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Danielle Bean

Catholic Writer and Speaker

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Some notes from Jacksonville

November 21, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage 2 Comments

I had the honor of speaking at the To the End of Love marriage conference in Jacksonville this past weekend.

I have heard from a number of couples in attendance requesting an outline of my talk or some notes they could use from it, so I am publishing my notes here. They aren’t fancy, but I hope they will serve to jog your memory about all that we shared over the weekend.

I have shared the notes in a Google doc. You can see them at this link.

Thank you for welcoming me to Jacksonville and for sharing your hearts with me!

[podcast] Soften Your Heart, Bless Your Marriage #020

May 16, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Girlfriends Podcast, Marriage 3 Comments

TO LISTEN
Simply hit “play” above!
or subscribe in iTunes
or subscribe in Stitcher

Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

NOTES
This week we are talking about marriage again. This time, we are focused on “softening your heart” inside of marriage. What does that mean? Do you find yourself “hardening your heart” inside of marriage? What does that mean and how does it affect your relationship?

First, we discuss the idea of receptivity. Woman are uniquely gifted in being receptive inside of relationships. But do we sometimes reject this gift or deny it? Out of pride or defensiveness, do we sometimes close ourselves off in ways that hurt our marriage? I recommend Pat Gohn’s excellent book, Blessed, Beautiful, and Bodacious.

Next we talk about our habits. What kinds of habits do you have in communication with your spouse? Are they good or bad? Helpful or hurtful? We discuss ways to improve our daily habits to bless our marriages.

Finally, we talk about the idea of having a “Tabor Vision” of your husband. Do you see your man as God sees him or do you define him by his flaws? This concept comes from Alice Von Hildebrand in By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride.

INTERVIEW
This week I share a fun conversation I had with Bonnie Engstrom, blogger at A Knotted Life and co-host of The Visitation Project. Bonnie shares the amazing story of her son’s miraculous healing at birth and how his story is part of the official cause for the canonization of Venerable Fulton Sheen. She is a beautiful and enthusiastic woman of many talents and you will love getting to know her.

Bonnie Engstrom
Bonnie’s website
Bonnie on Twitter
Bonnie on Facebook
Bonnie on Instagram

CHALLENGE
This week’s challenge is to examine your approach to your marriage in light of “softening your heart” as we talked about. Pick one area where you can improve, and make that change!

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listeners David and Pam who left kind reviews on iTunes. You can leave a review too! Thanks so much for your support! And thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

SUPPORT

Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

Links for this episode

Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Twitter
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pablo (26)

Do You Make Your Wife a Better Mother?

January 25, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage, Mothers Leave a Comment

mom mother
When I wrote “Do You Make Your Husband a Better Father?” I heard from more than a few moms demanding equal time. Far be it for me to shortchange the ladies! Today we’ll consider some ways men can encourage their wives in motherhood.

1. Lend a Hand

Even a strong mom has physical and emotional limitations. Pay attention to how your wife spends her time. While you relax at the end of the day, is she cleaning the kitchen, folding loads of laundry, and wrestling through bedtime routines with toddlers? Do what you can to make sure she gets some down time too.

Take over one of the evening chores, delegate jobs to the kids, hire some help, or agree together to save certain tasks for the weekend. Just because she’s not asking for a break doesn’t mean she doesn’t need one.

Ask yourself: Do I make sure my wife gets the rest she needs to be her best, or do I neglect her needs for sleep, socialization, creative outlets, and time alone?

2. Nurture Her Spiritually

Often, one of the first casualties of motherhood is a consistent spiritual life. Even if your wife is unable to spend hours at the adoration chapel, you can be a means of spiritual support for her. Help her find time for daily prayer, alone or with you. And don’t forget to pray for her. Ask God to shower her with the graces she needs in fulfilling her vocation to marriage and motherhood – and he will.

Ask yourself: Do I pray for my wife daily and support her spiritually or do I allow other family matters to take precedence over her spiritual needs?

3. Be on her side

If you disagree with any of your wife’s parenting decisions, make sure you talk about them privately – not in front of the kids, and definitely not in the heat of a family crisis. Children need to learn that you will always back up their mother’s authority.

If you treat your wife with love and respect – and insist that your children do the same – you set her up to be the most effective mother she can be. With your support, even toddlers can be taught to respect boundaries in ways your wife might not think about. Teach them not to take food from her plate, for example, and never tolerate teens who are disrespectful. Nothing gives a mom greater confidence in her authority and self worth than to hear her husband demand that unruly children show her respect.

Ask yourself: Do I protect my wife – even from our children when they disrespect her or abuse her goodwill – or do I let her fend for herself?

4. Say the words

You might think your wife knows you appreciate her, but hearing those words from you will renew her confidence and inspire her toward greater heights of motherly love. Be specific and let your children hear you praise her: “I think it’s amazing the way you are able to get up at night and care for a crying baby,” or “I know what a sacrifice it is for you to drive the kids to basketball. Thank you for doing it.”

