May 23rd, 2016

[podcast] 5 Things I Have Learned From Running (that can apply to anyone) #021

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NOTES
This week I share five life lessons that I have learned from running that can apply to runners and non-runners alike.

1. You are stronger than you think.
2. Long term goals are the most important.
3. We all have a need for time alone.
4. Planning ahead makes a big difference.
5. Be more grateful.

INTERVIEW
This week I share a fun conversation I had with Mary Lenaberg, who blogs at Passionate Perseverance. Mary shares the good, the bad, and the funny from her perspective as a wife and a mom who is grieving the loss of her disabled daughter Courtney. You will not want to miss hearing about what Mary “shared” with the UPS man. !!!

Mary Lenaberg
Mary’s website
Mary on Twitter
Mary on Facebook
Mary on Instagram

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listener Amy who connected with me on Voxer. She shares about her happy marriage and mentions Alice Von Hildebrand’s book again: By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride. Thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

SUPPORT

Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

Links for this episode

Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
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May 16th, 2016

[podcast] Soften Your Heart, Bless Your Marriage #020

TO LISTEN
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Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

NOTES
This week we are talking about marriage again. This time, we are focused on “softening your heart” inside of marriage. What does that mean? Do you find yourself “hardening your heart” inside of marriage? What does that mean and how does it affect your relationship?

First, we discuss the idea of receptivity. Woman are uniquely gifted in being receptive inside of relationships. But do we sometimes reject this gift or deny it? Out of pride or defensiveness, do we sometimes close ourselves off in ways that hurt our marriage? I recommend Pat Gohn’s excellent book, Blessed, Beautiful, and Bodacious.

Next we talk about our habits. What kinds of habits do you have in communication with your spouse? Are they good or bad? Helpful or hurtful? We discuss ways to improve our daily habits to bless our marriages.

Finally, we talk about the idea of having a “Tabor Vision” of your husband. Do you see your man as God sees him or do you define him by his flaws? This concept comes from Alice Von Hildebrand in By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride.

INTERVIEW
This week I share a fun conversation I had with Bonnie Engstrom, blogger at A Knotted Life and co-host of The Visitation Project. Bonnie shares the amazing story of her son’s miraculous healing at birth and how his story is part of the official cause for the canonization of Venerable Fulton Sheen. She is a beautiful and enthusiastic woman of many talents and you will love getting to know her.

Bonnie Engstrom
Bonnie’s website
Bonnie on Twitter
Bonnie on Facebook
Bonnie on Instagram

CHALLENGE
This week’s challenge is to examine your approach to your marriage in light of “softening your heart” as we talked about. Pick one area where you can improve, and make that change!

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listeners David and Pam who left kind reviews on iTunes. You can leave a review too! Thanks so much for your support! And thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

SUPPORT

Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

Links for this episode

Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Twitter
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May 11th, 2016

Mommy Wars, Schmommy Wars

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In an article at Salon a few years back, writer Katy Read admitted something that raised some maternal eyebrows: She regrets having left a respectable job and steady paycheck to be an at-home mom to her two sons for ten years.

It’s not the quality time with her children she regrets, but the financial toll she’s now paying for it.

“The swing set moments when I would realize, watching the boys swoop back and forth, that someday these afternoons would seem to have rushed past in nanoseconds, and I would pause, mid-push, to savor the experience while it lasted… Now I lie awake at 3 a.m., terrified that as a result I am permanently financially screwed.”

In the hundreds of comments her column generated, we find some defense of the value of at-home parenting along with tirades against a sexist system that forces women to choose between work and family.

What very few people note, however, is that the cause of Read’s current financial strain is not really her years of at-home parenting. The cause of her crisis is her divorce.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of two teenagers must be in want of a steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health insurance.”

The notion that any parent can stay home full time with children is based upon the assumption that there are, and will continue to be, two supportive parents in the household, at least one of them earning a paycheck. Whether the mother works outside the home or not, having a traditional marriage at its foundation is every family’s best bet for happiness and prosperity.

Read’s story reminds me of Gaby Hinsliff, a different writer-mom who earned her own set of hundreds of comments a little over a year ago when she announced a surprising decision to leave her high-profile job as political editor at the Observer in order to stay home full time with her young son.

“I had it all,” she wrote at the time, “but I didn’t have a life.”

Read and Hinsliff might have come to opposing conclusions, but they each give voice to the same universal truth. The mothers of previous generations, many of whom abandoned home life in favor of careers, had a secret they kept from us: “Having it all” comes with a price. And it’s a price that some of us won’t be happy to pay.

