May 13 2008
Coffee Talk Tuesday
Good morning, all! Here’s a little something to go with our coffee today. I used a whole cup of milk and substituted whole wheat for half of the white flour. Now they’re health food! What’s on your minds today?
UPDATE: Duh. Perhaps I should open comments.
Technorati Tags: catholic moms, discussion
I was sorta wondering what was going on when I didn’t see a place to read the comments.
Guess I really don’t have much to say except to wish everyone a fantastic day. Also want to remind ya’ll that summer vacation is almost here…this homeschooling mom is really looking forward to summer!!!
Gotta go find my coffee!! Quick!!
O Wise Women of Beanland,
I marinated some meat for fajitas, but used too much vinegar and now the meat is really sour/vinegar-y (we ate hotdogs for dinner, which is funny because I was trying to do the fajitas healthier by not using an envelope of spices and MSG!). My husband suggested maybe cooking it with some cabbage and pretending that it’s sauerbraten. Anyone have ideas on this or any other way to salvage this meat? I’ve already cooked the meat strips, so I guess anything would have to be slowly cooked/simmered. Thanks!
Sandy – an often effective remedy to too much vinegar/spice is adding something sweet, like honey, white/brown sugar, agave nectar etc. I’s start with a little brown sugar and see how it goes … good luck!
Sandy
Maybe use the meat in a soup or stew that way the flavor would be diluted. Or if you want to keep to fajita southwest type cooking add beans and rice. With beans and rice being so bland that might weaken the taste too. If it’s really bad just chalk it up to experience and toss it.
Sandy– have it slow cook in gravy. You could also cut it up into small pieces or shredd it to make sandwiches.
Sandy – I’d try slow heating the meat with a sweetner, like Midwest Mom suggested. Then shred the meat instead of slicing to let the sweet take a bigger role. You could even try a sweet bbq sauce and put it on buns instead of tortillas for a bbq beef sandwich.
On another note – does anyone have any suggestions for a 3-1/2 yo who is very resistant to potty training? She can be quite successful when she is rewarded. But as soon as the rewards stop she goes back to wetting herself, even soiling herself. Ideas please?
Barb –
Have you tried having your daughter clean up after herself when she has her accidents? That really works with some kids. You don’t present it as a punishment – just that she is big enough to be responsible for her pottying. Good Luck! Peace. ~~~mary
Since someone opened the door to the food discussion, I was wondering if anyone would like to share some simple recipes for summer. You know, the ones you go back to time and again for a quick easy dinner? I find that although the days are longer, there seems to be even less time for cooking. Or perhaps thats my lack of desire to be in a hot kitchen! Always looking for new ideas…
Hi all! I’m on my 3rd cup!
3 1/2 year olds who regress often have ‘big kid’ things. Its easy to play they babies use diapers so you must not be big enough for….. routine. Boys also respond to Are you strong enough to…. except that they can’t always be ready to be dry before 4. 3 is also old enough to have to carry the yucky clothes (with you) to the washer. If play stops to be involved in the cleanup then forgetting to use the potty didn’t give more play time.
If you have younger kids remember this nice weather means getting to potty train outside! So much easier.
My thought is Youth Ministry. The local Polish Basilica run by Franciscans is willing to include the homeschoolers in order to build their Youth group. The friar involved is a fabulous, young, well educated man from Poland who also spent years in Kenya. Its a wonderful opportunity.
Any activities that worked well for your youth group?
I’d like to second what Barb asked about….potty training? My 3 year old is only interested when major reward is involved. I worry it’s taking too long. My other children were done so much sooner and while I am not really pushy about things like this, I don’t know what to do. Am I worrying for nothing? Is she just a little bit of a late bloomer?
Also, I’d really like to ask for prayers for a family situation of ours. I won’t go into detail because it’s long and I don’t want to take everyone’s time, but we are struggling with some things. Thanks so much.
My near 4 year old son is completely trained, but my 5 year old son is adamantly opposed to pooping on the potty. His doctor suggested mild laxatives, which has made the constipation issue go away, but he SCREAMS when he is asked to sit on the potty. Kind suggestions welcome!
Hot kitchen ideas:
I make a lot of pasta salad, which looks like this:
Cook pasta first thing in the morning, when it’s cool. Cool off pasta in fridge all day. When I have chance during the day, chop and throw in any veggies in my drawer that sound good, or need to be used. Throw in any leftover deli meat/cooked meat/cheese chunks. If no fresh veggies, throw in frozen veggies (early) which helps cool the pasta, and gives them a chance to thaw. When ready to serve, set out with any salad dressing, for folks to dress themselves. Provide sunflower seeds or parmesan for topping, if you want.
Voila!
Here’s my thought for the day, and I hope I’m not opening up a can of worms. I’d like to discuss this in light of Catholic teaching, and not to judge anyone….
Does it bug anyone that Laura Ingraham adopted a baby, thereby raising her without a father? Many women are in tough situations where they end up as single moms, and it’s a real struggle…but that’s not what is going on here.
A family is always better than an institution–whether there is one parent or two. Congratulations to Laura and her new daughter!
Actually, the Church commends single people who adopt children. That child needs a family, (and yes, a mother and father is best), and she (Laura) is providing that family. One stable mother is much better than foster family, after foster family, after foster family. On the HUGE plus side, that child will now be baptized.
Thanks for the de-vinegaring tips. Sure hate to just toss that much food.
Prayers for you, Amanda.
Prayers for you potty trainers, too. We had one tough nut for training. We handled it badly, so I have no advice that would actually work. I suppose patience and natural consequences work the best. (Try to leave out the screaming and yelling at child…it’s a natural consequence of the frustration, but not effective and not good for your relationship!!!)
Going to have to try pasta salads with my crew. Good tip to let folks dress their own. Can’t ever seem to please everybody with just one flavor.
