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So, what shall we talk about this week? What’s on your mind today?
[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
on DVDs for kids: my kids have loved the Baby Einstein videos, specifically the Baby Doolittle ones, which are about animals.
I’m usually a shameless ( ! ) lurker, but would like to know something . . . is anyone here poor ? I mean by American standards ( I know that our poor is not the same as third world poor ) : below the poverty line, kids on Medicaid, no insurance for parents, etc. It *seems* that so many bloggers / commenters mention their health insurance and I feel sometimes quite alone in this mental struggle of being open to life when “the government” pays everything ( We have 5 children. ). So, I guess I’m just looking for a bit of ” Yup, we’re there, too” this morning !
Just got a call back from Marquette on their site. The woman I spoke to said they do not promote ‘withdrawal’ and agreed the sentence may be poorly worded. The sentence is as follow’s – ‘To avoid pregnancy, do not have intercourse or genital contact or use withdrawal during the fertile window.” I find the wording ambiguous and hope they change it. I apologize for any confusion I caused!
NFP–I totally empathize with the first person who posted about NFP. I actually dread my fertile days right now. I am sorry that you are going through that, too. My husband wants it *when he says and that is final*. I try to explain that it is the church’s teaching—that it is a better way. It hasn’t worked yet. We ALWAYS HAVE A FIGHT ABOUT IT! every. single. month. (sigh) Yeah, so much for the “closeness” and “communication”. There was an article about just this kind of thing. (Thank you to Danielle for posting the article about NFP)
What if your husband’s love language IS S*X? No amount of massage, loving talk, food, cleaning around the house, gifts….etc. seems to matter. Then what? What do you all do when it’s not an option?
Potty training—please give yourself a little credit. It sounds like you are trying some things and he doesn’t seem quite ready. (If I am reading some of the signs correctly) On the other hand, instead of dreading this, could you see your way clear to make it a *game*? We bought a few videos about potty business, from a boy’s point of view. I talk about body parts in a modest, but honest, way. “Wee-wee” and “poo-poo” and yes, it’s a bit corny, but at least it’s not gross. And there is lots of cheering and high-fives when there is some progress. Also, we picked out some “grown-up pants” at the apparel store for him to wear. My girls were a full year faster than my son…that may not be true for everyone, but it helped me feel better not to have a ticking timeline that I felt chained to for completion. I enlisted them as “coaches” for their brother, and that helped a LOT.
Good luck and prayers to all today!
Amy,
You need to check out the Sister’s of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist in Ann Arbor Michigan. They have a website.
Julie,
I too realized that I was an AP mom after I had been doing it for 3 years. My kids would only take naps while I held them and they slept in our beds for the first 3 years.
My son is a bit more independent than my other two, but will still come to our room in the middle of the night. He is 3 1/2 now. We bought a king size bed to accomadate a child sleeping with us. He will take a nap on his own though.
For us we are in no hurry to kick them out completely. We realize now how quickly they don’t need us as much, so I enjoy it when he sneaks in for a cuddle.
All my children were horrible sleepers and came into our room. The good news is it seems after about age 6 they were fine on their own for the night, unless there is a severe storm. My 7 year old will wake up and crawl in.
Hope this gives you a little hope.
Sue,
I also have a twelve year old son and I would approach this short and sweet and very matter of fact-ly If he asks questions I would answer them short and sweet. If he is anything like my son , he doesn’t want any detail that he didn’t ask for.
Concerning AP,
I say every child, Mother , and family is different. Some children are clingy( or whiney, or aggressive, or whatever) some not ,wether you use AP or not.As with many things if this works for your family, Go for it, If not do what does.
