Happy Easter, my friendly friends. Go ahead. Let’s talk.
Comments
Michellesays
To GB:
I think there are two things to look at
1. Are you using their TV time wisely so you can spend more time with them when they are done?
2. How much time do they watch TV compared to time doing things with you? 30 min. of TV and they spend 8-10 waking hours with you?
We have 7 kids – the oldest is 13. When I finally looked at it this way I decided I didn’t mind them watching – as long as it was kept to a minimum.
Jeannettesays
To Anontoday. Go to this website and scroll down to the dates. Click on 25 March and then watch the beautiful scenes and the wisdom of the words. As I read them, I immediately thought of you and your dilemma. I’m sure they will help.
GodkBless,
Jeannette
Amandasays
To Anontoday,
I have unfortunately run into similar people in my lifetime; those who are pleasant to your face and are gossipy behind your back. I wish I had some specific plan of action in dealing with these kinds of people, but I think praying is the very best thing. And, I just wanted to let you know I’ll pray for you; these kinds of situations can be so hurtful and difficult.
Take care.
Elizabethsays
I realize my posts came across where I feel every mother could stay home. I know that is not true. I know that I live in an area where housing and other costs are much lower than other states and I know that there are some situations where a parent could cut all the extra expenses and still not be able to afford to stay home.
I was pointing out situations that I have seen first hand where I know that a husband makes much more than my husband and yet the mother, who has less children than us, insists that it is impossible for her to ever be able to stay at home because you just can’t live on one income in this day in age. In some situations mothers do tend to put wants above the needs of her children. I was not talking about all mothers who work, only stating that in some situations that I have seen that it seems to be that case.
SPRING CLEANING??? BUY THOSE eraser sponges!!! I just cleaned walls, trim,floors, dish washers, frigs, ovens,cabinets, a front door, and the out side shutters with jusy 2 of these amazing things!!! They cost $2 for a box of four.+JMJ+mom of 11
Jennifersays
To anontoday,
Have you confronted this person about the gossiping? I think if you are being maligned in public you have to do something to stop it. I don’t know the details, or the relationship that you have with this person, but how about a “I read what you wrote on your blog and I’m upset because…”
Carolsays
To those discussing learning diabilities….didn’t have time to read everyone’s post…but check out http://www.nacd.org for a family friendly, parent supportive, homeschool support, effective approach to every label from adhd to gifted to autism!!
Margaret M.says
Danielle, thank you for your blog! I am a newcomer to your blog and find you and your readers to be a source of encouragement.
Just wondering, are their homeschooling parents out there whose spouse works full time from home? Are there concerns with the children being home (not out of the house for 8 hours at school) with noise and interruptions?
I am a SAHM whose husband works full time from home. Does anyone have suggestions on raising/homeschooling active noisy kids (ages 5, 3 1/2, and 21mo. with #4 on the way) while Dad works from home? He says the noise doesn’t bother him, however, I have found him taking important work calls in his office closet. His schedule is unpredictable. We have “indoor voices” rules and some structure to the day but the noise level is a constant stress for me. I find that I am out of the house as much as possible, but that creates its own set of issues.
I have only a two-year-old and am 36 weeks pregnant with #2. I’ve discovered the wonderful world of DVDs for her. She has four DVDs that keep her occupied: the old (1976 season) Sesame Street, the Nutcracker Ballet, Georgian Legend (like Riverdance from the Republic of Georgia), and an old clay-mation Curious George/Frog and Toad. This way, I don’t have to worry about content while I’m showering/cleaning/cooking dinner.
Also, while I have guilt pangs when listening to “no-TV” moms talk, I try to remember my set of rules:
1. No TV in the morning (unless I have really bad morning sickness).
2. TV only when I’m working on household chores that will allow me to spend more time with her and my dh.
3. No more that 40 min. of TV at a time.
These rules are more for me to discipline myself than for her at this point.
Moderation in all things, except in the love of God!
Laurisays
Hi Danielle! I just wanted to let you know I made some of your recipes from the latest Faith & Family for Easter Sunday. The lamb, potatoes & Easter braid bread were great. My family raved about them! Thanks!
beachlover mom:
more picnic ideas:
hardboiled eggs (this is an old-fashioned one that everybody used to bring along, if one trusts old children’s books!)
bumps on a log (celery filled with peanut butter, studded with raisins)
cream cheese-cracker sandwiches (with flavoring like honey or jam)
any leftover baked potatoes, sliced, with ketchup for dipping (it really tastes a little like french fries, but not fatty)
olives
fruit with peels, making it unnecessary to wrap or package (bananas, oranges, mangoes, etc)
chips (not healthy, but come on, it’s a picnic!)
and the indispensible — a huge jug of ice water with lemons in it. Because we only drink this on picnics, the kids don’t object to the fact that it isn’t soda or juice. (We’re trying to cut down on sugary stuff.)