Ask yourself: Do I verbalize admiration and appreciation for my wife’s efforts as a mother or do I assume she knows what I think already?

The joy your wife finds in motherhood has a ripple effect that can bless the entire family. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children (and yourself!) is a happy mother in the heart of your home. Make a commitment to give that priceless gift to your family – starting today.

[podcast] What ‘Doing It All’ Really Means #003

January 19, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Girlfriends Podcast, Homemaking, Marriage 6 Comments

TO LISTEN
Simply hit “play” above!
or subscribe in iTunes
or subscribe in Stitcher

NOTES
This week we’re talking about “Doing it all.” Do you do it all? What does that mean? Does anyone really do it? Of course not. But sometimes it feels like we do.

No one can do it all, but many of us busy women are doing MANY things. So many things, sometimes, that we are exhausted. When looking for balance in our daily lives, it is important to consider all the things we do and prioritize our time. Among our many responsibilities — personal time, prayer time, marriage, parenting, and work — how can we figure out how much time is reasonable for us to spend on each?

Well, the answer to that question is going to vary from person to person. In this show, I walk you through the thought process of determining how to best balance many responsibilities, using some ideas I got years ago from the book A Mother’s Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot.

We each need to decide how our time ideally should be spent each day, and then comparing our ideals to the ways in which we are really spending (and sometimes wasting!) our time each day. By making a thoughtful, prayerful, intentional plan for the ways we will prioritize our responsibilities, we can not “do it all,” but we can do what really matters. With God’s help, we can do all the great and wonderful work he is calling us to do each day.

In this week’s interview, I talk with Jennifer Willits, the awesome mom, author, radio personality and podcaster. Jennifer shares some touching moments from her family life, as well as some hilarious ones. You won’t want to miss her chicken wings “recipe” for success!

This week’s Girlfriends’ shout-out goes to listener and friend Sasha, along with a touching tribute from her good friend Nicole. What great girlfriends these two are!

This week’s challenge is to think about one of your many commitments, a responsibility you are taking care of inside or outside of your home and family, and re-think it. Look at the benefits this commitment provides and balance those with what it “costs” you and your family to do it the way you have been. In the end, decide whether there is a new way you can approach this responsibility, a new person who could take on the responsibility, or if it could be placed on hold for a while, OR if you think it’s definitely worthwhile to keep doing it the way you have been.

Thanks to my Twitter friend Dena for reviewing Girlfriends on iTunes this week. I would love it if you would consider doing the same, rating and/or reviewing Girlfriends in iTunes to help me get the word out about this new podcast.

And thanks, as always for listening. I’m so glad you’re here! Know your worth, find your joy!

Links for this episode:

Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Books
A Mother’s Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul, by Holly Pierlot

Jennifer Willits 
GregandJennifer.com
Jennifer and Greg’s podcast, Adventures in Imperfect Living
Jennifer and Greg’s book, The Catholics Next Door: Adventures in Imperfect Living

Contact:

Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Twitter
Danielle Bean on Instagram

Do You Make Your Husband a Better Father?

January 17, 2016 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage, Mothers 4 Comments

husband better father

Do you make your husband a better father? Here are some practical ways to encourage your husband in his fatherhood.

1. Take Notice

It’s very likely that your husband performs loving acts for your children all the time, whether it’s giving them hugs, making them lunch, driving them to soccer practice, or paying the tuition and dental bills. Taking notice and verbalizing your gratitude for these things will not only teach your children to appreciate their father, but will make your husband’s heart soar.

With small kids, you can say: “Did daddy pour you that drink? What a nice daddy you have!” Or with big kids: “I think it’s great that Dad makes time to help you with your math homework.”

Ask yourself: Do my words to and about my husband build him up as a father or tear him down?

2. Respect His Authority

This can be a tricky one, because our motherly pride sometimes gets in the way. Mothers are the ones who do the lion’s share of feeding, bathing, changing, carpooling, and kissing boo-boos better. Surely we know what’s best for our kids, don’t we?

Maybe not. We need to remember that God gave our kids a mother and a father for a reason. Your husband wants what’s best for your kids too – he just might have a different way of getting there. So he doesn’t recognize the importance of the baby’s socks matching his shirt. Or he lets older kids watch more television than you would. These are probably not battles that need to be fought. Let go of that pressing need for control and bite your tongue!

Ask yourself: Do I respect my husband’s authority as a father or do I discount his perspective, usurp his authority, and belittle his opinions … even if only in my own mind?

3. Criticize Carefully

Of course there will be times when you might notice that your husband could improve in some important way. Recognizing his good intentions and his particular challenges first will make him more receptive to hearing your concerns.

For example, if you think your husband should cut back his work hours and spend more time at home, do not say, “Your job is more important to you than we are!” or “If you keep up this schedule, the kids won’t even know you anymore!”

