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[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
Writer and Speaker
If you’re new here, welcome! Here’s what Coffee Talk is all about.
What shall we talk about today?
[tags]catholic family life, coffee talk, catholic moms[/tags]
to feeling like a failure:
ditto on the comment from Elizabeth. My ex husband was addicted to porn. It was very erosive to our marriage. It is definitely not your fault. Do not believe it. I used to think I was at fault also. Keep up your spirits… He sounds like he doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions….
I let things fester and the problems never were resolved…but i was not a praying wife back then. Prayer can overcome all obstacles…with a little help from our friends..the saints….and our best friend, Jesus. And here on earth, you have us coffee talkers
I’ll keep you in my prayers….
To feeling like a failure:
You aren’t a failure for all of the reasons above, and because you are asking for help. I will be praying for you and your marriage.
Another thought (along with all of the great ones above) is sacramentals. I think we sometimes shy away from them because they seem…well…hocus-pocus. We once had some problem (as in dangerous) neighbors. I went to Mass armed with a disposable canister of salt (you know, the ones with the little barbecue tools on them) and asked our priest to bless it. Then I walked the perimeter of our property, praying and sprinkling. Shortly after a situation “occurred” which eliminated the problem.
Try blessed salt around his computer, holy water on his side of the bed (and yours ;-)), under the bed, in his car….wherever it might be needed.
God bless!
Jeannie:
Find yourself a good, catholic Ob. Surely there is one in SoCAL. Go to http://www.omsoul.com and look under “nfp directory.” I am so sorry for your experience. (And after giving birth to number 9, make sure to go back and pay him a visit 😉 )
Feel like A failure – I will pray for you!
Michele – Re child who “forgets” to use the potty after 9+ months of success. I would treat it as a discipline problem. When my 4 year old also “forgot” I first got busy reminding him and then put him in time out and finally he got one spanking. It never happened again. Also, my 6 year old nephew went through a similar thing – except he would also pooped at night while sleeping – absolutely gross. My SIL felt really guilty – like he was doing this to punish her etc. (she has severe MS) so she did nothing to correct him. He spent a week at our house and proceeded with his ways. After one night and one major clean up, I sternly told him that he would no longer continue this and if he did he would not go on some upcoming fun family events. I didn’t yell at him – but I was very stern and probably embarrassed him. From that day on his never forgot to use the toilet. It’s most likely a discipline issue.
I have prayed for all of you requesting prayers as I was reading – especially “Feels like a Failure”. I’ll repeat the previous commenter – you are NOT to blame! I’m sure it is easier for your husband to put the blame on you than face his own insecurities and issues. I’ll continue to pray for you.
Also, thanks to those of you who shared your stories on “mixed” marriages. I married a Lutheran (LCMS) and while most everything is similar, I just don’t feel fulfilled in any way at his church. Might have something to do with the pastor that’s been there for *34* years. We traded off every other Sunday for a while, as his church only has communion 2x a month. Then, he got tired of that and for a while, I went to both services, which became burdensome.
After our daughter was born, I have attended Mass by myself and/or with her (she REALLY needs her morning nap, which falls during Mass) and it is lonely. Hubby was appointed Elder at his church and is finishing a 2 year term; I’m glad he’s done it because if he didn’t, he’d always wish he had done it. He’s said that he won’t serve another term.
I’ve told him from the beginning that I don’t want him to convert because *I* want him, to do it; he has to want it. I think he would grow to resent the Church and me if he didn’t desire it in his heart. It’s a bit difficult since we live in arguably the most conservative diocese in the country (Lincoln, NE) and my church has a pretty “old school” type Mass. But our vocations are amazing, and there is something to be said to strict adherence to the Church.
We were thankfully married in the Church, and naive me, I had no qualms signing the statement about raising our children Catholic because I thought either he’d happily convert, or (gasp) I would, and if I wasn’t Catholic, I’d be a moot point. (Yes, I do see the bad logic now.)
We live in the same place where he grew up, and his whole family is Lutheran. (My whole family is pretty much Catholic or fallen away Catholic) That has been a big sticking point for him. One of his cousins married a Catholic and joined the Church five or so years later, but I sense it isn’t all that important to him. (He didn’t really attend the Lutheran church before.)
So, this long post is to say that I’m glad there are so many of us out there; I feel a little bit better knowing that.
Michelle:
That’s great! Now take that man somewhere good for lunch!
Speaking of St. Monica…my favorite St. Augustine quote goes something like – “Lord make me chaste…but not just yet.” 😉
Does anyone have suggestions for home economics guides for young teens/tweens? I’ve learned a lot about home management the hard way, but I’m wondering what you folks use to teach your families about managing meals, budgeting, couponing, laundry, minor home repairs and simple gardening.
Thanks in advance for your help.
Re: brushing toddler teeth. The only thing I would add would be consider having the child use a wash cloth if they can’t stand a brush or using one of those finger brushes. Getting the child to do the work while you play along has also brought the most success for me. Consistency and play go a long way in preventing tooth decay (you could say….:) ).