I love picnics too, and living in Minnesota, I have spent more than a few frigid afternoons with the kids talking about what we will eat and where we’ll go for our first picnic. As I write, it is actually above freezing now, but there’s still plenty of snow on the ground and more forecast.
AnonToday, first of all I’d recommend this book, though the author’s not a religious person and I can’t give it a completely unqualified recommendation:
The second part of my advice is unconventional: request the book at the library where the librarian made a personal comment to you. Ask if they can get it for you through an interlibrary loan if it’s not on the shelf. Tell this librarian that you’re really, really hoping that the book will have a section on dealing with pathological liars and/or shameless gossips. Ask her if she knows of any other books on the subject of maintaining good relationships with family members who abuse their boundaries.
You don’t have to say a single negative thing to this librarian about your family member–the librarian can draw his/her own conclusions.
I’d take similar actions with other people who “know” personal things about you. There’s nothing like an arched eyebrow, a pitying smile, and the words, “Goodness, wherever did you hear *that*?” to put people who listen to gossip in their places.
Some might say that this advice isn’t particularly Christian, but the duty to turn the other cheek doesn’t translate into a similar obligation to let people walk all over you. This family member is being abusive, and the abusive actions need to be stopped before they cause harm to your own family. The damage done by gossiping and rumor mongering is a kind of emotional assault–information that you have every right to keep private is being publicized by someone who does not have your family’s best interests at heart. Honestly, I’d move far away from this person before I’d put up with this abusive behavior.
Teresa G.says
Margaret M,
I laughed out loud at the image of your husband taking work calls in his closet! Although my husband doesn’t work from home full time, he has to do some significant work-related stuff at home. He works in an emergency department and at home he has to spend some time writing lectures to give to residents, do his massive continuing education hours for his license, read current literature on things he needs to know, as well as prepare/write test questions for the national group that makes the tests for new emergency medicine doctors taking their boards. For his “paid” work, he works shift hours in the ER…..days, evenings, and a few nights a month. So that means that sometimes he’s coming home at 1, 2, or 3 in the morning and waking up at 8 to the noise of 9 kids who are home schooled. It’s nearly impossible to keep them quiet! My kids flunked the course on “inside voices”, plus there are just too many of them to keep quiet at the breakfast table. My good husband has resigned himself to the fact that he can’t really sleep in much, although we have used somewhat successfully the “fan trick” – putting on a fan for white noise. Still, he usually can’t get 7-8 hours of sleep and may need to nap before going in for his next shift if he works that day.
He also has continual interruptions while he is home working on work related stuff – we do have an office, but with the work load of home schooling 9 kids, he pretty much will help out with either school things or errands (maybe with a little one in tow) during the mornings. He uses the afternoons and evenings then, when I don’t need his help as much, to get some office work done. He really has an unusual schedule, with working every other weekend, having days off during the week, and being home some mornings of the week because of working evenings shifts. We’ve just had to make it work with home schooling.
I figure, if your husband says he doesn’t mind the noise, then don’t worry about it. Maybe the kids can get into the routine of daddy has to work from 8-noon, then has lunch with mom and kids, and then works again until dinner time, if that is feasible for his work. Or if his schedule is flexible – you said it’s unpredictable – then maybe he could set some evening hours for work while the kids are in bed, spending more time with them during the day. My husband sometimes works on work things from 9-midnight after spending the daytime hours with the family if he’s off work that day. Also, locking the door to the office is sometimes a must for my husband – and the kids need to respect that. And as Danielle has so wisely put it before “Do what is best for your family”! Hope this helps a tad.
Midwest Momsays
To Anonytoday-
Just out of curiosity, why haven’t you told the extended family about the “gossipers” blog? Wouldn’t they want to know what she is telling the world – perhaps literally – about your family? Also, have you spoken/written to the gossip regarding this matter? A kind, but firm letter might put an end to it… you might consider taking the Columbo approach and just ask a lot of questions like, “The strangest thing happened to me at the library yesterday. The librarian mentioned Y and I couldn’t figure for the life of me how she’d know that or think that? Since we share the same name I was wondering if you;’e had the same kind of experience with her? or better, where do you think she got that info from?”=== My SIL and MIL (not related) are total gossipers. I wouldn’t even tell them the number of cavities my son had for fear that they would tell everyone that he/we don’t properly care for his teeth (which is partially true 😉 but his small cavities had more to do with medication he was on for 18 months when he was little, at least that’s what I’m told!) It’s unfortunate that I don’t consider them full members of the family team because I don’t trust them . . . When they present gossip to me I either change the topic or make a very focused effort to defend the person being gossiped about.
snowshoesays
Concerning the post about suspecting your child is slow.. I have a nine year old son who is dyslexic and was basically illiterate until 6 months ago. I homeschool and helping him has always been my biggest challenge. For a variety of reasons I never had him evaluated by a professional, and I can look back now and say “Thank God”!