Laura Ingraham. Hmmmm. One parent has got to be better than no parents. Not sure where Catholic teaching comes down on this. Kids deserve a mom and a dad, but they can’t all have one. I think it matters that she is a faithful Catholic, though that’s politically incorrect to use that as part of the criteria. I will be interested to see the discussion, especially since the discussions here are almost always pleasant and well done.
Hello, all! I am a convert (from evangelicalism) to the Catholic faith, and yesterday discovered we are pregnant with our 4th! This is the first “surprise” pregnancy, as I “knew” when we conceived the others. All our babies will be 20 months apart. We were hoping this time to space the next one a little further, as my oldest is 4, then 2, then 11 months, and the 11 month old has been a VERY demanding baby, and I often do not get decent sleep. I also know that number 4 is going to be the “deal breaker” with my secular extended family on both sides, and am nervous about telling them. The question is, since I’m still nervous about being pregnant, should we wait to tell family, or tell them and try and be a witness to the culture of life? The criticism will definitely be coming our way.
Thank you!
Paige, our favorite summer dish (very practical for picnics, too) is what we call rice salad. I cook 3/4 cup of rice and season it with olive oil (I put salt in the cooking water), then I put it in the fridge to let it cool. I chop a fresh mozzarella ball (or, to be faster, I use fresh “ciliegine”, little cherries in Italian, which are just miniature mozzarella balls), quite a few slices of salame, lots of tomatoes, carrots, yellow and/or orange peppers. My husband also likes chopped olives in it – I guess you can add pretty much whatever you like. I add everything to the rice and season again with salt, pepper, olive oil and a sprinkle of dried oregano. The longer it sits in the fridge, the better, even the day after. Enjoy
What do you do with your kids for this Mary´s month ?
Yesterday we did Rosaries, but do you know some children videos, apparitions, how to pray the rosary?
thanks
Re: Laura Ingraham adopting.
The fact that the child is not an infant (looks three maybe?) and comes from an orphanage in Guatamala where she is unlikely to get adopted otherwise seems to mitigate the “no father” problem. I struggled with the same initial reaction…in theory, single women adopting does not seem like the right idea. However, single women (whether single by choice as in consecrated celibates, or single by circumstance…hard to find a good Catholic man of a certain age these days) fostering children difficult to place is not unusual. It is not possible to foster a child from a foreign country…the only option to help that child is adoption. I don’t think Laura has done this in a “a man is not needed to make a family” way. I think she honestly wants to give a home to a child that might not otherwise get one.
Caroline,
YOu can still be a witness for life if you wait to tell. I think you need to gauge your own emotional temperature, as well as your husbands. Will you be better able to be that joyful witness in a month when the initial shock has worn off?
By the way, congratulations! We would LOVE to be expecting number 4!!! We just keep praying and hoping. OUrs are 6, 4, and 2…and I am 43.
Summer foods: Might I suggest that you all consider quinoa as an option to replace the rice or pasta in your salads? I know it sounds weird and probably not kid-friendly, but it’s really tasty stuff. And very easy to cook. It’s a grain that Aztecs used to eat in ancient times, but around me it’s very easy to find. It’s also yummy and has tons of protein and vitamins. It’s also just a nice change from rice and pasta. Mmmm, quinoa (pronounced “keen-wa”)
Caroline,
I have 6 children, the youngest is 3 mos old. I don’t see anything wrong with waiting to tell extended family until you are beyond happy about it. You don’t need the stress of their ugly comments. We’ve waited to announce the last 2. It made our lives SO much easier.
When you do tell them, make sure you are bubbly with happiness, any sort of apologetic tone in your voice will make them think they have free rein to say whatever they want. I’ve also heard of many women who mail out announcements, sometimes in the form of a poem, saying they are expecting again and would love to share the joy and excitement of the upcoming birth of a new member of the family and to be sure to call when you are able to rejoice with us…
I think that would be effective.
Reality is that you don’t HAVE to tell anyone. Surround yourselves with people who will rejoice and be glad with you!!
Congratulations!!!
Peace
Does anyone have any suggestions (or specific prayers) for getting along well with your mother? I’m grown, married, and starting a family of my own, but have real trouble getting along with my mother. I’m a convert to the faith and a very different person now than I was a decade ago (when I last lived at home). I’ve lived many hours away from my parents since then and really struggle whenever my mother is visiting. We have a very good relationship just talking on the phone, but when we are together there is so much that is constantly bothering me about how she treats me, things she does and says, and especially now the way she talks to and interacts with our toddler. I know I need to pray more for her and for us and talk again with my priest, but does anyone else have anything that has helped them be more loving towards their mother in a similar situation?
Caroline – Congratulations! Children are always a blessing, even to the extended family that doesn’t always recognize it. We have 6 children and have always experienced mixed reactions from family members. Some are very supportive and others are not, to put it lightly. What’s amazing though is the joy they experience from the child once they get to know them. I think after a while, especially after the 4th child, people just begin to accept and realize that we are going to have a large family and their opinions (however boldly expressed) aren’t going to change that. We’ve let our kids be the ones to tell some of our family members. The kids always announce this news with such joy and excitment that it’s hard for anyone to say anything negative to them. My husband once said, after we were expecting at an overwhelming time (but very happy about it) that he felt very honored that God trusted us enough to give us a large family. Children are a sign of God’s great grace. God Bless you and your family!
On potty training:
Our son was over three before we started doing anything at all with potty training. We’d ask him to sit on the potty and then give him some M&M’s if he did anything. (They’re his favorite.) The treat made a big difference for him and before we did much of anything (though that was mostly laziness on our part), he was basically potty trained. We kept using pull-ups during the day and diapers at night until he was probably four. We used them like underwear and would put them back on if he hadn’t wet them at all.
If you can bear it, I’d suggest stepping back for a while. We had to deal with diapers longer (with the additional cost), but the potty training was completely stress-free because we didn’t push him at all. I really can’t say what it’ll be like with my daughter. She has a completely different way of approaching life than my son does – much more intense!
