Yes! I can!

And what’s more, the hazy, gritty glasses coming from my otherwise awesome Bosch dishwasher weren’t my fault!

I think it was my sister who linked to a story about the new and terribly ineffective phosphate-free dishwasher detergents a while back, but I am only just now getting around to doing something about it. In addition to my usual, phosphate-free and terribly ineffective dishwasher detergent, I now add a few shakes of baking soda to the beginning of each cycle and fill the rinse aid dispenser with white vinegar.

Finally! Shiny glassware! Yes, we can!

And yes, I did find it on my dining room floor.

And no, nothing surprises me anymore. Not even a little bit.

It’s a large and filthy plastic pail, of course.

It’s filled with tiny figures from the board game Risk and a blue flashlight filter, of course.

Gabby: That is my favoritest job and you never let me do it.

After this, you can forget about them. Because, you see, this is when the laundry fairies flutter in to do their job. They seek out the muddy clothes, untangle them from themselves, and run them through the washer (alone, of course, so as not to soil other people’s not quite so dirty clothing). The fairies then dry them, fold them lovingly, return them to the bedroom closet, and seek out the next load of offensive, forgotten clothing.

If you are a boy, this is all very satisfactory. The fairies, however, are organizing. There are rumors of a work stoppage.

I am always surprised to find that it’s an emotional topic for women. But I shouldn’t be. We have all kinds of emotional baggage wrapped up in this one. Some of the people I’ve heard from over the past few days tell me that they were raised in cold, controlling, immaculate homes and so avoiding housework now is a way of rebelling against a lack of love. Others struggle with what I like to call “feminist residue.” They were raised in a generation of women that believed housework was “beneath them” and there were “more important things” for women to do. So now, even as they intend to embrace at-home motherhood, they still bristle at the idea of anyone expecting them to clean. Others are depressed or living in dysfunctional, neglected marriages and for them, a chaotic living space is an outward expression of an unhappy interior life.

But for a lot of people, it’s nothing so complicated as that. A lot of us simply lack motivation and discipline or our lives are filled with too much distraction. I think a big part of the reason that Elizabeth Foss’s post on housekeeping struck a chord is because it challenged us to look at our priorities. We do not like to be challenged.

Housekeeping standards and priorities are going to be different for every family, but the fact remains that for a mother at home, maintaining a reasonably orderly and functional household (notice I did not say perfect) is part of her job. Doing this part of your job does not require giving up all time for yourself, refusing to play with your kids, failing to greet your husband with a smile at the end of the day, or spending every spare moment on your knees scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush. But doing this part of your job does require figuring out your family’s basic housekeeping needs and taking an honest look at how your daily activities stack up against those.

If you truly do not know where to start, make a simple plan: Forget everyone else’s house. Forget everyone else’s husband. Forget everyone else’s family. Focus on your own. Remember, the work we do inside our homes — everything from scrubbing the bathtub, to making dental appointments, to reading picture books, to cooking dinner — we do at the service of our families; it’s our #1 apostolic work.

1. Ask yourself. What kinds of basic things are important to you in the running of your household? Do you hate to run out of toilet paper? Does the whole world seem to come crashing in on you at 5:00 when you have no real plan for dinner? Do you die a thousand deaths if your neighbor stops by and there’s no uncluttered surface available to invite her to sit down?

2. Ask your husband. What kinds of basic things are important to him in the running of your household? Does he feel unsupported if he’s packing for a trip and can’t find a clean pair of socks? Does he dislike having to spend money on last minute grocery store runs or takeout dinners because you’ve failed to plan ahead? Would he love to have a neat, clean, private spot he can retreat to for at least a few minutes at the end of his workday?

Everyone’s answers will be different here. Once you’ve asked and gotten specific answers, though, you’ll know what’s most important to you and your family and you’ll know where to focus. It really is that simple. While it might be true that we’ll never get everything done, we can find out our own family’s needs and we can make an honest effort toward meeting those. If we do that, we will make progress toward a happier, more pleasant, and efficient household. For our husbands, for our kids, and for ourselves. And isn’t that all any of us really wants?