I have a friend whose 11 year old son shares many of the same dyslexic problems as my son. Her son had early intervention and the difference between the 2 boys today is remarkable. When it’s time for testing, her son has diarrhea and feels ill. Her son has been labeled special-ed and though he is now homeschooled, he has the low self-esteem complex that generally goes along with feeling dumb.
My son is brimming with confidence and knows that he’s just the way God wants him to be. His test scores were way worse than flunking but now I’m pleased as can be that he is above grade level when he tests. (He still has problems- but we can deal with them.)
So it depends what kind of problem you suspect with your child, but I would go contrary to popular opinion and just nurture that child the way your mother’s heart tells you to. Keep the child innocent of the labelling and passing around of problems that will happen once you enter “the system”. You know what your childs strengths and weaknesses are- pile on the strengths and shower your kid with praise to build their confidence.
I am not suggesting sticking your head in the sand and pretending a problem does not exist. You should do all the research you can, and find ways to help, but don’t drag the kid to 50 different specialists and give the poor thing a complex about how dumb he or she is. They are a beautiful creation!
Carolsays
MaryBeth,
Another NACD mom? Your explanation was much better than mine…I just can’t resist the chance for even a moment to suggest NACD as an alternative to school based special ed situations! As a former teacher I know that, although public school programs and other state programs can do good, they are often wrought with preconceived ideas and low expectations, not to mention being overwhelmed with applicants.
Just wanted to thank you for your articulate plug for NACD and add another voice of support!
marionsays
dear ladies, am very interested in some of the things that preoccupy you. The no TV thing for instance,most people in the UK think Americans are all TV addicts, nice to see many of you are as anti junk as some of us! I actually didnt ration TV with my children (4 in 7 years) as it was self rationing, they used to have favorites on tape and on live broadcast but that only used to be for an hour or so and then play or games time would get more interesting, and away they would go!Reading ? some loved it some didnt, and you cant make them if it aint in ’em ! And by the way I read like other people breathe so I really hoped for some keen readers, but they all had their own ideas! In the UK we are lucky with some things and missing out on others but for Picnics cooked cold sausages are great and bags of crisps.
Re gossip, why not just ask her not to mention you at all?
two resource ideas neededsays
1) a short divine mercy book/resource with the novena-explaination-summary
2) a GOOD rosary cd…not too slow or too fast…I don’t want to sing the entire rosary…I don’t mind some music. I know it sounds picky! I once purchased a rosary CD for children and found out it was made in Australia. I was so busy focusing on their cool accent that I couldn’t concentrate!
Thanks!
Amy S.says
Re: TV
With a three children ages 4, 2, and about-to-be four months, and having had horrible morning, noon, and night sickness with all of them, I can relate to the tv guilt. We do not have television in our house, just videos. We have set rules posted right next to the television. It is amazing how well posting rules work, even if your kids can’t read. We did this for chores and getting a bedtime routine into place. It works great. Our rules are:
1) You must ask mommy or daddy first.
2) You must be ready for the day, chores done, and schoolwork completed.
3) Only one video a day.
4) No fighting over which video to watch.
These may or may not apply to you right now, but may come in handy in the future.
As far as guilt goes, let it go. If I didn’t have some reprieve, our family would not have homecooked meals, clean laundry, or a house that is somewhat clean, most of the time.
I simply make sure the videos are morally acceptable (and my standards are very high), and possibly educational. Videos about Saints, animals, and musicals are favorites here. There is a series (2) of videos called “Lets see how they grow” by Readers Digest. It is about animals, and my daughter loved them when she was two (still does). They are very simple for little children to enjoy. They feature each animal for about five minutes, and each tape is two hours (I think) long. This is great because you can decide how long to play them without turning off a movie in the middle.
Anyway, don’t feel guilty. With morning sickness, you already feel bad enough. The Lord knows your heart. It will get easier as she gets older, as she will occupy herself with so many other things. TV will become only an occasional want.