Concerning the frustrated husband,
I don’t think that there is any one answer for couples who disagree on Birth control / NFP. It all comes down to two mind sets and there are pro’s ( at least in the minds of those who feel either way) and cons of both. I believe that the only answer ( which is really not an answer at all ) is good communication. Marriage is tough and statistics don’t lie., many marriages fail.( even Good Catholic’s sometimes divorce)My suggestion is to set down alone with no distractions, even if it is after the kids go to bed. Listen to what he has to say( even though you feel that you already know what he has to say he needs to see you acknowledge it ) , and truly listen and try to understand. You love this man and want him to be happy after all. Don’t argue and hear him out. After he is done try to work out a compromise. Someone mentioned love and attention this may be a good start but maybe more is needed. ( then again maybe not )I hope I don’t offend here but there are other ways to show intimacy than just intercourse. Is there room for compromise here ? Different people feel different about different things so you and your husband have to talk this out calmly. If he makes a “suggestion” that you are totally opposed to, how about you coming up with a ” counter offer” that you can live with, if even for a short time until Intercourse is “safe”.( remember don’t get mad and storm off, this will only make matters worse as the offended can never compromise) After all what if your needs were not being met ( even for valid reason ) , how would you feel ?
This matter about NFP and agreement between spouses is something that I’ve lived with personally, and vicariously. All I can think of is: have compassion, but don’t feel boxed into a corner by his emotions. What I mean is this. You’ve decided to postpone indefinitely another pregnancy. You wish to live by the tenets of the Church. He doesn’t see what the big deal is. The very idea of periodic abstinence has put him on the defensive and made him feel like a man walking through the desert, with you dangling the cantene 10 feet before his face all the way. Now, he wants to be intimate all the time, and deeply resents the new structure. Rather than feeling like an attractive sexual being, it makes him feel like a hat-in-hand beggar. Men don’t like this posture. This ruins your intimacy all month long. What can you do? You’re at an impasse. Neither of you wants a new pregnancy right now. He wants carefree intimacy. You want to obey natural law and Church law….
Be sure to thank him for going along with this. No explanation. My love, you know how important this is to me. I know it’s awkward sometimes. Thank you for helping me. I want to make it as easy as possible for both of us. Let me know if you want to talk about it.
Also, be sure not to invade on his own interior journey. He’s seeking to have relations, you delicately let him know that a pregnancy may result, a mood or even temper follows. Maybe a remark “Boy this is fun!” or some sarcastic last word. Let it go. Allow him to NOT LIKE THIS. You’ve already taken on the responsibility of orchestrating the charting, the checking, etc. You’re making your own personal sacrifice of foregoing intimacy. You don’t have to take on the additional burden of making sure that he is 100% delighted. He’s a soul with his own journey. God will change his heart.
I’ve found a lot of helpful philosophy on the relationship side of things from, believe it or not, alcoholics anonymous. Not that anyone here is alcoholic, or addicted. But some of their ideas about co-dependence have helped me to “let go and let God.”
Our oldest son will be studying abroad in Rome this Fall. My husband and I are both excited and nervous for him. I am looking for any advise, things he should make sure to pack, things he should try to do while there, and money matters; ATM or credit cards/banking/spending while in Rome. He’s been working hard all summer to earn spending money, the API program includes housing but not a meal plan. Since we are paying for his tuition and will have a second one in college this Fall we don’t have extra money to give him. We want him to have a good experience but he will need to be frugal. So any words of wisdom from someone who has had a child study abroad or a younger parent who may have studied abroad themselves would be much appreciated.
Kids DVD’s:
OUr kids are 6, 4, and 2 We stopped all animated videos a month or so ago and I got lots of truck/fire engine/airplane videos (I highly recommend the series with “The Big Aircraft Carrier” , “The Big Submarine” etc. Also Hard Hat Harry is fun) We also got some old disney animal videos. We also got the old Davey Crocket videos as well as Flipper from netflix. We watched them in little bits over several days and they really enjoyed them. Then we tried The Man from Snowy River and even The Chronicles of Narnia (leaving out when Aslan gets killed). We have also done Little House on the Prairie episodes and my son is into playing PA and the girls like to play the “mary/carrie” game–basically running down a hill. (really should be the the laura/carrie game, but they named it!)