I originally asked the adoption question, which I’m still pondering in light of the comments, but to continue, I’d like to change the parameters so this is about the Catholic viewpoint, and not specifically “Laura”.
This is about my friend, “Betty”, who is a faithful Catholic, doesn’t hate men, or have anything to prove to anyone, and is genuinely trying to provide a good home to a toddler from overseas.
My problem is putting a child in a situation, which isn’t a family, because there isn’t a father. I understand that a mother alone is better than foster care or an orphanage, but it seems that there are plenty of families who are seeking to adopt such a child, and waiting a long time to do so, but yet they are having to wait even longer to place a child in a “more ideal” situation, partly because we are equivocating in our language of “something is better than nothing”.
Thoughts?
About single women adopting…a dear friend fostered 2 drug addicted babies and eventually adopted them and did eventually get married. I commend her for adopting when she was single. There are not enough married couples willing to adopt special needs children.
It is really a challenge for me as a pro life Catholic to recognize the enormous number of children in the US alone in foster care and that their lives matter as much as any life. I see so many stable married faithfilled couples and we all seem to feel that we can’t help. I know that is a big generalization, I can’t speak for everyone, just for myself. It is just somthing I think about.
About single women adopting…a dear friend fostered 2 drug addicted babies and eventually adopted them and did eventually get married. I commend her for adopting when she was single. There are not enough married couples willing to adopt special needs children.
It is really a challenge for me as a pro life Catholic to recognize the enormous number of children in the US alone in foster care and that their lives matter as much as any life. I see so many stable married faithfilled couples and we all seem to feel that we can’t help. I know that is a big generalization, I can’t speak for everyone, just for myself. It is just somthing I think about.
Sorry about that double post. It told me it was a duplicate and a didn’t see it. So I changed the name hoping it would go through and now it is in there twice.
momofsome,
I am not so sure that there ARE plenty of families who are seeking to adopt such a child. If there were, there would not be such an availability. I think there are many seeking to adopt a healthy infant, but toddlers and above, especially from other countries and especially in situations where neglect or abuse or health issues may be present are not so easily placed. I don’t think that it is equivocating to say that having a person commit themselves to raising you and loving you and caring for you for life is better than being raised by paid employees of an orphanage, or by a string of foster parents. If “Betty” is COMPETING with two parent families for a child, then that is a different story. If I were still single and seeking to adopt I would be looking for a child that would be unlikely to otherwise be adopted.
I understand what you are saying.
But, what if there were a pagan couple wanting to adopt and your friend the pro-lilfe Catholic, Which would be a better home for the child? Pagans are not prohibited from adopting. What if your friend had a large supportive family, her father, brothers that could provide for some of the father needs. I think there is alot to think about here and I could not make a generalization that single moms are preventing married couples who could provide a better home from adopting. And unfortunately, with the divorce rate as high as it is a number of those married couples (who adopt) statistically will divorce.
It has to be better to have one loving parent than none, though I have no idea what the Church says on this.
I’ve been thinking that maybe the larger issue here is the fact that there are so many wonderful single women who for whatever reason have not been able to find decent men to marry. I live in Northern VA and there are so many eligible women out here and no men who want to stand up and be men- to sacrifice themselves, get married and start families. It isn’t just in Catholic circles, either. My protestant friends tell me they are having the same problems in their churches. Our culture has really attacked men and the result is that there are no more men who want (or even know how) to be men.
This crisis is really on my mind lately since I have one sister who has been encountering this problem over and over again (as have her friends). And it also concerns me because I had to move halfway across the country to find a decent man to marry (who I met online). I have multiple girlfriends who have done the same. And now that I have children I am starting to get a tiny bit concerned for their future. For my girls- because where are the men going to come from for them. And for my son- how do I raise him to be a manly man when there is a total lack of male role models around. Then too, many of my married friends tell me that their husbands have a hard time finding other men that they respect and want to be friends with.
There have been a number of articles and talks given in recent months on this issue. Anthony Esolen at Providence College has written several articles on it and there are several talks by good priests that you can listen to online.
Sorry for the long email, but this has really been on my mind lately.
To Barb- potty training:
my daughter used it as a control issue and i was not going to deal iwth it. So, i put her in diapers till she was ready to get rid of them at age 4 and a week old. so what, i thought to myself. less work for me and it did cost a bit more $ but not much more stress so be it. They will use the toliet eventually, and at that point, I said- oh well! let others look at me like a wierd mom but hey, she is the best (by far!) holding her pee pee and poopies and no accidents. Saved on lots of washing too!
Just another note on the adoption discussion…the arguement about it being better than no family at all…or that it is okay if no other suitable family wants to adopt is used to support gay adoption. This is an entirely different situation than gay adoption. The gay lifestyle is objectively disordered and therefore unhealthy for any child. A mother with no father is not ideal, but far from being objectively disordered. My two cents…
First time commenting…
Regarding adoption: Just get on the web and google adoption or foster families. In our own country there is a tremendous need for families to adopt and outside of our country the number of children who need a family is truly astonishing. There are not enough families. The wait someone mentioned is due to paperwork and governments and the adopting parent’s own “requirements” in what they want in their child. While a mom and dad is ideal, I agree with the comments that a loving, faithful, stable single parent is better than the other options. Did you see the movie “Bella,” or “Juno?” Not ideal situations, but far better than what could happen. Lastly, my husband and I also had to deal with the guilt of adopting our son at birth…a healthy boy after we had been blessed with three healthy naturally born children. When expressing our concern to the agency, it was explained to us that especially in the U.S. and especially with private adoptions, the birth mother chooses the family…SHE chooses the family to adopt…the ones that she is at peace with…the family she feels most comfortable raising her child. A birth mom needs that peace to be able to move forward with her own life. We were not even seeking adoption, but we were sought out by our son’s birthmom. WHile my heart breaks for those who have not yet been chosen, I also have humbly realized how judging I was prior to our own adoption process. Please know that if God is calling a child into a family or even if that mother/father is single, what a gift it can be to the child and family and what a witness to all.