I found an article in a waiting room, of course, pertaining to last weeks question about ‘completion’ and even though it was by a secular author it was completely appropriate and non- offensive.
Except for one word in the link title so I won’t post the link but if you go to WebMD and search for March/April magazine articles you’ll find it.
Not every thing on the site is appropriate but this one is, and its short.
I love the encouragement that people give to each other within these chats, and while my contribution thus far has been a ridiculously silly comment about brownies, I have enjoyed reading the comments and I’ve been very impressed by the advice.
I would like to invite everyone here to participate in a Blogathon for Life for Good Counsel Homes (http://goodcounselhomes.org)and if you live in New Jersey to join in the actual walkathon on May 17 or May 31. Email me: SueFoxb@gmail.com.
Good Counsel Homes has several pregnancy shelters in New Jersey and New York, and it is working on opening a new home in south New Jersey.
Anyone reading this can sponsor the Walkathon by setting up a web page like mine at http://firstgiving.com/walkathonforlife-monmouth. I will show you how, and my blog has information on how to send a donation by mail, as does the Good Counsel web site.
If people reading this donate just $5 and invite people they know to do same, a new pregnancy shelter will be built. I hope you can join me in this effort.
I am hoping that some of you can help out with a project. My idea is that if bloggers and blog readers unite for life then beautiful works will come about.
I am organizing a Walkathon in New Jersey for Good Counsel Homes (http://goodcounselhomes.org). Good Counsel is a non-profit organization that serves pregnant women throughout the State of New Jersey and New York by providing much needed services including shelter, food, medical care, education, job skills, social skills, counseling, parenting, nutrition and computer classes. Good Counsel Homes currently has five homes and is in the process of opening a new home in South Jersey.
Anyone reading this can be a sponsor, contact me, and I’ll show you how to set up a First Giving web page and there is information on where to send a donation by mail at Good Counsel Home’s web site and at my blog.
Please be a sponsor. You would be listed on our Walkathon t-shirt, and if you (and everyone you keep in touch with by e-mail) donated just a few dollars, a much needed pregnancy shelter will open in South Jersey.
Sorry about the multiple comments. My computer showed the first comment as lost. Oh well.
questioning?says
snowshoe: “he’s just the way God wants him to be.” How are you sure that God does not want him to have interventional care that just might increase his ability to work at a higher level? Because you know of one – one! – other kid who handles testing poorly has you not getting early intervention for your own son? Could it be a fear of labeling, more than anything else? And if you are hs’ing, who cares what they label him? As long as he gets what he needs and is entitled to!
Think of it another way: The world is going to label him sooner or later. If he’s able to work at college level, they’ll label him there. If not and he enters the work force, they’ll label him there. The difference is the label now will probably be changeable, if you get early intervention.
Why not attempt to get some intervention and then if it doesn’t work out, you can try something else? But to not try because it might not work doesn’t seem prudent. (I’ve worked closely with some early-intervention educators, esp. speech pathologists, OTs and PTs and am often overwhelmed by how much they know and can help. They are extremely well-educated and I, for one, am so impressed that I hope some of my children go into those fields)
Perhaps you’ve thought about these things, but perhaps this offers another point of view; early intervention has been a God-send for so very many families. That’s why insurance pays for it; it usually works.
Jamiesays
I need some well seasoned Mom’s to tell me if I am worrying about nothing. My two oldest kids have the hardest time making friends. They are in 2nd grade and kindergarten in a Catholic school. Both of them play by themselves during recess and just have a hard time developing a close relationship with the kids in their class. They don’t seem too upset about it but it sure hurts a mother’s heart. Any advice?
Suesays
I have a dyslexic son and I’m so grateful that we had him tested and helped by professionals who have seen and dealt with children just like my son. As for labels, in my experience, it’s not the children who are bothered by the labels, it’s the parents. I agree with the above poster. If your child is sick, wouldn’t you want to find the best doctor to care for your child? If your child’s brain isn’t wired like your average brain, wouldn’t you want to find someone who could teach your child? Where would Helen Keller be without Annie Sullivan?
Joansays
Jamie,
Have their teachers mentioned anything to you about their lack of social interaction during recess? Is it that they just like playing by themselves sometimes, or do they not attempt to socialize at all? There are quite a few questions to be answered here. As a “seasoned” Mom who has 5 children, the youngest being 15 now I would be concerned if my kids were sad because they couldn’t make friends. Are they sad about it? Are they just shy? Do they play with other kids at your own house? There are lots more questions to ask. The bottom line is, are they happy? Are they doing well academically? Did the teacher’s mention anything about social skills? What is YOUR gut feeling? Lots of things to ponder here.