Potty Training
I once knew a mom of many (at least 10, if memory serves right) and she claimed she had learned to not even attempt (unless prompted by the child) to potty train girls before 3, and boys before 3.5. I know my son wasn’t ready until after he turned 3 and still wears a pull up at night…
which leads me to night wetting and how to handle that…I think someone mentioned that one today too??…my ped told me that night continence varys much more than daytime, some kids not achieving till as late as 7, and that it is hereditary. If a parent was a bed wetter, the child may be also. I was a bed wetter eventually cured by placebos at age 5 or 6. So, I can expect my kids to be late in this area. I would let the kid be the guage…if he wants to work on it then devise a plan..the goal being independence (going by himself at night, or staying wet until morning) or let him wear a pull up until he is dry on his own. (did that sound confusing?…it is late afternoon here and I am dragging!)
????Does anyone know of a UK source of the Optivite that Marilyn Shannon recommends? I found an optivite on a UK website, but can’t tell if it is the same thing.
NFP Methods —
We currently use the Billings Method, and my SIL teaches Creighton. Both rely on mucus and observations, not temperature. Billings was difficult but managable while breastfeeding. I have heard many people say charting your temperature is not reliable postpartum. I am happy with Billings, but I would recommend Creighton to anyone with irregular cycles or fertility issues. The Billings website is http://www.woomb.org/ ; the Creighton website is http://www.creightonmodel.com/. Each have links to help you find instructors. Hope that helps!
Emily — I would not wait until you get your period to start charting again, if you are trying to avoid pregnancy, unless you abstain that entire time (which can be several months to years for some!) You are fertile before your period. Try to talk to your NFP instructor about breastfeeding changes. Just as I got my fertility back (it was about 4 mo later and I was still breastfeeding), my instructor told me Billings had just released new “rules” for breastfeeding. Oh, and I waited until my “lochia” ended and then I started charting again.
LisaG
Amy: I think that the Dominicans have the strongest teaching missions as part of their apostalate combined with traditional habit. I would guess that the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist and the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecelia would be your best bets. I don’t know about the willingness of the following orders to send a mission to New Mexico, but I know that they fit your enumerated requirements: Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart; Sisters of St. Francis of the Martyr St. George (“Alton Franciscans”); School Sisters of Christ the King; Sisters of St. Joseph the Worker; Apostles of the Sacred Heart of Jesus; Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity; Felician Franciscan Sisters (some wear full habits); School Sisters of the Third Order of St. Francis (“Panhandle Franciscans”). God bless you in this endeavor.
Hello all!
Just a quick question–I am a stay at home mom with six children who homes-chools and loves it—just curious if any of you out there know anything about these work at home opportunities that are out there in magazine subscriptions, etc. Latest one I am curious about is the be a medical transcriptionist—we could really use a little more income coming in and I was just wandering if anyone has either done or is doing something like this—has any suggestions to earn other income from home. Thought maybe someone would know a good, honest route to go/look into
Thanks
Anyone heard of / used Fascinating Womanhood to help her marriage? While the text seems fine, some of the testimonials seem “cultish” (i.e. “FW saved my marriage and now my husband brings me gifts all the time!”)
Good Morning, ummmm afternoon!
Here’s my thoughts on a few subjects.
Weight Loss: Eat “clean” foods. ( Non processed) Eat until you are satiated. This means eat slowly and enjoy your meal! Portion out your protein. Don’t undereat! I try not to go under 1100 calories a day. On the days I do I am grumpy! Eat snacks like nuts and fruit, or hummus and veggies. LIMIT carbs. That means about a serving a day of whole grains, a couple of servings of fruit and some starchy veggies. I’ve lost almost 55 pounds since last September and am still losing. I also found out I am gluten, dairy and soy intolerant. Since eliminating those foods and following my plan I have continuously lost weight. Exercise is also important. I walk 2x a week and practice yoga 2x a week for a full hour. There are some days when I practice yoga for under a half hour, but I find that it really helps with stress and keeps me on track.
