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Hope your summer is going well. Here, the oppressive heat and humidity have brought along daily thunderstorms. So far, only our phone, satellite TV, internet connection, and our dog’s “invisible fence” have been compromised. No big deal, right?
What’s new with you? What would you like to talk about today?
[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
Kamala from Canada says
To Struggling to Rebuild Trust
Trust and communication go hand in hand, and sometimes when trust has been broken communication goes right out the window, this is why we need sometimes need a little outside help. Counselling is always an option but be really careful, because even Catholic counsellors can have a worldview, (trust me) on this on. If you want a truly Catholic option check out Alexander House Ministry and Marriage coaching, this is truly Catholic ( omigosh, I’m assuming you are Catholic, most are who read DB). This an incredible program of coaching versus counselling, couple to couple mentoring with real and tangible solutions about all issues affecting Marriage. Absolutely life-changing for me and my DH. You can find their info if you enter Alexander House ministry on your search engine or email email@example.com and we can chat. Remember that anything is possible with God’s grace, I’ll be praying for you and I hope that yo find the help that you need, God Bless
I think it’s awesome that your husband is watching out for your daughter’s safety. I can’t imagine letting my daughter ride a bike alone when she’s 13. Maybe you or your husband could occasionally ride along with her. You could let her ride on ahead so that she’s at least in view but she could choose which way she wanted to go.
When I was young I wasn’t allowed farther than the end of my street until I was about 17. I don’t think I’m emotionally scarred or anything.
Plus, I currently live in a very “safe” small town but just last year a teenge girl was kidnapped while walking at the end of our street!! She was raped and left by the side of the road. Thank the Lord she wasn’t killed too!
Fertility: I just wanted to make sure that people know about the work of the Paul VI Institute (http://www.popepaulvi.com/), which supports women’s fertility and health using means all in accord with Catholic teaching on sexuality and reproduction. They help couples with infertility, repeat miscarriage, and support women’s health through balancing hormones. Depression and low-energy can be treated hormonally, too–hurrah!
Sarah Bartel says
Best Crocs Knock-Off:
What’s the best knock-off of crocs shoes for under $20 for kids? I just read the reviews at Target and it looks like their version has problems. Thanks for the suggestions!
Our kids were begging for them so we finally caved. My sister found them at Payless, they’re made from Airwalk, they’re pretty good. Buy one get one 1/2 off, I think they were $15 or less. They are more sturdy and not as cheap looking as Target’s.
TO SG says
I realize that we all, as parents, want to protect our children from any danger. And while abduction is a danger it is not quite as common as we are lead to believe. Most abductions and molestations are done by a parent, relative, or close friend so when there is a stranger abduction it makes the headlines and we all freak out. I am not saying that we should not be leary of strangers or worry but we should not keep our kids locked up for fear of something fairly uncommon (stranger abduction). It is the same as your husband telling you that you can’t go anywhere alone because of the women in the Target parking lot who was abducted and later found dead. Or because of car jackings. Or can’t stay home alone in case of an intruder. We can worry but we should never go to the extreme where all we can think about is what “could” happen and live in fear because of that.
I would think that in a safe neighborhood a 9 and 11 year old should be able to play in their front yard alone. A 13 year old, with the proper road safety knowledge, in a small town should be able to ride a block or two down the street.
Monica R. says
Regarding yellow squash:
If you still have some left by Friday (or Saturday brunch):
If that doesn’t come through it’s Summer Squash Frittata. Yum.
Midwest Mom says
RE: Protecting our children. I highly recommend the cook “Protecting the Gift.” The author (?) shares research on what parents should worry about and what not to waste our time on. It is very eye-opening and helpful. Some of you may have seen him on Oprah. I think his name is Gavin something 😉
Another great movie: FACING THE GIANTS
It was made by a baptist (I think) congregation that hired a professional to help them. It is appropriate (in my opinion) for any age.