For those who are suffering, you have my prayers.
To Jeannie re: OB
I’m so sorry that your appt was so discouraging! I agree that a change in ob seems appropriate. I also live in Southern CA and have had a mixed bag regarding OBs responses to my 5 births. Depending on where in SOCAL you are I know of a few good resources- a wonderful OB in Orange County, I believe San Diego has a medical group that is completely pro-life, and Ventura has a midwives center that is pretty pro-family. Another thought is the onemoresoul website or even contacting a local pro-life crisis pregnancy center (Birth Choice in Orange County is a great resource) to see what OBs they work with. Anyway, just some thoughts that came to mind since we are in a similiar geographic area. Let me know if you wish for more info
God bless, Kelly
RE: brushing teeth
I used to let my little one “brush” my teeth, then I would brush his. Sometimes I had to brush his at the same he was brushing mine. I second the idea of making up a song while brushing. Mind you, I am not a creative person and can’t make up songs, but I just sang about what we were doing. I even did rhyming. It was silly and he laughed; its a great memory. I haven’t thought of that in a while.
I asked about preschool curriculum last week. Thank you to those who responded. My dh had been gone on business and we hadn’t really talked about it in detail. When he got home we discussed it and he made me feel a whole lot better. I was anticipating what his expectations were going to be without really knowing. Gotta work on that communication.
Anyway, I am not sure what to “do” with preschoolers all the time. Other than baking, coloring, playdough, and blocks does anyone have anyother suggestions on what to do with them.
Jennifer D, here’s a page with links – http://www.semicolonblog.com/?p=1211 some of them are probably too advanced for a pre-schooler, but might give you some ideas.
Dina, I thought I had seen a review somewhere on a book (or set?) that helped parents have discussions with kids about sex and it had sections for different age levels. I really need to organize my links! Here’s something I have in my wish list on Amazon –
Speak to Your Children: A Handy Catholic Parenting Guide for Concise, Faith-filled Conversations with Kids about Discipline, Decision-making, Truth, and Life (Paperback)
by Mary Lee Dey
But I’m not sure that’s it. I’ll keep looking.
To Feeling Like a Failure:
My husband was addicted to porn when I met him…didn’t know it until we were married…he always told me that the porn had nothing to do with me and that it was totally separate from our marriage and that I shouldn’t take it personally and that I should just leave it alone. I began to notice that he was particularly unpleasant, critical, and sometimes even mean on the nights after he had viewed porn….I began to realize that he was the one being controlled by the porn…it is in someways a stronger addiction than most….because the images are always at the ready in your head…so you are constantly viewing and therefore constantly failing if you are trying to quit…my husband was such a slave to it and deep down he knew it and hated it, but felt utterly powerless to do anything to stop it…it truly controlled him and I doubt there are any men who want to be controlled by anything like that….when I realized this it brought me some peace because it was in no possible way my fault…the devil had a terrible grip on him and my frustration gave way to worry and concern….I prayed and offered sacrifice…I tried to suggest ideas where I could and praise God he was receptive after a while and he has now been 3 years without porn….he still has to have the hotel’s front desk watch his computer when he goes away on bussiness trips and he has even cut the cable wire to the TV in his hotel room to help stop the temptation…he is so relieved to be free of this addiction…Please know that it is not your fault…it is going to be a constant struggle but one that you can offer up for your husband who is a slave to this and needs much prayer to be able to break free and be the loving husband that he really wants to be deep down and that God is calling him to be…please know that you and he will be in my prayers and the prayers of my husband…
God Bless!
Jennifer D –
An important thing to “do” with preschoolers is to allow them time to generate their own play/learning. Sounds like you are doing a great job already. Maybe that is all that remains. Peace. ~~~mary
Jennifer D, here are a couple of pre-schooler suggestions (although keep in mind that mine is too young so I haven’t looked at these thoroughly yet):
http://www.first-school.ws/
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/93082/toddler_art_project_supplies_nontoxic.html?cat=25
http://www.semicolonblog.com/?p=1211
Dina, I thought I had a link to something, but I can’t find it. I was thinking there was a SET of books that explained how to discuss sex from a Catholic standpoint with kiddos, and it was split out by age. Doesn’t that sound perfect? Sigh. This is the only thing I can find in my links –
Speak to Your Children: A Handy Catholic Parenting Guide for Concise, Faith-filled Conversations with Kids about Discipline, Decision-making, Truth, and Life by Mary Lee Dey
You could also bite the bullet and google “Catholic Sex Education”, but I’d use quotes so you narrow it down and don’t do it when the kids are looking because you don’t know what you’ll get! Yikes!