Some of you asked “How on earth do you handle all the housework?” while others of you hoped I would be so kind as to post pictures of the inside of my messy house. Well, I was crazy enough to do that once — in a Faith & Family article about spring cleaning a few springs ago. Don’t hold your breath for another messy photo shoot anytime soon, though.

Not because my home is eternally immaculate — it’s not. It’s very much a lived-in, worked-in, homeschooled-in, small-children-live-here kind of home. But it’s not neglected either. We do handle basic things like meals, laundry, dishes, and clutter on a regular basis. On the whole, I think we do a pretty good job of keeping our heads above water.

Notice I say “we.” That’s because I do require basic household help from my kids. I know, I know … I already told you all about how much I hate chore charts. But this January, I gave in. I found that I was going nuts trying to keep up with some basic small stuff around here that my kids would readily do and should be learning to do anyway … if I only required it of them.

So I came up with my own simple rotating chore chart that made sense to me. I enforce it a minimum of four days a week (mostly to keep us on track on our heavier schooling days — Monday through Thursday). I also made up a separate list of the steps involved in some of the more complicated chores so that there would be no excuses for anyone skipping steps or cutting corners. In case any of you are dying to see my simple chore chart, I published it for you here.

But enough about kid chores. I also want to share some general principles for those of you moms who write to me in desperation because you truly do struggle with keeping on top of housework. For those of you who are drowning, frustrated, or entirely unmotivated, I would encourage you to keep in mind the following:

1. Just do it.

It might sound silly and Nike-ad-like, but it really is that simple sometimes. There’s no way around it — we all have to do unpleasant things sometimes. If we just do it, it will get done, our homes will run more smoothly, and we can get on with the fun stuff. If we whine about it, ignore it, cry about it, dread it, and put it off, not only doesn’t it get done, but we make ourselves (and possibly our families) miserable in the meantime.

The next time you do your most dreaded chore — whether it be folding laundry, scrubbing the toilet, or cleaning out the refrigerator — time yourself. I guarantee you will be surprised at how little time it actually takes to complete the dreaded chore when you finally focus. Personally, I am embarrassed to admit the amount of time I have wasted over the years thinking about and putting off changing bed sheets when the doing of the actual job winds up costing me only about 15 minutes. I don’t know about you, but I can do pretty much anything for 15 minutes.

2. Mix it up.

Throughout your day, try alternating jobs you hate with ones you don’t mind so much. This will keep you moving along while preventing you from feeling like a slaving Cinderella. When I am pregnant, it is out of necessity that I alternate standing jobs and sitting jobs — I just can’t be on my feet all day long. As a result, through the years, I have learned to relish quiet moments of folding laundry or organizing a bookcase for the few minutes’ rest they afford me. I alternate these with more active jobs like cleaning the bathroom or standing at the sink.

3. Change your attitude.

Why are you doing housework? Is it for your family? For your neighbors? For your mother-in-law? Try this: Do it for yourself.

Don’t laugh at me, but I consider getting my laundry done every day — all the way down to putting clean clothes away in drawers and/or closets a gift I give myself. Whatever else is going on in the world, if I am on top of the laundry, I feel like my life is in order. Having that very real sense of accomplishment is what motivates me to see the job all the way through to completion. I think, Do I want to have an unfolded pile of laundry greet me in the bedroom when I finally go to bed tonight? No, I don’t. So, even if I need to enlist help along the way, I get it done. For me. Your key job might not be laundry, but it might clutter control or vacuuming or washing dishes. Get it done. For you.

