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Today, we Beans are busy getting ready for our upcoming trip to Connecticut. What’s new with you? What would you like to talk about today?
UPDATE: Comments now closed.
[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
Gift Idea…..Sorry if this is a repeat but I couldn’t do more than skim responses this morning at work. My Dad is 91 and has Alzheimers. For his birthday this year I bought one of those electronic picture frames, and my son and grandson loaded pictures of their family onto it, while my daughter in law, who is wonderful, took old family photos, my great grands, my mother in the “20’s. 30’s, 40’s, my Dad in his uniform and pictures from WWII, his brothers and sisters, my sibs and me as children, our old cars, the house we lived in etc., his curent wife Rena and pictures of her family we had, things that we thought he’d like. We brought it with us (from OR to CA) and set it up for him, timed it to come on in the morning off in the evening and to play like a slide show. He loved it, cried over parts of it and was moved that we thought of it at all. (So far Dad isn’t too far gone, recognizes my voice and me and my family when he sees us and is a fairly happy guy (no rage thank the Lord). If you could, please pray for him and Rena his wife who loves him, is good to him and bears the brunt of caring for him. Thank you.)
Kara, I can sympathize! I’m short, too, and when I was pregnant with my daughter I had two people separately ask me if I was having twins. I had a few months left before she was born! :o(
Amy and Lenetta, The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer is a WONDERFUL book!
Obama on live-birth abortion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xkT_W5l9-k&feature=related
Tiffany: could he be teething??? Two of mine got teeth at 3 mos. and 4 mos. I got those teething tablets by Hylands, they helped some…Praying for you.
sore lower stomach and preg.
I have this all the time. While the lower abdomen really is just ligaments streghting, the sharp pains in the “v” area are a symptom of pubic symphis disorder, which basically is your hip bones seperating. You can look it up though. I have it with every pregnancy and the “v” pain is the worst with this one (4th). try not to worry and be assurred it will resolve itself after delivery. Also, there are good days and bad with the pain. Sometimes I have very painful days and others nothing.
Dear Tiffany,
Its probably just a growth spurt. (although some babies like to nurse away teething pain. Try this: Order out or eat the highest protein/and fat meal you can stand. Pack a basket of water, snacks, orajel etc for the night stand. Climb in bed with him for 24 hours and just nurse. (The messy house will still be there in a day)
I guarantee he’ll be tired of no play quickly! And if you stop trying to get him to play you just might figure out if its one or the other.
Mary
PS. Praying for you Donna. I will say its a cautionary note about having a solid contract even with family that has built in consequences. (Its more fearful to not know the consequences than to know what you face.)
When I was pregnant with my 3rd I had at least four strangers ask me “are you having twins?” “are you sure?” “did you have an ultra sound?”etc. I went on to have a ten pound baby boy. It was both humiliating and annoying . . . . Since then I’ve come to believe that because most women in our nation have only 2 pregnancies, if any, people really forget, or have no idea how swollen and big the majority of women get in the 3rd trimester. (In fact I’m amazed at how big I get myself – and I’m pregnant with #6!). Now that it’s popular for celebrities to have babies, it also messes up folks perception about what “normal” women look like when pregnant. Now I either just ignore the ignorant remarks, or more typically say how big I am before they can mention it! 😉 If I say I’m huge they’re obliged to tell me how great I look!
Hello Ladies
I read Danielle’s Blog daily but I am a first time poster to Coffee Talk. I am having one of ‘those’ days. It’s one of those days when I want to do everything I have learned to dislike: Formula feed my baby, take birth control, send my kids to public school on the school bus, and find a daycare for the babies. I guess I need prayers.
I have a 2 month old baby, just started homeschooling 2 early elementary children, I have 2 toddlers (one with special needs that are getting put on the back burner right now), and two teens. My 16 year old is trying to graduate from high school early so he can run off with his older girlfriend, my 14 year old started at an expensive Catholic High school and I ended up getting a call from the counselor on the first day about her cutting herself, the curriculum is too light for my kids and I do not have time to adjust it, my special needs preschool keeps calling making changes that are not workable, my mom has breast cancer mets and needs lots of help but is still trying to help me, and as if all that was not bad enough, we have pinworms!!! Really, did that last one have to be plopped on top of all the other stuff? Sometimes I think God wants to see how far He can push until I start to find things amusing. I have named the pinworms affectionately, “our newest pets”. We cannot seem to get rid of our dogs that are destroying our house, why would we be able to get rid of our ‘newest pet’. Tell God I am laughing and He can stop now.
oh Debbie,
I’m so praying for you!!!!
