A Reader Writes:
It seems my children just won’t eat their dinner. They are still young, 3 and 18 months. I can usually get my 3 year old to at least try it. But mealtime has become me on the edge of my seat waiting to see if they are going to eat and feeling like crying when they don’t. I limit snacks and they don’t eat a lot of junk foods. I just don’t want to give up and give them peanut butter every night. Do they outgrow this? Will they ever just sit down and be excited about what I made for dinner? Any suggestions?
I once read a Qualia review in a magazine article about toddler nutrition that assured me that most young children, if left to their own devices with access to all variety of foods, would wind up eating a balanced and nutritious diet. Really, I thought? Can I really be the only one whose child would ignore the carrot sticks, shovel in a handful or two of M&Ms, wash them down with a swig of apple juice, and consider himself fed for a week? My friends tell me I am not.
But do they outgrow this? For sure. Some kids more quickly than others and some kids more completely than others. Toddlers just happen to be so distracted by many new and wonderful things in the world — finding out how light switches work, experimenting with the toilet, and exploring inside of your sewing box — that every other thing, including eating, seems a terrific waste of time. But even a busy toddler will not let himself starve. All human beings do eventually feel hungry enough to seek out food. Your job is only to consistently offer good, balanced food choices so that when the time is right, you and your preschooler can make a nutritious connection.
If you make mealtime into a frenetic battle of the wills, though, nobody wins. I would suggest that you save the gourmet cooking for an after-bedtime rendez-vous with your husband. Keep the toddler-feeding simple and keep it low key. You offer and they either eat or don’t eat. Don’t take it personally and don’t get dramatic. They will not starve.
I’m sure others will comment with their own suggestions, but for starters, here’s a quick list of some of my favorite toddler-friendly foods:
1. Bananas and milk: Slice a banana in a bowl, pour in a bit of milk and serve cereal-style with a spoon.
3. Apple slices spread with peanut butter
4. Turkey roll-up: Thin slice of deli turkey topped with a slice of cheese and rolled up for eating by hand
5. Raisins: Buy the tiny boxes. Toddlers love to “have their very own” and raisins are a cheap, easy source of fiber and iron.
6. Dippin Chicken: Cube cooked chicken or turkey and serve with toddler’s favorite condiment
7. Mini bagels: You can find these in whole wheat and in a variety of flavors. You can top them with peanut butter or cheese for extra nutrition and the size is just right for fat little fingers.
8. Smoothies: Throw frozen fruit in the blender with yogurt or milk and blend till frothy. You can “power-pack” it by adding dry milk powder or wheat germ. Fast and yummy. Even my picky kids will drink anything I call a “smoothie.”
The toddler I take care of will eat anything if I give her "dip" to go with it. French toast cut in strips with syrup, veggies with ranch, pretty much anything with ketchup. I just put a little "dip" on her high chair tray and even though she hardly gets any, she’ll eat her veggies. Now the 7 year old I watch… that’s a different story. The kid won’t eat anything except peanut butter sandwiches and mac and cheese.
My children are 5 and 2 and neither eat meat, except for chicken nuggets if that is considered a meat these days. The 5 year old will eat some turkey and other chicken but it is rare. They have a varied diet of all kinds of other good foods though like red peppers, fresh green beans, watermelon, breads of all kinds, etc.
I think it was in Dr. Sears that I read try an ice cube tray with all kinds of different bite size foods, served with dip (ranch, ketchup, yogurt, peanut butter). I don’t use the ice tray, but I have done the varied foods. I don’t worry about the food they eat knowing that they don’t get junk to replace the good stuff.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Please do not allow meal time to turn into tear time. I’ve done that and it’s miserable. Instead try serving very simple meals. I love casseroles, soups, stews, but toddlers usually do not. Instead serve grilled hamburgers, baby carrots, natural applesauce and homemade potato wedges with dipping sauce. I make burgers very tiny and serve on potato rolls or dinner rolls from the bakery. Small hands can handle this size without too much trouble. I like to serve simple, plain whole foods as much as possible. For one it’s easy to fix, keeps the grocery bill down and allows me to offer a variety of foods at each meal. Then between the six of us I know everyone can find at least one thing they like. That brings me to my rule of thumb. If my kids eat at least one thing from the table and drink their milk without complaining or crying, the meal is considered a success. And yes they do grow out of the picky, I will only eat white foods stage. My 9, 8 and 5 year old all eat a large variety of foods happily. Not to say they still have dislikes, but the possibilities of likes has increased 100 fold since toddlerhood. The 2 year old is another story.