Kate: regarding nursing/pregnant, needing some ME time…I don’t mean to scare you,rather encourage you. I’ve been nursing/pregnant for 26 years. It even amazes me !!! My oldest is turning 25yo this summer and the youngest is nursing in my lap right now; he turns 1yo this month. You WILL have free time/energy and a wonderful future, don’t be alarmed. It comes in blocks of time…I have 11 children, and I’ve enjoyed those little snippets of time…a luxurious bath, a cup of tea with a good book, just sitting outside in the yard etc. My older children are such a help!!! With my last baby’s birth the household could practically run without me! I had wonderful meals and care from my own children. Due to good management and training, love and discipline I had a rapid recovery and a very healthy baby. I can’t say enough, however, how important REALLY good eating and daily vitamins are for me…in helping me keep my perspective and energy levels up. So, don’t be discouraged, be encouraged…God has great things in store for you!!! You’re in my prayers.
Margaret, home economics: HSLDA has a Life Skills/Experience at their website. Samples, and an inexpensive book to buy that has items like: car management, how to open checking accounts,and making a budget, are just of the few things available.
God bless you all.
After all my answers to others posts I have a question for all of you. Sometimes I don’t understand the role that the Holy Mother plays in the church. I KNOW that the Virgin Mary is very important but sometimes I can see the point that other religions try to make when they say we worship her, when the ONLY person we should worship is God Himself. The reason I get confused is because of the magazines such as The Fatima Crusader (I think it is titled that) or other groups that have whole magazines, books, newsletters, and such just devoted to Mary with hardly a mention to God/Jesus. My own Grandma seems to mention Mary and Fatima and consacreation to Russia more than anything else and it confuses me. I understand that She is very special as the mother of Jesus and I do pray to her, but sometimes it seems that the Church does worship her. Please help me understand!! If your response would be too long for here you can respond to babys_mama1@yahoo.com
This might seem strange to some people, but I am having a really hard time getting myself to confession. I have not been in 12 years (yes, I know that is terrible) and I am terrified to go. There are many things in my pre-married life that I am so ashamed of, and can’t imagine saying them out loud. These these happened about 10 years ago, and I still think of them everyday and hate myself for them. Last time I went to confession, I cried so hard the priest couldn’t even understand me. I know that will happen again since the things I have to confess now are even worse. I can’t imagine telling my priest these things, then having to look him in the eye every Sunday. We also don’t have confessionals at our church (confession is face to face) and I think that scares me to. I know the effects of not going to confession, and that doesn’t seem to encourage me. Please, can someone give me some advice?
I have a problem and request some assistance from some older moms. I have 3 sons in their 20s and none of them attend church on a regular basis right now. My husband died suddenly when the boys were 6, 8 and 10. We were very active in our church and I continued that tradition. Mass every Sunday, altar serving, Catholic school for high school. I pray every morning and night that they come back to the Church. I cannot force or demand because they have lives and homes of their own now and believe that they must reach this decision on their own. Any advice?
Jennifer D,
wow..theres a whole lot of info on that question….check out http://www.cullensabcs.com
I think it’s not wholly a matter of what to “do” with preschoolers, but like most things, it’s an attitude. Any activity you approach, if you come to it with a sincere intention of being actually present to them…carefully observing their reactions and being part of it….share your excitement. …have fun.
Nature walks, singing, finger painting…tea parties, shaving cream mixed with food coloring painted on a large window or in the bath tub …..these are favorites of my grandaughter’s
I’d like to share a list of helpful hints for nurturing little kids
1. Provide interludes for their inquisitive minds and childish dreams
2. Allow them time and space to be alone and search their feelings
3. Remember your children in your prayers.
4. Lighten up and permit a mess now and then.
5. Arrange for fun times and pretending.
6. Rejoice in a childs laughter and make allowances for their tears.
7. Encourage family friendly neighborhoods.
8. Provide opportunities for sharing with others at an early age.
9. Make yourself accessible to your child in times of anxiety.
10. promote your values by example
11. seek your childs opinions and respect their answer.
12. “Treat people (little and big) as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of being.” Goethe
Hi. Thank-you for those kind and encouraging words regarding my sixth pregnancy. I’ve really been hesitant to tell anyone (husband, best friends, and coffee talkers aside) out of fear of humiliaton. It really helps put things into perspective though to view pregnancy/nursing as an awesome privilege that is but a brief season. We’ll get around to breaking the news to our in-laws soon.
Javajabbing: you are in my thoughts and prayers today. I pray that your little one is safe and sound in the comfort of your womb. Many blessings to you all.
Hi Everyone! I have a parenting/discipline question. My 15 month old daughter is absolutely a great kid in every other way except this: she throws food at EVERY MEAL. She likes to feed herself, but even when I feed her off of a spoon, she’ll take the food out of her mouth and throw it on the floor. She throws it even when she’s still hungry. I’ve tried saying NO, removing all her food from her reach, removing her from her high chair to another room, and even smacked her hand once (but I don’t really want to do that and it didn’t work anyway – she laughed her head off at me!) I’ve tried ignoring her, since I have to clean the floor anyway no matter what I do. Nothing seems to work. Any ideas? Thanks in advance!
Dear, Need confession,
I was in your situation at about the age of 26. I hadn’t been to confession since I was in 6th grade and did MANY things that would make the people on this boards eyes bug out.