To GB:
I think there are two things to look at
1. Are you using their TV time wisely so you can spend more time with them when they are done?
2. How much time do they watch TV compared to time doing things with you? 30 min. of TV and they spend 8-10 waking hours with you?
We have 7 kids – the oldest is 13. When I finally looked at it this way I decided I didn’t mind them watching – as long as it was kept to a minimum.
To Anontoday. Go to this website and scroll down to the dates. Click on 25 March and then watch the beautiful scenes and the wisdom of the words. As I read them, I immediately thought of you and your dilemma. I’m sure they will help.
GodkBless,
Jeannette
To Anontoday,
I have unfortunately run into similar people in my lifetime; those who are pleasant to your face and are gossipy behind your back. I wish I had some specific plan of action in dealing with these kinds of people, but I think praying is the very best thing. And, I just wanted to let you know I’ll pray for you; these kinds of situations can be so hurtful and difficult.
Take care.
I realize my posts came across where I feel every mother could stay home. I know that is not true. I know that I live in an area where housing and other costs are much lower than other states and I know that there are some situations where a parent could cut all the extra expenses and still not be able to afford to stay home.
I was pointing out situations that I have seen first hand where I know that a husband makes much more than my husband and yet the mother, who has less children than us, insists that it is impossible for her to ever be able to stay at home because you just can’t live on one income in this day in age. In some situations mothers do tend to put wants above the needs of her children. I was not talking about all mothers who work, only stating that in some situations that I have seen that it seems to be that case.
SPRING CLEANING??? BUY THOSE eraser sponges!!! I just cleaned walls, trim,floors, dish washers, frigs, ovens,cabinets, a front door, and the out side shutters with jusy 2 of these amazing things!!! They cost $2 for a box of four.+JMJ+mom of 11
To anontoday,
Have you confronted this person about the gossiping? I think if you are being maligned in public you have to do something to stop it. I don’t know the details, or the relationship that you have with this person, but how about a “I read what you wrote on your blog and I’m upset because…”
To those discussing learning diabilities….didn’t have time to read everyone’s post…but check out http://www.nacd.org for a family friendly, parent supportive, homeschool support, effective approach to every label from adhd to gifted to autism!!
Danielle, thank you for your blog! I am a newcomer to your blog and find you and your readers to be a source of encouragement.
Just wondering, are their homeschooling parents out there whose spouse works full time from home? Are there concerns with the children being home (not out of the house for 8 hours at school) with noise and interruptions?
I am a SAHM whose husband works full time from home. Does anyone have suggestions on raising/homeschooling active noisy kids (ages 5, 3 1/2, and 21mo. with #4 on the way) while Dad works from home? He says the noise doesn’t bother him, however, I have found him taking important work calls in his office closet. His schedule is unpredictable. We have “indoor voices” rules and some structure to the day but the noise level is a constant stress for me. I find that I am out of the house as much as possible, but that creates its own set of issues.
Re: TV with little kids
I have only a two-year-old and am 36 weeks pregnant with #2. I’ve discovered the wonderful world of DVDs for her. She has four DVDs that keep her occupied: the old (1976 season) Sesame Street, the Nutcracker Ballet, Georgian Legend (like Riverdance from the Republic of Georgia), and an old clay-mation Curious George/Frog and Toad. This way, I don’t have to worry about content while I’m showering/cleaning/cooking dinner.
Also, while I have guilt pangs when listening to “no-TV” moms talk, I try to remember my set of rules:
1. No TV in the morning (unless I have really bad morning sickness).
2. TV only when I’m working on household chores that will allow me to spend more time with her and my dh.
3. No more that 40 min. of TV at a time.
These rules are more for me to discipline myself than for her at this point.
Moderation in all things, except in the love of God!
Hi Danielle! I just wanted to let you know I made some of your recipes from the latest Faith & Family for Easter Sunday. The lamb, potatoes & Easter braid bread were great. My family raved about them! Thanks!
beachlover mom:
more picnic ideas:
hardboiled eggs (this is an old-fashioned one that everybody used to bring along, if one trusts old children’s books!)
bumps on a log (celery filled with peanut butter, studded with raisins)
cream cheese-cracker sandwiches (with flavoring like honey or jam)
any leftover baked potatoes, sliced, with ketchup for dipping (it really tastes a little like french fries, but not fatty)
olives
fruit with peels, making it unnecessary to wrap or package (bananas, oranges, mangoes, etc)
chips (not healthy, but come on, it’s a picnic!)
and the indispensible — a huge jug of ice water with lemons in it. Because we only drink this on picnics, the kids don’t object to the fact that it isn’t soda or juice. (We’re trying to cut down on sugary stuff.)
