—they are a wonderful organization and have a great catalog where you can buy a chicken for a family, three pigs, etc. It’s fun, too, because last year when people asked what my husband gave me for Christmas, I could honestly say, "A goat."
How about a gift card to the favorite coffee house? It is hard to spend money on just coffee so it is a real treat.
I’m so not the gift type. People who know us think we’re crazy, but neither of us has ever done gifts. I think it feels weird to go out and spend my husband’s paycheck on my husband, then wrap it up as if it isn’t coming from him to him! Sure it’s our money, but he’s going to see the bill come through–how romantic! Same for me. When he buys me something, I can’t help thinking of the dentist’s bill. When we need or want something, we just get it, or save for it, any time of year. Our 10th anniversary is Thursday, and do you know what we’re doing? Making St. Lucy scones and taking the kids to an indoor waterpark. Neither of us will give the other anything, but we will exchange cards. The kids will give us cards too.
I am sure my husband heard my request. I can’t have what I want most— my wedding ring and engagement ring need repair and resizing but my finger still has an indent in it after 4 months with no ring. When I finally have thta done I will be so happy. But I desparately need ways to have more prayer time. He’s already working to make that happen.
We are getting a 6 month "subscription" to a "wines of the month" club offered by our local excellent wine store. We both love great wine, but don’t often splurge on it – anymore. For $25 a month we’ll get two hand-selected bottles every month. We have always liked everything the owner has suggested, so we’re certain we’ll enjoy the wines.
I have to second the Amazon.com wishlist idea. I beefed mine up after Thanksgiving with (a) stuff I wanted, (b) toys and books we wanted for our two-year-old, and (c) baby items needed for the new one on the way. Whenever a relative asked me, "What do you want for Christmas? What does Miriam need? Do you need baby supplies?", I could just direct them to the online list. Brilliant! Perfect for long-distance family.
And I don’t have to mention how my husband’s eyes lit up when I told him he could go to my wishlist. Not only will it make shopping a little easier for him, but also his wife is technologically minded at last!
The only drawback: loss of romance in the surprise perhaps. But I tried to emphasize to people that the wishlist is only a guideline, not set in stone. we’ll see how that works!
I’m a total magpie when it comes to jewelry, but luckily my wedding set is white gold so my DH can buy me silver jewelry, which is lots more affordable than gold. Besides, I even like cheap costume jewelry if it’s interesting and unusual.
Other than that, I think I’ll ask for a metal breadbox. I asked for a breadbox years ago as a Christmas gift, but unfortunately we discovered that a small determined field mouse is quite capable of chewing a tiny hole through the back, and contentedly enjoying several nights’ worth of midnight snacks involving the ends of bread loaves. I haven’t had a breadbox since, but I find them lots better than random stacks of bread and rolls on the counter.
Costume jewelry, a metal breadbox, and a couple pairs of cute slipper socks, and I’ll be a happy woman.
The best gift I ever got was watching my husband unwrap his first gift from a student. He was an assistant with autistic children at the time and one little boy gave him a tie. I’m not any type of saint, but the best gift is watching my family do things that fulfill their callings. That first tie was a symbol that Jeff was making a difference in the world and setting a good example for our kids.
And that was one of the greatest gifts I could ever ask God for.
If you need ideas, some of the best presents I’ve gotten in the past from my husband are: a one-hour full body massage BY MY HUSBAND…A 3 ft. statue of the Virgin Mary, who proudly welcomes our visitors at the front door…a statue of Jesus for the back garden that I can see from the kitchen window…a huge wooden crucifix, installed above the fireplace…a new gold crucifix on a rope chain…Saints bracelet with iridescent beads…best of all, my precious husband is the one who God used to lead me the final steps to the Catholic faith! He attended RCIA with me…every.single.session (eventhough he was a cradle Catholic and didn’t have to)…he encouraged me as I worked on my nullification papers so we could marry in the Church…he understood my desire and granted my every wish for all the amenities for a small Catholic wedding in the Blessed Sacrament chapel, eventhough we had been married legally for 7 years! My best gifts came from God!
Peace be with you!