Basically it is about a high school football coach down on his luck in every aspect of life all at once. He turns to prayer and it had a huge impact on his life and countless others. The only thing problematic is when the doctor tells him to consider in-vitro. But it isn’t pursued and isn’t mentioned again. My kids asked for more movies like this one and they are 7-13 (my 3 & 5 year old weren’t interested). Can’t recommend it enough!
Dear “My Opinion”
I’ll apologize in advance but the issue of abortion is one of those hot button topics that I refuse to “agree to disaagree’ on.
Please explain to me how one can be a good Catholic-or catholic at all for that matter and think abortion is okay or a matter of personal choice. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding your message, but if your parish priest illustrated the prolife vs proabortion topic as a differene of opinion that should be respected, then he is in schism with Church teaching and should be reported to the Bishop. Maybe we should picket and pray outside of your parish rectory rather than the local abortion clinic. God bless you and I’ll pray for leaders at your church.
Does anyone have any ideas on keeping track of kids computer time? Our kids can earn time each day for use on the computer. Does anyone have any suggestions for how they keep track of their kids computer time so they aren’t on there forever?
Facing the Giants, I agree…is the best!! There is another one produced by the same co. called “Flywheel” which is good, but not nearly as good as Facing the Giants.
I would love to hear of more great DVD’s out there…with large families, it is a great family activity that is low-budget.
I found some Croc knockoffs on-sale at CVS for $6.00. They were far and away better than Target or Wal-mart’s version.
Hi Mom of 3! I have 3 in cloth diapers right now (9 month old twins and a 2 1/2 yr old). After the baby starts taking solid foods, you need to dispose of the stool in the toilet. Sometimes you’re lucky and it just falls off, and sometimes you have to dunk the diaper. Then store it in a pail with the wet diapers. The night before you want to launder them, soak them in the washing machine with baking soda. Then wash them on hot with two rinses (I put vinegar in the second rinse).
I have bought a lot of diapers here: http://www.cottonbabies.com. On the babies I use Chinese prefolds and Kissaluvs diapers with various covers (my favorite are Aristocrats wool covers). On my toddler I use Indian prefolds (purchased new on ebay) or Kissaluvs with Aristocrats wool covers or Bummis.
I usually put everybody in disposables overnight (plus a 5 yr old who still isn’t dry either)!
Mom of 3 – we use Happy Heinys (www.happyheinys.com) pocket diapers. For inserts, when my daughter was tiny, I used cotton washcloths. As she got a little bigger, HH came out with a three layer microfiber insert that I liked at first but it’s humid here and they don’t dry out well on the line, so I switched to using two microfiber towels (could use more for heavy wetters) that can be found in the auto section of Wal-Mart! I love them – when I hang them on the line, they can be dry in as little as 20 minutes on a hot day!
For me, the biggest advantage is not having to buy disposable diapers so often – I live about 25 miles from anywhere they are remotely affordable. I wash every day or every other day, usually. I use a dry pail, a trashcan with a nylon bag. For wet diapers, I pull out the insert, pull the towels apart, throw the diaper in the pail and drape the liners over the edge, but you could throw them in directly.
For dirty diapers: exclusively breastfed poo can go straight in the washer! It completely dissolves and is not icky, I promise. The no-man’s-zone of starting solids is a little yucky, I’ll admit. I keep a designated rubber scraper/spatula next to the toilet and scrape as needed, then wipe the spatula with toilet paper. Now that my 16 mo old is eating solids more or less 3 times a day (plus lots of nursing still), the poo just shakes off the fleece! Occasionally there is a pretty squishy one that doesn’t come off, and I just throw it in the wash.
I started using them based on the advice of a friend who has 5 kids 6/under (and #6 on the way!) – she tried several kinds and settled on HHs, and actually became a distributor. I’ll admit she gives me a smoking deal on them.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to do all or nothing – I put my daughter in a disposable at night because I use a smear of desitin (ointments are a no-no with cloth) and I also used disposables when she had the “scoots” (baby version of the runs).
Using cloth wipes is pretty easy and you can make your own solution if you like – a squirt of baby wash, water, and a few drops of tea tree oil, or just use water. Have to admit that I frequently use disposable wipes. I’ve heard that you can wash them a few times, and reuse them, though – can’t say I’ve tried it.