***My own question: My husband and I are going before the local school board next week to hopefully get the policy changed that no home schooled children may participate in any co/extra curricular activities. Have any of you who home school your children dealt with this? Do your schools allow participation? WHat are their regulations? Suggestions? Thank you and God Bless!
I’m so grateful for Meme’s post. My daughter is almost 3 and has some sort of issues with the toilet. She can’t tell me why she is scared to go on the potty, she only says that it scares her and then she cries hysterically. She’s been watching me go forever and often offers me a reward when I do well (which I take her up on everytime
but has no inclination to use the potty herself. When we change her diaper she will start to whimper if one isn’t put on right away, saying, “Put a diaper on so I don’t pee all over.” On one hand I want her to use the potty so there will only be one in diapers, and on the other hand, if she’s not ready she’s not ready. My mom says that sometimes you need to bend the child to your will (like a growing tree) and that means making them do things more than what they want, but she hasn’t seen my dd’s reaction to the toilet. I’m very unsure of what to do…why does this have to be such a big deal?
Caroline- We had similar concerns with number four who is due in early July. SUrprisingly, the family members we were most worried about were very gracious about the news. We did, however, wait a while to tell. We wanted to let the news settle in our own minds first. We had several other “issues” going on at the same time (house construction, aging parents with sudden issues and needs, extended family gossip over our homeschooling and chosen lifestyle, etc. ) and felt it was best to let things settle a bit before springing on another bit of news. While we were always thrilled about the baby, we were also quite overwhelmed. Keeping it between just me and my husband for several months gave us time to really see it as the sliver lining in a cloudy year. Good luck! It also helped to share the news first with people who we knew would realize that another baby is GREAT news no matter what the situation of our home, family, etc. Share it with fellow culture of life people first so you are allowed to relish the good news even if you are a little leery.
Just found this cool club!!! It is called no more cussing!!! Try this link http://www.nocussing.com/home.html …enjoy!!!+JMJ+sam
Anonymous from 10:24,
that does not sound like the right situation for “bending the child’s will.” If she is hysterical, that sounds more like breaking it.
Honestly, you could end up dealing with constipation, bladder infections, other issues if she tries to hold on too long so she won’t have to use the potty. (I have a friend whose son had this). If you can, I’d let her go in diapers a while longer. Just my 2 cents. Good luck.
martha,
we’ve tried 2 times to potty train my dd and each time she’s constipated herself (which she has always been able to do but those times just made it worse) and held her pee for over 17 hours. i don’t want to give her an infection or anything…i’m glad to see someone else doesn’t think that “bending her will” applies in all situations! thanks for the cents.
Potty Training~
I had a holder-It was very difficult, but I received great advice from his MD. Eating, sleeping, pooping are about the only things they have power over. It can be a control issue and completely handing it over to them and saying “This is what your body wants, this is why it has to get rid of it. It needs your help. It is your job, not mine, only you can help get it out.” Putting him in control helped and not pushing hard-it becomes a power struggle then and the harder you push, so do they.
Question: My almost 5 year old is experiencing very sassy behavior. Lots of backtalk, rude faces, outright defiance. I am expecting my third and am completely exasperated. We have read about natural consequences. 1) I am terrible about coming up with what a natural consequence would be when he acts out and 2) how long until it improves. Any advice, tips, anything?? Is this normal? Am I alone? I’m desperate!
My mom suggested that the disposable diapers are too comfortable for them – they work too well! You might try cloth diapers that will feel wet when they are wet, and maybe the discomfort will motivate your child to move on to pottying. I know it’s more work for you, but it seems to me there is nothing particularly easy about potty training:-)
To momofsome:
You wrote: My problem is putting a child in a situation, which isn’t a family, because there isn’t a father.
Do I understand you correctly? A family without a father is not a family?
I really need some help here – ANY ideas would be apprecitiated. What do you do when you won’t allow your child to PLAY AT THE NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE? We live on a cul-de-sac with a very good/close group of neighbors. We have 7 kids 13 and under – which cleary makes us stand out and gives ever kid in the neighborhood someone to play with. One of the families has a 7 year old boy who comes over a lot to play with my 6, 4, and 3 year old. I have had a few more behavior problems with him than others who come to play, but it’s nothing I cannot handle here, and my kids are fine. He and his parents have invited my kids to come play – and we have always had a good reason not to (we were leaving, it’s dinnertime, etc.) But I will not allow my kids to play there. The TV is always on – and I know they watch shows I don’t approve of, I rarely see someone from this child’s family outside with him – so I suspect the supervision/attention inside the house is probably not much better. How do I politely let the parents know that my kids cannot play there? I don’t want to come across high and mighty, I don’t want to offend them. Nor do I want to create a rift in our neighborhood and make people uncomfortable. They are very kind and get along well with everyone – and will see that my kids are allowed in everyone else’s house on our cul-de-sac. There is only one other family that won’t allow their son there either, but he is 9 and they just don’t run into the problem like we do. With summer coming I suspect this is going to be a big issue. By the way, my kids notice the bad beavior and also have commented to me that his parents don’t play outside with him, nor do his teenage sisters, etc. At the moment, they don’t want to play there. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this tactfully?
Just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers last week when I mentioned I was close to my due date. Joseph Charles was born on May 9th. It was a long, hard labor but we are doing great now and the kids love their little brother!
I have been a little hesitant about sharing this here, but want you all to know how much your answers to other’s questions about being open to life have helped me to convince my husband to have his vasectomy reversed!! I have been convicted that this was something that has needed to be done since starting Familia 3 years ago, but he has been adamant that it wasn’t necessary. (went to confession, & the priest told him it was Ok not have reversed)
Someone a couple weeks ago mentioned a book by Christopher West,(can’t remember who, but thank you!!) he read it & finally understood what I have been trying to explain for 3 years!