I love picnics too, and living in Minnesota, I have spent more than a few frigid afternoons with the kids talking about what we will eat and where we’ll go for our first picnic. As I write, it is actually above freezing now, but there’s still plenty of snow on the ground and more forecast.
Enjoy the beach!!!
AnonToday, first of all I’d recommend this book, though the author’s not a religious person and I can’t give it a completely unqualified recommendation:
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Vampires-Dealing-People-Drain/dp/0071352597
The second part of my advice is unconventional: request the book at the library where the librarian made a personal comment to you. Ask if they can get it for you through an interlibrary loan if it’s not on the shelf. Tell this librarian that you’re really, really hoping that the book will have a section on dealing with pathological liars and/or shameless gossips. Ask her if she knows of any other books on the subject of maintaining good relationships with family members who abuse their boundaries.
You don’t have to say a single negative thing to this librarian about your family member–the librarian can draw his/her own conclusions.
I’d take similar actions with other people who “know” personal things about you. There’s nothing like an arched eyebrow, a pitying smile, and the words, “Goodness, wherever did you hear *that*?” to put people who listen to gossip in their places.
Some might say that this advice isn’t particularly Christian, but the duty to turn the other cheek doesn’t translate into a similar obligation to let people walk all over you. This family member is being abusive, and the abusive actions need to be stopped before they cause harm to your own family. The damage done by gossiping and rumor mongering is a kind of emotional assault–information that you have every right to keep private is being publicized by someone who does not have your family’s best interests at heart. Honestly, I’d move far away from this person before I’d put up with this abusive behavior.
Margaret M,
I laughed out loud at the image of your husband taking work calls in his closet! Although my husband doesn’t work from home full time, he has to do some significant work-related stuff at home. He works in an emergency department and at home he has to spend some time writing lectures to give to residents, do his massive continuing education hours for his license, read current literature on things he needs to know, as well as prepare/write test questions for the national group that makes the tests for new emergency medicine doctors taking their boards. For his “paid” work, he works shift hours in the ER…..days, evenings, and a few nights a month. So that means that sometimes he’s coming home at 1, 2, or 3 in the morning and waking up at 8 to the noise of 9 kids who are home schooled. It’s nearly impossible to keep them quiet! My kids flunked the course on “inside voices”, plus there are just too many of them to keep quiet at the breakfast table. My good husband has resigned himself to the fact that he can’t really sleep in much, although we have used somewhat successfully the “fan trick” – putting on a fan for white noise. Still, he usually can’t get 7-8 hours of sleep and may need to nap before going in for his next shift if he works that day.
He also has continual interruptions while he is home working on work related stuff – we do have an office, but with the work load of home schooling 9 kids, he pretty much will help out with either school things or errands (maybe with a little one in tow) during the mornings. He uses the afternoons and evenings then, when I don’t need his help as much, to get some office work done. He really has an unusual schedule, with working every other weekend, having days off during the week, and being home some mornings of the week because of working evenings shifts. We’ve just had to make it work with home schooling.
I figure, if your husband says he doesn’t mind the noise, then don’t worry about it. Maybe the kids can get into the routine of daddy has to work from 8-noon, then has lunch with mom and kids, and then works again until dinner time, if that is feasible for his work. Or if his schedule is flexible – you said it’s unpredictable – then maybe he could set some evening hours for work while the kids are in bed, spending more time with them during the day. My husband sometimes works on work things from 9-midnight after spending the daytime hours with the family if he’s off work that day. Also, locking the door to the office is sometimes a must for my husband – and the kids need to respect that. And as Danielle has so wisely put it before “Do what is best for your family”! Hope this helps a tad.
To Anonytoday-
Just out of curiosity, why haven’t you told the extended family about the “gossipers” blog? Wouldn’t they want to know what she is telling the world – perhaps literally – about your family? Also, have you spoken/written to the gossip regarding this matter? A kind, but firm letter might put an end to it… you might consider taking the Columbo approach and just ask a lot of questions like, “The strangest thing happened to me at the library yesterday. The librarian mentioned Y and I couldn’t figure for the life of me how she’d know that or think that? Since we share the same name I was wondering if you;’e had the same kind of experience with her? or better, where do you think she got that info from?”=== My SIL and MIL (not related) are total gossipers. I wouldn’t even tell them the number of cavities my son had for fear that they would tell everyone that he/we don’t properly care for his teeth (which is partially true 😉 but his small cavities had more to do with medication he was on for 18 months when he was little, at least that’s what I’m told!) It’s unfortunate that I don’t consider them full members of the family team because I don’t trust them . . . When they present gossip to me I either change the topic or make a very focused effort to defend the person being gossiped about.
