It’s time for Coffee Talk. What’s on your minds today?
Comments
two resource ideas neededsays
I posted late last week…so I will try a little earlier this time.
Any ideas for (1) divine mercy short book/reference with the novena, summary etc…
(2) A good rosary CD…years ago I purchased a children’s CD that was made in Australia. I was so distracted by the great accent that I wasn’t concentrating on the rosary. I don’t mind singing, but I don’t want to sing the entir rosary either.
Thanks for any ideas
Tina
Carolyn Asays
Try “The Divine Mercy Message and Devotion” published by the Association of Marian Helpers. 1-800-462-7426. It’s 89 pages and includesselect prayers from St. Fautina’s diary as well as the novena, how to recite the chaplet, etc. https://secure.marianweb.net/giftshop/product.php?DID=990&PID=07110004
Try The Mary Foundation’s rosary cd. The only thing that throws me sometimes is the pronunciation of “amen.” Otherwise, I find it great for use in the car! http://www.catholicity.com/cds/
anontodaysays
Ladies,
I’d like to thank all of you for your replies last week regarding my problem with gossipy people. All of it was great, and some of it I will apply to my situation. (OK, my favorite was the “Columbo” approach; even the name resonates with me.)
As a follow-up, I have to tell you how God works. Here I was, annoyed over the whole thing, whining to you ladies and all. That afternoon, we made our usual trip to the library and who is sitting behind the desk, but one of my “6-month” friends. You know the ones; you only see them every 6-months or so, but when you do, you catch up and yak, yak, yak. She just got a job at my library and there she was. She is a lovely Catholic woman and won’t put up with any of this gossipy nonsense…especially about one of her “6-month” friends! Between God’s response and His little word to me, “the best revenge to gossips is to be yourself and let their words prove themselves wrong”, I have a lot of peace. THANK YOU!
The Mary Foundation has a simple rosary recitation. It’s free, although they ask for a donation. I see that their latest version has the Divine Mercy Chaplet on it as well.
Homeschool moms: I’m having spring-fever, is-school-over-yet motivational issues with my 3 students. They all seem to think that their role in life is to PLAY and resent being asked to do math problems or read or write sentences. I’m trying to be cheery, but nobody seems to understand that if they just did.their.work, it would be done in only a few hours and then they could play.
Any ideas on getting happy students who do their work? I think I just need a pep talk. They are good kids.
Midwest Momsays
We like the Benedict Groeschel Rosary C.D. The only singing is in between each decade and it’s a short song. We also really like
The Mary Foundation Rosary c.d. I’m not sure, but mycatholicvoice.com might have some rosary options too.
Barbsays
Help needed, Last night I received a phone call for prayers for a young woman who is schuled to have an abortion on April 3 . Please help us to pray that she would have a change of heart and get the help that is needed. Thanks
Joansays
Hi all. Not a good day for me. Between a funeral 2 weeks ago for my cousin’s 26 year old daughter, a beloved priests death Thursday and now my son’s 19 year old friend I am wiped out. What helps others to understand such tragedies? I have my faith, but I just dont’ understand why such young people have to die. Sorry if I sound like I”m whining, but I just am, and I want to and that’s it.
Ok, I have a question. How would you respond to someone who in insistent on knowing about your female health? Nearly every time we get together my sister-in-law asks , usually in front of our in-laws, when we are going to get pregnant again. Or she’ll ask if I’ve got my period yet (if we’ve recently had a baby) etc. I don’t talk about that with anyone except my husband and maybe a close friend or two. That’s it! And I’m finding myself getting frustrated by it and not really knowing what to say to her. I don’t really feel like it’s her business to know, or even to ask since we see each other only a handful of times a year.
We come from very different backgrounds and raise our kids very differently and even approach fertility differently. So, not sure how to handle all that. Any thoughts would be appreciated since I want to be kind about it and not step on any toes.
Lindysays
For Tina:
We like “The Gospel Rosary of Pope John Paul II” from http://www.catholiccompany.com. There is a separate cd for each set of mysteries and each set of mysteries has 2 versions. A “35 minute, 5 decade rosary with the Holy Father’s personal reflections, dramatic scripture readings, fruit of the mystery prayers and sung Glory Be.” And then a, “23-minute, 5-decade rosary with brief scriptural meditations.” The only thing I was disappointed about with this cd is they use “you” and “your” in the Hail Mary rather than “Thee” and “Thy”. Other than that, it’s very nice.
For Joan:
My thoughts would be that we need to remember Heaven is the goal. It’s why we were created, it’s the beginning not the end. It’s hard for us still here on earth because we greatly miss our loved ones. But our loved ones have attained the goal. Remember we belong to God and He calls us home in His timing and understanding. Your feelings are completely understandable though. My prayers go up for you.
Lisasays
To Joan: I wonder the same thing sometimes. Often I find myself thinking of people that I know who have died, often too young. These people occupy my thoughts on a fairly regular basis too. I don’t think those thoughts ever go away but I sometimes think that in time even though we will never understand that we can accept that God has a plan for everyone.
Theresesays
Joan,
How hard it is to feel such pain! I think one thing that has helped me with trragedies is to realize that we may not ever know the reasons “why” in this life. And that is okay. I have learned to be on a “need to know” basis with God…if I need to know something, He will tell me. Otherwise, He is God and I am not (which is a VERY good thing!) We were all created with the purpose of joining Him in heaven one day. It is hard to understand tragedies like these because we can only see things from our perspective here in this world.
I once heard a priest say there is only one thing you can take with you when you die…and that is another soul. Everything we do, every moment of our life, is lived to give glory to God and to bring others to Him. Sometimes this journey makes little sense, but as promised in Romans 8:28 “God makes all things work together for good to those who love Him.”
So until the day when we join our loved ones in heaven whom we have lost through tragedies, we need to trust God is in charge and He will make the pain worth it. Afterall, He is our Father…our beloved Dad.
To all you wonderful mothers!
There is a wonderful Catholic family with 9 children who have entered the UPromise Scholarship video contest and made it to the top 10. Now it is up to the public to vote over the next 16 days. You can vote once a day from now until April 16th. As a little background, the family is from Texas and has 7 boys and 2 girls. The first two are twins and are now 16 I believe. The mother homeschools all of them. They were our sponsor couple for our marriage prep and were the most honest and faithful people.
Joan, I really feel for you. Last year, my best friend lost her two year old in a drowning accident, and another dear friend lost her 3 month old who had Trisomy 18. There were other deaths too that deeply affected us. My little boy started having recurring nightmares during which he was trying to save a baby’s life and could not. My 8 year old was deeply affected when our little 8 year old neighbor lost her mother — also last year.
It is absolutely draining and heart wrenching, and I know from my own experience that you are suffering. I guess we should offer our suffering for the families closest to the loss, and focus on the Reason that we hope. But I will pray for you too. God bless you for your acts of mercy in burying the dead and comforting those who mourn.
Barb, the woman seeking in an abortion is in my prayers.
Last week, I posted a very late request — twice due to a computer glitch, and I will repeat it here – but just one time.
I am looking for sponsors and walkers for a walkathon that I am hosting in New Jersey for Good Counsel Homes — a organization with 5 pregnancy shelters and plans to open another. If everyone reading this donated a few dollars and passed along the same message to others by blog or e-mail list, a new pregnancy shelter will be opened. If you can sponsor (it is free to do), contact me and I will help you set up a sponsor web page like the one I have at: http://firstgiving.com/walkforlife-monmouth. Please contact me. There is additional information at my blog, and you can check out the good work of Good Counsel Homes at http://goodcounselhomes.org.
Thanks Danielle for another Coffee Talk. I need to refill my cup now.
Carolsays
I have a question for you all that I just emailed Danielle…forgot about Coffee Tuesday as a spot to get advice! Here is the email:
I don’t know where to turn to get advice for my darling little two year old who won’t sleep…I hoped between you and your readers you may be able to help. All the books about sleep talk about the baby who won’t sleep through the night or the toddler who won’t go to sleep! My daughter has never been a great sleeper, though she goes down for nap and to sleep at the beginning of the night quite well. I keep thinking she will grow out of it, but it only seems to get worse and at this rate she will never have a younger sibling!! Last night she was up whining, crying, complaining from about 12-4 a.m., that was after having woken up twice earlier (this is pretty typical). Sometimes I think she is uncomfortable, but can’t put a finger on why…no teeth coming at the moment, at least none I can see. No excema flare ups. She’s not sick.
