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Danielle Bean

Catholic Writer and Speaker

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Sleep Is For Wimps

February 9, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Babies, Momnipotent, Mothers 1 Comment

Dog.in.sleepTiny hands cupped my face.

“Mama, Mama,” I heard a voice whisper. “I need you.”

“Gah!” I responded.

To explain my somewhat inelegant response, I should tell you that it was about 2 a.m. when the tiny hands cupped my face and the small voice awakened me from a sound sleep.

The little person needed a change of sheets. And a drink of water. And a re-arranging of stuffed animal friends. And a tuck-in. And a kiss.

As I met these needs willingly and then made my way back to bed, I reflected on the fact that I no longer fight the battle of sleep the way I once did.

I remember pacing the halls of our tiny one-bedroom apartment with our first baby – a screeching, colicky newborn, and thinking to my exhausted self, “This makes no sense. Surely someone is going to step in here and make this right, because people need to sleep.”

But no one did step in, except for my husband on occasion. And if the ensuing years have taught me nothing else, they have quite surely taught me this much: Though you might occasionally get one, no parent has a right to expect a good night’s sleep.

Here are some other parenting sleep facts I have learned over the years. Mostly at 2 a.m.

Parents gain new sleep skills.

At a baby shower, it seems there is always some older mom ready to “shower” the pregnant newbie with helpful information, like how she would rather eat glass than ever experience labor again. These are the same women who relish warning innocent young couples that after their baby is born, they will “never sleep again.”

This is ridiculous. Of course they will sleep again. In fact, they will learn to catch their Z’s in all variety of new places – in the dentist chair, in the confessional, in the shower, and while standing at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes.

Never say never.

When it comes to parents sharing their bed with infants and toddlers, anything goes. Once upon a time, I rejected co-sleeping because I “just wanted to get some sleep.” In ensuing years, however, I found myself embracing co-sleeping because, once again, I “just wanted to get some sleep.”

I reserve the right to continue to reject and embrace co-sleeping as much as I need to, for this precise reason. As every parent should. When it comes to making family sleep decisions, you answer to no one but yourself and your spouse. And possibly your employer, if you operate heavy machinery.

It’s all about attitude.

I used to struggle and fight to get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night because I thought getting that much sleep was a “basic necessity.” As motherhood helped me readjust my definition of “basic necessity,” however, I lowered my standards just a bit.

Now, when I find myself awake with a fussy baby at 12 a.m., up with a nightmarish toddler at 2 a.m., and changing an older child’s sheets at 4 a.m., I crawl back into my bed at 4:30 thinking, “Maybe no one will need me for another 3 hours. This will be a glorious nap!”

And it is.

There are no guarantees.

Especially with babies, it can be tempting to think you can win the sleep lottery by stacking the odds in your favor. We parents think rational thoughts like, “If I don’t let the baby nap for too long today, he’ll sleep well tonight,” or “If she skips her morning nap, she’s bound to take an extra-long one this afternoon.”

It all looks good on paper, but don’t count on it. There’s this thing grandmas call being “overtired.” If a baby lacks proper rest, he’ll sometimes become over-stimulated and incapable of falling asleep or staying asleep for any length of time.

If your baby gets “overtired,” you might just find yourself standing over his crib screaming something logical like, “I haven’t showered for three weeks! You owe me a nap!”

No he doesn’t. No guarantees.

Nighttime can be nice.

There, I said it. Sometimes, even when my eyes ache with fatigue, some crazy part of me enjoys being awake in my house when no one else is.

For one thing, my living room never looks so fantastic as it does bathed in moonlight at 3 a.m. Dust bunnies, wall markings, un-mopped floors, and fingerprinted windows all blend in with the shadows.

A second bonus is the quiet. Sometimes, when I find myself alone with a wakeful child in the night, I sit still and let the silence run over my ears like a soothing balm. I watch the flames flicker through the window of the wood stove and bask in God’s presence right there, where He always is, beneath the noise.

I do wish every parent a good night’s sleep, but since none of us is likely to get that anytime soon, I wish each of us something even better – grace.

Grace is what keeps us keeping on when there’s nothing left in the tank. It’s what tells us the job we’re doing is important, even if it’s 3 a.m. and nobody remembers to say “thank you.” And it’s what makes me smile as I rock a feverish baby in the dead of the night and sing him the words of a Bon Jovi classic:

“Until I’m 6 feet under baby, I don’t need a bed. Gonna live while I’m alive, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

This is an old column of mine that originally appeared at InsideCatholic.

Watch my interview on EWTN

January 11, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Momnipotent 2 Comments

Hey, cool! You can see my recent interview on EWTN’s Bookmark with Doug Keck right here!

More Momnipotent Savings

January 8, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Momnipotent Leave a Comment

Some of the links I posted earlier this week have stopped working, so for those of you still looking to purchase Momnipotent materials for the lowest prices available anywhere, please use the links below. Thank you for your support!
momnipotent book

 

Momnipotent book, signed by author Danielle Bean

If you would like it personalized, please make a note of the name it should be signed to in your Paypal order.

$12.00 with FREE SHIPPING




momni starter pack
Momnipotent Starter Pack

Contains everything you need to begin an 8-week Momnipotent study at your parish or home: Momnipotent book, journal, leader guide, and 8 DVDs. Save over 30% — lowest price available anywhere!

