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In the Dough

September 14, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Columns, Mothers Leave a Comment

dough-db

(This is an old column of mine that originally appeared at Inside Catholic)

I was going through some old pictures online the other day. Organizing family photos is a project I assign myself on occasion in order to avoid doing real work. Nothing makes sorting through decades’ worth of jumbled digital images seem like quite so enticing a task as having real work with a real deadline looming on the horizon.

As I browsed the files, I found myself particularly drawn toward the pictures my oldest son, Eamon, has taken with his camera over the years.

Funny thing about boy photographers — they don’t bother to clean up messes before they start shooting. I saw picture after picture of cookie-faced, wild-haired toddlers with a variety of toys, stuffed animals, shoes, papers, dishes, and books cluttering the background. I watched dozens of video clips of goofy children where a very pregnant mother lumbered by in the background carrying a laundry basket. Sometimes she sat, reading the newspaper on a mail-littered couch. Other times, she called out that lunch was ready, or that the bathroom was a wreck — and who was in there last, anyway?

These aren’t my annual, carefully choreographed, Christmas family photos. These photographic memories are the real deal, perhaps even real-er than I am comfortable remembering. As I looked through them, I found myself wondering: What will my kids remember of this house and this family when they are grown?

They might remember messes. I wouldn’t blame them if they did. The messes are real.

The other day, for example, when I pulled into the playground parking lot and opened my van’s side door, an empty soda bottle clattered to the pavement, followed by a tennis ball that bounced several times before rolling beneath the van, out of my reach. A pharmacy receipt and a discarded hamburger wrapper, caught by the sudden breeze, floated through the air toward me. I clapped at them with both hands and leaped into the air to capture them before stuffing them into my jeans pocket.

I looked down to see the five-year-old exiting the van. With his pants on backwards. The six-year-old was close behind. In a pair of rubber boots, one yellow, one black. The eight-year-old followed her brothers, sporting a lopsided ponytail, a navy skirt, white first Communion heels, and turquoise butterfly knee socks.

A group of preschool models, who might have just finished shooting an Old Navy ad, and their 20-something mothers were gathered near the swings. Staring.

My life, I sometimes think, has been exaggerated for comedic effect.

As a mother of eight, I catch myself thinking “if only” a lot. If only the kids would keep quiet for 45 minutes, I could write a great American novel. If only the kids would wear paper sacks for a week, I could get caught up on laundry. If only I didn’t have a so much “help” all the time, I could bake a loaf of artisan bread to accompany a homemade dinner daily.

But of course I have help. When I begin any cooking or baking project, at least one of my three youngest is sure to drag a wooden chair across the sticky floors to climb to the cluttered kitchen countertops. To help.

During one recent baking project, I realized that I must have been saying “don’t touch!” an awful lot, because Gabrielle wound up telling me that she intended to be good now — and to prove it she held her hands behind her back.

Raphael was not quite so accommodating. I managed to knead a batch of dinner rolls, but as I was preparing the dough for the first rise, he slapped a small fat hand directly on top of the gooey mound. He grinned with delight at the feel of the dough within his grasp.

Something about the sight of that small hand with its widespread fingers reminded me of a French phrase I learned years ago: la main à la pâte. Literally, hand in the dough. Figuratively, however, it means active participation in the plans and preparations for any particular project. Hands-on learning.

Raphael has la main à la pâte, all right. All the kids do.

When children make up a significant percentage of your household membership, there’s just no way around it. Their wants, needs, ideas, preferences, and opinions become the basics around which the rest of your life is built. They’re in the dough.

To me, the messes in old photos are evidence of so much more than just large family life. They are evidence of this life we’re living. Really living. Together.

My children’s hands are in the dough. In the laundry. In the writing. In the kitchen cabinets. And under the seats in the van. Sometimes I get impatient, and I wish their hands were not quite so much a part of everything, but that’s only when I allow myself to forget. That my life is a recipe, and these kids are essential ingredients.

Whether they scroll through the old photos or not, when my children are grown, they might remember some messes. They might remember some noise. But as I watched a final silly video where several of their small bodies tumbled over one another and fell into a heap of giggles on the floor, I dared to think that they’ll remember love.

Because it’s in the dough, too. And it’s every bit as real.

Mommy Wars, Schmommy Wars

May 11, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Columns, Homemaking, Mothers Leave a Comment

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In an article at Salon a few years back, writer Katy Read admitted something that raised some maternal eyebrows: She regrets having left a respectable job and steady paycheck to be an at-home mom to her two sons for ten years.