On another note, I relate so much with Caroline. I am also a convert from an evangelical background. My 2 step-sisters refuse to talk to me after hearing my “radical” views. Sometimes you just have to know truth in your own heart, refuse to compromise & pray that others will understand some day. (easier for me to say than do!!;) )
Getting along with your mother –
I am now a grandmother and I remember when I was much younger and my children were small, I didn’t get along with my mother. I dreaded our visits to her home and her criticisms. One day I said to my mom when she had yet another criticism that I found very difficult, “It’s OK, mom. You and I just think differently. I’m going to do this (whatever it was at the time) my way and it will all work out.” From that day on our relationship grew. My mother knew I had boundaries and I knew that she did too and we both grew to respect each other and accept each other exactly where we needed to be. My mom is now 85 and I thoroughly enjoy our time together. I hope this works for you. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers! God bless!!
Michelle, I have the same problem with a boy who lives close by. I won’t allow my son to play at his home. So far, this hasn’t been an issue. Because his family is so uninvolved, he would much rather be at our home. What I think has worked for me (so I don’t have to actually say my son isn’t allowed at your house) is to take a genuine interest in him when he comes over. I make his stay at our home as pleasant as possible, ask him questions about school and his activities and let him know he is welcome to come over any time he wants to play with my son. I am fairly certain he does not get this kind of attention at home, so he is very happy to just spend his play time with us. My son knows I won’t let him play at his friends house and knows why. He knows if his friend ever does invite him over, all he is to say is that he needs to ask his mom. and I will take it from there. I pray for the grace to answer kindly if ever confronted by the family as to why my son never comes over to play at their place. Good luck, I know this can be a difficult situation.
Congratulations, Elizabeth!
Kris- Have to wonder where your son is seeing the sassiness to imitate it. It is normal for kids to go through periods of less than angelic behavior, but if it is really out of hand, I’d have to consider the influences. Might limiting television help?
As for having a tough time coming up with consequences… why not make him part of the process? If he has to think of an appropriate consequence, it might help him to “see” his behavior more clearly.
Michelle – Redirecting the child and his parents long enough might just work to make your house be the one that is assumed to be the play date site. For the most part that has worked for us. Really tough issue though. Also, our rule of active play- rather than TV and video games – has worked because the questionable households, for us, have only afforded their kids those things. Peace. ~~~mary
Caroline: Congratulations!!! We now have 11 children, and our relatives gave up being critical of our openess only after #9. I guess they realized it wasn’t working… We often waited to tell the more difficult ones, don’t feel bad about this. A pregnancy is a very personal thing involving your husband, God and you… I always took the attacks VERY personally, and their rejection of MY child hurt me deeply. Over the years most of them have come to see how wrong they were—-these very grandchildren are a great joy to them now, my young adult children are wonderful PEOPLE!!! Rejoice in God’s plan and don’t fear the people who can’t see His will in your lives.
Question…T-ball…We have a wonderful coach, (a retired police officer who was injured on the job) He’s great with the kids. Does anyone have any ideas for a special ‘thank you’ ??? Thanks in advance!! God’s blessings to you all.
What a thought provoking exchange today, ladies.
Do any of you have a children’s holy hour at your parish? I’m looking for suggestions. We have done this before and have a good format already. I’m looking for suggestions to fill a slot in the hour where an older child reads a story (in effect the catechesis). I like children’s stories about the Eucharist, and saint stories are always appropriate. Resource suggestions? Ideas? I already have the Caryll Houselander books. Thanks.
Michelle,
I live in a very social neighborhood (there are 30 children on the block!) and I don’t think you have to say anything to the parents or to your children about not being allowed to play at this neighbor’s house. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. If the kid invites your children over, just simply say no and leave it at that. Children don’t need detailed explanations for everything.
regarding potty training? have you tried getting them their own little potty? if so and this didn’t work, i wouldn’t worry about it too much. they will grow out of it eventually and i think the best approach is to not force the issue. otherwise it can become a power struggle. i know parents who’s children learned very late and they are just fine.
caroline, first CONGRATULATIONS! however, i can understand and relate to those early emotional struggles to a surprise pregnancy. as to when to tell family, i agree with the other posters to wait until you really feel secure and happy….that way if their response is less than joyful right away (they will come around), you will be ready to deal with that emotionally. if you are a little taken aback by being pregnant it can hurt all the more when someone isn’t sounding all that happy about it. so just be patient with yourself and your family. it will all work out.
I have a very good friend who is a grandmother of a child concieved by rape. She has begun a blog and is looking for true life stories of pro-life situations concerning conception after rape. Her website address is: http.//consecratedchildren.blogspot.com/
It is a very inspiring site and I thought of it with regards to the 2two parent adoption question.
Regarding the lack of men who want to be real men-
question was asked- “And for my son- how do I raise him to be a manly man when there is a total lack of male role models around.”
We have 6 children- 3 boys and 3 girls, 10 and under- so we haven’t had to deal with this yet, but I guess you are always dealing with it, being that we raise children to be adults. My advice would be to surround yourself with young families who believe the same things you do. One way we have done that is by being part of Regnum Christi. My husband and I both felt called to that many years ago (before children) and I realize now how many benefits there are for us personally (in the availability of formation opportunities in our faith) and for our children- Conquest boys club for boys and the Challenge clubs for girls. It is my sense that the Legionaries, as an order, really understand what makes boys “boys” and girls “girls” and they really know how to teach proper roles to each. Of course, my husband and I try to be good examples that our children will hopefully one date emulate.
God bless.