I don’t think it is merely a way to get me into her room at night, because she doesn’t seem that happy when I am there. Sometimes she will let me lay down with her, but then she wakes up angry or whining soon anyway. She falls asleep with a bottle and takes one in the middle of the night as well. No pacifier though. I am completely lost and don’t know what to do next!!
Any ideas??? Any sage advice?
Thanks!!!
Joansays
Hi Carol,
You must be a very tired Mom! Is it possible that your daughter has undetected allergies? What is in that bottle that she drinks at night? We have MANY allergies in my family, in fact I cannot have dairy, soy or anything with gluten. Good allergy detectives will tell you that “up in the middle of the night” goes along with allergies. My younger daughter, now 24, was always up, she has the same allergies as me. My oldest son was ALWAYS up and still is even though he is 22. He is stubborn though, he won’t admit he has any allergies/food sensitivities. IT’s something to look into. I know when I “cheat” I dont’ feel well and dont’ sleep well at night.
Just chiming in here to let you know that for some reason, many of your comments are getting marked as “spam.” I can go through and OK the comments and they’ll get published, but until I figure out why it’s happening, this might mean a delay between your posting of a comment and its appearance on the thread. So if you don’t see your comment right away, check back later and it’ll probably show up! Sorry!
Tiffanysays
Lisa:
It is always difficult when there is someone in your life, who believes they should be privy to your personal intimate life with your husband. It also can become much more difficult when those who believe they should be privy have very different view points on things such a family planning, etc.
I have found for me that it is best to say something simple such as “While, I am glad you are interested in my life I feel like this subject is a private matter between me, my husband and God.” It acknowledges the interest they show but as the same time shows that it isn’t something you are going to discuss with them. Good luck on finding the correct way to hand things for yourself.
Dianesays
Good morning all. I have a kind of off the wall question today.My Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago at ninety years old. Grandma was the mother of eleven, grandmother of thirty four, great grandmother of forty some and even had a few great great grandchildren. Since her passing a few relatives have reported being visited by her spirit. Most have just reported seeing her image . Some have seen her like a picture on the wall, some have seen her just floating. For the most part when these people have spoke to her she has disappeared, however one cousin of mine not only seen her image but upon asking her why she was there heard her voice tell him she is in Heaven before disappearing. I have been raised Catholic since birth but honestly have never heard the church’s views on such “visitations”so my question to all of you is; First has anyone ever experienced this sort of visitation ? Second ; Do you believe that this is actually Grandma’s soul coming to comfort or help ? A couple family members have cautioned everyone that Satan can take any form and may be taking hers in order to lull some into a false security and trick them. I am finding that many Protestant Christians whom I talk to seem to feel this way. I honestly don’t know what to think. Anyone want to share an opinion?
Carolsays
Joan,
She used to only drink water in her bottle at night, but lately I have given her milk in her first bottle because I thought she was getting hungry. She drinks a lot of milk and doesn’t seem to have any problems during the day with it. She has had excema on her legs in the past, but I haven’t really seen it lately. I am not sure how to tell if she has other allergies…what else might I see besides a sleepless baby?
Thanks,
Carol
GBsays
For Carol: when my son was about 1 1/2 he would very often wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and nothing seemed to console him. It was frustrating because everything I tried seemed to be wrong and get him even more upset. Most of the times, I would hold him in the dark and walk around for quite a while before he was exhausted enough to fall back asleep. The pediatrician said it was probably nightmares or night terrors. He stopped this as suddenly as he had started. I’m not sure this is your case, though, because you describe your daughter as whining and complaining, so she doesn’t look like there’s something frightening her. I guess you’ll have to observe her very carefully, looking for some sort of pattern: for instance, might it be something she had for dinner/bedtime snack that upsets her stomach? Another reader asked about what she drinks from the bottle – I guess it’s milk? You said she takes two bottles, one to fall asleep and one in the middle of the night – maybe it’s too much for her tummy to handle… Maybe you can try to switch to water or something else she likes, unless the change in routine doesn’t upset her even more.
Or maybe she’s too hot or too cold, or misses a favorite toy, if she has one…
You may also try a nice, warm bath before bedtime, if you don’t do this already – usually it relaxes a child quite a bit.
Good luck!
Carol–My boys had sleep issues–and to be honest they still wake-up sometimes–but not nearly as often. A couple of years ago it was pinworms. . .easy to fix with some chewable pills. This past fall it was round worms–same treatment. Now we are a clean and hygenic family. . .so I’m sure why we are pros at intestinal worms. . .but it is more common than you would think. Ask your doctor about doing a test.
Also, giving her the things she needs to be ok by herself awake–I know she’s young but you could set up some books, water etc and say “When you wake-up you can look at books or play with your dolly for a while.” That did work with one of ours. Pray pray pray!
About Grandma–St. Faustina had lots of visions of the souls she had helped get to heaven–keep praying for Grandma, and take the visions at face value I think. Pray the St. Michael prayer a lot to be protected from the evil one! Pray pray pray–that one works for everything I guess!
Monicasays
To Lisa:
Questions like the ones you’re describing (especially in front of your in-laws, for crying out loud) deserve either vague, “Wow, I don’t really know…” answers, followed quickly by a change of subject, “Did I tell you what Susie said the other day?!” OR, and this will be the more direct approach, which will probably take care of the problem in the future, telling her just what you told us, “I always consider those things fairly personal, and only discuss them with my husband.”
Carolyn Asays
Any tips on getting a cat-napping 9-week old to nap for several hours? Some days she takes extended naps, other days only the cat napping. She cat napped her way through yesterday taking several 1/2 hours naps. By evening she was beside herself and didn’t fall asleep until about 11:00 p.m.
We tried nursing and singing in a dark room, the baby swing, the baby sling and she was just so tired she couldn’t fall and stay asleep. This morning she’s back at it – still overtired from yesterday and only napping about a 1/2 hour this morning.
When my son was a baby I had the luxury of lying down with him and attending to his every whim. I can’t devote myself entirely to her because her brother, almost 5, still needs me and is often in our faces or climbing on top of us! I don’t think that’s the sole reason for the catnapping though. Some days she does sleep for extended periods.
Donna L.says
Good morning,
Lots of important things today….
Rosary video: The Rosary for Little Children is neat, it does have some singing, but there is a fair amount of dialogue too, so it is a balanced approach. My kids still love it and we have had it for 7 years.
I will be praying for the young woman to keep the little one.
For all those people in mourning…I am so sorry. When our friends lost their four year old daughter, my children were devastated. We talked about how much God loved her, and how happy she was going to be in Heaven. We talked also about how sad we are for ourselves, even though we are happy knowing she is in a beautiful, holy place because it is hard to be the ones left behind. Because my children were so young, we also commented that any balloons that accidentally get away are floating up to Heaven and that she will get to have them. And play with our beloved German Shepherd and kitty who are *there* too…it isn’t logical sometimes, I know, but it helped a little.
To the in-laws who have questions you’d rather not answer in front of all, (has happened to me recently), I just say, in a conspiratorial whisper, “Let’s go talk about it in the kitchen” (or on the porch, or wherever) and share if I want. Or, just say, “Goodness, I’m not really sure I want to talk about it just now.” When receiving the question in a space that I cannot get away, they ask “When are you having your next baby?” I will look *very shocked* look down toward my tummy, then at them and say brightly, “Well, not today!”
Baby not sleeping: My daughters were like that too, and I feel for you! I have found that she needed “lots and lots” of exercise so that she could sleep longer. Not a treadmill or anything…. Just 30-45 minutes of dancing, running, skipping or whatever in the fresh air, and she would sleep better. It has been such a crummy winter for getting outside, so we have “Dance Party” time and turn on the music and just goof around!
Also, my kid’s teething pain would come at night when there was nothing to keep them happy and occupied, so when I saw them chewing or drooling more, I would sometimes put Baby orajel on their gums or give them a tiny bit of Tylenol.