I just want to add one more thought. I typically put a tray of food on the table around 2pm for an afternoon snack. I don’t call for everyone, I just nonchalantly place it on the table and one by one they appear and eat good food. Somedays I fill it with cheese and whole wheat crackers, other days with an assortment of veggies and maybe dip. I also do fruit trays, crackers with peanut butter, ants on a log. It’s amazing how much good food kids will consume if it’s the only option. I leave the food out all afternoon if possible and just let them fill up when they get hungry. Keep it simple throw a 2 lb. bag of baby carrots on the table and watch them just disappear.
My one year old is being a real stinker about eating right now. He only wants to eat bread type things. So I’ve started making biscuits with all sorts of things hidden in them – meats, vegetables, etc. I just use the Betty Crocker Baking Powder Biscuit recipe and add whatever I feel like to them. This also makes for easy meals for trips;.
Kind of the same idea, I forget "dinner" and offer "food"– cut up fresh fruit, cubed cheese, cold cuts with cream cheese inside and then rolled up, cashews . . . Its almost like snacking, but they know exactly what is in front of them. And of course, anything with peanut butter on it!
Oh, I’m interested in this advice! My youngest, 2 years old, literally lives on peanut butter sandwiches (on whole wheat, at least), bananas, milk, grapes, popcorn, and goldfish crackers. Literally. That’s. All. He Eats. Ever. I can’t even get him to take a multivitamin. I put him in the high chair and put some of whatever we are eating on his plate, and then give him the peanut butter when he refuses to eat anything else. When he gets a bit older, I will require him to at least taste what we are having. We also have a very picky 7 year old. He is required to take three "thank you bites" of each thing we are having. After that he can fill up on what he likes or make himself a peanut butter sandwich if he doesn’t like anything. I try to be as detached as I can from the whole thing. We go through a lot of peanut butter though, and many nights I wonder why I bother to cook at all! My small comfort is that my 10yo is an excellent eater and loves all kinds of fruits and veggies. She begs me to buy fresh aspargus and artichokes. How do you figure they all come from the same home?? 🙂
I add my support to the "do not panic" argument. My oldest son was born without an esophagus and so had many oral aversions once we were even allowed to feed him orally, and the feeding therapists reminded us that even to get children to try something new was an adventure. All of my 4 blessings have gone through a stage where yogurt was the only food they would eat on a regular basis, for instance, and it always passed in time. Continue to offer good for them foods, and model balanced eating on your and your husband’s plates, and eventually things even out. The feeding therapists also told us that people have to try things at least 10 times before they know if they really like them or not…something to keep in mind if the first try of vegetables (or whatever) doesn’t go over well.
Do remember that the under 2 age group isn’t supposed to have peanut butter and things like that, and the under 4 group isn’t supposed to have popcorn, nuts, etc. And always cut up into TINY pieces any hot dog product–hot dogs getting stuck in the esophagus causes quite a few ER visits every year.
I remember that commercial about a toddler’s stomach being the size of his/her tiny fist, which helps put the whole ‘how much should they eat’ into perspective.
I was blessed with adventurous eaters, something I definitely didn’t deserve! 🙂
To the great toddler foods suggested so far, here’s a few more:
rotini or penne with spaghetti sauce on the side for dipping
cheese melted on a soft tortilla, rolled up (and cut into curls if you want)
Betty Crocker website’s "chicken fingers" recipe (easy and good)
I serve very small portions at meals and the rule from the very beginning is "you can have seconds on anything that has been served after you eat all of your firsts." I will occassionally make exceptions, like "Dad’s Spicy Special."