Comments about men and boys have got me thinking…
I’m in a “study hall” right now (my “Danielle Break”). I teach in a public high school and, let me tell you, as hopeful as I am about youth, sometimes I am very discouraged by what the general public calls “acceptable”. My students do and say and support things that I cannot accept. Sometimes I don’t know how to respond, but often I try to share my thoughts and, whether or not I call those thoughts “Catholic”, I believe they are. I really struggle not only with the ideas of how to support the true, and sometimes quite hidden, goodness in these kids, but also with what my own children might be like as a result of growing up in this world. Sometimes I think, “I need to teach in a Catholic school”, but honestly, we live in a world that (I think) is better pursuaded to goodness by being “inflitrated” by Catholics than separated from us. To all of you parents who care and worry and make those difficult and good decisions, thank you. As a teacher in a public school, I wish I could send all students home to people like you!
Our daughter was the same way. The book Toilet Training Without Tears by Charles E. Shaefer really helped us. I let her wear panties until she needed to poop. When it was time to poop, she told me and we put on a diaper/pull up. She could go anywhere in the house she wanted. Eventually we got her to go in the bathroom. Then we told her poop goes in the potty and while watching us put it in the toilet. She got to flush then wash her hands. Eventually she got it and yours will too.
She really enjoyed You can go to the potty by William Sears and Tinkle, Tinkle Little Tot by Bruce Lansky (a songbook about going potty)
Hi,
my first post here.
I like to bulk cook and freeze ahead. The last time I made enchiladas I didn’t let the black beans cook long enough. I didn’t realize this until after they were in the freezer and I was eating some leftovers that I didn’t freeze. I usually thaw them and bake them in the oven. If I try to cook them in the crock pot will that help the beans cook fully? Is it harmful to eat beans that weren’t fully cooked?
Thanks
Regarding momofsome’s statement, “My problem is putting a child in a situation, which isn’t a family, because there isn’t a father” :
I am adamantly pro-father. My husband and I have three little ones, and no one needs to convince me of a father’s value to his family. However, I grew up without one (he left, and then he was killed shortly after), in a home with a mother and sister. Less than a mile away lived my very loving and supportive maternal grandmother and grandfather. I have cousins and aunts and uncles. Call me crazy, but I’ve always been under the impression that I had a family! In any case, I’d take the situation I was raised in (whether you’d like to call it a family or not) over living in a foreign orphanage where.
I realize my tone is curt, but the statement, and even the topic, begs controversy, if not gossip.
To Momofsome on single parent adoptions ~ forgive me if this concern has already been addressed (I’m pressed for time and haven’t been able to read through all the comments, I’m afraid), but, I wouldn’t worry so much about the fact that a person was single in adopting a child, so much as what the situation would be for the child at home. I can’t imagine the mother is not a working mother and so will not spend most days at home. If the child will be adopted and placed into daycare, I definitely think it’s not a good idea (I worked in the day care industry for many years and can tell you it is NOT a good idea), but if the child has a loving grandparent or some similar situation, where s/he will be raised in a stable family environment, why not? St. Theresa (along with many other saints and wonderful people) were raised without the benefit of one or the othe parent. One faithful parent with a good family network can and do raise perfectly wonderful children. And if it’s a child with limited chance for adoption otherwise, the single mom may be saving a soul.
I think most kids go through a sassy phase at some point. Don’t be alarmed. You’re not a bad parent, your child is totally normal. When I notice a sassy phase coming on I immediately enact the timeout method. At the first sign of sass or rude face I place them on a timeout based on age (1 min./1 year). Now timeout in our house means this. You are to stand facing the back hallway wall, with your hands to your sides and your feet together. No noise, tapping, humming, etc. is allowed. No turning around. The timer is set and you wait for the timer to go off and to be excused. If any of these rules are broken for even a second, the timer starts over. One of my more strong willed children once stood for 45 minutes before she realized that I meant business; after that she stood for her 6 minutes following all the rules. Now this may sound a little harsh for some, but I’ve found that after a couple of days of this type of timeout most difficult behavior problems will come to a screeching halt. The key is consistency. Sometimes the bad behavior comes back in a couple months or a year. I just start the timeout thing again. Now this will work for kids up to the age of 10ish. I’m still working on what works for the 11 year old.
In reference to vasectomy reversals, check out one more soul website. They have a wonderful book of personal testomonies of couples who have reversed sterilizations. Also there is a yahoogroup Catholic Reversal Discussion Group (Catholic-RDG)
Relative to the potty issue. A potty chair is certainly one solution for the fear of the toilet. Our little girl was more comfortable sitting backwards on the toilet for quite awhile. She sat facing the tank and since the front of the seat is shaped a little less wide she felt more secure, also she could reach out and grab the tank if she felt like she was going to fall in. Somehow that seemed to work for her. Potty chairs really are not a bad option for the beginning, but this option worked in public toilets as well, even though there generally isn’t anything much to grab onto there.. Even when there was an opening in the front of the seat it seemed to work better for her than facing the other way until she was bigger. She was a tiny mite when she potty trained. She was two and a half, but she only weighed about 23 lbs. Maybe that’s why the big toilet felt so enormous the other way round.
Re: Children’s Holy Hour
http://www.childrenofhope.org/
Kris, I think I recommended the book “Love and Logic for Early Childhood” by Jim and Charles Fay last week to someone else, but we use a lot of the ideas from this book with our 4.5 year old who is also starting to be a bit sassy (which he picks up here and there, neighbors, kids at the park…we don’t watch TV except for Bob the Builder, and I’ve never seen Wendy sass Bob.) Some of the “natural” consequences I’ve found helpful: “Oh, no, that is so sad. Boys who speak so rudely don’t get dessert. I give sweets to children who act sweet.” And then I make it a point to give dessert to the other children. Or, CHORES
“It really drains my energy when you make those faces at me. What are you going to do to put it back?” (And then I usually give 2 or 3 choices of chores that he can handle and that are reflective of the level of sassiness, etc. he just displayed.) We’ve been really using it regularly now for a couple of weeks and now when he starts to backtalk, I just say “Oh, no. This is sad.) and he generally stops. Anyway, I don’t know if you’ll find any of this helpful, but I wish you good luck.
Hi Cindy!!!