The media’s notion of the “Mommy Wars,” where briefcase-wielding career women face off against stroller-pushing homemakers, is largely a fabricated stereotype. Some mothers work because they want to. Some mothers work because they have to. Especially in tough economic times, though, intact families will find all kinds of creative and cooperative ways to get the bills paid without sacrificing their children’s needs for hands-on parenting.

Are we working moms? Are we at-home moms? Or are we an unlabeled something in between?

I suppose that I am a working mom. Those words look odd to me on the page and feel foreign on my tongue, but they are true. I never in my lifetime planned to be a “working mom,” and yet here I am… with a husband, eight kids, and a job that provides income my family depends upon.

I happen to be one of the lucky ones. I have a supportive husband, I enjoy what I do, and I am able to work almost exclusively from home. But still my work costs me something. It costs my family something, too.

Dinner might be more homemade, the refrigerator might be clean, and the laundry might be caught up this afternoon if I didn’t have phone calls to make and a deadline to meet. At the end of most days, I do come up short on time somewhere – for sleep, for exercise, for answering emails. I make family my first priority, and I aim to make sure it’s never my kids or my husband who get the short end of that stick, but I would be lying if I said they never did.

Pretending that being a working mother doesn’t come with some level of compromise isn’t fair – not to our families who pay part of the price, and certainly not to other women who might then enter family life or working life with unrealistic expectations.

Just like every family, there are compromises we have been willing to make. A spotless refrigerator might be good for my family, but a paid gas bill and health insurance are good for them, too.

Whether we moms leave our homes every morning to earn a paycheck, stay home full time, or attempt some creative combination of the two, it’s most important that we make working decisions with our eyes wide open about what they will cost us.

No one can have it all. We need to figure out what we really want.

Not too long ago, one of my sisters, an at-home mom, wrote me a quick note: “It’s all well and good to be a stay at home mom and find fulfillment and happiness right here at home, but it feels good to see a mom out there in a business environment telling it like it is and keeping up with the best of them. Congratulations.”

Meanwhile, as I watch her family thrive and grow, I say, “It’s all well and good to find happiness in a combination of work and home life, but it feels good to see a devoted mom in a home environment raising beautiful children who are true lights and gifts to the world. Congratulations.”

There are no Mommy Wars. We’re in this together. With God’s grace, the best moms – at home, at work, and all the places in between – will win.

This is an old column of mine that originally appeared at Inside Catholic.

May 9th, 2016

[podcast] How to Make and Keep Friends #019

TO LISTEN
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Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

NOTES
This week we are talking about friendships. We discussed a little bit about the give and take of female friendships back in Episode 12, How to Be a Better Friend, and I heard form many of you asking for more on this topic. This is so important because our female friends can be a wonderful source of support and encouragement for us, but it does take some effort. Some ideas to keep in mind:

Know your personality type. Socialization comes easier to some of us than others. If you are painfully shy, recognize that this is something you will need to work on, and set some reasonable friendship goals. If you are naturally outgoing and at ease in social situations, you might consider that God is calling you to be more of an initiator in your friendships, to balance out the shyness of others.

Pray about it. Many of us say friends are important to us, or that we struggle to find friends, but how many of us bring this topic to prayer? God knows the support you need, he knows your loneliness. Go to him and ask him to help fill the desires of your heart. Trust that he will.

Consider how well you offer and receive help. This is what friendships are made of — the back and forth of giving and receiving support form one another. But sometimes our pride gets in the way of us graciously receiving the help from others, or our insecurity prevents us from offering real support to others. Give some thought to ways you can improve your approach to both of these — giving and receiving help.

Maintaining friendships takes time and effort. So once you’ve made a friend, how do you keep her? Friendships require nurturing. You can’t ignore your friend for months because you are “busy” and then expect her to drop everything and pay attention to you when you are ready. It’s ok to be busy sometimes, but recognize that if friendships are important to you, they are worth the time and effort it takes to maintain them.

Let me know your thoughts on friendship. I would love to hear your stories, struggles, and triumphs with female friendship in your life.

INTERVIEW
This week I share a fun conversation I had with Marybeth Hicks, author, speaker, columnist, and radio host. She and I discuss parenting successes and failures, and how we can raise our kids to be “geeks.” I just love everything that Marybeth had to share, with humor and humility, and I know you will too.