Depending on what you do, your initial investment could be pretty steep since you need three sets. You could also try the various “one size” diapers that are out there – they have snaps and whatnot to adjust the size. I have one HH one size and I prefer the sized ones for a number of reasons. Keep in mind that different diapers fit different kids differently.
There are some sites out there that have Diaper Trial packages that have several different kinds of diapers to give you a wide range of things to try. I think most of them you pay upfront and then get some money back or credit when you return the diapers. Here are some links.
Make sure you read the fine print! I haven’t actually tried any of these!
A site that has so much info it’s overwhelming is http://www.diaperswappers.com and you can also buy used diapers there (can’t on ebay anymore).
I have a front loading washer, and I was worried when I got it because I’d heard diapers don’t do as well in them. I actually like it better! I usually put in a dribble of Tide and a scoop of borax/washing soda combo (I use that as a booster with all my laundry) – NO FABRIC SOFTENER! – and run a cold soak or rinse. Sometimes I stop it before it gets all the way through, other times I just let it go; then I run a super hot sanitary cycle. There is usually enough soap left over that there’s enough, but not too much. If it’s nice enough, I hang them out on the line, if it’s winter or rainy or too humid, I put them in the dryer. You actually want to dry them once in a while to reset the waterproof layer. Once in a while, I’ll pull them out and give a sniff and decide to run them through another short wash. Not very often, though.
This is already too long, but I loves me some cloth diapers! Feel free to e-mail me if you have more questions and I’d be happy to share what I know. (I can also give you LOTS more links to diaper sites I found informative!) Nettacow at yahoo dot com
Red Cardigan says
On safety of children:
It’s true that child abductions take place less commonly than was once thought, but it’s also true that a youngish child (I still consider 13 pretty young) can be at risk when she’s alone.
For example, one of every four girls (and one of every six boys) is sexually abused before the age of 18. It’s not the scary stranger, either–it could be the older brother of a friend down the block, or someone she knows from the neighborhood. Kids learn how to fight off strangers–but they’re not always clear on what the boundaries should be for people they’re somewhat acquainted with. And predators know that–they won’t grab a child randomly, but will spend time cultivating a relationship, testing how comfortable the child might be with “preliminary” acts such as a slightly too-long hug or a kiss on the cheek, and otherwise working to break down a child’s natural reserve and modesty.
Even if your child never encounters any such people–and they’re in every town and city, working in stores and libraries and everywhere else to get near children, so no place is “safe”–there are other dangers, including traffic etc. Granted, adults face these dangers too, but adults generally know how not to panic and how to avoid some of these dangers. A child might think an approaching dog is friendly, for instance, because she’s never encountered an unfriendly one–just for one example.
If you live in a small, close-knit, traditional community with lots of moms at home and lots of kids playing outdoors unsupervised, some compromises about riding to the end of the street and back might be a good way to start giving a 13 year old more freedom; letting her ride with a “buddy” a bit further is good, too. But I don’t think there’s some magic age at which a child is suddenly old enough for unlimited freedom–it takes time, practice, maturity, and a willingness to humor Mom and Dad until *they’re* ready for the child to be ready to fly, so to speak.
Perhaps I didn’t articulate myself as best as possible but you just proved my point. Obviously this is something that you greatly believe in. Just as someone else may feel that spanking is abuse and greatly believes this. My priest did not say that he was pro choice just that we can’t assume that all Catholic’s think as we do. I happen to know a few pro choice Catholics
(you may argue that they are not true Catholic’s and that is your opinion but they attend church, receive the sacriments and everything else that trrue Catholic’s do ) We all have different opinions and we all have reason’s for these opinions .One woman that I know is pro choice because her ten year old grand daughter was asulted and was given something to cause spontanious abortion just in case when she was taken to the hospital. The lady was told that this would not be allowed if abortion was illegal, so she made her decision on a personal experience. Agree or disagree, This woman still deserves respect is all that was being said. My Parish priest simply called for a respect of people who may not, in any situation share our opinions on any subject
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
I did it! I “had”(he is adopted) my son at 41! Being an older mother is great for me. I am so much wiser than I was in my 20’s and my son is certainly reaping the benefits of that. We are looking forward to adopting again in the near future.
