If it weren’t for 4:00 am, I might have only a superficial relationship with Jesus.
When I find myself awake at 4:00 am, though, I take a deep a breath and wait for the anxiety to begin. Though I am not generally an anxious person, at that hour, anxiety never does disappoint. It rushes to fill the silence inside my head. It says things like:
“That deadline! How are you ever going to meet that deadline?”
“Those children! How will you ever feed, clothe, educate, entertain, and transport those children while protecting their precious souls?”
“That paycheck! How will it ever be enough to provide for your needs?”
“This life! How are you not a miserable failure at everything … EVERYTHING!?”
And other helpful things …
I know these are lies and distractions, but I never feel more helpless and alone in the face of lies and distractions than I do at 4:00 am. Even with my beloved husband fast asleep beside me.
So that’s when I get real close to Jesus. Over and over again, I pray, Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in Thee. Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in Thee. Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in Thee.
I give voice to trust until I feel it.
I don’t lie awake every night, but I have come to appreciate these pockets of prayer whenever God sees fit to wake me for them.
Teach me to see you, to feel you, and to know you in the peace and stillness of this night. Touch my heart and show me where you lie patiently waiting for me — beneath the noise and chaos, in every moment of every day. Amen.