If you stick to it, it works out. It sure beats serving a big portion and telling the child you will be happy if s/he eats "just a couple of bites."
And, if you are uptight about wasted food, then if you are stuck finishing a plate you are stuck with 3 bites instead of 15.
whimsy
I think it is the cookbook Feed Me, I’m Yours that recommends putting frozen peas in hot food, like soup or spaghetti or mac and cheese. It helps cool it off and gets some veggie matter in them when all they want are carbs.
This peanut dip for veggies on Mollie Katzen’s website (http://www.molliekatzen.com/show/chinese_peanut_sauce.php) my three year old LOVES. I even served it at my nephew’s 8th birthday party and kids and parents alike couldn’t stay away from it. To serve it to kids, I cut back a bit on the garlic and use only a sprinkle of cayenne. Also, totally raw veggies tend to be difficult to eat, so we "shock" them. Broccoli, fresh green beans, and baby carrot sticks go in boiling water for a minute or two and then in ice water. Those veggies listed plus some celery and that dip….everyone is happy for lunch.
We have a food point system. If the kids try a new food they get a point. After 10 points they get to reach in the prize bag and pull something out…little toys, or a book, or a stuffed animal etc. They love trying new things now even though they are verrrrry picky. They’ve voluntarily tried jalapenos, wasabi hot peanuts, sushi (non-raw), olives, radishes…..the list goes on and on, not to mention completing a main dish like roast in order to get a point. When they’re getting close to 10 points they’re always saying, "Will we be having something new tonight? I hope so!" It’s hilarious.
My two year old is fortunately a pretty adventurous eater, though easily distracted. I try not to offer ‘replacement’ food (like peanut butter) when he isn’t interested in dinner – I’ve seen that in other families and sometimes the children never seem to grow out of it. Its true, I think, that if all you offer them is good food, they’ll eventually eat it, and certainly no child has starved to death from missing dinner.
I have to say that others have said what I was going to say. There are so many ways to get a child to eat, but the first thing we have to do is relax. Even in children, survival instinct is strong, so they won’t let themselves starve.
I found that my kids would sometimes* pick at their food. Then all of a sudden eat as if there was no tomorrow! *Sometimes being days or weeks.
I developped 2 important rules:
1. You eat what’s on your plate – no substitution.
2. You have to at least taste everything that is on your plate.
With #2, it’s important that I respect that too. I only give 1 smallish cube of turnip to the one who /hates/ turnip, while I’ll give small yet reasonable sized portions to the others who are still develloping their "turnip" palet.
Then I have one last rule for myself:
Don’t sweat it. I find if I make a fuss over it once, I have to fuss over it again and again…
At 3 & 18 months, kids will have healthy appetites. It’s just that it is smaller… Remember that their stomach is about the size of the child’s fist. Feed small portions, often – about 6 times/day which is a more natural way of eating.
Keep in mind that Cheese and milk can count for some protein too! 😉
Sadly, I have to be the one to add some worry. I hate doing this, but I’ve got a kid who is getting half the calories he needs (he is seven, and no, I am not exaggerating). I recently wrote about it on my blog. He’s not starving – only half starving!
He has all the appearances of a healthy kid, but he, and all my kids, are small. They have all dropped in their growth curves from 50th percentile at age 2 to 10th or less (my 7 year old fell off the charts) over the years. Right now, I’ve had to drag him from the nutritionist to several specialists to the lab and radiology for batteries of tests which say he’s healthy, just underfed.
The nutritionist highly recommmends Pediasure (a drink found by the baby formula), which is very expensive. As an alternative, she also suggested Carnation Instant Breakfast, which we now use to make chocolate milk for all our kids. We switched back to whole milk. My son likes banana slices topped with peanut butter.
