I understand what you are saying. Thanks for your reply.

So, to conclude, simply: I am not defining what a family is for anyone. I am just sensitive to the redefinition of the family as reflected so much in today’s society (gay marriage/adoption, anyone?)

And as for single women who adopt to have “completeness”, I’m not accusing anyone of that motivation. I’m referring to women who actually say that that IS their motivation.

I’m also wondering if you would carry this idea to a single woman who has an unplanned pregnancy. A woman I know gave her daughter up for adoption. As a result she very stongly opposes that any single woman should raise her child. She believes they should all choose adoption. Maybe that helps her validate her own decision. But to put that on all women is not right.

I do think the desire to have every child on the planet in a loving Christian home with a mother and a father is a wonderful ideal. However, it is not the reality.

Please know I write this in peace. I know you can’t read my tone but I appreciate this type of dialogue. I know your thoughts come from a love of kids and wanting them to all be brought up in love with a mom and a dad.

Sorry it’s taken me such a long to get back on here.

About a fatherless home not being a “family”, I was trying (unsuccessfully) to say what Anna said: that there is a difference between a mom who is single but not by her choosing (husband left, died, etc.) and a mom who chooses to bring a child into her home and call it a family. I’m sorry, but that smacks of the whole Barney the Dinosaur “any group of people that loves each other is a family”. I’m not saying that there aren’t faith-filled, Catholic single moms out there, struggling. There are. I was one of them. But there are also single women out there wanting to adopt to complete their “family”. And the truth is that they can’t, really. Find “completeness”, that is, by simply choosing to raise a child without a father.

I’ve been reflecting on everything that people have said, and I understand that now we have another baptized soul in the world who wouldn’t have been otherwise. Yes! Praise God! A child is now surrounded by loving people and not in an institution. Hooray! But I think my problem is here is the matter of losing sight of the ideal. I think we all agree that a mother and a father is the ideal. It just seems that when we start defining families in other ways (given my caveats above, please) the lines get blurry. And I don’t like blurry lines. Yes, one more of my struggles.

Thank you, everyone, for this discussion. I was hesitant to start it, knowing it could become contentious.

He He he !!! I have the same sentiments about millet. Birdseed. UGHHHH.. Quinoa on the other hand ROCKS!! So, do you feel better since going gluten free? It’s like night and day for me!!! Haven’t had the “tests”, but had a really really bad reaction last week to Wise BBQ chips, (didn’t read the label first). Utz is gluten free, so I honestly didnt’ think about it. It was not so Wise to eat Wise potato chips.

Getting along with your Mother,

I have a similar problem only with my Mother in Law. After nineteen, years of praying and bending over backwards I find that for My sanity, the sanity of my children ( ages now almost 18,15 and almost 12) and even the sanity of my husband ( he can’t enjoy my constant venting:-) )I must limit the times that we visit to only a few a year and not for extended amounts of time. I have learnt to love her, if for nothing more than giving birth to my husband .I also demand that my children do the same .This probably isn’t the answer you are looking for but for me Sometimes things never change and for now this is the best that I can do.

Michelle

I would simply thank the neighbor for the offer but decline stating that( since you state that the kids don’t really want to go anyway) those particular children are not comfortable playing away from home. If you have the time you could also possibly invite the Mother to come over sometime with her child and get to know her. Maybe she is not quite as bad as you think. This time would also open the door for you to work into conversation the fact that you don’t let your children watch certain TV shows etc. She may just take the hint and agree to abide by your wishes if your children were there or at least get the hint and not ask.

As far as men who don’t want to” be men” , get married and have families.

This might sound a bit odd especially coming from a woman( a married one at that) but maybe( just maybe) the women who feel this way need to take a good look at themselves. Is it possible that the problem could be you ? I have friends ages twenty to in their forties who are single and constantly making the same comments yet these same women are also the ones who want their perfect fantasy guy. One will not date a nice man who is not college educated ,” I need an intellectual” she tells me. One is five foot ten inches tall and will not give a guy shorter than her a second look.One is devout Catholic and the thought of dating even a Catholic man,not as devout as she, unacceptable. the list goes on and on. Add to this list that many women are playing marriage before the vows, which makes it real easy for a guy to be comfortable where he is instead of taking that next big step .I am not saying that this is always the case but in my experience it is ninety five percent of the time. I don’t want to offend but maybe this is just something to think about.

Christina,
Yes the crock pot will cook your beans fully . On the stove I never seem to cook them long enough (even hours doesn’t seem to be enough) but in the crock pot with the lid on gets them perfect.