Pray for God to lead you to where you need to make your confession. Are there any other churchs in the area you can maybe go to? I wasn’t even currently going to Mass (fallen away Catholic because of my parents) and I ended up going to Mass one day to this Church and I felt that the priest was talking to JUST ME. I ended up calling him and setting up an appointment for confession, telling him I hadn’t been in about 15 years! I did it face to face and was probably there almost 2 hours. I had a bunch of shredded kleenex in my lap and cried A LOT, but I tell you what, when I left there I felt like I was floating! It was THE MOST AMAZING feeling. It was also the start of my conversion back to the Church.
I will pray for you. Pray the Rosary, Mary never lets us down, and offer up your whole Rosary for this specific intention. You will feel SO much better after you do it!
God Bless you!
Needs confession:
I don’t know if this helps, and I mean this in all kindness, but the longer you wait the harder it is. Please remember, especially in this day and age, the priests have heard everything. I don’t think they can really be shocked by what you may confess. And your priest (yours or at another parish) will not think the less of you. In fact, he will thank God that you have come.
I remember someone asking about a similar situation on one of the EWTN forums. The priest’s reply was something like: “Go. Now. Turn off the computer and get to confession. Go with God’s blessing.”
Sorry to be so Nike, but really, Just Do It.
God bless, and I’ll be praying for you!
Dear Need Confession,
My heart and prayers go out to you. Isn’t it awful how the thing that can help us the most is the thing that is hardest to do? May I suggest you take a day and head to a nearby shrine that has confession? Come with a list. Plan to spend some time in prayer before and after. may I also suggest you read a little about Divine Mercy and Sr. Faustina if you haven’t? Also there is a great book called something like ‘Need peace? Try Confession’. Finally pray for the strength you need to do this, that you will be led to a good confessor and that ultimately you will find the peace that comes only with the love and forgiveness of our Lord – He is waiting for you. He loves you more than you could ever imagine – NOTHING you could have ever done could change that. He just wants you with Him. Don’t put this off. Then when you have gone, receive the Eucharist with your clean and open heart – open to all the graces he has waiting for you!! You can do this. He is calling you…..
REGARDING CONFESSION: God bless, you! You know that you need to go to confession. You can feel the weight of your sins on your soul and Christ is calling you into his arms.
My advice: Run to him. As fast as you can.
My husband and I came into the Church 18 months ago. I avoided going to confession until the last minute. It was hard. I cried my eyes out. I had to admit to things that I didn’t want to believe were true myself. I had to say I am guilty of _____. I can tell you, though that afterwards FOR DAYS, I LITERALLY felt lighter. Like walking on air. The grace is so amazing. Remember, where sin abounds grace abounds EVEN MORE.
Somethings that may help:
1) Ask some friends who would be a good priest to hear your confession. You don’t have to go to your parish. Go to someone you may never see again. You can make him your confessor if you’d like.
2) Have a friend come along with you and wait with you and pray with you. My sponsor surprised me and was at the church waiting for me when I got there. I felt so loved and encouraged
3) Bring tissue in with you. Lots of it. Take your time & breath. Say the worst first.
4) Try to go more regularly (it is easier and helps keep you on tract)
5) Remind yourself of God’s mercy, His Sacred Heart and that you are on the road to learning how to love and be loved.
God bless you. I will pray for you.
First of all, good for you for acknowledging the fact that confession is important. It is, and you will feel so much better after you go. I understand completely what is holding you back, and I have a few suggestions.
Spend some time in adoration first. Prepare mentally by silently telling Jesus that you want to come to him and need his help to get there. The quiet and personal time in adoration might help ease you into the confessional.
Before you go to church, write down a list of sins you want to confess. That way, if you get that heart-pounding, stomach churning feeling you can just read the list and not leave anything out. You can even make it cryptic if you’re worried about it falling into someone’s hands before you go!
Is there another chuch nearby that offers anonymous confession? No one says it has to be face-to-face to be valid! Find a place where you will be made less anxious by the environment and it will help.
In my experience, the priests have been so kind when I have confessed things – especially the pre-marital things that in the hindsight of adulthood I realized were sins. Just knowing that those sins were now ‘over’ and that I don’t have to dwell on them anymore has made a huge difference in my heart. There is more purity in my marriage because of it. I wish you lots of luck and encourage you to go with all my heart!
To feels like a failure, I am praying for you and your marriage.
I’m praying for all of you who have asked for prayers today. God bless you all!
Jackie, (the first post),
I think some of the things the church used to do are very sad. Like only allowing your mother to get married in the rectory. It is a good thing it is different today.
My dad was raised Presbyterian and my mom Catholic. At the time of their wedding he somehow had a secret conversion to the Catholic church, didn’t even tell his own parents about it. I think it was forced by his mother in law and soon to be wife.
When I was growing up my mother and her mom made sure that my Presbyterian grandmother knew their faith was superior to hers and boy did they treat her poorly for it. ( an unfortunate way to evangelize…)
It is really sad because my mom and her mom really have never come to know the heart of God. They can recite the Baltimore Catechism and say they love the Latin Mass but their faith never has been integrated with their whole person in that it changes the way they think and act. It is strictly about the rules which even though they are verbalized are not integrated properly either.