NFP resistant husband: I also recommend the Five Love Languages. But……… I think he needs to be told that by acting so selfishly he is not meeting YOUR needs. Maybe you can put it to him more tactfully than me. One question you can ask yourself is this. Before NFP were we intimate almost every day? Some men feel that they are entitled to sex daily. This is a relationship issue, and a control issue. I am not implying that you have an unhealthy relationship, but think about how things were before NFP, it might help you put this in perspective. I”ll be praying for you.
That’s enough out of me for now.
Have a good day everyone!
Does anyone have an easy response to a mom who offers a “we’re done” as far as children are concerned. I never ask anyone how many children they intend on having. It’s quite personal. However, oftentimes I’ll just ask how old the youngest is or some other innocuous question and I get an “We’re done!”
Even though I’m sure the time will come when I’m certain that we’re done, my husband and I don’t talk in those terms and strive to let God lead us in determining our family size.
It seems that when I say nothing I’m missing a subtle opportunity to evangelize although it’s also not an appropriate time to delve into the entirety of the Church’s teaching regarding openness to life.
Any ideas on a sentence or two that plant the seed but don’t knock people over the head with it?
Allie-
We’re poor! Kids on medicaid, adults have no insurance. Sometimes I feel really alienated in conservative circles — there’s the push from some quarters to have more kids, wife stay at home, homeschool – and at the same time, contempt and scorn for people who accept government aid.
I figure we’re contributing to society by adding smart, virtuous children, instead of paying taxes.
Anyway, you’re not alone.
We are also below poverty line and on Medicaid. We are trying to get by as my husband finishes grad school. So I understand where you’re coming from! I find myself getting anxious over how to pay for groceries or diapers. But I think this is a good for me, to trust in God’s providence more completely (we’ve never gone without, something/someone always comes through). Plus, I like how simple our lives are. My daughter is 16 mo old and I am very eager to have more children, but my husband and I don’t feel comfortable with trying to have more children while on Medicaid (but we’d be delighted if we became pregnant!) It’s tough and humbling
About Fascinating Womanhood. I read that one, and found it a little weird and dated, and the suggestions seemed manipulative. But I liked Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle. Not a Catholic book, and you can’t take all her suggestions, but the overall point seems good.
Regarding potty training. For all of my 4 kids, we waited until they seemed ready and they virtually trained on their own. My son was the latest – a little older than 3. Our best trick was a cheap gumball machine from Walmart with Skittles inside. They received a penny and then ate 1-2 Skittles each time they were successful. My almost 3 year old daughter just potty trained within a few days. She was not interested until now and I just didn’t have the time or motivation to sit with her in the bathroom for extended time periods. As my Grandma said, “He’ll be potty trained by the time he is married.”
As for bed wetting, my 3 oldest were potty trained through the night and then around the age of 5-6 started having accidents. I think they go through a growth spurt and their bodies don’t keep up. Sometimes we use pull-ups, but I also use a layering method. Pull out the old crib mattress pad, layer a flat sheet over that. Then when someone wets the bed, you just peel off the top layer and put the kids back to bed.
God Bless!
ok, this is an unimportant question, but it’s been driving me crazy this whole summer — I’m pregnant and my sense of smell is working overtime. So, does any notice a smell from outdoors on humid days that seems to make your clothing smell funny?
I agree with keeping things short and sweet, but this is an excellent time to talk to him about making bad choices (and sinning) sometimes things happen in a way that God didn’t originally intend for them to happen. Explain to him about how God intends for a man and a woman to get married and how those couples can be blessed with children. But there are some people that make bad choices by getting too involved with another person when they really aren’t old enough or responsible for those actions. I recently had this conversation with my 11yo boy when he asked how my cousin had a daughter and that we never see her mom. He wanted to know why she didn’t live with him and why they weren’t married. I was EXTREMELY brief and short with my answers and that was enough to satisfy him.
