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[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
Catholic Writer and Speaker
If you’re new here, welcome! Here’s what Coffee Talk is all about.
What shall we talk about today?
[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
Hello Everyone! I hope that I’m not too late for this today. I have a four year old son, who simply refuses to be potty trained. He knows what to do, how to ect but he just refuses to. Any ideas for things that we can try? We have tried treats, prizes, cool big boy underwear, ect. I feel that I am pounding my head against the wall every day with this and my in-laws are giving me such a hard time also telling me that maybe its a good thing that he is an only child because how could I handle more than one when I can’t even manage to potty train this one. Thanks everyone!
Evelyn
Thanks Joan, for asking about the Diet Coke — I’m still clean and sober! A little grumpy, maybe, but that’s more about this wretched heat than the lack of DC. Ice coffee has been my friend today. That, and plenty of water.
Since I’m just getting around to reading today’s chat – I’m not sure it’s still coffee time! I wanted to add my two cents about “mixed” marriages. My husband and I have been happily married for 26 years now with three great kids to bless us. My husband and his sister were baptized in the Lutheran church, but his parents never kept up with practicing their faith within the church after that. I am a cradle Catholic whose parents were and are very devoted to the Church. During my early adult years I became very lukewarm about my faith, so when my future mate and I decided to get married it didn’t matter at all to me about the difference in our religions.
We were married at my home parish in a Catholic “ceremony”, not a Mass. I have raised our children in the Catholic faith with my husband fully supporting me, if not actually participating. During these years I have become much more serious about my faith. I’ve taught religious education at our Church for the last 12 years and learned (and am learning) so much more. My husband doesn’t attend Mass with us except for Easter & Christmas, but he will pray the rosary with us sometimes.
We’ve talked about his conversion at times when other members of our family have converted. His stumbling block is his non-belief in Transsubstantiation. He is a wonderful, strong, moral man and we all pray for his future conversion. I know this will be in God’s time not mine! I have to admit though that I long for the day when we can fully share in the Mass together. I’ve shared with my children my feelings and I fully encourage them to pray for mates who have like beliefs/faiths. Not that I would ever discourage them if they fell in love with someone not of their faith, because I know God does work in His own mysterious ways. Just my two cents. Peace to you all this evening.
This may not be what you want to hear, and maybe you have heard it before, but I believe children will potty train when THEY are ready and only when they are ready. I have four children, one son age 10 and 5 year old triplets. We went through the same things with all of them. We tried everything from treasure chests with wrapped toys for rewards to outright bribes and even some begging and pleading. None of them potty trained when WE wanted them to. In each case, we finally gave up from exhaustion when to our surprise, each one of them came to us one day and announced, “I’m using the potty, I don’t need diapers anymore.” And that was that. The ages they potty trained at were 4, 3.5, 3.5 and 4.5. A child potty training late in no way is a reflection of “poor” parenting. Give yourself an break and let up on the potty training, and I promise the little guy will surprise you all on his own one day. And tell the in-laws to mind their own bees-wax!
Offering up my migraines for all of you!
I know its been said before on potty, but since ‘babies’ wear diapers the child should only be allowed ‘baby’ things. No pool, no lego’s, no swings, buckled into a stroller for a walk. No TV etc Natural Consequences.
Mary: Start with getting a statue called The Kitchen Madonna. Talk to this older sister in Christ about your walk with Her Son as you sweep. She’ll lead you.
Weddings/doctors/comments:
I find it helpful to reach out to that person After the baby is born, preferably on a good day for baby. One doctor I asked about charting had only anecdotes about liberal priests offering forgiveness for Birth Control. I reminded him I came to him as my DOCTOR and told him I’d never had a Catholic doctor take my request for help on charts seriously. If I had had real help in earlier married years I might have had fewer children and fewer Csects. Alienating me had not given me the fewer pregnancies he thought was best.
Actually it might not have been a really good day– as I picture it now I think I had him backed into a corner! I just pray they’ll remember and be contrite when their values are challenged by someone they need support from.
Thanks for all the input on mixed marriages…gosh it seems like ages ago when I posted the question this morning. I’m not usually home on tuesdays, so it was really good to follow the drift of the “coffee talk” all day , in between cleaning and organizing…..you are all wonderful…helpful and insightful, with such understanding and creative problem solving…..and it’s good to be on the same page in the faith with so many….I do not have a prayer group where I live and this is indeed one.
God bless us all and have a good night.