May our Lord bless you abundantly as you begin your new life.
I have tried many croc knock offs( air walks. Cheap ones from walgreens, and a few others) but never really liked them. My son’s foot surgeon told me that true crocs were worth the money and suggested that i look On E bay for a new pair ( don’t ever buy used as these conform to the shape of your foot and wearing someone elses will cause problems. )I did buy a pair of sandal type on E bay and what a dfifference. I threw all the imitation ones out. Somethings are just worth the price !
Computer Time says
Usually, I just set the microwave or oven timers as soon as they say they’ve started their “game”. This way, it buzzes to let me know and they can usually hear it too.
I have a friend that has an egg timer next to their computer that the kids are supposed to set as soon as they get on. If they “forget” to set it they are immediately kicked off, I believe and may even lose it for some time period.
I’d like to trust my children, but I can’t see the egg timer working for us. That’s why the parents are in charge of setting the timers. If they argue when we say their time is up they lose computer time for a week.
Pro-Life vs. Pro-Abortion says
If someone says they are Catholic, but also say they are Pro-Abortion, they are not a Catholic in good standing with the Church. The Church’s teaching on Abortion is black and white, there isn’t any gray area.
I feel for your friend whose granddaughter was assaulted. I couldn’t even fathom my daughter at the age of 10 having to go through something like that. I do know, IF she would’ve gotten pregnant that is a soul that God has created and who are we to end the life of someone that God created?
It’s true that all people deserve our respect because they are *people*, but not all opinions are “just opinions” and therefore deserve respect. The commandment “do not kill” isn’t optional for Catholics (or anyone else really). In certain outward appearances, people could be “good Catholics”, but Jesus did say that “not everyone who calls me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father.” There are matters on which good Catholics can (often fervently) disagree; immigration policy would be an excellent example of that, but abortion is a bad example. I know a lot of people make those decisions based on emotional situations like the one described, but that doesn’t mean that decision is the right one. It’s true that if abortion were illegal, then abortifacient drugs should also be illegal, but please note that what the girl was given did not cause a “spontaneous abortion” which is a medical term for miscarriage. It caused a direct chemical abortion if ovulation and conception had already occurred. (If one happens to chart for NFP and knows that ovulation hasn’t occurred, this drug would be okay, actually, because it would prevent ovulation during this situation but wouldn’t cause an abortion.) Not knowing exactly what the girl at the parish said, I am guessing that it could have been a good wake-up call for a lot of parishioners if the pastor hadn’t so hastily overridden her!
Just a comment on cloth diapers. I used them under protest for my first 4. (My husband insisted upon it and swore he would wash them COUGH COUGH) If I could do it all over again I would use them only when the babies exclusively breast fed. After solids it gets too, well a good word is stinky I guess. Just my personal opinion. When we went out I always used disposables. For my 5th I used disposables from day 1. I hope nobody gets mad at me for stating my opinion, but I think it’s important to hear both sides. I’m sure there are some “greener” disposables out there now that can be used. Oh my how I don’t miss that “diaperpail odor”.
I have a non-Catholic friend who wants to homeschool her very smart 8th grade girl. Any curriculum suggestions for a non-Catholic Christian?
I know its Wednesday, but I missed the rest of yesterday afternoon:
monitoring computer time: I have heard of this gadget being a great tool, never used it: http://www.time-scout.com/
Vicky, I was married at 36, first child at 37. My second was born at 39, and my third at 41. I would love to have more, but have not gotten pregnant so easily this time. Still waiting at 43. In my opinion, barring a specific health problem, if my body is able to conceive and carry a child then I am not too old to have one. I avoided as much prenatal testing as I could, especially if it’s sole purpose was to give you a chance to abort. I didn’t spend a lot of time looking at the statistics, because this is not gambling, its life. Even young mothers can, and do, have kids with genetic problems. This is just the way life is in a fallen world. But, every child is a blessing. So, in my humble opinion, you should be open to as many of those blessings as God is willing to bestow on you.