To Donna: Miracle Hour by Linda Schubert is a method of prayer that you may find really helpful. It leads you through forgiving the people in your life who have hurt you. It also helped me to learn that forgiveness is a decision and not a feeling.
To Debbie: You have my prayers too.
Tiffany with fussy baby~ If it’s not a growth spurt, and you’ve checked with your pediatrician, and your little honey is still constantly fussing, try taking him to a good (referred and reliable) chiropractor.
Amy re: Vbacs ~ It really is very individual, but if your instincts tell you a Vbac would be good and your doc doesn’t agree, try a second opinion. I was warned not to vbac after my first bikini line c-section with my second child. But, after a second opinion, we went on to have 6 normal vag births, before having 2 more c-sections. So, anyway, it can be done.
Theresia on flying with littles ~ A request, more than advice. Please don’t overstimulate the little ones in an effort to keep them happy and engaged. On a recent flight, the two children behind us were well-behaved and quiet, but their Mom was so
intent on keeping them entertained that she drove the whole plane crazy. Yikes!
MJS on sending Homeschooled children to “school” for the first time ~ You’re going to have forgotten things, count on it. But, most home taught kids have the self confidence to ask questions and the stability to recover from mistakes and fill in gaps. It’s our experience that they’re the most charming and respectful kids around, too, and very quickly win their teacher’s affection. If you know this move to conventional school is a blessed one, don’t worry. Get to know the teachers well, and just love your babies like you always have.
Donna,
Do you and your husband have an attorney? It sounds like you need some legal advice here. My husband has his own company and his lawyer has helped us through a lot of hurdles. You may want to find out if you have any legal recourses.
It is one of “those days” isn’t it? May God bless all of the burdens, pains, struggles, and triumphs in the lives of those on this blog today. Amen.
Tiffany:
I second the chiropractor suggestion if it continues.
In fact, I was a “bad” mom who would always hold babies by the stomach – looking out at the world from my hip. Found out from my chiro. that it pushes up their stomaches, and an adjustment can fix that too.
However, my first thought would be a growth spurt or beginning teething too.
Tiffany-
I am having the exact same problem with my three month old! He was such a good baby until last week when he started to fuss and not nap and only wanted to be walked around. I still haven’t figured it out but I think it is either a growth spurt or teething. He is really chewing his fingers so I’m thinking maybe something is hurting. I would recommend getting him some infant tylenol or orajel (for his gums) and if he seems to calm down after one of those it is probably teething.
Thanks to everyone who responded and sent thoughts, advice and prayers…It has helped more than you could possibly know!
God bless you!
Donna
In God we Trust poll
Here is link to take a toll if we should keep In God we Trust on our money. It was 50/50 yesterday but more like 60/40 today I think.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10103521/
re pregnancy comments
I’ve gotten ‘I didn’t know you were pregnant!’ when carrying around my wee ones.
A bit disconcerting when I’ve put on 40+ pounds, outgrown some of my maternity outfits and wasn’t able to sit with my knees together by the end. I’d much rather be noticably pregnant then just being huge.
Then I remember the advice Maria Von Trapp received when trying to conceal her pregnancy (so as to continue the singing tour they were on). Apparently expanding bosoms really do do a good job of concealing a pregnancy and hopefully expanding girth in general (I go up at least 2 cupsizes).
(btw the book The Story of the Trapp Family Singers is very good reading.)
Lisa- you weren’t on a flight from Baltimore to Kansas City, were you? My mil just flew with my two toddlers and this is just the sort of thing she would have done!!:)
Wow! Lots of stuff being discussed today! Here’s my sveeral cents worth:
Pregnant Belly comments:
With my last pregnancy, I returned home to discover I had been put on the parish’s prayer chain. People were coming up to me after my first Mass back acting extremely concerned about me and the baby. It turns out very few knew I was pregnant, and even fewer knew for how long. I am tall and thin with a long torso, so everyone assumed I could only be a few months along and my baby had been born extremely premature. When they found out she was full term, their jaws hit the floor. I think, while given innocently, these types of comments are very rude. I try to combat them with humor.
C-Sections
Okay, this post kinda scared me. My name is also Amy, and I just had my third, and she was by c-section (breech and the hospital would not allow a breech delivery). My other self must have been online this morning!
I do not have the option of a v-bac, as no hospital within a two and a half hour drive will do one. This left me extremely depressed after the birth, thinking my kids had just been numbered. It was very hard to hear people flippantly suggest a v-bac when I know it would not be an option for me unless I moved. Also, my sister-in-law (who has had three c-sections, with two v-bacs in between) has told me that it is not as safe a procedure as once thought. So Amy, you have my sympathy. And if you had your baby within the last couple of months, the pain, fear, and disappointment does improve. You are so sore right now it is hard to imagine feeling normal again! Give your body some time to heal and you will feel and think better.
elizabeth B – Catechesis of the Good Shepherd – I have heard only wonderful things about!