I also love quinoa!!! I started eating it a few months ago when I went on a gluten free diet. I love it for breakfast with fruit, plain as a side dish and mixed with beans, garlic and onions as a main dish. It is actually a complete protein by itself! That makes it VERY healthy. My kids love it too! Hubby tolerates it at times LOL. It has the texture of couscous, but has a different flavor. Try it! You’ll like it!!!
Re: 5 year old who refuses to do #2 on the toilet.
Last year I had a boy in my class who wouldn’t go. He held it in and we had to call his mom at least twice a week to come and get him. Well, low and behold, a month before school ended he came out of the bathroom one day and announced very proudly “My Mom is going to be so proud of me!! I just pooped in the potty!!!!” So, the moral behind this story is………….. Little boys grow up eventually. Not as fast as we like sometimes, but they do grow up and use the potty.
About potty training…we also found that the pullups were not helping our son really learn when he needed to go to the potty. I bought 3 cloth training pants (Imse Vimse Organic Training Pant was the brand I used) and it only took a couple of weeks before he started getting pretty consistent with knowing when to go. I really recommend this particular brand because they have a waterproof layer. They are not particularly thick, so they won’t hold everything if the child’s bladder is really full, but they do help a lot.
Andi — That’s wonderful news about the vasectomy reversal! I hope that it goes well and that you experience many blessings in your life because of it. Christopher West has a very clear and convincing way of boiling down JPII’s Theology of the Body that’s so beautiful, and I’ve seen his books touch the hearts of others besides your husband, too!
Family Size and telling people: We’ve experience a certain amount of incredulity from certain family members when we mention that we aren’t sure how many children we’ll have — what they’re asking is when we’re going to stop, but of course, in humility, we don’t have *any* idea, since other factors besides a number we might be holding in our heads come into play. It was difficult telling some people even that we’re having #3, and we’re hoping that there are more after this one…My husband decided to wait longer to tell his side of the family this time, since they’re the ones we experience most of the negativity from.
to andi-
i don’t know if you’re still out there, but i just read your post. I too was part of a Familia group and my husband also had his vasectomy reversed because of what I learned there!!!
We had to go to Maryland (we live in NY) because we found a dr. thru one more soul who would do the surgery for a “discounted” price. Our insurance would not cover it.
He had the surgery in April and by the end of may we were pregnant with our 5th!!!!
It was the most joyous time of my life. Even if I hadn’t been able to conceive I would have been content knowing we were once again leaving things in God’s hands.
Good Luck to you- I will be praying for you
Sorry Sally, I called you Cindy. It has been a longggggggggg day. Anyway Sally I love quinoa as you can see from the post to Cindy! I think I may have MENTALpause.
Thanks for the replies about the sassiness. We actually have been TV free for a year this month! We let them watch educational videos and or more wholesome entertainment shows on the computer DVD player-so we know that it doesn’t come from shows. It stems more from him being very strong willed and trying to exert that to the very best of his ability to get what he wants. It’s a phase, but one that I am not very skilled in dealing with so I believe that it escalates. We are currently trying a method of whatever he was edging for with the sassiness is exactly what he doesn’t get as a logical consequence. Time outs have always been ineffective for this child. He may calm down and do the time but there is never a reduction in the habit of sass over all, which is what I am trying to achieve. Teaching him how to respect others. I am glad to hear that it is a normal phase at this age! Thank You!
Andi, I would strongly recommend Mary Reed Newland’s books, especially _How to Raise Good Catholic Children_ and _The Saints and Our Children_. These are still in print or easily obtained used. She wrote and illustrated as well books for children, including a dear one on the life of Saint Catherine of Siena, but I fear it’s really out of print.
Re: Getting Along w/ your Mother —
I grew up in a family that did not know how to communicate with each other. My brother and I were raised to respect our parents, which in and of itself is not certainly not a bad idea; however, it was enforced mostly through fear. Needless to say, I’ve always had a difficult relationship w/my mom. Like you, talking on the phone was fine, but I got really stressed out whenever she came to visit. She seemed too critical of my parenting/housekeeping abilities and spoiled my children too much.
My solution, discovered with the help of my husband who came from a very communicative family, was to break the communication barrier. Be honest. It’s hard, not only to say how you feel but to also do it calmly. I told her and my dad how my daughter would be overly disobedient for a few days after they left, and that we basically had to start reinforcing our rules from our scratch each time. That sunk in, and they’ve been doing a better job of disciplining when they come (which is every 6-8 weeks). I have also had to reiterate that it’s okay to have a big family, and that having lots of material things don’t matter. That you have to be open to God’s will.
I know my situation is different b/c my mom and I are both cradle Catholics. But you have to say, “This is what I believe. I’m old enough to make decisions for me and my family. I would appreciate it if you would trust me.” If she’s imparting ideas/her own beliefs to your kids that you think she shouldn’t be, then you must draw the line.
RE: UNDERCOOKED BEANS
Beans that aren’t fully cooked aren’t harmful, per se, but they will cause A LOT more gas than fully cooked beans. I would just put the frozen beans back in the pot (or in a crockpot) with enough water to cover and let them simmer until they are fully cooked. In the future, you can test the doneness of beans by breaking one open or tasting one. It should be creamy all the way through without any chalkiness in the center.
thanks for that tip, but they are already wrapped in the enchilada so hopefully they’ll cook fully in the crock pot without overdoing the already cooked meat in the enchilada
How funny! There are 2 of us “Andi”s here in Danielleland today!! I’m the one with the husband who is having the vasectomy reversal!
Thanks for your story, Dina! It is encouraging to me! We live in Colorado & found a dr. in Oklahoma that does them at a discounted rate. we are hoping to have it done at the beginning of the year. I still haven’t called for all of the information yet, but am looking forward to him having it done. I look forward to putting our fertility back into God’s hands, whatever the outcome (though another baby or two would be nice!!)
Great discussion today–lots of interesting things to read!