Good luck!
Like wet dog smell? I smell that even when I’m not pregnant and I can’t stand it!
I used to smell that when I was pregnant. My sense of smell became more acute and certain ones would drive me bonkers. Use 20 Mule Team Borax in each load of laundry. It cuts out all smells that might linger. I also use Free and Clear detergents because of my allergies, and no fabric softener. People think I’m nuts, but that is what I am used to and my clothes are soft enough for me! BTW that smell could be a sign you have some kind of mold allergy.
Allie,
When I was young, my family was below the poverty line and were on Medicaid, WIC, etc., much of the time. My parents still had a large family – I’m the eldest of seven. The rather ironic thing was that my father worked full-time for a Catholic school. So much for the Church implementing its own teachings on “living wage.”
While my husband and I have been blessed with a good paying job thus far, I would not feel guilty about taken government aid if I was eligilbe. Heck, most Americans these days take government aid, poor or not. Student loans? Mortgages through Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Stimulus checks? Though my political ideology tends conservative/libertarian and I would prefer for the government, especially the federal government, to be much more limited, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. In the meantime, I think we must live and work in the system we have. So I pay my taxes, took out the federal student loans, and kept the stimulus check.
Simcha, don’t be offended, but you might be correct in feeling scorn for accepting government assistance. In my opinion it matters why you are in need of it. The government assistance you are accepting is directly from the taxes paid by others and it is frustrating for us taxpayers to underwrite families that could perhaps being doing more to provide for their own.
check out http://www.donutman.com/
he’s a catholic convert
Here is a rather random question…..
I cannot get the baked on cooking spray off of my cookie sheets and glass bakeware. Does anyone have any solutions?
Trying to scrub it off is worse than the food sticking!
Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, giving drink to the thirsty–these are corporal works of mercy. Even if it’s through our taxes, I’m sure God will bless those who help others–especially those open to life.
I’m sure it’s humbling to have to ask for help. I certainly have no scorn for you!
You’ll be in my prayers.
Generally, large Catholic families that recieve government aid are not doing so because they are “lazy.” They are doing so because the cost of living in our society is now generally predicated on the assumption that a family will have two incomes and no more than two children. Large Catholic families do not follow either of these norms and so often struggle financially in our society.
If our society would follow Church teaching in which employers paid its employees a living wage – a wage which takes into account the financial responsibilities of each particular employee when determining a wage – we would not see large, single-income families struggling the way many do. However, I’m afraid that day doesn’t seem to be on the horizon. In the meantime, I see nothing wrong with hardworking, Catholic families to use government aid to help them survive in a society that is often hostile to them.
Joan and TO AMY
I’m so happy to hear someone else notice this. Everyone thinks I’m crazy. My laundry smells fine (I also use free and clear and free fabric sheets) Certain clothing – mine and my children’s smell funny only after we’ve been outside on humid days or evenings. I can even smell it coming thru my windows and it the smell seems to attach it self to certain things, like countertops. Once i close the windows they smell fine. I will try the borax too.
K-
I can never get that stuff off, so now I just grease things with olive oil. It comes off much easier.
So, I’m not trying to be provoking, but is it okay to keep having children and having mom stay home if the only way you can provide for them is with government handouts? Seriously, is that what the church teaches?
K –
I almost never use cooking spray anymore precisely because it creates such a sticky mess on everything it comes into contact with. I just use a scouring pad and elbow grease. I’d love to hear if someone has an easier solution!
Sarah L.,
thanks for your comments on the Marquette model and breastfeeding. I too have had the monitor miss my buildup to ovulation … which is why I am now pregnant with #4, months before we had hoped to be. Anyway, I really am glad just to see someone else say they have that same issue. Thanks for sharing.