It’s not the quality time with her children she regrets, but the financial toll she’s now paying for it.

“The swing set moments when I would realize, watching the boys swoop back and forth, that someday these afternoons would seem to have rushed past in nanoseconds, and I would pause, mid-push, to savor the experience while it lasted… Now I lie awake at 3 a.m., terrified that as a result I am permanently financially screwed.”

In the hundreds of comments her column generated, we find some defense of the value of at-home parenting along with tirades against a sexist system that forces women to choose between work and family.

What very few people note, however, is that the cause of Read’s current financial strain is not really her years of at-home parenting. The cause of her crisis is her divorce.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of two teenagers must be in want of a steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health insurance.”

The notion that any parent can stay home full time with children is based upon the assumption that there are, and will continue to be, two supportive parents in the household, at least one of them earning a paycheck. Whether the mother works outside the home or not, having a traditional marriage at its foundation is every family’s best bet for happiness and prosperity.

Read’s story reminds me of Gaby Hinsliff, a different writer-mom who earned her own set of hundreds of comments a little over a year ago when she announced a surprising decision to leave her high-profile job as political editor at the Observer in order to stay home full time with her young son.

“I had it all,” she wrote at the time, “but I didn’t have a life.”

Read and Hinsliff might have come to opposing conclusions, but they each give voice to the same universal truth. The mothers of previous generations, many of whom abandoned home life in favor of careers, had a secret they kept from us: “Having it all” comes with a price. And it’s a price that some of us won’t be happy to pay.

The media’s notion of the “Mommy Wars,” where briefcase-wielding career women face off against stroller-pushing homemakers, is largely a fabricated stereotype. Some mothers work because they want to. Some mothers work because they have to. Especially in tough economic times, though, intact families will find all kinds of creative and cooperative ways to get the bills paid without sacrificing their children’s needs like the the best baby travel systems and activities for hands-on parenting.

Are we working moms? Are we at-home moms? Or are we an unlabeled something in between?

I suppose that I am a working mom. Those words look odd to me on the page and feel foreign on my tongue, but they are true. I never in my lifetime planned to be a “working mom,” and yet here I am… with a husband, eight kids, and a job that provides income my family depends upon.

I happen to be one of the lucky ones. I have a supportive husband, I enjoy what I do, and I am able to work almost exclusively from home. But still my work costs me something. It costs my family something, too.

Dinner might be more homemade, the refrigerator might be clean, and the laundry might be caught up this afternoon if I didn’t have phone calls to make and a deadline to meet. At the end of most days, I do come up short on time somewhere – for sleep, for exercise, for answering emails. I make family my first priority, and I aim to make sure it’s never my kids or my husband who get the short end of that stick, but I would be lying if I said they never did.

Pretending that being a working mother doesn’t come with some level of compromise isn’t fair – not to our families who pay part of the price, and certainly not to other women who might then enter family life or working life with unrealistic expectations.

Just like every family, there are compromises we have been willing to make. A spotless refrigerator might be good for my family, but a paid gas bill and health insurance are good for them, too.

Whether we moms leave our homes every morning to earn a paycheck, stay home full time, or attempt some creative combination of the two, it’s most important that we make working decisions with our eyes wide open about what they will cost us.

No one can have it all. We need to figure out what we really want.

Not too long ago, one of my sisters, an at-home mom, wrote me a quick note: “It’s all well and good to be a stay at home mom and find fulfillment and happiness right here at home, but it feels good to see a mom out there in a business environment telling it like it is and keeping up with the best of them. Congratulations.”

Meanwhile, as I watch her family thrive and grow, I say, “It’s all well and good to find happiness in a combination of work and home life, but it feels good to see a devoted mom in a home environment raising beautiful children who are true lights and gifts to the world. Congratulations.”

There are no Mommy Wars. We’re in this together. With God’s grace, the best moms – at home, at work, and all the places in between – will win.

This is an old column of mine that originally appeared at Inside Catholic.

My Oasis

March 8, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Homemaking, Mothers Leave a Comment

my oasisI really should stop reading magazines. That might be an odd thing for a magazine editor to say, but it’s true that certain kinds of periodicals are bad for my self esteem.

Take that popular homemaking magazine, for example. What’s it called? Better Homes Than Yours, I think.

I browse through its slick pages, squint at the glossy photos, and search in vain for a sign of peanut butter fingerprints on the glass doors, sippy cups tucked beneath couch cushions, or last week’s fraction worksheets piled on top of living room end tables.

No such luck.