Mary L. – I have had this problem several times. I try again after a while and discover several other additional comments had been added while I was away. It is probably just “overloaded”, so try back later.
Tiffany – As an unfortunate fussy baby “pro”, I concur with the growth spurt diagnosis. I suggest Dr. Sear’s “Fussy Baby Book” for lots of suggestions and helps. It should pass after a few days if its a growth spurt, but it could be a number of other things. Hang in there! I was known to put my children in their play pen next to my bed, over which hangs my favorite pic of the Madonna and say “here, you take care of her!”
That is wonderful to hear about the American Girl Company. Nice to hear of a company willing to listen to its customers. So glad I asked – thanks for taking the time to let me know!
You who Sees Obnoxious People –
Why not tell that bore one little snippet that you love about the Church each time she says something? She – “Catholics such are idol worshippers.” You – “I love to pray the rosary because the meditations allow me to think of Christ’s life.” Smile and casually meander away. One positive to each negative encounter. No arguing, just a pleasant tidbit. It just might drive the negative Nellie to not bring up religion when you’re around.
Debbie –
Yikes. I’d try to Freecycle the critters – it seems people will take anything when it is free. Hey, maybe you could try placing the girlfriend while you’re on the site, too! Have the listing simply read “Pets and Parasites for Free.” Good Luck. I’ll be praying for you.
Peace. ~~~mary
Re: I see Obnoxious People
I, too, have some friends who like to start disrespectful discussions around me about the church, when they know very well that I try to be a faithful Catholic. These are generally people who are ex-catholics or married to them. After thinking about the sources, I realized that it’s quite likely that in each case she may have had an abortion. We have no idea how many of our friends and neighbors have had abortions, I’m sure that it’s much more than you realize! What these women must go through on a daily basis as a result of their abortion! The church is an easy target. Try to think of where she might be coming from, and pray for her.
Oh Debbie, hang in there. Your plate is full. I pray that you can make the wise decisions you need to right now to help all the troubling situations.
As for the mom who has an obnoxious relative. I wouldn’t take the comments personally and would continue with grace and prayer. She obviously has major issues with the church and is not able to see beyond that right now so pray for the situations to come that can show her the true reflection of God’s love and nature. Don’t get into any debates. Pray for the opportunities to question her basic understanding of God as it would help to know more of where she is coming from.
As for the book study with other moms, it is such a great idea.
so give it a try.
Public school, it depends on where you live as the environment can vary from place to place. I do believe that what happens at home is the most important thing for your child’s faith. We have had an excellent experience with public school.
Debbie – It sounds like you might be severely sleep deprived, or suffering from baby blues / or postpartum depression. You certainly have a lot going on. First I think you should prioritize the needs you listed and focus on only one at a time. First on your list should be you – do you need sleep? meals? exercise? a break? You can’t give what you don’t have – so go get what you need baby! Second, I would shelf home schooling for at least a month – it would still be “early” in the school year and you would not be behind . . . don’t put so much pressure on yourself!
I feel much better now about the possibility of sending my six kids to the local Catholic school. Your stories were reassuring. And the advice — wow! I realized reading it that if indeed circumstances compel us to do this, then it must be God’s plan and, with grace and work, it will work out. Why didn’t I see it before?
By the way, to Elizabeth, I’m a certified Good Shepherd catechist. The program is amazing and should help provide your young ones with a solid theological and loving prayerful relationship with our Lord.
God bless.
I’m at the beach this week for my last hurrah of the summer. Just wanted to say I am praying for all the women who need prayers today.
Concerning VBac, My first was a Csection, second a VBac, third natural, fourth, Csection, fifth VBac. I did fine. I was very glad I did VBac,
God Bless all Mom’s to be tonight.
re. public schools ….
I know it’s scary to think of sending our kids to public school. But, on the other hand, Christ Himself was out there in the world, interacting with others regardless of who they were or what they preached or practiced. He didn’t just stay with people who believed as He did. That’s why, though it’s daunting to think of kids being exposed to other [perhaps less savory] influences, I think it’s great training for them to be comfortable interacting with different groups of people. I know my own public school experiences have made me much better able to explain the faith to non-Catholics, many of whom are honestly curious to hear what it is that I believe. Just something to think about.
For Donna L., 11:25 A.M.
Hi Donna,
I’m writing this from the perspective of my experiences as a Catholic business owner, one who has learned many ‘ropes’ and who works every day, with prayer, to trust God for my direction.