Visions of loved ones: My husband and I had both *seen* a little girl in this new house of ours when we first moved in…..and heard the footsteps, too. Imagine our delight when we found out we were expecting again, and then had a little baby girl….We think it was a pretty neat sign………………….
and NO, I do not think it was the devil…
Beckysays
For the poor sleeping two year old. I know this sounds awful but both of my children gave up all regular naps at 2. If they had a nap they were up until midnight. I also had to wake my one up in the morning otherwise she’d sleep to ten. I don’t know how much she’s napping or how early she goes to bed but I NEVER was able to do those 7pm bedtimes that I heard others. Mine slept pretty much from 9pm to 7am from 2 yrs old on. It also sounds like she’s hungry in the evening. Try a large heathy snack or some cereal before bed especially if you have an earlier dinner time. I’d go back to just water in the bottle so you don’t have to worry about tooth decay and reduce the water amount eventuallly too so it’s not a wet diaper waking her up. Is she still in a crib or a bed? Maybe if it’s a bed the transition is bothering her and she’ll adjust soon. I’d second the develop a bedtime routine(bath, story, snack), make sure she gets plenty of activity during the day, and try to not spend much time with her in the middle of the night just a quick it’s not time to get up lay back down pat of the back type thing.
say it smilingsays
I can understand the blunt, honest approach to responding to personal questions, but I like to first give people an “out”…I like to assume they really have no clue as to how inappropriate they are; that’s my idea of charity. So I like to give them an out, and laughter works quite well. Then she can laugh and stop asking, without the awkwardness or, sometimes, the anger. Diffusing a situation with laughter is always my first line of defense. Smile big and say, “Wait, I think there’s an article on it on the front page of the New York Times; circulation is expected to double…’ or “Didn’t you hear? I just did a TV interview all about my reproductive system; get your TIVO ready!” or go really silly, ” I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about! I got these babies in my cabbage patch (or I sit by the window and a stork drops them down the chimney…you mean it’s different for you?”)
And if they don’t take the hint, then that’s your invitation to then go ahead and be blunt. Don’t confuse being “nice” with allowing someone to intrude upon you. But, to be fair, I will say that if you’ve answered those questions in the past, it is a bit your fault for not nipping that kind of talk in the bud from the beginning. You certainly can put a stop to it now, but since you answered such personal questions before, they won’t understand why you won’t do it now.
So, you might want to do it lightheartedly and jokingly, at least at first.
Tina H.says
Carol–Our two year old also wakes up at night. (actually all of our girls have) I believe there really is such a thing as night terrors. I read this idea one time and this is what our family does…We have a little bed of sorts made up in the corner of our bedroom (blanket to lay on and a pillow). Each of the children at some point have come in and slept on the “bed”. The two year old was using it almost every night for months. She would wake up in the night and just come sleep in our room on the “bed”. After about 2 months, she just stopped. Now only once in a while does she come into our room. Oddly enough, now our four year old has been coming into our room. I think it is comforting to them and it gives them some control over these fears.
Lisa–I am not going to get this completely right, but you will get the idea. People from our church kept asking my friend when they were going to have a baby. Finally, tired of this line of questioning, she said in reply with a very sweet smile: Are you asking if I am having “relations” with my husband?….they stopped asking.
Donnasays
Weaning help, please!
I am nursing our 4th baby, who is 21 months old. She doesn’t take a pacifier, bottle or cups of any kind, unless it’s my tea cup, and then she just takes a sip. Sports type water bottles when we are in the van…..
I am thrilled that I was able to nurse this long, but my body does not give up 1 OUNCE OF WEIGHT while I am nursing, and I am feeling like the middle of night wakings she still has (!) are due to us still being in our nursing pattern. We brush her teeth before bed, but I often nurse her in the middle of the night once, or twice so we can go back to sleep. I know this is probably not ideal, but I cannot be more sleep deprived and my Darling Husband is unable to help as his work schedule is tough for him. I am concerned that this pattern will give her cavities……
So, overweight, sleep-deprived mommy is asking for any ideas other people might have…
Thanks in advance for all the ideas about this and everything else!
Midwest Momsays
Lisa – Have you considered just kindly telling your SIL in private that you are uncomfortable with questions about your cycles etc and if she has questions/interest in NFP you could recommend a book? Please give her the benefit of the doubt and just assume she is truly curious since (from what I surmised) you practice NFP and have more children. She may not really know that it’s inappropriate. Recently I obnoxiously asked a woman, who I am pretty good friends with, if she was pregnant. I knew they were trying (she told me) and I knew when her cycles were (same as mine). I spent 10 years trying to get pregnant so I tend to remember these things about people. I just blurted out “Are you pregnant?” She was – but was only a few days late. She wasn’t ready to let the world know and when her husband found out that she had told me, since I put her on the spot, he was really angry. I felt terrible. In hindsight I was invasive and obnoxious, but in my heart I was curious and hopeful. SHe had a miscarriage last year and I had been praying daily for another baby. I bet if y ou spoke to your SIL directly and kindly she would respond. God bless you and please pray for all of us big mouths! 😉
Sheilasays
Sleeping problems in the 2-year-old sure do sound like dairy allergy, especially because of the eczema. Take her off dairy for a few days and see what happens. My son has suffered dairy allergy since we introduced food at six months. I couldn’t figure it out source until I took him off dairy (and myself because breastfeeding). What a difference! The dermatologist he sees told me that usually these kids outgrow the dairy allergy by age 5, and I can see it getting better. But if he gets too much milk…his poor skin!
GBsays
Donna, I’d like to hear the same advice, too! LOL 🙂 My girl does drink from a glass, but when it’s naptime or night she won’t want anything but me… But don’t worry about her teeth: my pediatrician said it’s only an issue with normal milk.
Denisesays
Lucy – How do you vote?
As far as the night waking baby, I would try eliminating milk but it may take a few weeks. My son did fine during the day and woke at night screaming. We eventually figured out he was lactose intolerant but it is “dose dependent” meaning that he could tolerate SOME dairy but after awhile the buildup was too much for his tummy. Good luck!
katesays
Lisa,
The suggestions above are pretty straightforward – and may be just the thing if your relationship with SIL allows for that – although very few people under any circumstanced like to be told to mind their own business! If it were me (with the nosy second wife of my father in law) I’d pause, smile and then clearly and obviously change the subject saying something like, “so, how about those Dodgers” or “did you notice how great my roses are doing this year?” or some non sequiter – and maybe then I’d chuckle to make it even more clear – this is not something I’m going to respond to. This is a method that I’ve learned over time – I tend to be a little blunt by nature – but have figured out that the direct approach is not always the best.
Good luck!
LadyHattonsays
Most of you ladies are “nicer” than me. I feel if someone is insensitive enough to ask such a personal question about my sex life or reproductive health, they are not going to pick up on a tactful, subtle response. They need to know that they are out of bounds. A cold stare and “That’s really none of your business”, followed by a change of subject, does the trick.
Of course if you are feeling “nicer” you can say with a smile, “That is really TMI, as the kids say…” and then change the subject.
I agree with the poster who said you should nip these conversations in the bud. Don’t let them even start.
JMO
LadyHattonsays
Joan, I am grieving with you. I am so sorry about AJ, didn’t realize your son was friends with him. It is harder to see our kids’ grief than to deal with our own, I think. I will keep you and all the families in prayer.
And could I ask you wonderful ladies for prayers for my husband and his family? My father-in-law is dying (slowly slipping away) and my husband and brother-in-law both traveled great distances to spend last evening holding his hand and just talking…my husband is suffering and I wish I could be with him but he needs me to be here taking care of the kids, doing the taxes and just soldiering on…so I guess I need prayers too! Thank you all so much.
I am so sorry to hear about your little girl waking at night! I know exactly how you feel. My daughter hasn’t been a great sleeper since she was a few months old and we often go through phases where she’s up for hours in the middle of the night. It’s traumatic for everyone.
We’ve noticed bigger problems with teething (little Tylenol), wet diapers (switched to a premium diaper for nighttime), chills (onesie under her pajamas) and schedule changes. Unlike my first child, my daughter needs a regular schedule (bedtime routine and bedtime), absolutely no light and as quiet as possible (with just her nighttime CD playing).
My husband can’t bear to let her cry, but I’ve often found it can be helpful after a couple of hours. I need a break and leave her in the crib for fifteen minutes or so. Every once in a while she’ll fall back asleep on her own. Mostly, she’ll be ready to be calm and go back to sleep when I return. (On the rare occasions she still has problems, I give myself another break when I feel frustration rising again.)
As hard as it is to believe, these days will pass. I try to remind myself she’s just a baby (18 months) and isn’t trying to destroy my sanity. She just doesn’t know what else to do. I also try to pray while I’m with her at night, for grace, for patience and for my kids and family. It gives my mind something to do and always helps calm me down.
Good luck!
Michellesays
Danielle, I love your blog! Thanks for sharing your day to day with all of us. You truly inspire me.