I know I have an extreme case, and I really don’t like to add worry to the load of guilt we moms carry around all the time. But sometimes, kids, given healthy alternatives and left alone to make their own eating choices, don’t properly feed themselves and parents have to step in and insist on certain types and quantities. I have now become pretty hard-line with my older children (9, 7 and almost 6), but am not quite as strict with my 3 1/2 year old. Thankfully, my 2 year old likes to eat. The mom with the original question still has little ones, so I don’t think she needs to enforce a clean-your-plate rule yet. At this age, insisting that they be polite and not shove the offending food off their plate onto the table is difficult enough. But definitely requiring the older child to try the food, balanced by always offering something that the child likes (rice, potatoes, canned green beans?) is a good technique to minimize tears while still asserting that parents decide what gets eaten. I also recommmend that at least once or twice a week trying to come up with a meal that the whole family enjoys – for us it is tacos one night and pizza another night. Most weeks I make both of these, and I have 2 nights with no tears (and no headache about coming up with something creative for dinner).
My daughters are now teens had their share of picky times when they were younger and they both stayed pretty much at the top of the growth charts. My husband also has particular tastes and absolutely did not want to force them to eat anything they didn’t want to eat. I would try to offer them different things. They would in general though eat fruit bread and milk. Sometimes something they hate one month becomes a favorite the next month. They even went through times that they didn’t like peanut butter or mac/cheese. I’ve had one child who ate rye toast (a particular kind with seeds but from the thrift store) with butter for breakfast every day for probably six months and hasn’t had it since. Once they hit school age I tried the eat what I served thing. I actually had that same child pass out on the playground the next day from low blood sugar since she didn’t eat. After that we’ve pretty much let them fix themselves leftovers, peanut butter, or cereal if they hated dinner but I would only cook one meal. I would work on not complaining, throwing food, and sitting still during meal times. Also keep offering them different foods. If they’re eating bread milk fruit whatever easy nutritous stuff they will eat don’t worry much unless they’re underweight. For the three year old you might try having them "help" cook things or pick things out at the store sometimes that makes them like the food more.
What I’ve been told is Mom is responsible for what, when, and how food is presented; the child is responsible for how much is consumed.
We have a five-bite rule–five bites makes a meal. And if you walk away from the table (after your five bites) for any reason except potty, you’re done.
Mine will wander off to play, then return 10 minutes later to an empty plate. That’s a different problem, though, I guess…
But it’s good to have your case, Michelle, of knowing how little is too little and to trust your insticts.
Arlene, the sweet Sam’s Club sample lady who never seems to mind that I have five kids all swarming around her, swears by the following method: cut up the food into bite-size bits. Kids will eat anything that’s "cute", she claims.
What’s worked in OUR house, also, is that fact that daddy’s mean. Well, he’s a teddy bear once you get him away from the table, but he always insists that the kids eat their food.
Even the toddlers.
Except when they’re gagging.
And then Mommy’s the neck that turns the head, and I get Daddy to reconsider.
Most of the time, though, I am thankful thankful thankful that my husband is even MORE stubborn than my kids are. Indeed, that’s where they got it. 😉
All great food suggestions, Danielle. I use almost all of them weekly. The only warning I have is about raisins. My dentist really warns against them as a frequent snack food because they just stick like glue to toddlers’ teeth. If kids’ do eat them alot, just make sure they brush right after.
one thing that my pediatrician suggested when my daughter was young was simply to offer what you’re having. If she ate it, great. If not, she had to wait until the next time I was serving something to eat (snack time, next meal, etc)Danielle is right…your child will not starve themselves and making it a battle of the wills is not worth it. By offering whatever we were having (that I of course knew she could handle for her age) she began to realize that our house wasn’t a restaurant and it wasn’t going to be peanut butter and mac and cheese for every meal. Our daughter is 5 now and she’s pretty much willing to try anything and if she decides not to eat it, she knows it’s ok, but that there won’t be any substituting. What she "likes" changes everyday–so trying to accommodate her whim for things she refuses one day isn’t worth it, b/c odds are she’ll like it again tomorrow…
It’s funny how our perspective has changed on this over the years. When we had only little kids, and were much more strict :), everyone had to eat everything on their plates (and I can’t quite remember how we did that but timers and tears come to mind). Now, with 11 people to feed three meals a day, the older kids and parents say to the little ones "You don’t like this delicious dinner?! Good – there’ll be more for the rest of us!". And then the younger dissenter gets a yogurt, cheese and crackers, peanut butter banana, cereal, or any other easy thing I don’t have to prepare. Breakfast and lunch are easy because we have the same thing every day (cereal/milk/juice for breakfast; sandwiches, popcorn, fruit, milk for lunch).