Needs Confession: Go, just go. You will feel so much better. Jesus wants to heal and comfort you. I can certainly understand the hesitation about face to face confession, but at times it can be helpful. It can be easier to talk to and seek help from someone you can see. I’ve found at times I start behind the screen but then move to the chair. Do not be concerned about embarrassment, the priests really have heard it all. I’ve had so many priests tell me this. Also, I’ve had several tell me that they don’t remember the details of everyone’s confessions as someone else mentioned. Remember too, the priest is human too. He understands. But most importantly remember this is a channel of grace and healing. The devil knows our weaknesses and he doesn’t want us to go to confession. It’s easier to tempt us and pull us away from God when we don’t confess. The devil is standing in that doorway saying, “No don’t go in there!” Don’t let him win. The healing power of God is strong and will be with you. Many prayers for you.
Confession–Yes–go now! We drove 40 min to a different parish for years. The priest will be thanking God for the miracle of you being there! Another soul won for Christ!! Halleluia!!
Remember you are “whispering in the ear of Christ”–He just wants to love you, wrap his arms around you, wipe your tears away, and convince you that your are forgiven forever!!
A comment a friend said once when I was nervous about shocking the priest. . .”Do you think you’re an Original Sinner!”
Potty Training–I second the –they will do it when they are ready–take. But I don’t lay down big kids for diaper changes–they have to “put your bum up high”–ie put your hands on the floor–to get clean. It is inconvient–but it is something that they are in control–and they will come around eventually.
It may not even be Tuesday on the East Coast. . .oh well–God bless everyone! Sorry it’s so hot over there–it was 60 and cloudy in Oregon today. . .guess I won’t complain!
dear NEEDS CONFESSION oh yes, please try to go. the priest is there to heal you, not to judge you. if you really feel such a desire to go, you will feel so healed and at peace afterwards. god is so anxious to put your sins as far away from you as the east is from the west. just go. as many others have said, they have heard it all believe you me. you won’t suprise him!
Dear Everyone who replied to me…
Thank You all for your strong words of encouragement. I would be so grateful if you all would pray for me this week, as I am trying to work up the courage to go on Saturday at a near by parish (not my regular parish). My husband and I have been reading Saint Faustina’s diary to each other every night, and I feel as if her words were meant just for me…to get me to confession. I just don’t know what I am so scared of..and scared is the word for what I feel, not just uncomfortable. Am I afraid of giving the poor priest a heart attack???
In any case, I’m so grateful for you all on this board…I think I can do this…
Kristi (on teeth brushing)
I simply pin my 18th month old down by myself. He hates it, but my daughter had 6 cavities and 1 crown by the time she was 2. We must just have bad teeth in our family.
The pediatric dentist has promised that it won’t hurt him, and I used to have to do it with my daughter too, and now she doesn’t mind teeth brushing or flossing at all.
Sometimes it helps to sing to him, and often I let him carry his toothbrush around but I do it in the end.
To pin him, I lay him down on the ground, and then pull him under my legs until only his head is visible and then brush his teeth, so that my thighs are bascially holding all of him.
If you have 2 people there is something like a hug hold. The two adults sit with knees touching. One adult holds the child like he is giving you a hug, and then lay the child down in your lap placing the head in the other person’s lap. That way one person can brush while the other is holding the arms and the legs are wrapped around their waist.
Whatever method you choose just make sure that it’s thorough.
Kate and Michelle,
Thanks for your prayers and help!!!
All,
I am praying for your intentions.
Danielle,
Thanks for this forum of encouragement, inspiration and practical information! You are a doll! I hope your diet coke weaning is as painless as possible. 🙂
To Michelle,
I am so late in the day for “coffee talk”, but…How incredible your husband wants to join you for Mass on Sunday! The Bible says by a quiet spirit a woman can bring her husband to the Lord. I am going to pray like crazy for you and your husband…what a cool Father’s Day this will be for you!!!
God bless you!
We will be praying! As a convert, I was SO scared to make my first Confession, but it was one of the best experiences of my life. I made a list, babbled, cried, and just kept looking at the Crucifix above my head. If the Son of God could die on a cross to forgive MY sins, He had to be rejoicing–not in my sins, but in the fact that I was there, FINALLY begging for His forgiveness and His grace. I tried to see straight through the priest to Christ and think only of Him (and of the fact that He already knew my sins anyway, it was me that needed this more than Him). Years later, I still get a little nervous before each Confession, but that doesn’t stop me from loving to go. I have felt Christ’s presence more fully in the confessional than I have anywhere else or through any other sacrament. I pray that you will have a similar experience. I’m planning to go to Confession this Saturday, too, and you will certainly be in my prayers and on my mind.