Here is my question: How do you deal with lying from a child? My 9 year old son lies every chance he gets. I am at the point where I no longer trust anything that comes out of his mouth. He tells big lies and small lies and everything in between. We have tried making him write about lying, taking away allowance, restricting all toys and TV…everything. When I ask him why he lies, he says it is because he does not want to get in trouble. My husband and I have tried to explain that lying gets you in worse trouble then you would be had you not lied. I have tried explaining that is hurts my feelings, that it is disrespectful and that it causes me to not be able to trust him. He still continues to do it. He also has the most innocent pleading look on his face when telling lies…this is why I no longer trust him. I am at a total loss…what can I do???
Michelle
momofsomesays
Hi Michelle,
Just some quick answers that came to mind as I read your post….
First, in my house, if you do something wrong, you get in trouble. If you lie to cover it up, you get in double trouble (two punishments). They *are* doing two things wrong.
Second, have you considered taking a day and not believing *anything* he says? After all, if he lies, you can’t trust what he says is true. Maybe a big object lesson would help.
God bless!
gabrielasays
diane- my husband and I have a deep faith, we believe that you can see spirits, and he firmly believes he has seen his father, at the moment of his death, (he said goodbye and left the room,) before the hospital called to inform us. My father after his death, who told us we would behaving a little girl (which we did), and also that he was in heaven. I will tell you that you should not under any circumstances call to the dead because then yes you can be summoning an evil spirit. (my sil kept talking to her deceased father, asking him to please show himself and visit her, because she was not able to see him before he died. The night she says that she saw him outside her window, her house exploded) We firmly believe that was not her father but evil spirits. That is what I have always been told.
Diane: with the “visits” of Grandma: I recommend a very small bokk called “The Amazing Secret of the Souls in Purgatory: An Interview with Maria Simma.” Maria had “visions” of many souls and she learned that they were in purgatory and wanted her to have masses said for them. I’d put Grandma in for as many masses as youy feel is prudent and offer many prayers and sacrifices on her behalf.
Carol: 2 year old not sleeping? When thinking of allergies, consider mold allergies as well? Otherwise, I had a child who would be starving in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep without some milk. He outgrew it eventually. For my own sanity, it was just better to get him a drink and let us all go back to sleep faster.
Donna: nursing a 21 month old? All mine were reluctant weaners too. At that age, they can understand “later,” “no” and “have a sandwich.” None of my kids would drink much from a cup until they had been weaned. Limit the amount of time you allow nursing, keep offering the cup, and start having daddy put her back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Lisa: SIL asking personal info? Perhaps she’s just trying to have a conversation and is desperate for topics. Maybe she just wants you to know that she cares about “you” and not just the weather or the baseball scores or the kids. I would privately tell her that you are really uncomfortable talking about that stuff and ask her nicely if you could instead talk about less personal issues. Some families are more open about these things than others.
Oh! I forgot. Michelle: lying 9 year old? Take him/her to confession. Weekly if necessary (you go too!). And it’s important to express your disapproval every time and let it be known that it absolutely will not be tolerated. Point out that he/she can’t do XYZ because you don’t trust him/her. And definitely find one thing to praise every day. If he/she tells the truth despite having done something bad, praise him/her, but calmly explain that punishment is still necessary.
say it smilingsays
What’s interesting about the “ghosts” question is that there is mention of it in the New Testament. Specifically, Matthew 14:25-27 “During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, ?walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, ?they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. ?But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
So, they really thought they were seeing a ghost or spirit of some kind. And Jesus says don’t be scared (of ghosts?), it’s no ghost, it’s me! But he doesn’t say or insinuate: why would you be scared of something that doesn’t exist?
But it gets better in Luke 24: 36-43
While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself ?stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost.
He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do ?doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. ?It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not ?have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”
So, check it out, Christ Himself says “a ghost does not have flesh and bones”, he never says “there’s no such thing as a ghost” or “ghosts don’t really exist”. If anything, he’s saying that there are certain properties of a ghost and flesh and bones are not part of what that is. Which would have you think that they must exist. Kinda cool. And creepy.
Reginasays
Donna! At 21 months old, your daughter is not likely to develop cavities from breastmilk if she has not already. Do you have reason from previous children to suspect caries? You can use those Spiffies wipes in between brushings and at night.
A week’s worth of a nursing journal might help you to determine how much she’s nursing, and more importantly, why. With that information in hand you can begin to eliminate one little session or one block (say, 9am to noon) at a time.
Amysays
A couple of weeks ago I posted on here asking for prayers. I have a couple of nodules on my thyroid that were suspicious for cancer and I’m 13 weeks pregnant. I just wanted to thank all of you good people for your prayers. My biopsy results came back negative for cancer.
Thank you all and God Bless you!
Shannon S.says
To Tina….we like the rosary CD by Gretchen Harris (I got it from Itunes, but I’m sure it’s available from other sources). It’s quite simple, just quiet music in the background with the spoken prayers.
To Joan and others who are mourning, you are in my prayers. It took my dad’s death, almost 5 years ago at the age of 58, to get me to realize what the Easter mysteries are really about. I felt like I finally “got” it. I still miss him daily though, for myself and for my kids, but I know he has reached the goal that we all strive for.
Midwest Momsays
I am putting together a dinner for an neighbor who just had baby #2. I’d like to include the quote from Chesterton that says something like “WHy is it a large thing to (do something grand for the world) and a small thing to (take care of a child).” Of course, it’s way better and longer… I’ve googled it but can’t find it and I can’t find it in my books. Any help would be appreciated…
[b]Lying 9 year old:[/b] I love the confession advice… and is the lying in relation to asking him if he’s done something wrong since you say that he lies to avoid being in trouble. If so, try to avoid asking him if he’s done the bad thing… especially if he has trouble lying. In other words, avoid asking: “Did you hit your brother?” and just try to catch him red handed and dole out the punishment for the offense without adding lying to it.
[b]Homeschooling:[/b] LOL! Not sure which you want more: work done or happy working children!?! If happy working children, serve snacks at the kitchen table after each subject? If work done, food prizes (like cookies) for the first one done? If I hold basketball over my oldest’s head, he always gets it done. But I don’t have to teach three!!
Looking for very fun April fool’s day pranks here…Ideas?
Danisays
Donna,
I am weaning my 21 month old at the moment as well. The first catalyst was that I am pregnant and not wanting to tandem nurse. The second? CAVITIES! Yes, mine has them. From nursing. About a month ago, I noticed his breath was starting to smell and saw a small brown spot on one of his molars. I took him in 2 weeks ago to the pediatric dentist and he has 5(!) teeth that have decay. While my older son nursed even longer and never had problems with cavities, my younger son does. The dentist told me I needed to wean from the middle of the night nursings or get up and brush his teeth after each time he nursed in order to prevent it from getting worse. Yes, “bottle mouth” from breastfeeding can and does happen, and it is more of a concern as they get older because they have more teeth.So that was the impetus to be done NOW with night nursings…It only took about 3 nights, and I was surprised it happened so quickly. When we went to bed, we said “goodnight” to nursies and when he would wake to nurse, I would tell him “no, nursies are night-night.Do you want a sip of water?” The first night, he screamed and kicked. The second night, more of same, the third night, he took the sip of water and went back to sleep. The fourth night, he just asked for water when he woke up, and hasn’t asked to nurse at night since. I think the key is having a reason to do it and being finally fully committed to making the change. It’s very easy to take the “easy” way and just give in to continued night nursings because you are so tired and just want everyone to get back to sleep! ( Believe me, I know!) But when it comes down to deciding that THIS is IT, it’s amazing how it happens easier than you anticipate.
Good luck.
Jennifersays
Anyone suffer from periodic insomnia? I’ve gotten into a bad sleep pattern where I fall asleep easily around 10 or so, then to the minute I wake up at 3 am, and I can’t get back to sleep. I’ve tried reading, saying the rosary, keeping my eyes closed, repeating “it’s ok to be tired”, but nothing seems to get me over the hump. I will eventually doze off around 5, only to be woken up at 6:45 to get my son off to school. It makes for a grouchy morning mom. My husband is after me to go to a sleep specialist, but I’m too tired to make an appointment. If I take a tylenol pm I’m fine, but I don’t want to become overly dependent on that, besides, they tend to make me depressed. Should I try to go to bed later? I do exercise daily (in the early afternoon) and I don’t drink coffee after 9 am.
Jennifer ~ I hope you don’t mind my asking, but could you possibly be going through perimenopause? I had the same exact problem, and went to my naturopath about it. Insomnia is apparently very common when your body starts gearing up for the great change. There are a lot of naturopathic aids for this, from aromatherapy to herbal supplements ~ Even if it’s not perimenopause related. Try googling it! Also, you might want to consider the possiblity that you are being called as a prayer warrior. 3 am is Satan’s hour, you know. My husband’s been called at exactly 3am to prayer for many years now, and just accepts it. Knowing that you can be a tool for Christ may help deal with the missing sleep time.