4. Make good use of your time.

About ten years ago, I read Confessions of an Organized Homemaker: The Secrets of Uncluttering Your Home and Taking Control of Your Life. I heartily recommend it to anyone who struggles with organization. While I don’t follow all of the book’s advice to the letter, some of the basic ideas about home organization have stayed with me through the years. One thing I remember clearly is what Deniece wrote about laundry. Her line was something like, “Don’t let your laundry machines stand there laughing at you while you sort clothes!” She meant to begin by throwing a load of towels or jeans in so that something is being accomplished while you’re standing there preparing the rest of the laundry.

Don’t walk around your house doing random things in random order — make efficient use of your time. Think about the order in which you do things. With the help of your modern appliances, you can come up with simple ways of doing many things at once: You can move a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, put another load in the washer, and clear your sink and start your dishwasher before you vacuum the living room. Then, while you are vacuuming, you are also washing clothes, drying clothes, and doing the dishes — sweet!

5. Bribe yourself as necessary.

If you truly are unmotivated, motivate yourself. I love to listen to certain podcasts, but I don’t let myself use my iPod unless I am working out or cleaning the bathroom. It makes these tasks infinitely more appealing and ensures they get done on a regular basis. I also sometimes plan to do a brainless chore, like sorting through a closet or cabinet, while I chat on the phone with a friend. For really big jobs, you can promise yourself a bigger reward — like an evening out with your husband or a new haircut when the dreaded thing is done. Whatever works. Just do it. Which brings us back to the start of my list …

Your turn!

No more sorting. No more placing individual pairs of socks in individual sock drawers. Big socks for big boys and little socks for little boys, color coded by stitching. If you are a mom and you have clean boys’ socks from the laundry, there is only one place to put them. If you are a boy and you need a pair of clean socks, there is only one place to find them.

Boys’ Sock Crate: To me, from me, with love.

I am curious about how much clothing you have per child? I am going nuts over here with the amount. God provides! We are so very thankful — all our clothes have been hand me downs. But, they just keep coming! I know that I can say no thank you but I think to myself, maybe there is just one or 2 or more outfits that we really need in a big huge bag of 20! So, for free, I think-hey, it’s worth it!

So, anyway, my question is: do you have a set number of pants/shirts? Do you have the kids in uniforms? With all the changes of the seasons, we have such a huge amount of shorts/t-shirts/pants/shorts sweaters etc … the list could go on. Do you have any type of system that works for you?

Yes, I have a system. It’s called the Whine-About-It system. And it really works for me, but my family and friends sometimes grow tired of it, so I don’t necessarily recommend it for everyone.

Seriously, I have tried lots of systems and failed at pretty much every one of them. We too get many hand-me-downs and some of them I have been so grateful to receive, as they arrived at just the right time with just the right kinds of clothing for the kids, saving us a ton of money.

But. I learned the hard way that I do sometimes have to say “no thank you” because my kids do have enough to wear or because the items people are offering would be things I would need to store for a very long time before they saw any use. A mother’s time and energy are valuable commodities and you need to figure that cost into the “price” of a free bag of clothing. If your kids have enough to wear, is it really worth the time and energy to sort through a giant bag of hand-me-downs for one or two extra items? You just might be better off saving your sanity by declining the clothing and allowing someone else to benefit from it.

As tempting as my idea of paper pants might be, in the end, we must admit that kids need clothing. And we mothers need to acquire it, organize it, and launder it. The more kids we have, the bigger that job is going to be, even if we do limit the number of outfits each child has.

And one more thought about storing clothing: A few years back, I opened some old bins and discovered very old baby items I had saved and never got around to using again. They were nice when I packed them in the bin, but when I opened it years later, they were in awful shape. Clothing does not store well forever. If you have kids’ clothing items that you know you won’t have a use for in the next 18 months or so, is it really worth holding on to? Just so that it can “go bad” in bags or storage bins? Better to pass it on to someone who could use it right now. When the time comes, if you need clothing in that size, God will provide it. He always does.

How about you? How do you handle kids’ clothing?