All in all I learned more from my Presbyterian grandmother about God than the Catholic side of the family. I embrace what the catechism say about our non-Catholic brothers and sisters in Christ. It is unfortunate though that even today some Catholics consider other christians more than enemy than someone they share a foundation of faith with.
I pray that you can have peace and wisdom as you seek to answer these questions and thoughts you have.
The wisdom in all the responses here around this coffee table always just blows me away and I hesitate to add a thing, except:
* my congratulations to Michelle and a prayer for her and her husband that this seed that has sprouted will continue to grow and flourish,
*and prayers for “Feels like a failure” for the gifts of fortitude, perserverance and hope for her and that St. Thomas Aquinas, the Angelic Doctor, can reach her husband’s heart and mind on the importance of the virtue of purity in marriage.
*To Jackie ~ I married a non Catholic, who converted three years into our marriage and have always been grateful for the wisdom of the Church in her gentle but firm stand against mixed marriages. When my husband converted, our lives changed and our loved deepened with a supernatural bond that we didn’t/couldn’t have before. His example to our children (and esp our sons) as a devoted Catholic is a grace beyond reckoning.
*To Kate ~ I’m another one out here who’s been through that wringer. It’s hard, no kidding! But it’s worth it, honest! Hang in there! God really does reward you for giving all this to Him. I’m nearing the finish line of my own marathon, after ten children on earth and five altogether in heaven, and, I may never get my figure back entirely. Which is fine. Figure or not, now that I’ve finally just about got my body back to myself, I am breathing a sigh of relief. I admit it! Menopause is going to be party time! Bring on the hot flashes! I know that sounds terrible, but when you live out every “season” to its fullness, and let God do the sowing and harvesting, every season is joyful! Don’t listen to the world about this, but stay close to the Faith. The wisdom of Mother Church in the preference of big families provides for that happy ending past our own frailty and the changeableness and selfishness of the world. (Have you read Pope Pius XII on large families? http://www.catholicculture.org/library/view.cfm?recnum=5370)
Dear Jeannie,
I live in Northern California and can relate to your OB experience. Our insurance had changed, and in an effort to maximize the new benefits I decided to try out a new OB. This was my 6th baby (we now have 7). There seemed to be a basic assumption that my husband and I were uneducated and irresponsible. The doctor also told me, rather harshly, that children were expensive, and went so far as to question what type of vehicle I was driving and the size of my home. I resumed appointments with my other OB, and felt the stress melt away. My OB is not Catholic, and smirks a little at NFP, but he says nothing but wonderful things about our family. I am very protective of my family, and feel that I have a responsibility to shine a beautiful light on large families, but I lack the ability to be confrontational. My approach is to be joyful, loving and patient…and pray that it might be contagious!
Dear Kate,
I have been pregnant or nursing for nearly 13 years. After my 5th child, I finally bought some nursing clothes. Even a few nice items can be mentally refreshing. Try http://www.expressiva.com, as they have some cute things that are great quality.
A priest once told me that it is always more difficult to do something when we know what the sacrifice entails. I think it’s natural to long for certain aspects of the past (energy, activities, simplicity, etc.), but be confident in following God’s will. Your generosity does not go unnoticed!
Angela
To Needs Confession:
Everyone else said it all for me. I was in a similar situation where it had been YEARS since I had been to confession. I was nervous about going, scared that I wouldn’t remember how to do it correctly and that kept me away. I finally just went. I didn’t think about all I would have to say, I just walked in there it poured everything on my heart out. Guess what? It wasn’t so bad and I felt so good for days afterwards and it was easy to go to confession after that (the more you go the easier it is). My suggestion, like everyone else, is to go to another church for this confession, one where there is a screen or confessional box. This priest has heard everything and will not judge you. After you confess all you have to confess you may feel more comfortable going to your own church from then on. Or you may like how the other priest is and continue to go to that church for confession. Honestly, the worst part is worrying beforehand – there will be such a burden lifted off your shoulders after you go. Plus, what’s the worst that could happen, right? Prayers headed your way and please do let us know in a future coffee talk how you feel afterwards. It will be great!
To Kim F. regarding babies/weddings:
We have 7 kids and usually just take the baby as well. One possibility, and we’ve done this, is just your husband goes. I don’t think it’s rude or anything, you’re not shunning them.
Yes, ladies, some men do read this forum. I had the good fortune to be raised in a mixed household. My mother was Southern Baptist from Georgia, my father a Roman Catholic from Maine. They were married in a non-denominational chapel on an army air force base during WW2. When I came along 9 months later, I was baptized in the Catholic church, attended services at a small mission church in SW Georgia; our priest came from a town 30 miles away. Sadly, my parents divorced when I was 11. My mother, my younger brother and I moved in with my grandparents, while my mother continued her education; she eventually became a successful CPA, unheard of in the 50’s, when mothers were housewives. I continued to go to the Catholic church at 8am and then to the Baptist church with my grandmother at 10am. At the time, our parish consisted of about 150 members. All my friends were Baptist and most thought I was too. My grandmother was a devout Baptsit, but she never was judgemental about my choice (and it was my choice) to continue my religious practice, in fact she encouraged it and helped me study for my CCD classes. She, however, did teach me the glorious Bible stories, which we did not learn in CCD. I am sure I had relatives that did not agree with her and thought I should be Baptist, but I never heard a word of it. Grandmother was a strong woman and you did not want to mess with her or most especially, her first (and favorite) grandson. So, as you can see, having a mixed religious background was a blessing to me. These blessings I have shared with my family, 4 children and 10 grandchilden. All are good people. If I ever wonder if I was/am a good parent, I have living proof!