I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of leaving the gourmet or complicated cooking for when the kids are older. A staple in our Italian home is pasta with sauce, or butter for little ones who may get burned bottoms from the sauce. I haven’t met a nine month old yet who didn’t love "noodles with butter" all the way through childhood. Add milk to drink for protein and calcium and a vegetable or fruit and it’s a pretty balanced meal. You can even use the whole grain pasta to get more "good carbs". I’ve always found at least one vegetable that a particular child likes, even if it’s just carrots and dip or lettuce with ranch dressing.
One simple rule of thumb I learned in nursing school is to try to have some protein and a fruit or vegetable at each meal. Milk, cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, etc can be great protein sources if the kids won’t eat meat yet. Many of mine haven’t really eaten meat until they were 3 or 4 years old.
As a mom who’s "been around the block a few times" with nine different personalities in my kids, I will still say that I haven’t figured out if the picky-ness issue in some kids is a power struggle or a "it just doesn’t taste right on my palate" issue. But does it really matter? It doesn’t for me…..too many other things to be concerned about with my brood. They’re all active, thriving, and healthy so I’m not too concerned about the food issue. Oh, and I’m still trying to persuade the FDA to make chocolate a food group :).
I also want to add my own question about this. Is it just in the United States or wealthier countries that kids have this freedom of picky-ness? I mean, you can’t imagine poor kids picking at what they’re given.
Once my husband and I went to a Chinese food restaurant when my oldest son was about 18 months at the time. We looked at the menu and asked the waiter, "Do you have a kid’s menu?" He looked at us and said, "No, kids eat this." and he pointed to the regular menu. It kind of stuck with me and got me to thinking…I always wonder now if my kids are picky because there are so many options or is this a universal problem. We’ve had MANY a talk with the kids and now the oldest (and pickiest) will try to eat all his food because he knows he is blessed to have food at all. So, I guess, if anyone wouldn’t mind sharing their opinions also on this….do we have a problem as a nation or is this normal in general? HELP!
I meant to say, you can’t imagine kids picking at what they’re given IN POOR COUNTRIES.
Some veggie tricks:
My kids love frozen veggies from the freezer(yes, uncooked) They’ll beg for frozen beans, peas, corn when I’m trying to cook dinner and then refuse to eat the cooked veggies at dinner. The same is true for raw veggies. They’ll eat raw red peppers when I’m chopping, but they’ll pick them out of the stir fry. I often serve raw veggies and dip instead of cooking them. When they were little and outgrew baby food, I bought no salt canned veggies and they ate them cold–from the can–which disturbed my Italian mom but it worked!
As a former teacher, I can tell you that "picky eating" is considered a normal stage of child development in developed countries. Although, within the developed countries, culture also will curtail or promote fussy eating. You find a difference in "pickiness’ between Asian and American children because the American culture is more child-centered than the Asian culture.
Also children in Third World countries know genuine hunger and eat whatever comes their way to assuage it, children in developed countries seldom deal with real hunger.
My dad, who’s been a pediatrician for almost 25 years, gave me the happiest advice I’ve had in a long time. First, like Danielle said, the child will not starve. Second, you should see their nutritional intake in terms of weeks, not days. For instance, my daughter will eat only bread and butter on one day and then only grapes the next and then, perhaps on day 3, she’ll decide the green beans and cheese sticks are fun. By the end of the week, she’s had almost a full food pyramid. Sometimes.
But the advice put my heart more at rest, even if lunchtime is still a little strained. At least she’s getting the vitamins and fibers she needs week by week!
I have found that the less I made food issues a big deal, the less the kids did.
I have skinny children and a very overweight husband. I want them to learn to trust their appetites and to eat in a healthy way. So I do not force them to clean their plates, etc. If they’re full, they’re full. But I do encourage that they eat some of whatever’s on the plate.