I posted late last week…so I will try a little earlier this time.
Any ideas for (1) divine mercy short book/reference with the novena, summary etc…
(2) A good rosary CD…years ago I purchased a children’s CD that was made in Australia. I was so distracted by the great accent that I wasn’t concentrating on the rosary. I don’t mind singing, but I don’t want to sing the entir rosary either.
Thanks for any ideas
Tina
Try “The Divine Mercy Message and Devotion” published by the Association of Marian Helpers. 1-800-462-7426. It’s 89 pages and includesselect prayers from St. Fautina’s diary as well as the novena, how to recite the chaplet, etc.
https://secure.marianweb.net/giftshop/product.php?DID=990&PID=07110004
And more resources:
https://secure.marianweb.net/giftshop/worldcongress.php
Try The Mary Foundation’s rosary cd. The only thing that throws me sometimes is the pronunciation of “amen.” Otherwise, I find it great for use in the car!
http://www.catholicity.com/cds/
Ladies,
I’d like to thank all of you for your replies last week regarding my problem with gossipy people. All of it was great, and some of it I will apply to my situation. (OK, my favorite was the “Columbo” approach; even the name resonates with me.)
As a follow-up, I have to tell you how God works. Here I was, annoyed over the whole thing, whining to you ladies and all. That afternoon, we made our usual trip to the library and who is sitting behind the desk, but one of my “6-month” friends. You know the ones; you only see them every 6-months or so, but when you do, you catch up and yak, yak, yak. She just got a job at my library and there she was. She is a lovely Catholic woman and won’t put up with any of this gossipy nonsense…especially about one of her “6-month” friends! Between God’s response and His little word to me, “the best revenge to gossips is to be yourself and let their words prove themselves wrong”, I have a lot of peace. THANK YOU!
The Mary Foundation has a simple rosary recitation. It’s free, although they ask for a donation. I see that their latest version has the Divine Mercy Chaplet on it as well.
Homeschool moms: I’m having spring-fever, is-school-over-yet motivational issues with my 3 students. They all seem to think that their role in life is to PLAY and resent being asked to do math problems or read or write sentences. I’m trying to be cheery, but nobody seems to understand that if they just did.their.work, it would be done in only a few hours and then they could play.
Any ideas on getting happy students who do their work? I think I just need a pep talk. They are good kids.
We like the Benedict Groeschel Rosary C.D. The only singing is in between each decade and it’s a short song. We also really like
The Mary Foundation Rosary c.d. I’m not sure, but mycatholicvoice.com might have some rosary options too.
Help needed, Last night I received a phone call for prayers for a young woman who is schuled to have an abortion on April 3 . Please help us to pray that she would have a change of heart and get the help that is needed. Thanks
Hi all. Not a good day for me. Between a funeral 2 weeks ago for my cousin’s 26 year old daughter, a beloved priests death Thursday and now my son’s 19 year old friend I am wiped out. What helps others to understand such tragedies? I have my faith, but I just dont’ understand why such young people have to die. Sorry if I sound like I”m whining, but I just am, and I want to and that’s it.
Ok, I have a question. How would you respond to someone who in insistent on knowing about your female health? Nearly every time we get together my sister-in-law asks , usually in front of our in-laws, when we are going to get pregnant again. Or she’ll ask if I’ve got my period yet (if we’ve recently had a baby) etc. I don’t talk about that with anyone except my husband and maybe a close friend or two. That’s it! And I’m finding myself getting frustrated by it and not really knowing what to say to her. I don’t really feel like it’s her business to know, or even to ask since we see each other only a handful of times a year.
We come from very different backgrounds and raise our kids very differently and even approach fertility differently. So, not sure how to handle all that. Any thoughts would be appreciated since I want to be kind about it and not step on any toes.
For Tina:
We like “The Gospel Rosary of Pope John Paul II” from http://www.catholiccompany.com. There is a separate cd for each set of mysteries and each set of mysteries has 2 versions. A “35 minute, 5 decade rosary with the Holy Father’s personal reflections, dramatic scripture readings, fruit of the mystery prayers and sung Glory Be.” And then a, “23-minute, 5-decade rosary with brief scriptural meditations.” The only thing I was disappointed about with this cd is they use “you” and “your” in the Hail Mary rather than “Thee” and “Thy”. Other than that, it’s very nice.
For Joan:
My thoughts would be that we need to remember Heaven is the goal. It’s why we were created, it’s the beginning not the end. It’s hard for us still here on earth because we greatly miss our loved ones. But our loved ones have attained the goal. Remember we belong to God and He calls us home in His timing and understanding. Your feelings are completely understandable though. My prayers go up for you.
To Joan: I wonder the same thing sometimes. Often I find myself thinking of people that I know who have died, often too young. These people occupy my thoughts on a fairly regular basis too. I don’t think those thoughts ever go away but I sometimes think that in time even though we will never understand that we can accept that God has a plan for everyone.
Joan,
How hard it is to feel such pain! I think one thing that has helped me with trragedies is to realize that we may not ever know the reasons “why” in this life. And that is okay. I have learned to be on a “need to know” basis with God…if I need to know something, He will tell me. Otherwise, He is God and I am not (which is a VERY good thing!) We were all created with the purpose of joining Him in heaven one day. It is hard to understand tragedies like these because we can only see things from our perspective here in this world.
I once heard a priest say there is only one thing you can take with you when you die…and that is another soul. Everything we do, every moment of our life, is lived to give glory to God and to bring others to Him. Sometimes this journey makes little sense, but as promised in Romans 8:28 “God makes all things work together for good to those who love Him.”
So until the day when we join our loved ones in heaven whom we have lost through tragedies, we need to trust God is in charge and He will make the pain worth it. Afterall, He is our Father…our beloved Dad.
To all you wonderful mothers!
There is a wonderful Catholic family with 9 children who have entered the UPromise Scholarship video contest and made it to the top 10. Now it is up to the public to vote over the next 16 days. You can vote once a day from now until April 16th. As a little background, the family is from Texas and has 7 boys and 2 girls. The first two are twins and are now 16 I believe. The mother homeschools all of them. They were our sponsor couple for our marriage prep and were the most honest and faithful people.
Any help you can give in voting would be great! The video is at this link http://upromise.eprize.net/tuitiontales/?video_id=4b9cc06f57b342e05e2af1602a041abfedcb3b7d and the scholarship is worth $25K.
Thank you,
Lucy
Joan, I really feel for you. Last year, my best friend lost her two year old in a drowning accident, and another dear friend lost her 3 month old who had Trisomy 18. There were other deaths too that deeply affected us. My little boy started having recurring nightmares during which he was trying to save a baby’s life and could not. My 8 year old was deeply affected when our little 8 year old neighbor lost her mother — also last year.
It is absolutely draining and heart wrenching, and I know from my own experience that you are suffering. I guess we should offer our suffering for the families closest to the loss, and focus on the Reason that we hope. But I will pray for you too. God bless you for your acts of mercy in burying the dead and comforting those who mourn.
Barb, the woman seeking in an abortion is in my prayers.
Last week, I posted a very late request — twice due to a computer glitch, and I will repeat it here – but just one time.
I am looking for sponsors and walkers for a walkathon that I am hosting in New Jersey for Good Counsel Homes — a organization with 5 pregnancy shelters and plans to open another. If everyone reading this donated a few dollars and passed along the same message to others by blog or e-mail list, a new pregnancy shelter will be opened. If you can sponsor (it is free to do), contact me and I will help you set up a sponsor web page like the one I have at: http://firstgiving.com/walkforlife-monmouth. Please contact me. There is additional information at my blog, and you can check out the good work of Good Counsel Homes at http://goodcounselhomes.org.
Thanks Danielle for another Coffee Talk. I need to refill my cup now.
I have a question for you all that I just emailed Danielle…forgot about Coffee Tuesday as a spot to get advice! Here is the email:
I don’t know where to turn to get advice for my darling little two year old who won’t sleep…I hoped between you and your readers you may be able to help. All the books about sleep talk about the baby who won’t sleep through the night or the toddler who won’t go to sleep! My daughter has never been a great sleeper, though she goes down for nap and to sleep at the beginning of the night quite well. I keep thinking she will grow out of it, but it only seems to get worse and at this rate she will never have a younger sibling!! Last night she was up whining, crying, complaining from about 12-4 a.m., that was after having woken up twice earlier (this is pretty typical). Sometimes I think she is uncomfortable, but can’t put a finger on why…no teeth coming at the moment, at least none I can see. No excema flare ups. She’s not sick.