Re: Mary
If you can, take the course on Mary offered by CDU (http://www.cdu.edu/coursedescription.cfm?CourseID=101-0104). It is wonderful, and I learned so much! It is a homestudy course, so you can do it on your schedule, at your pace.
I also recommend Montfort’s “True Devotion to Mary”, and either of JPII’s marian encyclical’s.
Remember, Mary’s role is vast. She is the Mother of the Christ, and therefore our own mother. She is the bride of Christ, and the personification of the Church. She is a created child of the Father, just as we are. Her perfect virtues provide a wonderful model for us.
And don’t forget prayer. Ask our Lord to reveal His love for His mother to you, that you may understand her role in salvation.
To Beth,
I am married to a man almost 14 years older than I am. I am 48. I find it very tough sometimes, because I have more energy than he does. I think I keep him young though. Are you thinking about starting a family with this man? Is the age difference the only problem the family members have? The only advice I will give you is to pray a lot about it, and maybe talk to a marriage counselor first. There are many things to consider, one being the fact that he may become infirm in a few years. But, I will leave that kind of stuff to the professionals. God Bless You !!
To Jo,
Pray, pray, pray!!! Always invite them to mass. That is what I do. I’m sure it will sink in one day. Remember that St. Monica had to pray for 30 years !!!
Does anyone have any experience starting a school? My sister and I both homeschool, and are looking into the possibility of starting a private catholic school in our small town.
I have a problem that I have never seen addressed here or on other Catholic sites and I am lost in what I should do. My husband of ten years has a fetish of women’s pantyhose. I am embarrassed just writing it. It has basically ruined our marriage because he rarely wants to be intimate because I have refused to wear them the past couple years. Without going into too much detail he only seems interested in me if I am wearing them. I have tried finding a place around here that deals with this type of thing and there is nothing. I have even contacted Catholic Charities and they were of no help because no one is skilled in this type of thing. This is an extremely hurtful thing for me to have to deal with and I don’t know what to do. We have talked about it many times and he agrees that this is not normal and that he will stop thinking about it and become more of a husband but it hasn’t happened in the 10 years we have been married. I’m getting to the point that I want nothing to do with him. You may have no advice but please pray.
Thank you for the encouragement and advice ladies. This board is a great boost.
Kelly, I am in the Los Angeles area and looked up doctors according to the zip code search on One More Soul’s website and only got one in Duarte, which is a bit of drive. If I am not mistaken he does high risk cases maternal/fetal medicine. I wish I were closer to an NFP practice. I also have an HMO(blue cross) which would require that my general physician and ob be in the same medical group and I can only change during open enrollment periods. What a pain. I might just stay with this Ob during this pregnancy I am 23.5 weeks along and would rather not switch unless absolutely necessary. In addition, gas prices being about $4.60 a gallon I would rather not drive too far or sit in traffic with my gas guzzler. 🙂
Needs Confession- I would suggest you go to Confession as soon as you can. Call the office in your parish and schedule one if you don’t have one that comes soon enough for you. I remember hearing Fr. Pacwa on EWTN saying something like they really don’t remember the particular sins and people. They get the graces to just forget. If you are worried about doing it face to face perhaps you could mention it to your parish that you would like to see your priest in the Confessional, if they still have them. That would be a benefit to calling and making a private appointment. You can simply tell them how uncomfortable it is for to you to do it face to face. Surely, you aren’t the first or last person to feel uncomfortable with this. I personally don’t like the face to face either. Pray before you go and you will get the graces needed and the healing that you deserve from this beautiful sacrament. You are about to be abundantly blessed. We are so very fortunate to have the graces of this beautiful Sacrament of Reconciliation. Once you go in and confess you are done, and there is no looking back you can move on from here. He is waiting for you. Fr. Pacwa wrote a book titled, Go In Peace…, it is about Confession. If you need a little encouragement you might want to check it out before you go.
Again, everyone on this board is great, thank you so much.
Oh, Jennifer( I think it was you), sounds like you are doing a great job already with your preschooler. As others mentioned unstructured outside play is always beneficial, sound like you already do that though. 🙂
To Feeling Like A Failure –
It sounds like your husband’s porn addiction and office flirtations are symptoms of a deeper issue. Perhaps you feel as if you’ve been replaced – your husband’s attention on the porn and on the co-worker is attention that should be given to you, his wife. Given the complex landscape of human relationships, it’s difficult to assess what the deeper issue is here.