They’re much happier (even the teenager) with raw vegetables rather than cooked. It’s easy enough to do especially in summer, so I’ll make cooked ones for myself and have a raw platter for the rest of them.
When they go through the "no gravy phase" I do keep their meats (or pasta or rice) plain. But it’s still the same base meal, just without the sauce. Eventually ALL of them have come around to liking it WITH the sauce.
They all try new foods fairly readily and sometimes eagerly.
More toddler-friendly ideas:
–grilled cheese sandwich (or just a slice of "cheese toast"–top a slice of bread with a slice of cheese and broil until bubbly. Cut into "sticks" for easy eating.
–cold cooked pasta
–string cheese if the child is old enough to handle that concept
–lightly steamed snow pea pods (these FASCINATED my kids when they were little!)
–oatmeal (easy to spoon up if you make it thick, and you can top it with fruit!)
–French toast
Growing up, if we kids didn’t like what Mom and Dad served for dinner, they allowed us to make ourselves peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. My brother ate PB&J for dinner almost daily from toddler-hood until he was about ten. Now he’s eighteen, 6’3", and eats EVERYTHING. Don’t worry, the pickiness will pass (especially with boys!).
I have picky eaters and it is probably due to the fact that they have too many options, but then again, a child’s palate will change and grow as they do. There are foods that I love today that I remember making me gag when I was a child. My 3 year old is currently going through a "meat strike" that I remember each and everyone of my other children going through at the same age. Is that something I taught them? No. It is just who they are and I am a firm believer in allowing my children to have preferences provided it is a) not harmful to their health or b) not a source of insult and rudeness to a hostess.
As far as suggestions go during these "drive-by" eating years… find a way to make meal time more interesting by letting your 3 year old help prepare it (as much as is safe to allow) or instituting story time during the meal. I have found that my 3 year old will sit longer at the table and nibble more if his attention has been captured by a great story.
I’ve got to say that good old fashioned bribery works for us. If they don’t eat all their dinner then they don’t get dessert. If they’re really not hungry or really don’t like it, they’ll skip dessert, which is usually dessert is a couple of gummi bears or jelly beans, a special fruit like mango or pineapple, or chocolate milk instead of plain milk. Another thing that has worked is that kids get their drinks after they’ve eaten because otherwise they fill up on their beverage and are too full to eat! Another thing that helps and is probably more healthy for ALL of us is to serve smaller portions at mealtimes and to have morning and afternoon snacks, as well.
FYI: I come from a little more of a "no nonsense" background with my grandpa’s voice in the back of my head as he used to tell my mom and she would tell us: "If I put rocks on your plate, you’ll eat them!"
Breakfast and lunch are pretty much the same every day in our house — Cheerios, milk, juice, peanut butter or cheese or bologna and bread, unsweetened applesauce — and they go down pretty well, but at dinner I try to make a real, balanced meal, and my husband and I do insist that our nearly three-year-old eat what we give him. At the same time, though, I do try to be sure that the portion I give him is not too much to eat or that the food I make is too "gross" from a kid’s perspective. And if he’s having a hard time, we’ll offer him a bite of something he likes (shredded cheese, a crouton [!], etc.) for every bite he has of what we want him to eat (vegetable, meat, etc.). It works really really well, and he almost always finishes his whole meal.
But there is the occasional night where he just can’t seem to choke down what we’re offering, no matter how many "bribes," and then we resort to a half of a peanut butter sandwich and applesauce, which seems fine and balanced (protein, carb, fruit, calcium from the milk he drinks), and saves our sanity.
Like another commenter, I have an almost one-year-old who is a stinker. Well, I should say she is wary. I have found she inherited from me an issue with textures of foods and how they are prepared. I give her cut up fruit, but she dislikes how slippery it is in her hands and the texture bothers her mouth, so she feeds it to our dogs if we turn our backs. But she will eat pureed fruit. So I guess she’s picky in a different way.
