January 17th, 2016

Do You Make Your Husband a Better Father?

husband better father

Do you make your husband a better father? Here are some practical ways to encourage your husband in his fatherhood.

1. Take Notice

It’s very likely that your husband performs loving acts for your children all the time, whether it’s giving them hugs, making them lunch, driving them to soccer practice, or paying the tuition and dental bills. Taking notice and verbalizing your gratitude for these things will not only teach your children to appreciate their father, but will make your husband’s heart soar.

With small kids, you can say: “Did daddy pour you that drink? What a nice daddy you have!” Or with big kids: “I think it’s great that Dad makes time to help you with your math homework.”

Ask yourself: Do my words to and about my husband build him up as a father or tear him down?

2. Respect His Authority

This can be a tricky one, because our motherly pride sometimes gets in the way. Mothers are the ones who do the lion’s share of feeding, bathing, changing, carpooling, and kissing boo-boos better. Surely we know what’s best for our kids, don’t we?

Maybe not. We need to remember that God gave our kids a mother and a father for a reason. Your husband wants what’s best for your kids too – he just might have a different way of getting there. So he doesn’t recognize the importance of the baby’s socks matching his shirt. Or he lets older kids watch more television than you would. These are probably not battles that need to be fought. Let go of that pressing need for control and bite your tongue!

Ask yourself: Do I respect my husband’s authority as a father or do I discount his perspective, usurp his authority, and belittle his opinions … even if only in my own mind?

3. Criticize Carefully

Of course there will be times when you might notice that your husband could improve in some important way. Recognizing his good intentions and his particular challenges first will make him more receptive to hearing your concerns.

For example, if you think your husband should cut back his work hours and spend more time at home, do not say, “Your job is more important to you than we are!” or “If you keep up this schedule, the kids won’t even know you anymore!”

Try a positive, encouraging approach instead: “I appreciate how hard you work at your job and the money you earn for the family, but we really miss you around here! Is there something I can do to make it easier for you to come home a little earlier this week?”

Ask yourself: Do my words to my husband make him want to be a better father or make him want to stop trying altogether?

4. Give Him a Break

In the end, working to help your husband fulfill his vocation as a father will bless you and your children and bring all of you closer to heaven.

A good wife knows when her husband is near his breaking point. Whether it’s frustration with toddlers or teens, when you see the telltale signs of a raised voice, a twitching eye or a clenched jaw, it’s time to intervene – just as you would have him do for you in your weaker moments.

Blessed are the peacemakers! Separate your husband from the source of his frustration and, without judgment or demands, encourage him to take a break. Then everyone can regroup without Dad having to blow his top first. Part of being a good parent is knowing your limitations. Part of being a good wife is knowing your husband’s limitations, and helping the family to navigate them.

Ask yourself: Do I do everything I can to ensure my husband’s time with the children is a pleasant time?

Finally, let’s never forget the power of prayer. Ask God to build up your husband in his fatherhood. Ask St. Joseph to guide him and Mary to watch over him in his family life. In the end, working to help your husband fulfill his vocation as a father will bless you and your children and bring all of you closer to heaven.

Related: Do You Make Your Wife a Better Mother?

4 comments to Do You Make Your Husband a Better Father?

  • chantal

    Every word is right!
    But remember, you are only human and Jésus died for us,which means that if we get it wrong but lean on Him, He has taken our sins on Himself and will sort things out.. If we don’t believe in that His death and resurrection was useless.

  • This is beautiful and accurate! I am grateful for this reminder to build my husband up in special ways today! Thanks!

  • Thank you, Chantal & Charlene. 🙂

  • Melissa

    I love this because this is exactly what I’ve been working on as a mother and wife these last few months. So here is a question: when you see a behavior in your child that they really need to work on, how do you help your husband understand the need for them to start intervening? And what do you do when your husband seems unresponsive to unpleasant behaviors of your children? My husband is a super introverted person and is not always intune with what’s going on around him. When he is gone, I am the one doing the discipline and handling of situations, but when he’s home and I take the back seat, behaviors I would usually not let go are happening before my eyes and sending mixed messages. Almost like you were saying with the “too much tv,” but also with rough housing, running in the house, having to be told over and over to do things, or not do things. What are your thoughts on that?

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