Concerning the post about suspecting your child is slow.. I have a nine year old son who is dyslexic and was basically illiterate until 6 months ago. I homeschool and helping him has always been my biggest challenge. For a variety of reasons I never had him evaluated by a professional, and I can look back now and say “Thank God”!
I have a friend whose 11 year old son shares many of the same dyslexic problems as my son. Her son had early intervention and the difference between the 2 boys today is remarkable. When it’s time for testing, her son has diarrhea and feels ill. Her son has been labeled special-ed and though he is now homeschooled, he has the low self-esteem complex that generally goes along with feeling dumb.
My son is brimming with confidence and knows that he’s just the way God wants him to be. His test scores were way worse than flunking but now I’m pleased as can be that he is above grade level when he tests. (He still has problems- but we can deal with them.)
So it depends what kind of problem you suspect with your child, but I would go contrary to popular opinion and just nurture that child the way your mother’s heart tells you to. Keep the child innocent of the labelling and passing around of problems that will happen once you enter “the system”. You know what your childs strengths and weaknesses are- pile on the strengths and shower your kid with praise to build their confidence.
I am not suggesting sticking your head in the sand and pretending a problem does not exist. You should do all the research you can, and find ways to help, but don’t drag the kid to 50 different specialists and give the poor thing a complex about how dumb he or she is. They are a beautiful creation!
MaryBeth,
Another NACD mom? Your explanation was much better than mine…I just can’t resist the chance for even a moment to suggest NACD as an alternative to school based special ed situations! As a former teacher I know that, although public school programs and other state programs can do good, they are often wrought with preconceived ideas and low expectations, not to mention being overwhelmed with applicants.
Just wanted to thank you for your articulate plug for NACD and add another voice of support!
dear ladies, am very interested in some of the things that preoccupy you. The no TV thing for instance,most people in the UK think Americans are all TV addicts, nice to see many of you are as anti junk as some of us! I actually didnt ration TV with my children (4 in 7 years) as it was self rationing, they used to have favorites on tape and on live broadcast but that only used to be for an hour or so and then play or games time would get more interesting, and away they would go!Reading ? some loved it some didnt, and you cant make them if it aint in ’em ! And by the way I read like other people breathe so I really hoped for some keen readers, but they all had their own ideas! In the UK we are lucky with some things and missing out on others but for Picnics cooked cold sausages are great and bags of crisps.
Re gossip, why not just ask her not to mention you at all?
1) a short divine mercy book/resource with the novena-explaination-summary
2) a GOOD rosary cd…not too slow or too fast…I don’t want to sing the entire rosary…I don’t mind some music. I know it sounds picky! I once purchased a rosary CD for children and found out it was made in Australia. I was so busy focusing on their cool accent that I couldn’t concentrate!
Thanks!
Re: TV
With a three children ages 4, 2, and about-to-be four months, and having had horrible morning, noon, and night sickness with all of them, I can relate to the tv guilt. We do not have television in our house, just videos. We have set rules posted right next to the television. It is amazing how well posting rules work, even if your kids can’t read. We did this for chores and getting a bedtime routine into place. It works great. Our rules are:
1) You must ask mommy or daddy first.
2) You must be ready for the day, chores done, and schoolwork completed.
3) Only one video a day.
4) No fighting over which video to watch.
These may or may not apply to you right now, but may come in handy in the future.
As far as guilt goes, let it go. If I didn’t have some reprieve, our family would not have homecooked meals, clean laundry, or a house that is somewhat clean, most of the time.
I simply make sure the videos are morally acceptable (and my standards are very high), and possibly educational. Videos about Saints, animals, and musicals are favorites here. There is a series (2) of videos called “Lets see how they grow” by Readers Digest. It is about animals, and my daughter loved them when she was two (still does). They are very simple for little children to enjoy. They feature each animal for about five minutes, and each tape is two hours (I think) long. This is great because you can decide how long to play them without turning off a movie in the middle.
Anyway, don’t feel guilty. With morning sickness, you already feel bad enough. The Lord knows your heart. It will get easier as she gets older, as she will occupy herself with so many other things. TV will become only an occasional want.
I found an article in a waiting room, of course, pertaining to last weeks question about ‘completion’ and even though it was by a secular author it was completely appropriate and non- offensive.