I saw a young family’s home featured in one recent issue. The husband and wife were pictured with their two small children. All of them were seated on a spotless, glowing white couch. A white couch! I squinted long and hard at that photo and came up with the only logical explanation – that the children were plastic props.

It was in one of these fantasy magazines that I happened upon an article about making grown-up bedroom spaces special. A “relaxing oasis,” I think were the words used to describe the ideal grown-up bedroom.

“Keep it clean, keep it quiet, and keep it yours,” the article urged me.

Pillows, candles, and quiet music… it sounded perfectly fabulous. How nice it would be to retreat to an adults-only oasis at the end of each day!

One thing the fancy magazine didn’t mention, though, was what to do if you happen to share your oasis with a two-year-old boy, his clothes dresser, and a basketful of his favorite Tonka trucks. It neglected to mention the problem of a grown-up bedroom being the only room with a lock where older kids can hide to play an undisturbed game from casinodames.com, or sort stacks of precious sports cards during the day. And what about the fact that a soft, high bed with fluffy pillows happens to be the ideal spot for little girls to organize dolly naptimes?

I try to fight it, but it’s no use. By bedtime each day, our grown-up bedroom has been infiltrated. Since we’ve been watching 24, Dan and I jokingly refer to the pint-sized invaders of our bedroom space as the “hostiles.” Really, though, it’s just the kids. And their stuff.

When I finally stumble my way toward the relaxing oasis these days, I usually need to clear a path through a pile of plastic princess shoes, dolly blankies, stacks of story books, and Tupperware containers filled with sports cards before I find the bed. Surprisingly, however, I don’t really resent the invasion.

Before I had children, I used to worry sometimes that I wouldn’t make a good mother. The kind of constant self-giving love that I saw in other mothers felt foreign to me, and I thought I might be too selfish to do the same.

What I didn’t know then, though, was that children take the love they need. By their very existence, they claim it. Parental generosity is something that develops naturally from having children who, with or without our permission, work their way into our hearts, into our lives, and into our personal spaces.

When I entered my oasis last night, after kicking my way past a pile of Playmobil pirates and a partially completed wooden puzzle, I noticed a folded piece of paper perched upon my pillow.

Inside I found a pencil drawing of a small girl with an extra large bow in her hair. Beside the small girl was a mother figure in a full-length glamour gown. Their stick figure arms stretched toward each other, eager to embrace, as a smiling sun shone down on them approvingly.

“WEE LOVE EACH UDDER,” was scrawled in the sky above, and five-year-old Gabby’s unmistakable signature was in the bottom corner of the page.

I don’t need an oasis; I’ve got oceans.

We parents might not always love our children perfectly, but most of us do a pretty decent job of it most days. I don’t think, though, that we can take much credit for the ways in which we become more generous and loving as a result of having children. It just happens. It’s part of the gift of grace that is family life, and its source is the source of all grace. It’s God.

It’s all part of a Divine plan. Our children force us to abandon selfishness simply by laying claim to what is rightfully theirs – which is everything we’ve got.

(This is an old column of mine that originally appeared at Inside Catholic.)

Sleep Is For Wimps

February 9, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Babies, Momnipotent, Mothers 1 Comment

Dog.in.sleepTiny hands cupped my face.

“Mama, Mama,” I heard a voice whisper. “I need you.”

“Gah!” I responded.

To explain my somewhat inelegant response, I should tell you that it was about 2 a.m. when the tiny hands cupped my face and the small voice awakened me from a sound sleep.

The little person needed a change of sheets. And a drink of water. And a re-arranging of stuffed animal friends. And a tuck-in. And a kiss.

As I met these needs willingly and then made my way back to bed, I reflected on the fact that I no longer fight the battle of sleep the way I once did.

I remember pacing the halls of our tiny one-bedroom apartment with our first baby – a screeching, colicky newborn, and thinking to my exhausted self, “This makes no sense. Surely someone is going to step in here and make this right, because people need to sleep.”

But no one did step in, except for my husband on occasion. And if the ensuing years have taught me nothing else, they have quite surely taught me this much: Though you might occasionally get one, no parent has a right to expect a good night’s sleep.

Here are some other parenting sleep facts I have learned over the years. Mostly at 2 a.m.

Parents gain new sleep skills.

At a baby shower, it seems there is always some older mom ready to “shower” the pregnant newbie with helpful information, like how she would rather eat glass than ever experience labor again. These are the same women who relish warning innocent young couples that after their baby is born, they will “never sleep again.”