Marybeth Hicks
Marybeth’s website
Marybeth’s Books:
The perfect World Inside My Minivan
Bringing Up Geeks: How to Protect Your Kid’s Childhood in a Grow-Up-Too-Fast World
Teachable Moments: Using Everyday Encounters with Media and Culture to Instill Conscience, Character, and Faith
Don’t Let the Kids Drink the Kool-Aid: Confronting the Assault on Our Families, Faith, and Freedom
Marybeth on Twitter

CHALLENGE
This week’s challenge is to examine your approach to female friendships in light of what we talked about today. Do you have good friends? Do you spend the necessary time working on and maintaining friendships? How good are you at  giving and receiving inside of friendship? Find an area that could use improvement and take a step toward improving that this week — even if it means stepping outside of your comfort zone!

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listener Natalie who is grateful for Margaret Berns’ honesty and openness about sex in episode 16. The books she mentions is The Sexually Confident Wife. Also Patreon supporter Dena connects via Voxer!

Also, thank you to David (a dude is listening!) for your kind encouragement of us ladies, and thanks to Jessica and Ann-Marie who left reviews on iTunes this week. You can leave a review too! Thanks so much for your support! And thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

SUPPORT

Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

Also mentioned in this episode:

My new book! Here is a look at the cover and some information about its content.

Links for this episode
Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
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May 2nd, 2016

[podcast] How to Set and Achieve Your Goals #018

TO LISTEN
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Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

NOTES
This week we take on GOALS! How to set them and how to achieve them! Let’s do this!

After a check-in on our previous topic of 3 Do-able Health Goals for 2016, I recommend the following ways to approach setting and achieving goals:

1) Pray! It is so important to approach life’s big decisions and goals prayerfully. Spend some time asking God what he thinks you should be doing to grow in holiness each day and then set your life goals accordingly.

2) Write down your goals. Somehow, goals become more real when we dare to write them down. this forces us to organize our thoughts and be more precise with our hopes and dreams then just “Maybe someday …” kind of wish-making.

3) Share them with someone. This step booth holds you accountable and gains you a partner in achieving your goals. Friends, family, kids, husbands can all support and encourage you if you let them them know what you are hoping to accomplish.

4) Just do it! It sounds simple and dumb, maybe but sometimes we need a reminder that we can just begin working toward our goals. We need to give ourselves permission to begin working right ow, instead of waiting for the “perfect time” which never will come anyway.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic of setting and achieving goals. What are your goals in health & fitness, homemaking, relationships, work or spirituality? What helps you set goals and keep on track once you do?

INTERVIEW
This week I share a fun conversation I had with Alicia Hernon, co-host of the Messy Parenting podcast. Alicia, a mom of 10, is a veteran who shares from the heart about how to take small steps toward improving your parenting and your marriage. She is a delight to talk to and I just know you will enjoy our conversation. Check out the Messy Parenting podcast she creates with her husband Mike at MessyParenting.org

CHALLENGE
This week’s challenge is to pick one of your goals and then work backwards to smaller steps it will take to achieve it. Get it down to small enough steps that there is some action you can take toward your goal today. And then DO IT! Go you!

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listener Tracy who adds her thoughts to our recent discussion on saying no and tells how much she enjoyed hearing from Minnesota Mom, Margaret Berg, recently. Also, the lovely Alice left a review at iTunes this week. If you have the time, go there and leave your review/subscribe to the podcast now. Thank you!

Thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

SUPPORT

Girlfriends is on Patreon! Find out how you can pledge your support for Girlfriends at Patreon.com/Girlfriends

Also mentioned in this episode:

My new book! Here is a look at the cover and some information about its content.

My Fitness pal app (calorie tracking)

Greg and Jennifer Willits (who share about weight loss on their podcast)

Links for this episode:n
Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Twitter
Danielle Bean on Instagram

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April 25th, 2016

[podcast] Splitting Housework, Splitting Hairs #017

TO LISTEN
Simply hit “play” above!
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NOTES
This week we take on the tricky topic of splitting household chores between husband and wife. I share three different thoughts for ways to approach this issue:

1) Evaluate what is important to you, both personally and as a couple.

2) Talk about your priorities and make a plan to tackle the work that needs to be done AS A TEAM. Not me versus you. You are a TEAM and together you can take on anything!

3) Change your attitude. From selfishness toward generosity. Reflect on where those angry resentful thoughts are truly coming from and learn to reject them, first in your own heart, but then in your words and actions.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic and what the split of household duties looks like inside of your marriage. Are you focused on “fairness” and winding up resentful and unhappy? Or are you learning to “let go” and open your heart to the joys has planned for you in your marital relationship when you approach it with a generous attitude of self-giving love?

