No? Too bad. I’m doing this anyway. Here goes …
Do you know what is one of the worst feelings in the world? It’s when you are driving home from dropping the kids off at youth group, looking forward to a mini date night with your sweet and patient husband, and then you feel a twitch in your left eye. And your brain starts to do this:
Hey, my eye is itching. No, my eye is actually hurting. And — oh wow! — watering too. A lot. Wait, maybe there is something in my eye. No, there is nothing in my eye. Maybe I have allergies. Oh, there’s the itching again. And hurting. And watering. Oh please God, DONOTLETTHISBEPINKEYE! DONOTLETTHISBEPINKEYE! Did you hear me?? DONOTLETTHISBEPINKEYE!
And yet a dose of Benadryl, a gallon of Visene, a pathetic attempt at re-doing of the mascara, and 90 minutes later, you are pretty sure this is indeed pink eye. Also known as Death Eye. To those of us who have enjoyed its presence in our multi-child homes in the past. So. Here we go. Life is full of surprises and opportunities to practice humility (Elephant Woman? No, that’s just my reflection in the mirror) and patience (Just how many sticky eyes will I be dealing with in the coming week?).
Moving on … do you ever miss having babies in diapers? I know it’s really dumb, but I do. I miss the (pre-poop) smell of Pampers. I miss how, in my cloth diaper days, I used to revel in the sight of them hanging on the line, brilliant white in shining sun.
But two of my younger boys just appeared at my side. They had donned old t-shirts … on their legs. As in they pushed their legs through the arm holes and pulled the t-shirts up over toward their naked chests. They looked remarkably like overgrown babies wearing diapers. They were laughing themselves silly at the sight of each other and I was all, “What is that? What do you have on? Oh … I see … Do you have anything on underneath those? Uhhh, never mind. Don’t answer that. Just … just … yeah, go take those off somewhere.”
So no. No to the missing of the diapers. To everything there is a time and place. No diapers for now.
That’s my 10 minutes. You’re welcome. Go do yours now.