This is ridiculous. Of course they will sleep again. In fact, they will learn to catch their Z’s in all variety of new places – in the dentist chair, in the confessional, in the shower, and while standing at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes.

Never say never.

When it comes to parents sharing their bed with infants and toddlers, anything goes. Once upon a time, I rejected co-sleeping because I “just wanted to get some sleep.” In ensuing years, however, I found myself embracing co-sleeping because, once again, I “just wanted to get some sleep.”

I reserve the right to continue to reject and embrace co-sleeping as much as I need to, for this precise reason. As every parent should. When it comes to making family sleep decisions, you answer to no one but yourself and your spouse. And possibly your employer, if you operate heavy machinery.

It’s all about attitude.

I used to struggle and fight to get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night because I thought getting that much sleep was a “basic necessity.” As motherhood helped me readjust my definition of “basic necessity,” however, I lowered my standards just a bit.

Now, when I find myself awake with a fussy baby at 12 a.m., up with a nightmarish toddler at 2 a.m., and changing an older child’s sheets at 4 a.m., I crawl back into my bed at 4:30 thinking, “Maybe no one will need me for another 3 hours. This will be a glorious nap!”

And it is.

There are no guarantees.

Especially with babies, it can be tempting to think you can win the sleep lottery by stacking the odds in your favor. We parents think rational thoughts like, “If I don’t let the baby nap for too long today, he’ll sleep well tonight,” or “If she skips her morning nap, she’s bound to take an extra-long one this afternoon.”

It all looks good on paper, but don’t count on it. There’s this thing grandmas call being “overtired.” If a baby lacks proper rest, he’ll sometimes become over-stimulated and incapable of falling asleep or staying asleep for any length of time.

If your baby gets “overtired,” you might just find yourself standing over his crib screaming something logical like, “I haven’t showered for three weeks! You owe me a nap!”

No he doesn’t. No guarantees.

Nighttime can be nice.

There, I said it. Sometimes, even when my eyes ache with fatigue, some crazy part of me enjoys being awake in my house when no one else is.

For one thing, my living room never looks so fantastic as it does bathed in moonlight at 3 a.m. Dust bunnies, wall markings, un-mopped floors, and fingerprinted windows all blend in with the shadows.

A second bonus is the quiet. Sometimes, when I find myself alone with a wakeful child in the night, I sit still and let the silence run over my ears like a soothing balm. I watch the flames flicker through the window of the wood stove and bask in God’s presence right there, where He always is, beneath the noise.

I do wish every parent a good night’s sleep, but since none of us is likely to get that anytime soon, I wish each of us something even better – grace.

Grace is what keeps us keeping on when there’s nothing left in the tank. It’s what tells us the job we’re doing is important, even if it’s 3 a.m. and nobody remembers to say “thank you.” And it’s what makes me smile as I rock a feverish baby in the dead of the night and sing him the words of a Bon Jovi classic:

“Until I’m 6 feet under baby, I don’t need a bed. Gonna live while I’m alive, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

This is an old column of mine that originally appeared at InsideCatholic.

[podcast] Yell Less, Love More #004

January 26, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Girlfriends Podcast, Mothers, Writing Leave a Comment

TO LISTEN
Simply hit “play” above!
or subscribe in iTunes
or subscribe in Stitcher

NOTES

Are you a yelling mom? In this week’s episode, we talk about how to handle negative emotions. We all get angry and we all get frustrated sometimes, but the ways in which we express these feelings can have a lasting impact on our families and relationships. Instead of yelling, complaining, whining, and crying, lets discuss positive outlets for negative feelings.

First, it’s important to assess your life and get a perspective on whether you have a fallen into a bad habit with regard to expressing negative feelings.

It’s also important to look for appropriate ways to vent and have positive outlets for physical, creative, and emotional energy in your life. With proper balance, you can avoid becoming overly frustrated and angry and stop lashing out at others unfairly.

It’s also important to talk about what our long-term parenting goals are, and whether or not “yelling” is moving us toward them. As hard as it sometimes is, getting our kids to listen and obey the first time we tell them something is a worthwhile investment of time and energy that pays off in the long term.

This week’s interview guest is Karen Edmisten, a mom, wife, author, and convert from atheism. Karen shares some of the beautiful ways that God has touched her life and shaped her motherhood and writing career over the years.

This week’s Girlfriends Shout Out goes to Roseanne Denardo who wrote to share with me some success she’s been having with her goal of losing weight and becoming healthier in 2016. Way to go, Roseanne!