First, I am SO sorry that this all has happened to you and to your family. It is brutal.
I would say that MOST people have little real conception of what it actually takes to run a small business successfully. The experience that your in-laws had is not very unusual. However, the way that they ran away, hid what was truthfully going on, and basically put you in jeopardy, IS far more unusual.
Having said that, the first thing I would do if I were in your shoes, would be to look at my own part in this. It is nearly always the case that people who start a business, lacked solid and real-world information about what to expect, before getting into it. In your case, it sounds like you were in this situation in a big way. If I were in your shoes, I would essentially make myself face that it was my (and my husband’s) responsibility to learn, from the ground up and thoroughly, what to expect when taking a risk such as the one you took. It is not unusual for one party to fund an enterprise whilst another “runs” it; however, the funding people (aka: you, in this instance) must take full responsibility for the level of RISK that you assumed.
This is a bitter pill, I know. However, I believe firmly that Jesus’ words apply here: “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” The truth, being that this was your responsibility.
Running a business with family – ANY family – is well-known to be high-risk for producing later strains or even endings in relationships. Being “in debt” to family can be extremely difficult; and no one likes to not be paid back. In this sense, then, your situation is not unusual.
It seems to me that, if you can look at this as your own lack of knowledge leading to this risk and this very unfortunate loss, but that it was your responsibility; then you may see more clearly how you would like to proceed.
For example, IF you do wish to be part of the family once again, you do not ever have to entrust anything to the 2 members that did this to you and your husband. But you may be able to rejoin the family, still stinging from this hurt and this injustice, and thereby be able to have relationships with the other members.
Certainly, no matter what you do, the 2 who harmed you so will never be the same, in terms of relationship with you. But it seems to me that you could, for instance, approach them with a written request for payments, perhaps extending over 5 years or so. The total they could pay you and your husband would not cover all that you lost. However, it could be a reasonable sacrifice of their current living standard, and I think that paying it could do a couple of things:
1. It could help them to face the injustice they have done to you and, for you, it could show that they have some level of good faith after the fact; as well as paying you to some degree for the loss you sustained, which was tremendous and egregious;
2. On an emotional level, it could help you to feel less angry and ripped off, cheated, deceived and so on – and this could only help your relationships with the 2 offenders and with your family as a whole. It would also draw the line clearly, to those 2 people, saying that something NOT RIGHT was done by them, that saying “I feel so bad” is not sufficient on their part, and that, at least in the Catholic world, some form of restitution is necessary, if we are to really be honest with ourselves, God, and others.
Anyway, I hope you find this to be somewhat helpful in some way. I really do feel for you. You will be in my prayers, for peace and financial well-being, as well as for answers as to how to heal your hearts.
just dropping a line for Danielle:
I just love your candid photography. I never realized just how pretty the back of a child was until I saw your pictures.
Hi everyone!
Donna – praying for you. What a tough and sad situation.
Tiffany – immediately I thought of teething as well – my oldest cut his first teeth at 4 months and I remember how worried I was when he was inconsolable. I called my Grandma in tears and she said, put your finger along his little gums – and I could feel the ridges. Maybe baby massage would help soothe him if it’s a growth spurt? Chiro was another great suggestion from a few mums.
Debbie – praying for you as well. Busy times and no doubt you could use some TLC and a nice nap with baby. Hang in there.
For the pregnant mum told how *huge* she is, perhaps this will make you laugh: While pregnant with my fourth baby we went as a family to our local pool for a swim. There’s a great water slide and we were taking the boys on it. The teenaged lifeguard, bless him, insisted that I stand on the scale to ensure that I wasn’t (ahem) over 300 lbs!!!! He dragged it over and I was burning red and torn between laughing and crying. I’m very thin (stick arms and legs, big beachball belly when pregnant – only ever gain 20 lbs but have nearly 10 lb babes). People were laughing so hard. What a spectacle!!!! My poor husband felt badly for me, but was laughing and laughing as well when I stood on the darn scale and it showed I was at 136 lbs and then the only face redder than mine was that of the lifeguard!
Oh, my. Every time we go swimming now I giggle when I see the scale. Only now I noticed it has a piece of tape over the weight display!!!!
Best to all,
Karen
Catherine Re the post to Donna:
I’m trying to understand what you are saying here but from what I gather her relatives were dishonest with her. That makes it hard to figure out how she could have understood any risk.
So on one part you are saying she needs to take responsiblity but then you say the relatives who were dishonest should pay her back which if it was all part of the risk she took why should they?
She went into something with people she trusted what they did appears illegal.