Danielle
Would there be any way to number the posts on coffee talk so it’s easier to come back in after being away from the computer for hours?
Also I think Danielle’s Beans might be a great name for a gourmet line of coffee maybe one flavor could be Diet Coke!
Dear Elizabeth,
I think you have a very good question here. There is a lot to venerate Mary the Mother of Jesus for, but she should not to be ‘worshiped’ as only the Trinity ought to be..
Here is something I came across recently; a few reasons to be devoted to her, I guess you could say. The summary version: Mary will always and only lead us to Christ. This is what her whole life is about and this is in fact all we know about her from sacred Scripture.
Read Comment #11, by Clare Krishan at:
http://www.jesuscreed.org/?p=1185
John Paul II’s Apostolic Letter regarding the Rosary would also be a good thing to read.
Peace.
Dear anonymous as to ‘complaining about too many blessings’,
I’m so sorry for your pain and pray that you will also be blessed with children. But please, please, don’t infer that we are ‘complaining about having too many blessings’ we are trying to honestly deal with the feelings of being overwhelmed at times. This is not complaining about having too many children. We love our children and are truly grateful for each of them but that does not mean that we are also not tired, overwhelmed, fearful of not providing for all of their needs, worried about finances, etc. It is hard to share these feelings, to admit that we can’t do it all as we’d like to. Sometimes we just need to hear someone say, ‘It’s ok. You can do this. You aren’t alone.’ I’m sure we are all sorry if this discussion caused you pain-and thanks for the reminder to hug our blessings. It helps to put things into perspective! 😉
To Needs Confession,
A pastor once told me two very important things. First, he said that God literally takes the memories of all those things people confess to Himself, so priests don’t have to carry the burden of all these confessions. He says he doesn’t remember most of what people have confessed to him over the years, because God doesn’t ask His priests to carry that weight. He also said no one should be afraid to come to confession because no matter how bad you think your sins are, the priest has heard worse.
A friend once told me another important thing. She said one of the things she liked about the Catholic faith (she converted) is that we KNOW God forgives our sins, because we have a sacrament to tell us so. No other Christian denomination offers that kind of assurance…”I absolve you from your sins” is about as definitive as it gets. That reassurance is waiting for you!
I know it’s not coffee talk day anymore, but I missed all this yesterday!
Needs Confession–I’ll pray for you! My DH is the one who helped me most to go from being an occasional recipient of this sacrament to a regular one. He told me once that he’s fearless in the confessional, and that really helped me to put my silly worries into perspective (and I’ve never had a priest yell at me yet!).
Babies at weddings–I heard a good Catholic priest say that people who don’t want babies or young children at their weddings aren’t ready to get married! Marriage isn’t “two people’s special day,” it’s supposed to be a sacramental union that marks the beginning of a new family, one composed of people who are ready and eager to become parents themselves, and who therefore should be glad to have the support of other parents around them. I’d stay home with a clean conscience, since I tend to agree with the good Father–anyone who thinks the start of a marriage ought to be an “adults only” event is really confused about the nature of marriage (and quite often these marriages don’t last).
To “Feel like a Failure,” please, please heed the advice others have given and seek out the help of a good and trustworthy priest, right away. This is bigger than a porn addiction–if your husband is having or has had affairs in the past, your own physical health could be in danger. In addition, if he decided to leave your marriage in pursuit of another woman you could find yourself with no financial security and little say over the custody of the children. I am not unsympathetic to the calls for prayer, sacrifice, etc., but in your situation action may have to come before prayer. Definitely print out copies of the IMs, and perhaps make a copy of the computer’s hard drive so you can prove his porn addiction should this become necessary. I know our culture is too quick to seek divorce etc. as “solutions” to this kind of thing, but in your case it may take the shock of potentially losing you and your children before your husband will agree to seek out the help and counseling he so desperately needs.
To Jackie:
My mother was Catholic and my father was raised non-denominational protestant mostly Methodist. After my parents were married (my father was not forced to convert and they had a Catholic ceremony/mass) my father decided he would like to become Catholic. This was pre-RCIA, so the parish where they were living in NJ had him go to meetings with a very elderly retired priest who could sometimes not remember my father’s name week to week but loved his faith. My father and I were baptized in the same ceremony and my father was also confirmed then. My mother and her family love my father’s family dearly and never once proselytized. We were raised to believe as St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel at all times…when necessary use words.” My parents taught us that all religion that came from God was beautiful but that there was the one true church.