And finally, this week’s challenge is to approach the coming week with a greater sense of awareness of the ways that you respond to negative emotions in your life and in your relationships. Pick one time when you are tempted to respond in a hurtful or unhealthy way and replace it with a positive intervention. Go you! We got this!

Thanks to listeners RCathgirl and NEKMelissa for reviewing Girlfriends on iTunes this week. I would love it if you would consider doing the same, rating and/or reviewing Girlfriends in iTunes to help me get the word out about this new podcast.

And thanks, as always for listening. I’m so glad you’re here! Know your worth, find your joy!

Links for this episode:

Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Karen Edmisten 
KarenEdmisten.com
Karen’s books on Amazon
After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman’s Companion of Healing & Hope
Deathbed Conversions: Finding Faith at the Finish Line
You Can Share the Faith: Reaching Out One Person at a Time
Love in the Little Things by Mike Aquilina

Contact:

Email Danielle Bean
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Do You Make Your Wife a Better Mother?

January 25, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage, Mothers Leave a Comment

mom mother
When I wrote “Do You Make Your Husband a Better Father?” I heard from more than a few moms demanding equal time. Far be it for me to shortchange the ladies! Today we’ll consider some ways men can encourage their wives in motherhood.

1. Lend a Hand

Even a strong mom has physical and emotional limitations. Pay attention to how your wife spends her time. While you relax at the end of the day, is she cleaning the kitchen, folding loads of laundry, and wrestling through bedtime routines with toddlers? Do what you can to make sure she gets some down time too.

Take over one of the evening chores, delegate jobs to the kids, hire some help, or agree together to save certain tasks for the weekend. Just because she’s not asking for a break doesn’t mean she doesn’t need one.

Ask yourself: Do I make sure my wife gets the rest she needs to be her best, or do I neglect her needs for sleep, socialization, creative outlets, and time alone?

2. Nurture Her Spiritually

Often, one of the first casualties of motherhood is a consistent spiritual life. Even if your wife is unable to spend hours at the adoration chapel, you can be a means of spiritual support for her. Help her find time for daily prayer, alone or with you. And don’t forget to pray for her. Ask God to shower her with the graces she needs in fulfilling her vocation to marriage and motherhood – and he will.

Ask yourself: Do I pray for my wife daily and support her spiritually or do I allow other family matters to take precedence over her spiritual needs?

3. Be on her side

If you disagree with any of your wife’s parenting decisions, make sure you talk about them privately – not in front of the kids, and definitely not in the heat of a family crisis. Children need to learn that you will always back up their mother’s authority.

If you treat your wife with love and respect – and insist that your children do the same – you set her up to be the most effective mother she can be. With your support, even toddlers can be taught to respect boundaries in ways your wife might not think about. Teach them not to take food from her plate, for example, and never tolerate teens who are disrespectful. Nothing gives a mom greater confidence in her authority and self worth than to hear her husband demand that unruly children show her respect.

Ask yourself: Do I protect my wife – even from our children when they disrespect her or abuse her goodwill – or do I let her fend for herself?

4. Say the words

You might think your wife knows you appreciate her, but hearing those words from you will renew her confidence and inspire her toward greater heights of motherly love. Be specific and let your children hear you praise her: “I think it’s amazing the way you are able to get up at night and care for a crying baby,” or “I know what a sacrifice it is for you to drive the kids to basketball. Thank you for doing it.”

Ask yourself: Do I verbalize admiration and appreciation for my wife’s efforts as a mother or do I assume she knows what I think already?

The joy your wife finds in motherhood has a ripple effect that can bless the entire family. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children (and yourself!) is a happy mother in the heart of your home. Make a commitment to give that priceless gift to your family – starting today.

Do You Make Your Husband a Better Father?

January 17, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage, Mothers 4 Comments

husband better father

Do you make your husband a better father? Here are some practical ways to encourage your husband in his fatherhood.

1. Take Notice

It’s very likely that your husband performs loving acts for your children all the time, whether it’s giving them hugs, making them lunch, driving them to soccer practice, or paying the tuition and dental bills. Taking notice and verbalizing your gratitude for these things will not only teach your children to appreciate their father, but will make your husband’s heart soar.

With small kids, you can say: “Did daddy pour you that drink? What a nice daddy you have!” Or with big kids: “I think it’s great that Dad makes time to help you with your math homework.”

Ask yourself: Do my words to and about my husband build him up as a father or tear him down?