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Not offended, just sick of having this conversation, which I only entered to make Allie feel better.
Why don’t you describe to me what I’m doing, and then together we can decide if I’m doing enough to provide for my own?
Oh wait . . you don’t know me, or anything about my situation.
Hmm, the above comment was supposed to include a quoted passage from the anonymous person who though it was appropriate to feel scorn for taking gov’t aid.
To Kate:
“Is it okay to keep having children…” etc. is a ridiculous question to ask. The only absolute way to not have children is to never have sex with your husband, or to use contraception. I am sure you are not implying either, both of which would be against church teaching. I’m saddened that two comments here seem pretty harsh toward families who might need government assistance. Charity!!
Not that anyone asked, but I am bowing out of this debate. I’m sorry I got it going by making the comment about contempt and scorn.
Kate, et al-
The end result of that line of thinking is that… the poor shouldn’t be allowed to have children. For some people, having even one child is enough to go on some form of assistance. So, they should not be allowed to have a child? Or, maybe they get a pass for one child, but then what about two? Whom would you have decide how many children a family gets to have, the government? Scary.
Kate,
Well, the Church does not teach that a couple MUST use NFP to space children, just that a couple may do so if necessary. And it does teach that one cannot use contraception. Often time the result is that the kids keep on coming – whether you are rich or poor.
And the Church does have some little teachings on the universal destination of goods and the preferential option for the poor. No that these teachings mandate the creation of the “welfare” state, but certainly would allow for the creation of programs to help the poor through governmental means.
Look, I’m generally as conversative as you can get and strongly prefer the use of private charity as a better means to help the poor than government programs that lead to the depesonalization of both the wealthy and the poor. But when approaching the issue, I think the Church would certainly not want us to have a general attitude of accepting children only if one has enough wealth, or of blaming the poor for the condition out of hand.
(I have blogged on this issue before, if anyone is interested. You can check it out at http://ordinarytime-bremberg.blogspot.com/2007/06/so-ive-been-spending-some-time-over-at.html)
Good afternoon, ladies,
I have a question for you lovely group of women. As I’m getting closer and closer to 40, I’ve begun to see some of the effects of Father Time marching across my face. And for the most part, it doesn’t bother me too much…I don’t mind the wrinkles that are showing up…but I have to admit that I’m not crazy about how my eyes always look so tired.
It doesn’t help that everywhere you turn in the media, there seem to be messages that if you aren’t doing everything in your power to remain “young and beautiful,” then you are somehow failing as a woman. I find this a load a bunk, as men are allowed to age without buying half a dozen “age-defying” creams and wondering if they need to go see a plastic surgeon.
I’ve done what I can to limit the media influences. I don’t buy “women’s” magazines anymore. I don’t watch much TV…when possible, I record something and forward through the commercials. I’m delving deeper into my prayer life and asking God to show me the essence of true beauty. I’m looking for some books about Mother Theresa at our local library (I always thought she was a beautiful, radiant woman…she had true beauty down.)
It doesn’t help that an old friend of mine (who, granted, I’ve been feeling less and less close to as I’ve grown spiritually) seems to SCAN MY FACE every time we meet for lunch or whatever. I feel like she’s scrutinizing me for marks of age, and is constantly talking about this or that new cosmetic procedure. It’s exhausting to be with her!
I’m just wondering if any other moms out there in their late 30s or older feel this struggle…even if we are better informed than the general population about what True Beauty is.
K –
I stopped using cooking spray for that very reason. Now I line my baking sheets with heavy duty foil and spread a little olive oil – no clean up and no sticking! If I bake a cake in my glass pan, I butter it and cut a piece of wax paper for the bottom (cheaper than parchment paper). For muffins, I use paper cups even if I have non-stick pans.
