Good morning, all! The lines are open — What shall we talk about today?
UPDATE: shutting down comments while I’m away
[tags]catholic families, coffee talk[/tags]
Catholic Writer and Speaker
by Danielle Filed Under: Coffee Talk
Good morning, all! The lines are open — What shall we talk about today?
UPDATE: shutting down comments while I’m away
[tags]catholic families, coffee talk[/tags]
The Juno film was depressing to me (and my husband who doesn’t ever get depressed) because of the banality and hopelessness of the youth culture. The kids in the movie had no knowledge of anything true and beautiful. It was good that Juno did the right thing, but she didn’t necessarily do it for the right reasons. Also, the pro-lifer outside the abortion clinic was arguably portrayed as dumb. Since the film seems to be aimed at teenagers, yet it’s not suitable for them to watch it (in my opinion) then what’s the point?
It is possible that viewers who are immersed in the same cesspool portrayed in the movie would find some glimmer pointing them towards truth in the movie so it’s not entirely without merit, but then God can work with pretty much anything.
I have a friend who loved the movie and a friend who hated it. I guess everyone gets a different feel from it.
RE: St. John’s Wort. Be careful with this!! My whole body broke out in hives when I took it!
JUNO-We saw Juno, and while there were some things about it that I liked, it was definately crazy was that the guy and girl end up together at the end. I mean, come on. Please. I think it is a terrible disservice to give teens the idea that they will have a true relationship after something like this (particularly the casual sex). I say this from personal experience, having been a teen mom myself. Even statistically, it is a fact that teen romance does not survive these situations. HOWEVER, this movie was made and shown in the culture of death….so maybe truth in small edgy doses is good. Planting a seed, hopefully.
DEFIANT CHILDREN – yeah, we have one. Ours has brought us to the brink of desperation, and in a weird way, some kind of renewal. In our situation, we are learning that we have to pray the Rosary as a family every night (even if toddler chaos ensues, which, trust me, it does), give lots of positives – things to look forward to (at the beginning of the week, a movie we will go to see, a game, something fun).I say this because we’re learning with our defiant one that it is very easy to get sucked into a vacuum of negativity – screaming yelling unending punishments in room where you barely see the child. It can get very nasty. My husband and I go to spiritual direction with a Priest who is very gifted in this area. He tells us to try to break up alot of this with very positive experiences, doing stuff our son enjoys.Doesn’t have to cost money. YOU ARE NOT REWARDING THE BAD BEHAVIOR. You are trying to stop a bad cycle. In our case, we need to go to frequent confession, and an hour of Adoration a week.This is the way to keep satan from destroying our families…it is very easy, in this culture of death, for young people to lose hope. satan can use their bad behavior and our reactions to convince them that they are unloved and unwanted. But God WILL PREVAIL!!! When you feel hopeless, or feel you have gone overboard as I have done many times, do not give up. Give yourself a break. I believe Jesus uses these things as a means to humble us and to help us grow….you are not alone!!!! Jesus will bless your faithfulness.Be not afraid.
Gina,
Sorry it took me so long to get back to reading the rest of the posts. The first step in the process is to call the school and ask to speak to whomever is in charge of special needs. When you get to this person explain what is happening and tell this person that you heard something about an IEP ( Individual education plan ) ask if since your child has ADD, if he is eligible. Don’t be discouraged if they say no at first. This is very common. If they do turn you down then make a conference appointment with the school principal, counselor, and all of your sons teachers ( by law they have thirty days to accommodate you on this) At this meeting, find out why they all think your child is failing then take their answers and ask what they think can be done to remedy the situation.( be prepared this could be like pulling teeth) If this step fails to produce acceptable answers, you have the right to demand assessments of your child ( both mental and educational) usually these assessments will show problems that warrant ban IEP. This can be a long process but is truly worth it.
As far as diversion programs, Just contact your local Police department. I did not have to file any charges but just went in and talked to the Officer on duty about the problems and he had a diversion officer call me the next day.This program was great for making my son accountable for his actions ( he was told in no uncertain terms that would legally happen if he didn’t straighten up ) but most of all the officer knew the laws and my rights in battling the school to get the IEP implemented. She even went to the first meeting with me and made my demands for me.
I hope this helps .I will be praying for your family.
I also issues with my oldest son. He exhibits many of the behaviors I saw mentioned. I think a lot of his problems stem from his relationship with my husband (his father). But maybe it is a combination of things.
I have been praying for miracles in our family. My husband and son did not speak for 8 months and finally they began speaking again-Praise God!!