2. Respect His Authority

This can be a tricky one, because our motherly pride sometimes gets in the way. Mothers are the ones who do the lion’s share of feeding, bathing, changing, carpooling, and kissing boo-boos better. Surely we know what’s best for our kids, don’t we?

Maybe not. We need to remember that God gave our kids a mother and a father for a reason. Your husband wants what’s best for your kids too – he just might have a different way of getting there. So he doesn’t recognize the importance of the baby’s socks matching his shirt. Or he lets older kids watch more television than you would. These are probably not battles that need to be fought. Let go of that pressing need for control and bite your tongue!

Ask yourself: Do I respect my husband’s authority as a father or do I discount his perspective, usurp his authority, and belittle his opinions … even if only in my own mind?

3. Criticize Carefully

Of course there will be times when you might notice that your husband could improve in some important way. Recognizing his good intentions and his particular challenges first will make him more receptive to hearing your concerns.

For example, if you think your husband should cut back his work hours and spend more time at home, do not say, “Your job is more important to you than we are!” or “If you keep up this schedule, the kids won’t even know you anymore!”

Try a positive, encouraging approach instead: “I appreciate how hard you work at your job and the money you earn for the family, but we really miss you around here! Is there something I can do to make it easier for you to come home a little earlier this week?”

Ask yourself: Do my words to my husband make him want to be a better father or make him want to stop trying altogether?

4. Give Him a Break

In the end, working to help your husband fulfill his vocation as a father will bless you and your children and bring all of you closer to heaven.

A good wife knows when her husband is near his breaking point. Whether it’s frustration with toddlers or teens, when you see the telltale signs of a raised voice, a twitching eye or a clenched jaw, it’s time to intervene – just as you would have him do for you in your weaker moments.

Blessed are the peacemakers! Separate your husband from the source of his frustration and, without judgment or demands, encourage him to take a break. Then everyone can regroup without Dad having to blow his top first. Part of being a good parent is knowing your limitations. Part of being a good wife is knowing your husband’s limitations, and helping the family to navigate them.

Ask yourself: Do I do everything I can to ensure my husband’s time with the children is a pleasant time?

Finally, let’s never forget the power of prayer. Ask God to build up your husband in his fatherhood. Ask St. Joseph to guide him and Mary to watch over him in his family life. In the end, working to help your husband fulfill his vocation as a father will bless you and your children and bring all of you closer to heaven.

Related: Do You Make Your Wife a Better Mother?

You’re the mom and everyone knows it

November 23, 2015 by Danielle Filed Under: Momnipotent, Mothers Leave a Comment

My two babies. Number Nine (RIP) and Apollo.

My two furry babies. Number Nine (RIP) and Apollo.

 

When we first got a family dog 14 years ago, I was deep in the throes of mothering many small children, so bonding with our new pet was not high on my list of priorities. Dan handled most of the puppy training, and kids were in charge of cleaning up after him, letting him out, and feeding him. I had nothing against dogs, but I had very little time or energy to spare for nurturing non-human creatures in those days, so that’s just the way it needed to be.

One night while our puppy was still small, though, we had a loud thunderstorm. Because I had not sought out much of a relationship with the dog, I was surprised to discover I was the one he came to, trembling with fear at the sound of thunder and lightning. He scratched at our bedroom door, and insistently and repeatedly came to MY side of the bed, whining and pawing for MY attention in his moment of need.

The scared little dog needed a mom, and he knew where to find one. ME. I was the mom, and he knew it.

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences of finding yourself playing a motherly role in unexpected ways and places. It’s an awesome privilege and responsibility to be “the mom” wherever we go, isn’t it? I was reminded of this fact recently when I read these words from Edith Stein (aka St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross):

Finally, woman’s intrinsic value can work in every place and thereby institute grace, completely independent of the profession which she practices and whether it concurs with her singularity or not. Everywhere she meets with a human being, she will find opportunity to sustain, to counsel, to help.

If the factory worker or the office employee would only pay attention to the spirits of the person who work with her in the same room, she would prevail upon trouble-laden hearts to be opened to her through a friendly word, a sympathetic questions; she will find out where the shoe is pinching and will be able to provide relief.

Everywhere the need exists for maternal sympathy and help, and thus we are able to recapitulate in the one word motherliness that which we have developed as the characteristic value of woman. Only, the motherliness must be that which does not remain within the narrow circle of blood relations or of personal friends; but in accordance with the model of the Mother of Mercy, it must have its root in universal divine love for all who are there, belabored and burdened.

We are the moms. Wherever we go, the world knows us and needs us. Where will you bless others with your “momness” today?

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