I don’t think it is merely a way to get me into her room at night, because she doesn’t seem that happy when I am there. Sometimes she will let me lay down with her, but then she wakes up angry or whining soon anyway. She falls asleep with a bottle and takes one in the middle of the night as well. No pacifier though. I am completely lost and don’t know what to do next!!
Any ideas??? Any sage advice?
Thanks!!!
Hi Carol,
You must be a very tired Mom! Is it possible that your daughter has undetected allergies? What is in that bottle that she drinks at night? We have MANY allergies in my family, in fact I cannot have dairy, soy or anything with gluten. Good allergy detectives will tell you that “up in the middle of the night” goes along with allergies. My younger daughter, now 24, was always up, she has the same allergies as me. My oldest son was ALWAYS up and still is even though he is 22. He is stubborn though, he won’t admit he has any allergies/food sensitivities. IT’s something to look into. I know when I “cheat” I dont’ feel well and dont’ sleep well at night.
Hi ladies,
Just chiming in here to let you know that for some reason, many of your comments are getting marked as “spam.” I can go through and OK the comments and they’ll get published, but until I figure out why it’s happening, this might mean a delay between your posting of a comment and its appearance on the thread. So if you don’t see your comment right away, check back later and it’ll probably show up! Sorry!
Lisa:
It is always difficult when there is someone in your life, who believes they should be privy to your personal intimate life with your husband. It also can become much more difficult when those who believe they should be privy have very different view points on things such a family planning, etc.
I have found for me that it is best to say something simple such as “While, I am glad you are interested in my life I feel like this subject is a private matter between me, my husband and God.” It acknowledges the interest they show but as the same time shows that it isn’t something you are going to discuss with them. Good luck on finding the correct way to hand things for yourself.
Good morning all. I have a kind of off the wall question today.My Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago at ninety years old. Grandma was the mother of eleven, grandmother of thirty four, great grandmother of forty some and even had a few great great grandchildren. Since her passing a few relatives have reported being visited by her spirit. Most have just reported seeing her image . Some have seen her like a picture on the wall, some have seen her just floating. For the most part when these people have spoke to her she has disappeared, however one cousin of mine not only seen her image but upon asking her why she was there heard her voice tell him she is in Heaven before disappearing. I have been raised Catholic since birth but honestly have never heard the church’s views on such “visitations”so my question to all of you is; First has anyone ever experienced this sort of visitation ? Second ; Do you believe that this is actually Grandma’s soul coming to comfort or help ? A couple family members have cautioned everyone that Satan can take any form and may be taking hers in order to lull some into a false security and trick them. I am finding that many Protestant Christians whom I talk to seem to feel this way. I honestly don’t know what to think. Anyone want to share an opinion?
Joan,
She used to only drink water in her bottle at night, but lately I have given her milk in her first bottle because I thought she was getting hungry. She drinks a lot of milk and doesn’t seem to have any problems during the day with it. She has had excema on her legs in the past, but I haven’t really seen it lately. I am not sure how to tell if she has other allergies…what else might I see besides a sleepless baby?
Thanks,
Carol
For Carol: when my son was about 1 1/2 he would very often wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and nothing seemed to console him. It was frustrating because everything I tried seemed to be wrong and get him even more upset. Most of the times, I would hold him in the dark and walk around for quite a while before he was exhausted enough to fall back asleep. The pediatrician said it was probably nightmares or night terrors. He stopped this as suddenly as he had started. I’m not sure this is your case, though, because you describe your daughter as whining and complaining, so she doesn’t look like there’s something frightening her. I guess you’ll have to observe her very carefully, looking for some sort of pattern: for instance, might it be something she had for dinner/bedtime snack that upsets her stomach? Another reader asked about what she drinks from the bottle – I guess it’s milk? You said she takes two bottles, one to fall asleep and one in the middle of the night – maybe it’s too much for her tummy to handle… Maybe you can try to switch to water or something else she likes, unless the change in routine doesn’t upset her even more.
Or maybe she’s too hot or too cold, or misses a favorite toy, if she has one…
You may also try a nice, warm bath before bedtime, if you don’t do this already – usually it relaxes a child quite a bit.
Good luck!
Carol–My boys had sleep issues–and to be honest they still wake-up sometimes–but not nearly as often. A couple of years ago it was pinworms. . .easy to fix with some chewable pills. This past fall it was round worms–same treatment. Now we are a clean and hygenic family. . .so I’m sure why we are pros at intestinal worms. . .but it is more common than you would think. Ask your doctor about doing a test.
Also, giving her the things she needs to be ok by herself awake–I know she’s young but you could set up some books, water etc and say “When you wake-up you can look at books or play with your dolly for a while.” That did work with one of ours. Pray pray pray!
About Grandma–St. Faustina had lots of visions of the souls she had helped get to heaven–keep praying for Grandma, and take the visions at face value I think. Pray the St. Michael prayer a lot to be protected from the evil one! Pray pray pray–that one works for everything I guess!
To Lisa:
Questions like the ones you’re describing (especially in front of your in-laws, for crying out loud) deserve either vague, “Wow, I don’t really know…” answers, followed quickly by a change of subject, “Did I tell you what Susie said the other day?!” OR, and this will be the more direct approach, which will probably take care of the problem in the future, telling her just what you told us, “I always consider those things fairly personal, and only discuss them with my husband.”
Any tips on getting a cat-napping 9-week old to nap for several hours? Some days she takes extended naps, other days only the cat napping. She cat napped her way through yesterday taking several 1/2 hours naps. By evening she was beside herself and didn’t fall asleep until about 11:00 p.m.
We tried nursing and singing in a dark room, the baby swing, the baby sling and she was just so tired she couldn’t fall and stay asleep. This morning she’s back at it – still overtired from yesterday and only napping about a 1/2 hour this morning.
When my son was a baby I had the luxury of lying down with him and attending to his every whim. I can’t devote myself entirely to her because her brother, almost 5, still needs me and is often in our faces or climbing on top of us! I don’t think that’s the sole reason for the catnapping though. Some days she does sleep for extended periods.
Good morning,
Lots of important things today….
Rosary video: The Rosary for Little Children is neat, it does have some singing, but there is a fair amount of dialogue too, so it is a balanced approach. My kids still love it and we have had it for 7 years.
I will be praying for the young woman to keep the little one.
For all those people in mourning…I am so sorry. When our friends lost their four year old daughter, my children were devastated. We talked about how much God loved her, and how happy she was going to be in Heaven. We talked also about how sad we are for ourselves, even though we are happy knowing she is in a beautiful, holy place because it is hard to be the ones left behind. Because my children were so young, we also commented that any balloons that accidentally get away are floating up to Heaven and that she will get to have them. And play with our beloved German Shepherd and kitty who are *there* too…it isn’t logical sometimes, I know, but it helped a little.
To the in-laws who have questions you’d rather not answer in front of all, (has happened to me recently), I just say, in a conspiratorial whisper, “Let’s go talk about it in the kitchen” (or on the porch, or wherever) and share if I want. Or, just say, “Goodness, I’m not really sure I want to talk about it just now.” When receiving the question in a space that I cannot get away, they ask “When are you having your next baby?” I will look *very shocked* look down toward my tummy, then at them and say brightly, “Well, not today!”
Baby not sleeping: My daughters were like that too, and I feel for you! I have found that she needed “lots and lots” of exercise so that she could sleep longer. Not a treadmill or anything…. Just 30-45 minutes of dancing, running, skipping or whatever in the fresh air, and she would sleep better. It has been such a crummy winter for getting outside, so we have “Dance Party” time and turn on the music and just goof around!
Also, my kid’s teething pain would come at night when there was nothing to keep them happy and occupied, so when I saw them chewing or drooling more, I would sometimes put Baby orajel on their gums or give them a tiny bit of Tylenol.