As for the “poor” young GOOD CATHOLIC who, God forbid, said things that others disagree with(!!!). Good for her! I am tired of feeling like I can’t express my opinions, or even the truths that I know (as in abortion is always and everywhere evil) for fear I might offend someone. If she was stating Church teaching that might be debated by adults in the audience, then it is the adults who should feel uncomfortable, not her. If you disagree with what the Church teaches and you attend Mass and go to Church related functions you should expect to “be offended” or at least to hear things with which you disagree. Shame on the priest for stopping the girl. And shame on him for even hinting that it is okay to be pro-abortion, whether or not you are Catholic.
My opinion says
I should have realized that using this example about abortion as an example was a bad idea. It has been awhile and I do not remember the exact words.Just that I walked away knowing that I should respect other people’s views..Not that I have to justify them or believe them myself but respect that they have the right to have views , right or wrong the same as I do. My bottom line I guess is that I don’t feel it is my place to judge everyone who is pro choice . Furthermore, before I can judge who really are and are not Catholics, or wether they are or are not or should or shouldn’t be in Good standing, I have to look at myself and see where I can be a better catholic . As my Mom always says, On my judgement day, God will not ask me to answer for my brother or sister, But I best be able to answer for me.As with every other choice, good or bad, that people make, It is between them and God not me. I always try to respect people no matter if I agree with their decisions or not.
I am sorry, I just can’t let this one go.
No, you don’t not need to respect other people’s views. Some views are not worthy of respect. Of course we must always be aware the dignity of each human being and their freedom to choose good or evil. But some things are just black and white and to “respect” these things as just another opinion is to leave people in horrible ignorance, and in the case of abortion, continue to allow innocent babies to be killed and vulnerable mothers left to deal with the guilt and pain.
Of course we will be judged on our own merits and behavior, but we will also be judged on whether or not we stood up for the truth, for innocent victims, for the Church’s teachings.
Michelle Reitemeyer says
Mom of 3,
it was I who mentioned going cloth. You can click on my blog to see what friends recommended to me. One other good site is Green Mountain Diapers.
Luckily, someone sent me 24 fitted diapers to borrow. I have spent less than $100 for other supplies (some all-in-one diapers) and cloth wipes. I would definitely look for deals at garage sales or craigslist or elsewhere. And I would go slowly. Start with just the baby and see how it goes.
Green Mountain and Cotton Babies (mentioned above) both have how-to information including definitions of terms and how to wash.
I don’t blame anyone for wanting to use disposables, because this is more work. But it does save a ton of money!
I am also happy to hear other cloth diapering mommies using disposables at night. My daughter has been waking in the middle of the night and staying awake for several hours, and I suspected the necessary diaper change in the middle of the night as a cause. Two nights ago I used a disposable one and she woke to nurse, but not to play. I will be sure to use disposable at night from now on.
Yes, we should respect other people’s opinions:
“Dunkin’ Donuts coffee is the best!”
“I’d never use any lotion but Clinique!”
“This is my favorite muffin recipe!”
Opinions are subjective, and can be respected.
Truth is not subjective, and to properly respect another is to not allow them to wallow in untruth. We don’t have to beat them over the head with it, and we must use prudent charity in speaking the truth, all true. But to allow another’s “opinion” about the truth to stand when incorrect is to disrespect them.
(Sorry if any of this seems harsh. I’m living in a family that ALWAYS presents their opinions as truth, so this is a little sensitive for me.)
"The Gentleman Saint" says
I wasn’t there to hear the girl nor the priest’s response. But I suspect his point was not that we are to be equivocal in our pro-life beliefs, but that we are be charitable and respectful in how we present those beliefs.