Any new ideas for easy activities for kids to do around the house? Mine are getting end of summer boredness and are tired of the same old stuff. Just looking to brainstorm for new ideas! Don’t have to be fancy, just something different! Ages are 10, 7, 5, and 18 mo. thanks!
Seriously I am not trying to be provoking. I really struggle with understanding how a devout Catholic couple can balance being open to life and also being able to support them. Where does personal responsibility comes in? I understand how families may occasionally need help -unexpected unemployment, a medical bill that wipes them out, a tornado that wipes out their home – but as a way of life, I don’t understand that. I have two relatives who are on permanent disability due to health issues. I am grateful they have that support. I also have a brother who’s wife receives $1400 a month for her crippling illness. In my brothers case though, he makes $90k in addition to his wife’s money and they squander every single cent they receive and earn. They are constantly looking for handouts from church, the gov’t, family – and unfortunately in their case, all the “help” hasn’t been much help – it just perpetuates their bad choices. So I’m struggling with understanding where personal responsibility comes in . . .
Also- just a question……My period is now 5 days late……and I’m not pregnant. I know 5 days doesn’t seem like a lot, but I am an exact 28 day cycle person. I feel terrible as I always do right before a period, but it doesn’t want to show up. And because I feel terrible, I can’t wait for it to get here. Anyone else ever experienced this? Anyway to encourage it to show up already!? ??????
Kelly,
Don’t want to sound rude here. Just sharing what works for me. During those times when I feel like you are, I like to be intimate with my husband. It usually relieves the tension, and usually Aunt Flo appears shortly after. Hope you don’t censor me Danielle.
Kelly, well, what has worked for me is to wear something white and then go out in public without any kind of pad. 😉 I’m only half-kidding…it’s happened to me before.
But Very Anonymous’ idea sounds like more fun.
RE: Spider veins
Sorry dear, those veins are hereditary. There is NOTHING you can do about them except get injections to get rid of them. Just be careful they don’t turn into varicose veins, like I have. I am waiting to hear from my insurance company for approval for laser surgery on my veins. No, I’m not doing it for “cosmetic” reasons, there are real health issues involved. My veins have been very delicate lately and have “leaked” a couple of times leaving me with BIG bruises on my legs. There is a sign in the doctor’s office that says “Varicose veins are causes by the improper selection of your parents and grandparents!” I got a good laugh out of that one. I remember my grandma’s big ugly purply veins and am thankful I can take care of mine now, before they start causing serious problems like hers.
By the time two are married is too late to think about finances. The question should be: Can you afford to get married? Can you support a family? You shouldn’t be getting married (i.e., in the Catholic sense, have children) if you can’t afford to support a family.
Also, I can’t choose preferential option for the poor if the gov’t does it for me. I’m supposed to give of my own accord; high taxes take that opportunity away from me. There is no charity involved when I have been taxed to the hilt.
But the whole question of affording children goes back to: what are we doing to promote a better quality of life for our large, orthodox Catholic families? Are we encouraging our children to go into top-paying fields? Engineering? Law? Medicine? Or do we still think going to one of the 5 or 6 uber-Catholic colleges and getting a liberal arts or theology or philosophy degree is just about the best thing that could happen to your kid? As you might be able to tell, I have less and less patience for the latter, for a variety of reasons.
When there are guaranteed jobs that one could get and never be in a bad financial crises, why do anything else?
To Amy on religious sisters who teach:
The Dominicans are the big teaching order, so the Nashville Dominicans and the Sisters of Mary are obvious choices. Check out this website for possible other orders that meet the criteria: http://www.cmswr.org/member_communities_cmswr.htm
Just keep in mind that most religious orders only come if invited by the diocesan bishop, they do not usually respond to requests from individual pastors or parishes/schools. Usually, the bishop invites them to his diocese and then assigns them to a particular school. Even then, they receive more bishops’ invitations than they’re able to accept.
May God bless your efforts!