Try a positive, encouraging approach instead: “I appreciate how hard you work at your job and the money you earn for the family, but we really miss you around here! Is there something I can do to make it easier for you to come home a little earlier this week?”

Ask yourself: Do my words to my husband make him want to be a better father or make him want to stop trying altogether?

4. Give Him a Break

In the end, working to help your husband fulfill his vocation as a father will bless you and your children and bring all of you closer to heaven.

A good wife knows when her husband is near his breaking point. Whether it’s frustration with toddlers or teens, when you see the telltale signs of a raised voice, a twitching eye or a clenched jaw, it’s time to intervene – just as you would have him do for you in your weaker moments.

Blessed are the peacemakers! Separate your husband from the source of his frustration and, without judgment or demands, encourage him to take a break. Then everyone can regroup without Dad having to blow his top first. Part of being a good parent is knowing your limitations. Part of being a good wife is knowing your husband’s limitations, and helping the family to navigate them.

Ask yourself: Do I do everything I can to ensure my husband’s time with the children is a pleasant time?

Finally, let’s never forget the power of prayer. Ask God to build up your husband in his fatherhood. Ask St. Joseph to guide him and Mary to watch over him in his family life. In the end, working to help your husband fulfill his vocation as a father will bless you and your children and bring all of you closer to heaven.

Related: Do You Make Your Wife a Better Mother?

Grace at Thanksgiving

November 19, 2015 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage, Prayer, Special Days Leave a Comment

thanksgiving grace

Dan and I spent our first Thanksgiving as a married couple at his mother’s bedside in the hospital. She had suffered a stroke and was on her third day in the intensive care unit, incoherent and unresponsive to medication. One of my husband’s aunts arrived and suggested that the two of us should take a break from sitting vigil and head down to the cafeteria for lunch.

And so we did. We sat alone at a chilly metal table and did our best to ingest a hospital cafeteria’s attempt at Thanksgiving dinner, complete with compartmentalized plastic trays and disposable silverware. I poked at a scoop of cold instant mashed potatoes and struggled to stifle a selfish anger that threatened to rise within me.

This was not at all the way this day was supposed to be. It was 1994, I was pregnant with our first baby and had entertained grand ideas about establishing holiday traditions for our young family. Our first Thanksgiving dinner was supposed to be an idyllic feast of family and food. My mother-in-law and I were supposed to be getting on each other’s nerves and stepping on each other’s toes in the kitchen while the men watched football in the other room.

I was a young woman in a young marriage. My mother-in-law’s sudden illness was my first real taste of the reality that things might not always go as I had planned them — that God might indeed allow for suffering and loss in my family life. That afternoon, I watched my mother-in-law labor to breathe through an intubation tube and I struggled to pray, but no words came.

Later, I stood awkwardly at my husband’s side as he hung a brown scapular around his mother’s neck, and still I found no words. I was too angry and confused to talk to God just yet. That Thanksgiving evening, Dan and I returned home to our one-bedroom apartment. When he suggested we pray a Rosary for his mother before going to bed, I flinched. Pregnancy plus the long day had left my body with previously unknown levels of exhaustion. But what kind of wife and daughter-in-law flinches at such a request? I said yes.

Dan handed me my rosary and there, in our tiny living room, sitting on second-hand sofa cushions, we prayed. I thought of my mother-in-law lying in her hospital bed as we prayed. I remembered the smell of hospital disinfectant and the steady beep and hum of life-saving equipment. But there, in the sound of my husband’s voice repeating the familiar words of prayer, I found peace for the first time in days.

The most important Thanksgiving tradition is simply pausing long enough to recognize our blessings. At that first Thanksgiving of our young marriage, I counted among my blessings the security of our marriage and my husband’s leadership. Dan’s steadfast faith in the face of challenges bolstered my own. He gave voice to my prayer when I felt I had none.

I never finished praying the rosary that night. After a couple of decades, my responses slowed and my eyelids grew heavy. When I could no longer fight it, I finally fell asleep. Dan didn’t wake me. He finished praying for both of us.

Just like I knew he would.

Honey & the Greatest Good

November 6, 2015 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage, Newsletter Leave a Comment

You know Honey, right? This week we are talking about the awesomest Pixar character we never saw, and being the greatest good your husband is is ever gonna get.

Read the whole newsletter and then subscribe so you never miss an issue!

Love you Honey!

Virtual Breakfast

February 18, 2011 by Danielle Filed Under: Marriage

I was up early this morning, but somehow managed to get distracted by work and work and a little more work. I wound up so very badly distracted that I was late getting around to some of my other morning tasks.

Like breakfast for the man.

“Wait!” I wound up shouting to him as he headed out the door for work, “Your toast hasn’t popped up yet!”

He couldn’t wait. But he sure could follow up with an email once he got to work. The subject line was “Virtual Breakfast.”

Could you please send me a picture of some nice waffles with sausage. Thanks.

How very kind of him to allow me this simple way to redeem myself.

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