$90.00 with FREE SHIPPING




You’re the mom and everyone knows it

November 23, 2015 by Danielle Filed Under: Momnipotent, Mothers Leave a Comment

My two babies. Number Nine (RIP) and Apollo.

My two furry babies. Number Nine (RIP) and Apollo.

 

When we first got a family dog 14 years ago, I was deep in the throes of mothering many small children, so bonding with our new pet was not high on my list of priorities. Dan handled most of the puppy training, and kids were in charge of cleaning up after him, letting him out, and feeding him. I had nothing against dogs, but I had very little time or energy to spare for nurturing non-human creatures in those days, so that’s just the way it needed to be.

One night while our puppy was still small, though, we had a loud thunderstorm. Because I had not sought out much of a relationship with the dog, I was surprised to discover I was the one he came to, trembling with fear at the sound of thunder and lightning. He scratched at our bedroom door, and insistently and repeatedly came to MY side of the bed, whining and pawing for MY attention in his moment of need.

The scared little dog needed a mom, and he knew where to find one. ME. I was the mom, and he knew it.

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences of finding yourself playing a motherly role in unexpected ways and places. It’s an awesome privilege and responsibility to be “the mom” wherever we go, isn’t it? I was reminded of this fact recently when I read these words from Edith Stein (aka St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross):

Finally, woman’s intrinsic value can work in every place and thereby institute grace, completely independent of the profession which she practices and whether it concurs with her singularity or not. Everywhere she meets with a human being, she will find opportunity to sustain, to counsel, to help.

If the factory worker or the office employee would only pay attention to the spirits of the person who work with her in the same room, she would prevail upon trouble-laden hearts to be opened to her through a friendly word, a sympathetic questions; she will find out where the shoe is pinching and will be able to provide relief.

Everywhere the need exists for maternal sympathy and help, and thus we are able to recapitulate in the one word motherliness that which we have developed as the characteristic value of woman. Only, the motherliness must be that which does not remain within the narrow circle of blood relations or of personal friends; but in accordance with the model of the Mother of Mercy, it must have its root in universal divine love for all who are there, belabored and burdened.

We are the moms. Wherever we go, the world knows us and needs us. Where will you bless others with your “momness” today?

But what if you don’t feel like Wonder Woman?

October 15, 2015 by Danielle Filed Under: Momnipotent, Mothers, Newsletter Leave a Comment

After receiving my first newsletter last week, a reader sent me the following:

Your message was spot on about Wonder Woman, but sometimes I forget to do some of these things and get frustrated. I had my 7th baby in January of this year and ever since, I feel more like Horriblewoman, forgetting things, feeling overwhelmed, wanting to sign up to help out at moms groups, but winding up not even going because the two I have at home with me (8 mos and 2 1/2 years) are just too much for me to now manage.

At one point in my younger journey as mom, I had 4 under the age of 5 and could get 10 things accomplished at once! My five school age children (15, 14, 12, 10, 7) are so busy at school and each have one activity they’re involved in (we really only can handle one activity per child and it seems they all are fall sports/activities this year), but I can’t shake this feeling of inadequacy. It’s really as though baby #7 sucked all the desire, ability, and action out of me.

I think every mom can relate to these sentiments. And truly, when I write about every mom being Wonder Woman, I do mean every mom — especially those who are struggling and feeling inadequate. That’s when we most need the reminder that we are everyday heroes in our homes and families.

Sometimes being that hero means nothing more than getting yourself out of bed in the morning and signing on for another go-around on the ride of life. Sometimes being a hero means “just” nursing that fussy baby or “just” folding one more basket of laundry or “just” managing to keep everyone fed and clothed in whatever way you can manage that day.

We all have times in our lives where we feel on top of things and in control. And we all have times in our lives when we feel inadequate, overwhelmed, and desperate for support. It’s during the more trying times that we must admit something that’s been true all along — that the feeling of control we sometimes enjoy is only a pleasant illusion. Every one of us is dependent upon the grace of God every minute of every day. We are nothing, we accomplish nothing, we are worth nothing without Him.

As for your personal situation, I would encourage you to accept the fact that there is not a lot of “extra” you can manage right now. Personally speaking, I find having older children at the same time as having younger children and juggling multiple outside activities to be absolutely depleting in a way that the “many babies” years were not. It’s okay to admit how hard it sometimes is.

Each stage of motherhood and family life comes with its own unique challenges and joys. What you describe your family as right now sounds like a very full and demanding life! Being Wonder Woman right now does not mean taking on more responsibilities or helping out anyone but your own family.

God has uniquely qualified YOU to be a perfect gift to your family. You are the wife and mother he means to be the heart of your home. He has given you unique gifts of strength, compassion, love, and sensitivity that you are meant to use in the service of your family right now.

WW2

The devil would love to use this opportunity to convince you that you are not a good mom and you are failing at the important stuff. He lies. You need to be too busy living out your vocation and loving your family to hear anything he has to say. Focusing on working for your family and offering it up for the greater glory of God makes you a super hero, my friend.

Wear the bracelet, Mama, and wear it proud.

Momnipotent Study — Official Trailer

May 16, 2014 by Danielle Filed Under: Momnipotent 2 Comments

I am so excited to share this video which gives you a sneak peak at some of the video elements of the Momnipotent Study — soon to be released!

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