Just now, as part of my morning prayers, I read in the biography of St. Francis de Sales (Tan, reprint 2002) that the “Gentleman Saint” who converted 72,000 French Calvinists, was often attacked by fellow missionaries for his gentleness because they believed “he would never persuade such obstinate fellows to change their opinions unless he adopted severe measures.” As the biographer wrote, “Though [St. Francis de Sales] hated and abhorred heresy, he loved and cherished the heretics; he always treated them with the greatest courtesy and kindness, serving them in every way.” St. Francis argued that “never have I been too severe and rigorous with heretics that I have not had reason to regret my austerity. Instead of doing good, bitter words and invectives only infuriate and make them more obstinate. I have had the happiness of converting a few heretics, but I have done so by kindness and gentleness. Love and affection have a greater empire over souls than harshness and severity.”
I wonder if that is what the priest was trying to convey. If so, I agree. It is the same lesson my parents taught me and that I teach my children. And now that I am reading his words more carefully, I think it’s a lesson that applies to motherhood as well. I need to remember this even more with my own children.
Struggling to Rebuild Trust says
Kamala – Counseling is not an option – it takes two receptive and participative people and one is highly reclusive and private and believes that there is no added value in seeking guidance from a 3rd party (priest or counselor). So counseling is out. Talking to a priest is out. We are cradle Catholics but do not attend Mass.
I feel lost, helpless, and am looking for practical actions – what can I say and what can I do – to show that I am worthy of trust? And if I really want to talk to an objective 3rd party, because I am really struggling, isn’t that a betrayal of trust in itself? But I think I really need some guidance. I also want to attend Mass, but that isn’t supported and since I can’t go anywhere by myself, I’ve begun using universalis today (dot com) to pray the daily church prayers 3xs a day.
Thank you for the resources and the encouragement. I will check them out. And I might – if I can work up the courage – email you. Thank you again.
And DB – Thank you for the forum. My only connection with Catholicism (and people) is online only, and you have created a space in which I feel comfortable sharing this with other Catholic women.
Re: Gentlemen Saint says
I understand your point. I think the manner in which we evangelize is vital.
I also understand your point about recognizing others do not share our same viewpoint. The abortion issue is not a good point in this. I do however recognize how to be more fruitful in discussing this with pro-choice individuals.
Some of issues that I see that the Church does not clearly define as black or white are: your parenting style, schooling choice (homeschool, public, Catholic etc), stay at home versus working mom, responsible family planning (Re:how many and what is a valid reason for delaying conception, what is for one couple may not be for another), even the war and the death penalty are out there.
I have seen groups in the Church try to define all these things and proclaim that certain ideologies are authentic Catholic doctrine. It is unfortunate but does happen.
Ultimately we need to focus first on what needs to change in our own hearts and lives so that the witnes we have for God is a strong one.
Struggling to rebuild trust:
I have no personal experience to share, but I am familiar with a Catholic phychotherapist who does counseling with one spouse, when the other is not open/able, and has had good effects. Check out http://www.exceptionalmarriages.com
I hope this helps. We will add you to our intentions for tonight’s rosary.
Cloth diapers –
I’ve used cloth diapers for both my girls, and the best thing that ever happened to me was pocket diapers. I used prefolds and bummis covers until my younger one was about 10 months, and just got too squirmy to diaper…we asked for some pocket diapers for Christmas (she was about 13 months) switched her back into cloth, and have no problems now.
We have two Pocket Change diapers that we use for overnights (they come with two inserts, one hemp, one microfiber, and they keep her dry all night) or we put her in disposables. She is in disposables whenever we visit grandma or go on a day or longer trip (we live in a rural area).
We dry pail, which means we throw the diaper covers and inserts in a pail (we dunk most poopy diapers unless we are REALLY lucky and its pretty dry) Some people use a “diaper sprayer” that hooks onto the toilet, but I fear the girls using it for water fights.
We wash every other day or every third day. I do one hot wash with detergent and baking soda, and a second rinse (or second wash if still stinky) with tea tree oil in it. We dry in the dryer, as we don’t have a clothes line.