I know I’ve always been told that even we adults should eat six small meals a day instead of three big ones. And more and more often I’m hearing that about kids too. We offer her whatever we are eating (provided it’s not ice cream as her father will sometimes enjoy that for his dinner). And Cheerios as a fall back. She is getting more adventurous and tolerant. She refused Cheerios at first but now attacks them. Remember, it’s not a race to get them to change or start with new tastes. For a kid who refused Cheerios, mine ate collard greens at daycare last week–who knew!
When mine wee 1-3, I had to especially careful about drinks; they would inhale 8 ounces of milk and then have no appetite. Offering water until the meal was half finished was helpful.
While we have told our kids they have to try a new food, we learned the hard way that force feeding can backfire. When I had reached my limit with my picky eater, I demanded that he swallow one spoonful of yams. He swallowed, turned ashen, and threw up all over the table.
Now that our boys are a little older, our general rule is no bread, dessert, or bedtime snacks if you don’t eat the main parts of the meal.
It all gets easier as they grow up a little.
All great advice from lots of experienced moms! I have a 3-1/2 year old and a 18 month old. My 18 month old has been picky lately too.
The only other things I do that ensure they eat is I let the kids snack on the food at the counter while they are helping me prepare the meal–especially the cheeses, veggies and fruit salad. I am not sure why chicken tastes better at the counter than at the table on a plate but I can’t complain too much if they actually eat.
The other thing is that we grew a vegetable garden this year. My 3 year LOVES it and quite honestly leaves us little from the garden for the rest of us to eat.
I remember when my older children were little and I used to marvel at their diets. If only I could subsist on a swig of apple juice and a chicken nugget, all that pregnancy poundage would just melt away! Oh well. What helped me through those trying times was 1) not to get worried about it and 2) realize that my diet was pretty limited too. Once I accepted that we ate pretty well, I didn’t stress how much they ate during meals. If they were hungry, they ate more. If not, the dog got some extra food for the day.
The best thing my pediatrician ever told me was that no normal, healthy child has ever starved themselves to death. This came after a year of fighting with my exceptionally picky two year old at dinner time and fixing her literally three or four things, none of which she would eat.
With the two that followed I usually offer whatever we’re having and that’s it. If it’s something that is unfriendly to a child’s taste, I will allow them one alternative and that’s it. We don’t fight and none have starved so far.
Suprisingly enough, they are less picky than my first, who is currently enduring all kinds of new foods.
I don’t believe in force feeding children, or making them eat foods that they don’t like. I think that only makes pickiness worse. We have always offered a wide variety of foods to our kids. When they were babies, we skipped the gross, pureed baby food, and fed them the real stuff…. as soon as they could feed themselves, we would just put tiny pieces of what we were eating on their highchair trays, and just let their curiosity take over. My oldest did go through a very picky stage from about 4 or 5yo, until about 7 or 8yo. I knew it would pass which it is, I won’t make anyone a separate meal, but I have no problem with leaving some of the pasta plain, or the chicken unsauced for any picky ones. I also make sure that there is something being served that each child will eat. If I serve spinach, for example, I will not make them eat it, but I will make sure there is another veggie served that they will. They are great at trying new things, too, because they know that if they don’t like it, I will not make them eat it. Food should not be a battle, and making someone clear a plate when they had no say in the amount of food that was put on it, and honestly just don’t like it, will only make things worse. They should learn to control how much they eat— It’s their body that they are feeding!
Those books that say "it is just a phase" lie big time. I believed them and served my children what they liked, alternating every 6 months with an episode of trying to get them to eat normal food, aka "the food wars". Will managed 3 days without eating anything until he threw up and Maggie went 5 days without injesting anything but milk- I had nightmares she was never going to eat again.
I now have the world’s 4 most picky children (9,7,4,3)- no veggies, no meat (1 will eat chicken and hot dogs). Trips out to restaurants are out and holiday meals are frustrating because I end up resentful at having to make pb&j to go with the turkey. Amazingly, they are all healthy and seem to thrive on bread, pb, and fruit.