Visions of loved ones: My husband and I had both *seen* a little girl in this new house of ours when we first moved in…..and heard the footsteps, too. Imagine our delight when we found out we were expecting again, and then had a little baby girl….We think it was a pretty neat sign………………….
and NO, I do not think it was the devil…
For the poor sleeping two year old. I know this sounds awful but both of my children gave up all regular naps at 2. If they had a nap they were up until midnight. I also had to wake my one up in the morning otherwise she’d sleep to ten. I don’t know how much she’s napping or how early she goes to bed but I NEVER was able to do those 7pm bedtimes that I heard others. Mine slept pretty much from 9pm to 7am from 2 yrs old on. It also sounds like she’s hungry in the evening. Try a large heathy snack or some cereal before bed especially if you have an earlier dinner time. I’d go back to just water in the bottle so you don’t have to worry about tooth decay and reduce the water amount eventuallly too so it’s not a wet diaper waking her up. Is she still in a crib or a bed? Maybe if it’s a bed the transition is bothering her and she’ll adjust soon. I’d second the develop a bedtime routine(bath, story, snack), make sure she gets plenty of activity during the day, and try to not spend much time with her in the middle of the night just a quick it’s not time to get up lay back down pat of the back type thing.
I can understand the blunt, honest approach to responding to personal questions, but I like to first give people an “out”…I like to assume they really have no clue as to how inappropriate they are; that’s my idea of charity. So I like to give them an out, and laughter works quite well. Then she can laugh and stop asking, without the awkwardness or, sometimes, the anger. Diffusing a situation with laughter is always my first line of defense. Smile big and say, “Wait, I think there’s an article on it on the front page of the New York Times; circulation is expected to double…’ or “Didn’t you hear? I just did a TV interview all about my reproductive system; get your TIVO ready!” or go really silly, ” I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about! I got these babies in my cabbage patch (or I sit by the window and a stork drops them down the chimney…you mean it’s different for you?”)
And if they don’t take the hint, then that’s your invitation to then go ahead and be blunt. Don’t confuse being “nice” with allowing someone to intrude upon you. But, to be fair, I will say that if you’ve answered those questions in the past, it is a bit your fault for not nipping that kind of talk in the bud from the beginning. You certainly can put a stop to it now, but since you answered such personal questions before, they won’t understand why you won’t do it now.
So, you might want to do it lightheartedly and jokingly, at least at first.
Carol–Our two year old also wakes up at night. (actually all of our girls have) I believe there really is such a thing as night terrors. I read this idea one time and this is what our family does…We have a little bed of sorts made up in the corner of our bedroom (blanket to lay on and a pillow). Each of the children at some point have come in and slept on the “bed”. The two year old was using it almost every night for months. She would wake up in the night and just come sleep in our room on the “bed”. After about 2 months, she just stopped. Now only once in a while does she come into our room. Oddly enough, now our four year old has been coming into our room. I think it is comforting to them and it gives them some control over these fears.
Lisa–I am not going to get this completely right, but you will get the idea. People from our church kept asking my friend when they were going to have a baby. Finally, tired of this line of questioning, she said in reply with a very sweet smile: Are you asking if I am having “relations” with my husband?….they stopped asking.
Weaning help, please!
I am nursing our 4th baby, who is 21 months old. She doesn’t take a pacifier, bottle or cups of any kind, unless it’s my tea cup, and then she just takes a sip. Sports type water bottles when we are in the van…..
I am thrilled that I was able to nurse this long, but my body does not give up 1 OUNCE OF WEIGHT while I am nursing, and I am feeling like the middle of night wakings she still has (!) are due to us still being in our nursing pattern. We brush her teeth before bed, but I often nurse her in the middle of the night once, or twice so we can go back to sleep. I know this is probably not ideal, but I cannot be more sleep deprived and my Darling Husband is unable to help as his work schedule is tough for him. I am concerned that this pattern will give her cavities……
So, overweight, sleep-deprived mommy is asking for any ideas other people might have…
Thanks in advance for all the ideas about this and everything else!
Lisa – Have you considered just kindly telling your SIL in private that you are uncomfortable with questions about your cycles etc and if she has questions/interest in NFP you could recommend a book? Please give her the benefit of the doubt and just assume she is truly curious since (from what I surmised) you practice NFP and have more children. She may not really know that it’s inappropriate. Recently I obnoxiously asked a woman, who I am pretty good friends with, if she was pregnant. I knew they were trying (she told me) and I knew when her cycles were (same as mine). I spent 10 years trying to get pregnant so I tend to remember these things about people. I just blurted out “Are you pregnant?” She was – but was only a few days late. She wasn’t ready to let the world know and when her husband found out that she had told me, since I put her on the spot, he was really angry. I felt terrible. In hindsight I was invasive and obnoxious, but in my heart I was curious and hopeful. SHe had a miscarriage last year and I had been praying daily for another baby. I bet if y ou spoke to your SIL directly and kindly she would respond. God bless you and please pray for all of us big mouths! 😉
Sleeping problems in the 2-year-old sure do sound like dairy allergy, especially because of the eczema. Take her off dairy for a few days and see what happens. My son has suffered dairy allergy since we introduced food at six months. I couldn’t figure it out source until I took him off dairy (and myself because breastfeeding). What a difference! The dermatologist he sees told me that usually these kids outgrow the dairy allergy by age 5, and I can see it getting better. But if he gets too much milk…his poor skin!
Donna, I’d like to hear the same advice, too! LOL 🙂 My girl does drink from a glass, but when it’s naptime or night she won’t want anything but me… But don’t worry about her teeth: my pediatrician said it’s only an issue with normal milk.
Lucy – How do you vote?
As far as the night waking baby, I would try eliminating milk but it may take a few weeks. My son did fine during the day and woke at night screaming. We eventually figured out he was lactose intolerant but it is “dose dependent” meaning that he could tolerate SOME dairy but after awhile the buildup was too much for his tummy. Good luck!
Lisa,
The suggestions above are pretty straightforward – and may be just the thing if your relationship with SIL allows for that – although very few people under any circumstanced like to be told to mind their own business! If it were me (with the nosy second wife of my father in law) I’d pause, smile and then clearly and obviously change the subject saying something like, “so, how about those Dodgers” or “did you notice how great my roses are doing this year?” or some non sequiter – and maybe then I’d chuckle to make it even more clear – this is not something I’m going to respond to. This is a method that I’ve learned over time – I tend to be a little blunt by nature – but have figured out that the direct approach is not always the best.
Good luck!
Most of you ladies are “nicer” than me. I feel if someone is insensitive enough to ask such a personal question about my sex life or reproductive health, they are not going to pick up on a tactful, subtle response. They need to know that they are out of bounds. A cold stare and “That’s really none of your business”, followed by a change of subject, does the trick.
Of course if you are feeling “nicer” you can say with a smile, “That is really TMI, as the kids say…” and then change the subject.
I agree with the poster who said you should nip these conversations in the bud. Don’t let them even start.
JMO
Joan, I am grieving with you. I am so sorry about AJ, didn’t realize your son was friends with him. It is harder to see our kids’ grief than to deal with our own, I think. I will keep you and all the families in prayer.
And could I ask you wonderful ladies for prayers for my husband and his family? My father-in-law is dying (slowly slipping away) and my husband and brother-in-law both traveled great distances to spend last evening holding his hand and just talking…my husband is suffering and I wish I could be with him but he needs me to be here taking care of the kids, doing the taxes and just soldiering on…so I guess I need prayers too! Thank you all so much.
Carol,
I am so sorry to hear about your little girl waking at night! I know exactly how you feel. My daughter hasn’t been a great sleeper since she was a few months old and we often go through phases where she’s up for hours in the middle of the night. It’s traumatic for everyone.
We’ve noticed bigger problems with teething (little Tylenol), wet diapers (switched to a premium diaper for nighttime), chills (onesie under her pajamas) and schedule changes. Unlike my first child, my daughter needs a regular schedule (bedtime routine and bedtime), absolutely no light and as quiet as possible (with just her nighttime CD playing).
My husband can’t bear to let her cry, but I’ve often found it can be helpful after a couple of hours. I need a break and leave her in the crib for fifteen minutes or so. Every once in a while she’ll fall back asleep on her own. Mostly, she’ll be ready to be calm and go back to sleep when I return. (On the rare occasions she still has problems, I give myself another break when I feel frustration rising again.)
As hard as it is to believe, these days will pass. I try to remind myself she’s just a baby (18 months) and isn’t trying to destroy my sanity. She just doesn’t know what else to do. I also try to pray while I’m with her at night, for grace, for patience and for my kids and family. It gives my mind something to do and always helps calm me down.
Good luck!
Danielle, I love your blog! Thanks for sharing your day to day with all of us. You truly inspire me.