The only way to address what’s happening is through God’s grace – and with candor, honesty, and transparency. You may need the intervention of an objective 3rd party – a priest or marriage counselor – to help diffuse the marital landmines you are sure to unearth as you and your husband move towards healing and rebuilding trust, and to provide spiritual guidance and support.
I’m speaking from experience. Do not give up! This may be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. The best way you can love your husband is to demand that he be absolutely honest with you – and require that same honesty from yourself.
Remember the examples of Abigail, and Sara, and Ruth, and Esther.
Pray for the grace to accept whatever it is your husband has to say, when you ask him about the porn, the lack of attention and respect, and the flirtation with his co-worker. We are called to serve our husbands, no matter what their human failings and shortcomings are – and to love them unconditionally. This often means we must listen more than we speak.
Do not blame yourself – this is a selfish, self-defeating, destructive tendency. Nothing – and No One – exists in a vacuum. Instead, examine your own heart and your own actions and your own words, and hold yourself accountable for your part in the state of your relationship. It’s hard, when we’re hurting, to acknowledge that we may have played a role in our own hurt. Every word, every action – creates a ripple effect that starts with one small circle and replicates and expands out, over and over and over, throughout our relationships with others.
God heals, and God answers prayers.
Joan, thanks for the reminder about St. Monica. I do appreciate your suggestion and will continue to persevere.
Perhaps when complaining about having “too many blessings” one should consider that some people have “no blessings” at all.
Now go hug your blessings.
I am just picking up the informative conversation from yesterday about my much beloved Diet Coke and just want to through out an idea. What do you all think about Crystal Light??? I have only had 2 DCs today which is a huge improvement for me. Thanks for the motivation : )
Some websites with nursing clothes:
http://www.awomanswork.com
http://www.glamourmom.com
http://www.mommygear.com
http://www.breast-is-best.com/index.htm
http://www.conursingwear.com/ecm/Home.html
http://www.expressiva.com/default.asp
http://www.majamas.com/ — see their “Stores” page for additional suggestions for shopping
http://www.mommygear.com/default.htm
http://www.momsinmind.com.sg/onlinestore.html
http://store.stylinmom.com/index.html
I keep a list so that when I’m in the post-delivery fog I don’t have to try to find places again! I haven’t been to these sites for a while (#3 is due in Sept, though, so I’ll be back again!), but most of them had very cute clothes.
I would also say not to buy too many nursing things, since once the baby is proficient enough, you can wear regular tops and discreetly pull them up, covering any exposed flesh with the baby. Of course, dresses don’t work that way, but shirts do.
To Needs Confession,
If you don’t want to go face to face or to a priest you’ll see often, go to a different parish. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s a heck of a lot better to get the sacrament than to let the details of Confession at your parish stop you!
I’ll pray for you. Confession isn’t my favorite thing to do, either, but boy does it make a difference! These days I try to go 1-2 times per month and I can really tell a difference in my life.
Dear Kim F-
okay, I am posting this to commiserate with you,not really to give advice… When our son Johnpaul was less than 3 months old, we were invited to my cousin Patrick’s wedding. My uncle (his dad) called to see if we were coming, as I had not yet responded since I was pretty busy and tired with the new baby. So we asked my uncle if we could bring the baby, and my aunt tells him, “No.” I said that because I was breastfeeding, we would not be able to leave the baby, and he actually says this:”Sounds like it’s time to buy a breast pump.”
I know, just what every woman wants to hear from her uncle.
My uncle and his family are still resentful that we did not get a babysitter and come to the wedding. One of my sisters had just had a baby a month before this and even though she was breastfeeding, was pressured into getting a sitter. She told me later that the wedding was fifteen minutes long and they had it in the banquet hall where the food was served. They watched the wedding from their assigned tables then ate their chicken picatta a mere few minutes after the nuptuals were complete. Talk about instant gratification.
My cousin and his wife still give us the cold shoulder because they probably think that we didn’t go because we got married in the Church and thought we were too good for their dinner
wedding. Ah, well.
Unfortunately we live in a culture of death and this is another example of people viewing babies as burdens..or as persons they have to share the spotlight with.
Wow, what a lot of posts! I’m sorry, I don’t have the time to read through them all at the moment, but wanted to reply to the question about having parents of mixed faith…
My father is Danish and, while he was raised in the Danish state religion, I would say that he was mostly a fundamentalist Christian. He took the Bible literally and was very much a “sola scriptura” believer. Mom is from Mexico and a devout Catholic.
Growing up, there was certainly a lot of conflict regarding religion. Dad agreed to let us kids be raised as Catholic in order to marry mom. He rarely ever went to Mass or church service of any kind. God was very important to him and he studied a lot on his own. Mom had a hard time, being a foreigner (I live in Canada). Both my parents taught that God is real and the most important part of life. For this I am grateful.
Having said that, dad often said and did things that were definitely anti-Catholic. This left us feeling pretty confused to be sure. Of us three children, I would say that my brother and sister are still Catholic, although only nominally at the moment. I strayed from Church teaching quite a bit and was very tempted to leave the Church a few years ago. It was my husband and studying the Church’s teachings that convinced me to stay. But it was mom’s example as well.