This year, as we anxiously await the birth of our daughter any day now, and with a 16mo old son, we’ve come to realize how precious time is. So that’s what I’ve asked my husband for. I made him a list of gift certificate ideas for him make for me, and add his own 🙂 Things as simple as changing a stinky diaper, and giving baths, to painting my toenails for me, and giving me the "night off" to craft or just get out.
I have a great idea!!!
if your wives are anything like me- (mom of MANY young ones) then this is the ideal gift-
What about giving the gift of professional housecleaning? to clean everywhere that we can and cannot see?!?
I just love the idea and wonder how on earth I can tell my husband this one. I wonder if he’d actually go for it.
I sure how he does!!!
A retail gift card with which to purchase my own clothing.
One preferably to a women’s boutique or women’s specialty store. I’m always a martyr with the generic department store gift cards and end up buying clothes for my five kids
as I schlep around in old sweats from high school. Is that pitiful?
My husband and I give each other travel for most occasions and holidays, including Christmas. This year we’ve gone to the beach (several times) for my birthday and Thanksgiving and to Italy for his birthday. A few years ago we went to Paris for Christmas, and we usually go to San Francisco for my birthday. While we’re at our destination, we may pick up a few special things, but it’s the time away from our busy schedules that makes it special.
I already let my husband off the hook. I told him he doesn’t have to buy me anything, just finish building our house. Unfortunately, I don’t think he feels off the hook at all – I don’t blame him.
He could also provide me with a professional packer for the move, when that comes!
My wish list…
Mother’s Manual prayer book – in hardback this time. My paperback fell apart after 18 y6ears of use.
GOOD coffee
more Good cofee – decaf and regular
gift cards for coffee places in town for no guilt stops
bath and body antibacterail gel hand soap
chocolate -GOOD chocolate -I’m not talking hershey bars here – it’s Christmas!
12 pack of CHILL or Blue Moon beer – not to be drank in one sitting
a new tall, pretty or funny coffee mug
a day off – seriously – a day where the schooling, chores, dinner still get done – but not by me!
Therese
My husband HATES even thinking about gifts. So after he bought me a gorgeous and much-loved necklace the first year, I gave him the gift of a lifetime and told him sincerely that he was never to buy me another present! I love the relief it continues to give him. I asked him last year to write me a letter for Christmas. He’s an amazing writer and I miss the value of his written thoughts from our long-ago courtship. Wow, did I get a beautiful letter in my stocking! That’s priceless. Everything else I can–and do–buy for myself.
What about getting the treadmill for the husband? Seriously, I asked him to work out with me for my Christmas present. He refuses and thinks it’s a terrible idea. But, really, that’s all I want . . . for my husband to start caring about how he looks and get in shape. It’s probably terrible for me to ask for something like that but it’s been bothering me for over four years now. I’ve tried to look to his better side and not mention it to him (I’ve only hinted that maybe he is a little overweight this year. The first 4 years I kept my mouth shut hoping that he’d do something on his own). He’s borderline obese and just doesn’t see it. Maybe there should be a discussion another day on how to look to our husband’s better side. Boy do I sound like a bad wife! Now it’s off my chest and I can keep myself from mentioning it to him again.
I’ve already received my gifts this year:
1) Unconditional Love
2) Unconditional Forgiveness
Seems like it would go without saying – these components of a marriage. But look closely at your own hearts – how many of us love without condition, and forgive without restraint? Not I. Yet God has blessed me with this man, my husband. There is nothing more I desire.
Great question and great responses!
My husband despises having to think of a special gift I would not expect, and frankly, he’s not that good at it. He works much better asking me directly, it relieves him of a lot of stress (and I consider that a huge gift in and of itself – I love it when he’s relaxed!) so I’ve always been direct with him.
This year when he asked me what I might appreciate, I answered "A sewing machine" and gave him a coupon for a good deal on one at Costco. It’s a really good price, so I think I know what I’ll be getting this Christmas. 🙂
I like the idea about a letter – how romantic and meaningful! Knowing that he had to put a lot of thought into a gift (such as a letter) means a lot. That would mean so much more to me than something he picked up at the last minute, even if it’s something I need/like. This idea could be extended – how about a father writing a letter to his children? Even if they don’t care now, they will treasure those letters in the future.