INTERVIEW
This week I share a recent conversation I had with Diana von Glahn from The Faithful Traveler. Diana and her husband David produce a Catholic-themed travel TV show which is both beautiful and inspiring. Diana shares about their work as well as some her personal and professional challenges and triumphs. You will love what she shares!

CHALLENGE
This week’s challenge is to spend some time reflecting on what your thoughts and attitudes are toward household duties, and then spend some time in prayer. Open your heart to really hear what God wants to tell you for the benefit of your marriage.

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listener Annie who adds her thoughts to our recent discussion on prayer. Also, three lovely ladies left reviews at iTunes this week. If you have the time, go there and leave your review/subscribe to the podcast now. Thank you!

Thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

Also mentioned in this episode:

My new book! Here is a look at the cover and some information about its content.

Links for this episode:n
Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Diana von Glahn
Diana’s website
About The Faithful Traveler TV show
Diana on Instagram
Diana on Facebook

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Twitter
Danielle Bean on Instagram

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April 25th, 2016

Coming Very Soon … My New Book!

You're Worth It FC

I am excited to share with you the cover of my newest book, due out (very!) soon from Beacon Publishing.

I just got the final cover last week, and I have to say: I love it. I think the color is perfect, and I really love that there is not an image beyond the type on the cover. I think cover images can sometimes be confusing or limiting or distracting from the message of the book, and this is one book I want to be sure every reader experiences in the way God wants her to.

I say HER because this is a book written just for women. I am really eager to share it with you because its subject is so close to my heart.

You’re Worth It! is a book to encourage every woman to develop a close relationship with Jesus. Every woman wants to be loved, and this book shares about the soul-satisfying, life-changing kind of love we can only get from Jesus. I explore seven themes, based on Jesus’ real-life interactions with real women in the Gospels, and share what we can learn from them about God’s unique love for women.

Stay tuned here for more details about You’re Worth It!

April 18th, 2016

[podcast] How to Say No Nicely #016

TO LISTEN
Simply hit “play” above!
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NOTES
This week’s show comes to you from the ball field (near the port-a-potty!) and we are talking about saying “no” nicely. Why do we nee this topic? Because so many of us are so very bad at setting boundaries! We talk about some ways to prioritize your commitments and prepare yourself ahead of time so that you don’t wind up committing to things you don;t value at the expense of yourself or your family.

We all need this topic! Just thinking things through ahead of time and being ready with a phrase like “Let me think about that and get back to you” or “I love what you are doing, but I just cant commit to participating right now” can be very helpful in the moment when you are tempted to say YES out of guilt or anything less than a real desire to spend your time on that thing.

INTERVIEW
This week I share a recent conversation I had with Minnesota Mom, Margaret Berns, whom I have known and loved online and IRL for many years. Margaret shares the good, the bad, the ugly and is unafraid to take on even the toughest of topics — depression and sex. You know you need to hear what she has to say!

SHOUT OUT
This week’s Girlfriends Shout-out goes to listener Carmen who wrote to share that, despite her hurt feelings and suffering a recent miscarriage, she is making an effort to spend more time alone with her husband in order to improve her marriage. A very inspiring small act of generosity and love during a difficult time. You inspire me, Carmen!

CHALLENGE
This week’s challenge is to consider how you feel about saying NO in your life. What could use some work? Plan now for how you are going to say NO the next time you need to and prioritize your personal commitments in a way that lines up with your values.

FEEDBACK
I share feedback from listener Dena who asks for advice about kids owning/sharing toys, and from Erica in Orlando who shares her thoughts about Girlfriends. Thanks so much, ladies!

Thank you, as always, for being here. Your encouragement and support of Girlfriends means so much and I am so grateful for your presence here. God bless your week!

Links for this episode:
Subscribe to Girlfriends in iTunes
Subscribe to Girlfriends in Stitcher
About Danielle Bean
Danielle’s Books on Amazon
Catholic Digest
Subscribe to the Danielle Bean newsletter

Margaret Berns
Margaret’s website
Books mentioned:
The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting With Your Husband Mind Body Heart Spirit
The Love Dare
Margaret’s S-E-X blog posts:
A Free Pre Valentines Message
About Last Night
Reflections on the Feast

THAT HILARIOUS PICTURE OF BABY DANIEL REJECTING SWEET MARGARET:

crying Daniel

Other Things Mentioned in This Episode
Together In Holiness (Catholic marriage conferences)

Contact:
Email Danielle Bean
Rate and Review Girlfriends in iTunes
Leave voice feedback
Girlfriends on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Facebook
Danielle Bean on Twitter
Danielle Bean on Instagram

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