I keep telling myself it could be worse, they could love food too much and be sporting bubba bellies and trying to send me to the poor house with constant requests to go to McDonald’s.
My oldest child was a picky eater at home–he would always refuse to eat dinner, prefering cheese, hot dogs or peanut butter toast. He also attended a daycare that served lunch daily. One day I picked him up to take him somewhere and returned him to daycare after lunch had been served for the day. Since they knew he was coming back, they saved his plate for him. When I saw what it was, I knew he wouldn’t eat it. Out of earshot, I asked the teacher what happened if the kids didn’t like what was being served. She told me that most of the time the kids found something on the plate to eat, but that I didn’t have to worry, my son was a good eater and that wasn’t an issue. A light bulb went off at that point, and we instituted the "no eat, no treat" rule and it didn’t take long for him to come around to eating most of what we served.
Just a few add-on ideas:
Add butter & cinnamon to cooked carrots. Add parmesan cheese to peas (frozen peas work best). Add finely grated carrots to Mac & cheese (broccoli too if the child is adventurous). Add ranch dressing to cooked Broccoli (sounds gross but my kids love it). Most things can be dipped in either ketchup, BBQ sauce, or Sour Cream (great bargaining tools)… just make sure they eat MORE than just the condiment!
so many great comments…just a few thoughts
Ehttp://www.ellynsatter.com/
Ellyn Satter is a WONDERFUL nutritionist. Her books have great ideas for every situation. Very good!
A nutritionist came to our parent group one time and showed us a "healthy" serving size for toddlers…there was hardly anything there! It somewhat put the worrying about what they needed in their system to stay healthy into perspective.
I’ve heard of doctors saying no peanut butter until 1 year all the way out to no peanut butter until age 5, and only then in the allergists office – the advice varies with family history of food allergies, child’s medical history, and doctor’s training.
If you want to hold off on peanut butter, almond butter makes a good substitute for peanut butter in sandwiches – you can eat most of a sandwich before you realize you’ve grabbed the wrong one. Soy nut butter, on the other hand, is vile.
We allow choices for breakfast and lunch. Around age 2 we start with, "You asked for that. You can’t have something different until you finish what you asked for" although that’s not strictly enforced until around 3, and if it was something they’ve never had before (unusual at breakfast or lunch) they would be offered a taste and asked if they wanted more.
For supper, once they start feeding themselves (even if just fingers), they are served what we are having, with only minor modifications (no tomato sauce if you eat pasta with fingers, no shrimp if too young, no feta unless you ask, can eat food with utensils and wrap separate if prefer, etc.).
A child who eats is age in bites has fufilled his dinner obligations. He can ask for seconds of anything he likes, qualifies for dessert if we have it, and can fix himself anything else he wants to eat. I will help younger ones if they do part of the work – open a cheese stick or yogurt that is brought to me, spread peanut butter or cheese on crackers if plate, knife, spread, and crackers are brought to me, remove macroni bowl from microwave and transfer noodles to new bowl, etc.) But the point is, I’m not a short order cook.
Some nice features: older children automatically held to higher standards than younger, it’s a "rule" so less arguing, children start learning to cook.
A child who doesn’t eat his bites – don’t worry, there’s breakfast tomorrow. (Note to Moms: don’t stay up too late unless child is completely independent in the morning, or you may be woken up at 5 by someone who really wants breakfast)
I try not to serve more than one food they don’t like in the same week. If they don’t like a meal, the leftovers will not be served as another supper; the adults will eat it for lunch. I will make it again sometime, but probably no more than once a month.
I have a family member who got into the habit of feeding her picky toddlers junk just to get them to eat. Those habits continued and got even worse, and now at 10 and 12 they both have significant weight problems and just bad eating habits. One of my kids in particular loves to eat just because it tastes good and tends to over-do it, and she always has. It is not something she "outgrew". We talk a lot about moderation and the fact that the habits you form now will follow you for life . . . into those years when your metabolism isn’t so forgiving!! We eat to live , not live to eat. It may all be a moot point if food prices go up like the "experts" are predicting. We’ll be back to beans and rice like my mom grew up on!