My husband really needs to connect with the Lord and develop a relationship with Him. He desires to be more faithful but so far he doesn’t “feel” anything. He does attend mass every Sunday even if he goes alone at times. He prays the rosary occasionally and I see that as a good sign.
I am sorry if I am rambling….I just needed to vent.
Dear Anon/ is son gay?
I would recommend reading the Bishops’ letter: “Always Our Children” which addresses parents whose children confirm they are dealing with gender issues. I found myself avoiding the letter but finally did this past Lent. My husband and I also went through it together. I found it reasuring and yet very realistic.
The number one thing you want to do over the next decade is develop a relationship where your child understands you will discuss ANYTHING no matter how difficult or painful. We need to be worst case prepared as parents:
if my child decides to live out a life that is contrary to the teachings of the Faith at some point in their lives, how do I draw them back and set an example.
Let’s just say its been a LONG year in our home which I wouldn’t trade in spite of my increasingly gray hair!
Juno: Brought up an interesting question in our house: Mom, you wouldn’t really say it would be better to be on drugs than be pregnant right? Answer: I will love you and help you through anything! If any of you has an unplanned pregnancy I will help you with adoption, or raising baby or anything! Here is the pregancy crisis center number……
Diane and Gina,
In my state (and this is possibly a national thing), it is getting MUCH harder to get a struggling student tested and put on an IEP. You should schedule a conference with your child’s teachers and the principal ASAP; however, do not be surprised if they tell you that they can no longer test your child for learning disabilities right away. If this is the case in your state (and the school administrators should know this), talk with your family doctor or pediatrician. Insurance may cover the testing and you will actually get results much faster. Some parents also say that the doctor’s tests are much more accurate. It’s a lot of work, but in most of the cases I’ve seen it IS worth it.
Alice& Gina,
Thank’s you are so right. Unfortunately in my case the school was not wanting an opinion of an independent doctor and required their psychiatrist to evaluate my son. In the state of Ohio, the school is bound to set up this sort of evaluation within thirty days and have it done by the sixtieth day. We were personally better off for this in that our doctor had seen my son so much and had such a thick file that he left a lot out of his report The schools psychiatrist on the other hand left no doubt that it was the huge classes that caused my son to loose concentration. This doctor was also aware of what special classes were available and was able to recommend one which had fewer students but still maintained grade level academics since my son is very bright. Like I said before do what it takes . Though your doctor ‘s report may not be accepted it may be what you need to get the ball rolling. Also I forgot to mention that the school counselor would be a great advocate if a diversion program is not available to you
Diane and Alice-
Thank you SO much for your advice. This helps a lot. And Diane, I really appreciate your prayers. God bless!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the advice regarding my son. God bless you all 🙂
I will pray for you and your struggles as well.
To Heather,
My cousin and her husband had a teen pregnancy. They have been married for over 30 years and have 5 children, and 2 grandchildren. So, sometimes things do work out. Just some insight.
May –
I just wanted to second what everyone else has said about considering help in terms of getting some kind of break for yourself. I cannot tell you how much doing so impacted my own life. It required some thinking outside of the box since our budget is very tight, but it seriously made the difference between sanity and insanity for me. Keep in mind that we women weren’t meant to raise children all on our own with no help and no breaks, that living in isolation as so many of us do is a historically new phenomenon. It’s very psychologically difficult. I’m a big believer that it can be overcome, however, if we realize that having a little help and some breaks is not a “nice to have” but a “must-have” and prioritize accordingly.
I actually had an old website on this subject and talked with a lot of women about the importance of these things and the psychological impact it can have when we don’t have them. You wouldn’t believe some of the stories I heard! Please feel free to email me if you’d like to chat about it some more.
What wonderful discussions! I wish I could reply to them all. Have a great rest of the week, everyone.
Joan – I think it is beautiful that your cousin and her husband have such a wonderful marraige. However, I must say that for most teens, especially in the present condition of our culture where kids are just “hooking up” and having “friends with benefits” (yeah that’s what they call it…no real romantic realtionship or anything,just getting together for sex, and that’s what was portrayed in the movie Juno), this is very uncommon. And it is wrong to give kids the idea that they can do this stuff and expect “true love” in the end.
To the afraid of baths mom- my youngest was the same way, bath, shower, hated them, screamed bloody murder. We tried showering with her, just putting her in at the end of siblings bath, going way too long without bathing. What changed her attitude was watching her siblings at swimming lessons. They were having a great time and all of a sudden it looked more interesting.