Here is my question: How do you deal with lying from a child? My 9 year old son lies every chance he gets. I am at the point where I no longer trust anything that comes out of his mouth. He tells big lies and small lies and everything in between. We have tried making him write about lying, taking away allowance, restricting all toys and TV…everything. When I ask him why he lies, he says it is because he does not want to get in trouble. My husband and I have tried to explain that lying gets you in worse trouble then you would be had you not lied. I have tried explaining that is hurts my feelings, that it is disrespectful and that it causes me to not be able to trust him. He still continues to do it. He also has the most innocent pleading look on his face when telling lies…this is why I no longer trust him. I am at a total loss…what can I do???
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
Just some quick answers that came to mind as I read your post….
First, in my house, if you do something wrong, you get in trouble. If you lie to cover it up, you get in double trouble (two punishments). They *are* doing two things wrong.
Second, have you considered taking a day and not believing *anything* he says? After all, if he lies, you can’t trust what he says is true. Maybe a big object lesson would help.
God bless!
diane- my husband and I have a deep faith, we believe that you can see spirits, and he firmly believes he has seen his father, at the moment of his death, (he said goodbye and left the room,) before the hospital called to inform us. My father after his death, who told us we would behaving a little girl (which we did), and also that he was in heaven. I will tell you that you should not under any circumstances call to the dead because then yes you can be summoning an evil spirit. (my sil kept talking to her deceased father, asking him to please show himself and visit her, because she was not able to see him before he died. The night she says that she saw him outside her window, her house exploded) We firmly believe that was not her father but evil spirits. That is what I have always been told.
Diane: with the “visits” of Grandma: I recommend a very small bokk called “The Amazing Secret of the Souls in Purgatory: An Interview with Maria Simma.” Maria had “visions” of many souls and she learned that they were in purgatory and wanted her to have masses said for them. I’d put Grandma in for as many masses as youy feel is prudent and offer many prayers and sacrifices on her behalf.
Carol: 2 year old not sleeping? When thinking of allergies, consider mold allergies as well? Otherwise, I had a child who would be starving in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep without some milk. He outgrew it eventually. For my own sanity, it was just better to get him a drink and let us all go back to sleep faster.
Donna: nursing a 21 month old? All mine were reluctant weaners too. At that age, they can understand “later,” “no” and “have a sandwich.” None of my kids would drink much from a cup until they had been weaned. Limit the amount of time you allow nursing, keep offering the cup, and start having daddy put her back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Lisa: SIL asking personal info? Perhaps she’s just trying to have a conversation and is desperate for topics. Maybe she just wants you to know that she cares about “you” and not just the weather or the baseball scores or the kids. I would privately tell her that you are really uncomfortable talking about that stuff and ask her nicely if you could instead talk about less personal issues. Some families are more open about these things than others.
NO homeschool help? Sheesh!
Oh! I forgot. Michelle: lying 9 year old? Take him/her to confession. Weekly if necessary (you go too!). And it’s important to express your disapproval every time and let it be known that it absolutely will not be tolerated. Point out that he/she can’t do XYZ because you don’t trust him/her. And definitely find one thing to praise every day. If he/she tells the truth despite having done something bad, praise him/her, but calmly explain that punishment is still necessary.
What’s interesting about the “ghosts” question is that there is mention of it in the New Testament. Specifically, Matthew 14:25-27 “During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, ?walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, ?they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. ?But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
So, they really thought they were seeing a ghost or spirit of some kind. And Jesus says don’t be scared (of ghosts?), it’s no ghost, it’s me! But he doesn’t say or insinuate: why would you be scared of something that doesn’t exist?
But it gets better in Luke 24: 36-43
While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself ?stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost.
He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do ?doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. ?It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not ?have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”
So, check it out, Christ Himself says “a ghost does not have flesh and bones”, he never says “there’s no such thing as a ghost” or “ghosts don’t really exist”. If anything, he’s saying that there are certain properties of a ghost and flesh and bones are not part of what that is. Which would have you think that they must exist. Kinda cool. And creepy.
Donna! At 21 months old, your daughter is not likely to develop cavities from breastmilk if she has not already. Do you have reason from previous children to suspect caries? You can use those Spiffies wipes in between brushings and at night.
A week’s worth of a nursing journal might help you to determine how much she’s nursing, and more importantly, why. With that information in hand you can begin to eliminate one little session or one block (say, 9am to noon) at a time.
A couple of weeks ago I posted on here asking for prayers. I have a couple of nodules on my thyroid that were suspicious for cancer and I’m 13 weeks pregnant. I just wanted to thank all of you good people for your prayers. My biopsy results came back negative for cancer.
Thank you all and God Bless you!
To Tina….we like the rosary CD by Gretchen Harris (I got it from Itunes, but I’m sure it’s available from other sources). It’s quite simple, just quiet music in the background with the spoken prayers.
To Joan and others who are mourning, you are in my prayers. It took my dad’s death, almost 5 years ago at the age of 58, to get me to realize what the Easter mysteries are really about. I felt like I finally “got” it. I still miss him daily though, for myself and for my kids, but I know he has reached the goal that we all strive for.
I am putting together a dinner for an neighbor who just had baby #2. I’d like to include the quote from Chesterton that says something like “WHy is it a large thing to (do something grand for the world) and a small thing to (take care of a child).” Of course, it’s way better and longer… I’ve googled it but can’t find it and I can’t find it in my books. Any help would be appreciated…
[b]Lying 9 year old:[/b] I love the confession advice… and is the lying in relation to asking him if he’s done something wrong since you say that he lies to avoid being in trouble. If so, try to avoid asking him if he’s done the bad thing… especially if he has trouble lying. In other words, avoid asking: “Did you hit your brother?” and just try to catch him red handed and dole out the punishment for the offense without adding lying to it.
[b]Homeschooling:[/b] LOL! Not sure which you want more: work done or happy working children!?! If happy working children, serve snacks at the kitchen table after each subject? If work done, food prizes (like cookies) for the first one done? If I hold basketball over my oldest’s head, he always gets it done. But I don’t have to teach three!!
Looking for very fun April fool’s day pranks here…Ideas?
Donna,
I am weaning my 21 month old at the moment as well. The first catalyst was that I am pregnant and not wanting to tandem nurse. The second? CAVITIES! Yes, mine has them. From nursing. About a month ago, I noticed his breath was starting to smell and saw a small brown spot on one of his molars. I took him in 2 weeks ago to the pediatric dentist and he has 5(!) teeth that have decay. While my older son nursed even longer and never had problems with cavities, my younger son does. The dentist told me I needed to wean from the middle of the night nursings or get up and brush his teeth after each time he nursed in order to prevent it from getting worse. Yes, “bottle mouth” from breastfeeding can and does happen, and it is more of a concern as they get older because they have more teeth.So that was the impetus to be done NOW with night nursings…It only took about 3 nights, and I was surprised it happened so quickly. When we went to bed, we said “goodnight” to nursies and when he would wake to nurse, I would tell him “no, nursies are night-night.Do you want a sip of water?” The first night, he screamed and kicked. The second night, more of same, the third night, he took the sip of water and went back to sleep. The fourth night, he just asked for water when he woke up, and hasn’t asked to nurse at night since. I think the key is having a reason to do it and being finally fully committed to making the change. It’s very easy to take the “easy” way and just give in to continued night nursings because you are so tired and just want everyone to get back to sleep! ( Believe me, I know!) But when it comes down to deciding that THIS is IT, it’s amazing how it happens easier than you anticipate.
Good luck.
Anyone suffer from periodic insomnia? I’ve gotten into a bad sleep pattern where I fall asleep easily around 10 or so, then to the minute I wake up at 3 am, and I can’t get back to sleep. I’ve tried reading, saying the rosary, keeping my eyes closed, repeating “it’s ok to be tired”, but nothing seems to get me over the hump. I will eventually doze off around 5, only to be woken up at 6:45 to get my son off to school. It makes for a grouchy morning mom. My husband is after me to go to a sleep specialist, but I’m too tired to make an appointment. If I take a tylenol pm I’m fine, but I don’t want to become overly dependent on that, besides, they tend to make me depressed. Should I try to go to bed later? I do exercise daily (in the early afternoon) and I don’t drink coffee after 9 am.
Jennifer ~ I hope you don’t mind my asking, but could you possibly be going through perimenopause? I had the same exact problem, and went to my naturopath about it. Insomnia is apparently very common when your body starts gearing up for the great change. There are a lot of naturopathic aids for this, from aromatherapy to herbal supplements ~ Even if it’s not perimenopause related. Try googling it! Also, you might want to consider the possiblity that you are being called as a prayer warrior. 3 am is Satan’s hour, you know. My husband’s been called at exactly 3am to prayer for many years now, and just accepts it. Knowing that you can be a tool for Christ may help deal with the missing sleep time.