We use disposable wipes (hubby asked that we make that switch with our first) but cloth wipes are pretty easy, too.
I would definately go to http://www.diaperswappers.com and try to buy some used diapers. We have about 12 pocket diapers for 1, so I’d go for at least 2 dozen (if not three). I’m a big fan of the “one-size” pockets like Haute Pockets, Tiny Tush Elites, and Bum-Genius.
It is VERY easy to get addicted to cloth diapering (I’m not kidding!) so, I don’t suggest swapping diapers until you have all the same brand (whatever your favorite ends up being) because it seems like a waste of time and money to me. I have an assortment, and some of them I like more, some less. The ones I like most, I use when we leave the house or during naptime. The ones I like the least I put on when we are going to be home for a while.
As for the stinkiness of the diaper pail…yeah, they smell…but we just use an airfreshener in our bathroom (where we have the changing table/diaper pail) and you don’t even notice much, unless you are opening and closing the pail!
To struggling to rebuild trust: sounds like your situation (if I read your last post correctly) is one where you might need to contact a shelter or something. If your “only contact with people” is secretly and online, it is *not* an issue of your needing to prove yourself trustworthy, it is an issue of him purposely isolating you – and that is a dangerous situation. Just my two cents, maybe I am reading the above wrong, but if that is the case, do contact someone who can help. That is not a betrayal of trust, that is just asking someone who is outside the situation and can evaluate it without emotional involvement.
I know I should probably just let this one go, but when I read these posts one thing keeps coming to mind.
If you are pro life,isn’t the whole basis a respect for life? Doesn’t this go beyond abortion ? That being said, no matter what your stand for or why, shouldn’t you respect even those who do not agree with you ? I am not saying that you must agree but respect.( could something like this be what my’s Priest was saying ? )
I admire that many of you are adamant in their beliefs, that is how it should be but anything said in anger( which I sense a lot of in many of your posts. I hope I am wrong) will never help. Gee one commenter is ready to picket a rectory based on what one person got from a comment made by a Priest( the priest was not quoted,If I understand right, it was just my’s impression) This commenter doesn’t even know what was said or what “bold comment ” this girl made or if the commenter feels that she was right or wrong to do so. Another commenter defends the girl again with no clue as to what was said,All of this because emotions got high when abortion was mentioned. I pray that these people don’t let these same emotions play out, like it appears to me they are, when they stand up for pro life issues in public( such as picketing abortion clinics), If we are truly going to take a stand for God, we must do it in a way that glorifies God, otherwise we do ourselves and the Catholic Faith a huge disservice. I have lost track but the lady who had the ten year old who was attacked ( was it My or rather someone My knew ?) I can understand and yes, RESPECT why this Grandma feels as she does. I am not in her shoes and can not say how I would feel after going through what her family did. Does it justify abortion , as one commenter asks? The commenter doesn’t think so ( which is respectfully her opinion) but this commenter still has understanding for this family, which is what am saying ( I equate her understanding as a form of respect )
To me respecting other’s does not mean that I necessarily agree with them, just that I am respectful of them.
I have been wondering about your situation because the last two posts by you lead me to think that your husband might have the main problem, not you. Even if you have actually done something to damage your relationship, one spouse should not control another to the degree you seem to be indicating.
What Anna said of this being a potentially dangerous situation is very true. If you have been isolated – whether directly by your husband’s orders or by your feeling a need to prove yourself to that extreme – please call a shelter or hotline to just touch base with them.
If you aren’t able to use the phone without the number being recorded for your husband to check, please at least go to http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/abusequiz.shtml and take the quiz to see what you might gleen from that. Then clear your brouser, if you need to.
Please consider what Anna and I have said. We aren’t in anyway saying anything against you, your husband or your relationship. Let’s face it – we are saying these things based upon very little information. Yet, both of us have enough concern for your welfare to feel compelled to make these suggestions.