Except for one word in the link title so I won’t post the link but if you go to WebMD and search for March/April magazine articles you’ll find it.
Not every thing on the site is appropriate but this one is, and its short.
I love the encouragement that people give to each other within these chats, and while my contribution thus far has been a ridiculously silly comment about brownies, I have enjoyed reading the comments and I’ve been very impressed by the advice.
I would like to invite everyone here to participate in a Blogathon for Life for Good Counsel Homes (http://goodcounselhomes.org)and if you live in New Jersey to join in the actual walkathon on May 17 or May 31. Email me: SueFoxb@gmail.com.
Good Counsel Homes has several pregnancy shelters in New Jersey and New York, and it is working on opening a new home in south New Jersey.
Anyone reading this can sponsor the Walkathon by setting up a web page like mine at http://firstgiving.com/walkathonforlife-monmouth. I will show you how, and my blog has information on how to send a donation by mail, as does the Good Counsel web site.
If people reading this donate just $5 and invite people they know to do same, a new pregnancy shelter will be built. I hope you can join me in this effort.
I am hoping that some of you can help out with a project. My idea is that if bloggers and blog readers unite for life then beautiful works will come about.
I am organizing a Walkathon in New Jersey for Good Counsel Homes (http://goodcounselhomes.org). Good Counsel is a non-profit organization that serves pregnant women throughout the State of New Jersey and New York by providing much needed services including shelter, food, medical care, education, job skills, social skills, counseling, parenting, nutrition and computer classes. Good Counsel Homes currently has five homes and is in the process of opening a new home in South Jersey.
There is information at my blog and my Walkathon web page (http://firstgiving.com/walkforlife-monmouth.)
Anyone reading this can be a sponsor, contact me, and I’ll show you how to set up a First Giving web page and there is information on where to send a donation by mail at Good Counsel Home’s web site and at my blog.
Please be a sponsor. You would be listed on our Walkathon t-shirt, and if you (and everyone you keep in touch with by e-mail) donated just a few dollars, a much needed pregnancy shelter will open in South Jersey.
Sorry about the multiple comments. My computer showed the first comment as lost. Oh well.
snowshoe: “he’s just the way God wants him to be.” How are you sure that God does not want him to have interventional care that just might increase his ability to work at a higher level? Because you know of one – one! – other kid who handles testing poorly has you not getting early intervention for your own son? Could it be a fear of labeling, more than anything else? And if you are hs’ing, who cares what they label him? As long as he gets what he needs and is entitled to!
Think of it another way: The world is going to label him sooner or later. If he’s able to work at college level, they’ll label him there. If not and he enters the work force, they’ll label him there. The difference is the label now will probably be changeable, if you get early intervention.
Why not attempt to get some intervention and then if it doesn’t work out, you can try something else? But to not try because it might not work doesn’t seem prudent. (I’ve worked closely with some early-intervention educators, esp. speech pathologists, OTs and PTs and am often overwhelmed by how much they know and can help. They are extremely well-educated and I, for one, am so impressed that I hope some of my children go into those fields)
Perhaps you’ve thought about these things, but perhaps this offers another point of view; early intervention has been a God-send for so very many families. That’s why insurance pays for it; it usually works.
I need some well seasoned Mom’s to tell me if I am worrying about nothing. My two oldest kids have the hardest time making friends. They are in 2nd grade and kindergarten in a Catholic school. Both of them play by themselves during recess and just have a hard time developing a close relationship with the kids in their class. They don’t seem too upset about it but it sure hurts a mother’s heart. Any advice?
I have a dyslexic son and I’m so grateful that we had him tested and helped by professionals who have seen and dealt with children just like my son. As for labels, in my experience, it’s not the children who are bothered by the labels, it’s the parents. I agree with the above poster. If your child is sick, wouldn’t you want to find the best doctor to care for your child? If your child’s brain isn’t wired like your average brain, wouldn’t you want to find someone who could teach your child? Where would Helen Keller be without Annie Sullivan?
Jamie,
Have their teachers mentioned anything to you about their lack of social interaction during recess? Is it that they just like playing by themselves sometimes, or do they not attempt to socialize at all? There are quite a few questions to be answered here. As a “seasoned” Mom who has 5 children, the youngest being 15 now I would be concerned if my kids were sad because they couldn’t make friends. Are they sad about it? Are they just shy? Do they play with other kids at your own house? There are lots more questions to ask. The bottom line is, are they happy? Are they doing well academically? Did the teacher’s mention anything about social skills? What is YOUR gut feeling? Lots of things to ponder here.
Picnic idea: Cheese in a can !!