My husband is not Catholic. He was baptized Methodist and raised Presbyterian and for a while was a practicing Baptist. I pray for his conversion and welcome his attendance with our children (who are and will continue to be raised Catholic) at mass. He recently said he would like to make mass a regular part of his weekend. I will not “pressure” him into becoming Catholic, I don’t think that ultimatums will win his heart over. I realize any conversion is between him and God. I can only pray.
Unfortunately, not so many people are as lucky or happy as my parents were and are and my husband and I are. I remember a family growing up where the father and children were Catholic(he was a lector) and their mother was a minister in I believe a Methodist church. A minister. But, she signed an arrangement to have her children be Catholic and stuck by it. She did not attend Mass and I remember my mother (who is a nurse) ran into her at the hospital one time where she was visiting a congregation member and when my mom asked about her church, she said matter-of-factly, “Sunday comes and the family goes their way and I go mine.” My mother was so saddened and even more so because she could see this pained this woman. I will definitely be praying that there can be some healing regarding this in your family. This type of division can be so painful.
To Beth: my husband is 17 years older than I am. I am in my late 20’s and he is in his mid-forties. We met when I was 19 and he was 36. We were married four years later. My parents were very supportive, his father and step-mother (15 years apart) were as well. His mother, not at all. She felt that I was using him and just wanted his money (which if she had checked money was something neither of us had). We have always prayed about this, but she is still not 100% convinced I could love her son. All you can do is pray. I will pray your family’s hearts will be changed. Love, when it is truly ordained from God does not see an age, it sees the person God created.
To prayer request suffering from a fourth miscarriage: I had one known miscarriage and doctors believe several others due to a septated uterus that was surgically corrected. I prayed for strength so often as we tried for babies and did not get one. I prayed that God would help me accept it if biological children could not be a part of our life. My prayers are with you today.
Theresia – My son is nearly 2 and sounds similar to your daughter. He will want something one mintue and then refuse it in a fit the next. He also has his clingy moments. I’ve notice a VAST improvement in his disposition when he has a good solid amount of run around outside time. Also, is she getting her two year molars?
It is not you. You are NOT responcible for your H’s actions. He sounds manipulative and most men who are cheating try to turn it around as their spouces fault. DO NOT believe him. HE was the one who broke your wedding vows. Not you.
Do you want to stay married? Do you love him?
Were I in your shoes, I would give him an ultimatum. Break off all contact with coworker, change jobs so he doesn’t see her, go to councelling individ and couples (insurance will cover some if not all), and talk to a priest about the emotional cheating and the porn addiction. Or you will at least seperate and/or divorice.
You CAN get through this. You CAN. And you will.
I am by no means a supporter of divorice, but in some cases (cheating, etc) when a spouce has no remorse for their actions, I believe it to be necessary for the good of the faithful spounce and family.
If you have children, do you honestly want them be raised thinking it is ok behavior to disrespect women like this?
Does he have a history if this, or is this the first time? If this is the first time and he is genuinely sorry and follows through on everything, I would give him another chance.
But regardless of what you chooses to do (another chance or seperate/divorice), you need to contact a lawyer. They can tell you what paper work you should make copies of, and other things “in case”.
I believe bank statements, print out his IM convos and all other records of his cheating. Keep them in a secret place, away from him. Start saving money in an account in your name only. You need to do these things even should you decide to give him another chance – you need a plan in case he does it again.
Do you have family close by? Friends who can help you?
You and your children deserve respect, love and happiness. Make sure the future you choose will give you those things.
:: I also suggest posting this on http://boards.thenest.com/Boards/ShowForum.aspx?ForumID=256 I understand this is a secular forum, but there are many lawyers on there who can answer your q’s and it is completely annonymous. (It will take 3days for screen name to be approved). I have found it to be an extremely good source of information and support in situations like this::
Good luck, and God love you.
I don’t know if anyone is still reading thus thread, but I just wanted to ask…
We’re going on vacation to Holland, MI and I’m trying to decide where we should go to Mass on Sunday….
I checked Masstimes.org… there are several parishes within 20 miles….
Does anyone know anything about any of them? We’re not super-picky… just looking for a normal Mass with no funny stuff I have to explain to my kids, a non-heretical homily, and preferably a congregation who, for the most part, acts like it’s really Jesus up there.
Also, I’d PREFER a fairly toddler friendly church– one where folks don’t get mad at happy, well-behaved kid noises….
Anyway, if anyone has any tips, thanks!
I remember this!!!