What would you have told a friend 5 years ago if she was in your situation? Please think about that and consider what Anna and I have said. God Bless. I’ll be praying for you. Peace. ~~~mary
To Struggling to Rebuild Trust:
Most good counselors will see just one spouse. It seems like you are in a very difficult situation. I don’t know why you cannot go out by yourself, but if it is at all possible, you need to do that for your own sanity. Call your local woman’s shelter if you feel you are in an abusive situation.
mom of 3 says
Hate the sin, love the sinner. We should be respectful of all human beings, but we in no way have to respect their views or opinions if they are contrary to the Catholic Faith.
respecting views says
True we do not have to say we respect the view that abortion is fine but we must respectfully disagree if we have the hope of winning over their heart at some point. There is a difference.
If we are trying to win the heart of the grandmother whose 10 yr old was raped then it would be helpful and compassionate to show some concern for the 10 yr old and what she went through instead of just coming off and telling the grandmother she is going to hell for her view or that she is evil. Perhaps she needs someone to recognize the horror of the situation and be compassionate before she would ever advance to a point where she believed the greater good would be for her 10 yr old granddaughter to carry a child to term.
My guess is a good 90% of the Catholics disagree with the Magisterium on some point. We can’t just declare that this 90% of the Church is not even Catholic nor to we have the power to decide their final destiny. Some individuals just wake up one day and decide to agree with the Pope on everything. For others it takes a lifetime of conversion. Let us be ones that sow seeds that bear fruit and listen to the hearts of those around us and let the Holy Spirit to the work.
karen g. says
Anyone still read on Wednesday?
To the Screamer:
Ah, memories…burned into my mind. My now 4 1/2 DS was a terrible, horrible joy-screamer. Did I read correctly that you have older children in the car with you that encourage the screamer? Hello! Punish THEM! When my son started teaching my daughter how to scream, he was old enough to understand punishment. If he screamed, I told him if he did it again, such & such would happen. Then I told him if Anna screamed again, you tell her, “I’m not going to scream, Anna, because I don’t want a time out!” Worked like a charm.
To the Early Riser:
Have you tried putting a clock with hands in the room? It has worked well with my son to say, “When the big hand gets to here, you can come out.” He’ll sit and stare at that clock for 1/2 hour or more (boy, did he get in trouble when he figured out how to move the hands! lol) Or you could try an alarm clock and say they can’t come out until it goes off, or with a digital, saying you can’t come out until there is a 6 or a 7 in this spot right here.
To: Struggling to Build Trust
The question you have to ask yourself is, did you actually do something to lose his trust? Or, does he have “trust” issues. Meaning, that you have not given him a reason to doubt you, he just isn’t able to trust people. Maybe because of things that have happened to him in the past, etc. The other question you have to ask yourself is, has he professed a willingness to change and grow and try to trust? To try to rebuild your relationship? Or, is he using his distrust as a way to control you. Please consider these things carefully and seriously. One, would mean you could save your relationship, one would mean you really probably could not. Try do be prayerfully honest with yourself….I am always worried when someone says they won’t go to counseling-now, that does not ALWAYS indicated something is seriously wrong-I don’t think I could get my DH to go to counseling just for anything. (but, if our marriage depended on it, he would definitely go, because he loves me. And he would do what it took to save our marriage.) This is an important thing to consider. Counseling is a scary idea for men. But a well meaning man will do it if that’s what it takes….be honest with yourself about where he is coming from on this.
A person who has “trust” issues, cannot necessarily be cured of them by anything that you do. Of course, if you love him, you can work hard to make him feel secure in this. However, the fact is, you cannot make him trust you. That has to come from him. So, only if he is seriously seriously willing to work on himself, can this happen. Please Please think about these things. Especially if you want to grow spiritually, but you are finding him completely unsupportive of that. I am giving him every benefit of the doubt. Only you can answer these questions honestly and examine your relationship with him truthfully.
IF, after carefully weighing all of these things, you think he is really just using his trust issues to control you. Then, absolutely it’s time to get some outside help. Please call a hotline. It would be completely and totally confidential, and the person could help-in complete confidentiality and anonymity-give you some perspective on your situation. God Bless.