One thing that mom did was to have us all pray the Rosary nightly and read the Bible together. We kids hated it! But, it has definitely left a positive and lasting impression on all of us and I am very grateful that she persevered. She would have us read a chapter from the Bible and we would tell her what we thought the passage meant. Dad never participated in this, but fully supported it.
I realize that this is getting long but I want to share just one more memory with you. My father passed away three years ago from lung cancer. In his last two weeks of life, he asked to become a Catholic. I had to wonder why, since he’d always been so sure of his own beliefs and put down many Catholic customs and teachings. The conclusion that I came to is this. Mom’s faith and love convinced him of the authenticity of our faith. My father was a very difficult man and I’m sure that Mom was tempted to leave many times. Yet, she stayed with him and prayed with him when no one else did. Her devout faith and love is what convinced him of God’s presence in her faith.
I wish I was a better writer and could do this story more justice. It is one of the reasons that I stayed Catholic! I am so glad that I don’t disagree with my husband on most matters of faith – it makes parenting so much easier! But, for any parents out there who are in mixed marriages and struggling, realize that love is what will convince your spouse and children of the truth of our faith. While the nightly Rosary and Bible reading were also important factors, for me, I am convinced that it’s mom’s strong faith and love that holds all of us kids into the authenticity of our Church. Even though my siblings and I have all struggled with the Church and her teachings, I know that we are all sure of its truth because of my mom’s example of faith and love.
Thanks for letting me share!
RE: Diet Coke
HOw are you doing Danielle??
Some more thoughts from me, the health nut who sometimes goes astray. I have a confesesion to make. Today I drank about 1/4 cup a coffee with 2 heaping teaspoons of cocoa powder mixed in , of course with sugar. I am Joan, and I am a caffeinaholic. Is there such a thing?
Anonymous:
My advice to you would be the same as for the woman whose husband is having an affair: get professional help. These things, especially sexual fetishes, are beyond the scope of what we can reason or talk through. More often, they end up as a long line of broken promises. He needs professional help, the sooner the better. I became a huge fan of Catholic therapists after I met Fr. Benedict Groeschel; his PhD, from Columbia, is in psychology. He truly understands the need for professional therapy as well as the power of prayer. I believe that serious situations need big doses of both.
Re: starting a school, yes, I’ve been involved in starting one. And although my assistance is peripheral, I’ve watched the whole thing start from the beginning and, 10 years later, the most important thing I can say is you need to be assured of two things: students and money. Do you have families who will trust their childrens’ education to you? And will they pay you to do it? How much? Is that enough to pay your expenses?
Be prepared to have a large amount of money to get it off the ground. I would guess it depends on the area you live in, but I cannot imagine it working without at least half a million dollars. Our biggest mistake was starting before we had an endowment of at least a million. We’re almost there, but if you add up all the expenses, you have to go in well-funded. Insurance, payroll (which, if you plan to pay a fair, living wage as per Catholic social teaching, is probably way more than you figured!), utilities, textbooks/computers/supplies/mailing lists, you even have to lay out to do fundraising, the most hated job on the face of the earth as far as I’m concerned, and that one never ends.
So, yes, it can be done, but it’s a huge undertaking and it is more of a commitment than a full-time job. We certainly do need more orthodox Catholic schools, and some areas are more conducive to them than others, but it’s got to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever been involved with. Good luck to you!
I am facing my fourth missed miscarriage. Please pray that I have the strength to face it, and that God gives me the graces to heal from it. Pray for this soul, who has gone to heaven untainted and pure, that their brothers and sisters already there hold them safe until I do.
To anonymous above, I will pray that your arms be full one day. I am a mother to three on earth and more in heaven and I understand the overwhelming feelings these mothers describe but I also can somewhat relate to your pain. The desire to have a child and inability to be able to do so is truly the most difficult cross to carry. I feel like my body has failed me, I feel like I am failing my husband, and of course my family whispers “why can’t she be happy with what she has and stop putting herself through this”. Like I choose this cross.
Sometimes if feels like no one understands, but friend, I will pray for you and offer up my coming pain for your intentions, for all those who carry the cross of infertility. May you be overwhelmingly blessed.
To the original question posed by Jackie-
I come from a mother that was raised Baptist that converted to the Catholic faith (1955) to marry my father. Her family did not approve.
My father died when I was young and my mother remarried. She still remains a Catholic today but I would say she is more of a cafeteria Catholic.
I lived my life as a cafeteria Catholic until about ten years ago when I sought spiritual direction from Sister Eileen. My faith deepened at that time.
It is difficult when a marriage consists of mixed religions.
To Anonymous,
It sounds to me like your husband has an obsession, which is something that most good therapists deal with. There is a website called Catholictherapists.com which has some Catholic therapists listed in all areas of the country. Maybe you can find a referral there. Maybe you can start out by getting help for yourself. You need help dealing with his problem. It is having an effect on your marriage.