I think the “father/family” discussion can get heated, but I think there’s a HUGE difference between giving societal approval to “intentionally fatherless/motherless families” (i.e., gay couples who use either adoption or artificial reproductive techniques to ‘have’ children as part of their push for marriage “rights”) and children who are *already* fatherless being adopted by a loving Catholic/Christian single parent who intends to raise them in the faith. There are many children with special needs or other issues who may thrive in a single-parent environment but who are difficult to place with a more traditional family; it’s good to remember that in these situations the choice isn’t “father/fatherless” but “family/institutional care.”
A funny thing to share: the local tractor supply company had a huge sign on Sunday that read “Mother’s Day Sale! Come In and See Our Great Savings!” I was laughing at the idea of a Mother’s Day sale at a tractor supply store when my oldest dd piped up, “It’s not silly at all, Mom! There are moms who farm! Why, just think of Danielle Bean!”
Getting along with your mother,
I just sped-read through the replies on this, so hopefully I am not repeating information.
I have also had some trouble regarding communication in my extended family, and for a basic primer on boundary issues (which is what this sounds like), I recommend “Boundaries” by Townsend and McCloud. Although they are not Catholic, this book approaches boundary issues from a very solid Christian perspective. I have found it to be very helpful in several areas of my life (I have pulled it out as a reference several times for different situations I have encountered).
If you want to quickly evaluate the book, read the introduction which I believe is called something like “A Boundaryless Life” (you just feel so bad for the woman whose life is described there) and then read the conclusion and the difference in the woman’s life is remarkable.
My prayers are with you, I know that family issues like this can be really tough.
GREAT book sale at Couple to Couple League! It is featured on the back of the latest issue of “Family Foundations.” I don’t know that the list of SIGNIFICANTLY discounted books is on their website or not. The list contains several great books, including the Dr. Sears series (at 75% off!!!!). 1-800-745-8252.
Re:trout pic
Danielle, is this an invitation? Put us down for five. Now, how to get from New Mexico to Connecticut by dinnertime…
I don’t know anything about the Laura Ingraham situation (except what I’ve seen here), but in general…I know it is better for children to have a parent rather than an institution, but I think there is a difference between the non-choice situations some others mentioned (having a father who left or died, but this is not the fault, obviously, of the family members who are left) and a situation that is chosen by the adult. I think it just feeds into the whole culture’s idea that children and marriage are not connected and that single women who want “fulfillment” can and should get that fulfillment through adopting (or using other means to have) kids.
i know exactly what you are feeling and dealing with. it is such a tough thing to go through….all the persecution from the ones closest to us. but remember that our Lord said that there was to be persecution and that family members would be against eachother. not that that makes us ‘feel’ any better, of course. we are expecting our 6th and since our 2nd baby, we’ve gotten the talks, the looks, the nastiness of it all. for this last baby when we told them….we told them in an email so that way they could get upset and say whatever they felt about it to eachother and not directly to us.
it hurts so much to hear it or see their reaction so we choose not to see or hear it. it took them 2 days to return the email but it was SO much better than the former. we told them in a cute little picture drawn by one of my children, it was a soft way to announcing it. and we did not tell them till we were 3 1/2 months along. let me tell you…it was tough to go through the first trimester and not lead on that i felt AWFUL!
God bless you. praying for you.
RE: Single parent adoption
A piece of my story: I was 22, single, and pregnant. I was a college graduate with a very loving Catholic family and at 8 months pregnant after much painful deliberation I chose adoption for my daughter based solely on the belief that she deserved a mother AND a father from day one of her life. Now I am married with two children and my husband (who was a good friend back when I was single and pregnant) grieved my decision to give up my daughter along with me. It was very difficult for me because I know I could have given her a good and happy life but I KNOW God asked me to offer her and the family who I chose for her something EVEN BETTER.
All that being said, I am sure you are thinking as you read that I would NOT be in favor of single parent adoption. And I am not in favor of a single Catholic adopting a healthy newborn, because I know there are many many couples waiting for babies. I WOULD, however, support it in situations where children are unlikely to be adopted otherwise and as long as there is a good support system for the single Catholic seeking to adopt.
I know I haven’t said anything new here, but I wanted to weigh in from the perspective of a person who has made the challenging decision of who my child will belong to and why.
Hi Elizabeth,
About teaching in public schools: I’m a public high school teacher, too, and there are times when I long to teach in a Catholic school so I could be “out there” with my faith. But, like you, I realize the importance of being a good role model to my kids and getting out in the non-Catholic world.
I’m not knocking anyone who does teach in Catholic schools — I went to Catholic schools and had a great experience, and thank God for those dedicated teachers! For me, I feel called to be in the public school system. I think of Jesus getting out in the world and engaging with all kinds of folk, even those who were radically different from Him. That’s the model I like to work from. And with my colleagues, I can and do discuss faith … lots of them came to my oh-so-Catholic wedding and it was great to be able to witness that to them.
And my students … well, the virtues of love and generosity and integrity and honesty are ones that I try to share with them (even if I don’t call them Christian). I’m an English teacher and I teach the play A Man for All Seasons about St Thomas More. THAT leads to interesting discussions! Lots of kids think he’s crazy to give up his life for a religious belief because they’ve never been raised with a particular religion themselves. But I hope that a seed is being planted, and that maybe someday — in five or ten or twenty years — it will make sense to them that someone could love an “abstract ideal” so much.
about potty training: I have 4 children- my first son took a long time to potty train. Nothing worked…not even rewards. Then one day, when he was about 3 1/2 he went to the potty all by himself and announced to everyone that he would no longer be using diapers. After my first son I had triplets. They were born 13 weeks premature. They were all late potty trainers. We tried everything, all the books, all the tricks, nothing worked. Two of them potty trained in one day at 4 years old. I just asked them one morning, do you guy want to stop wearing diapers and use the potty? They said yes and that was the end of it. The other one wanted nothing to do with potty training them. Finally, she would pee in the potty, but not poop in the potty for several months. Then one day, she announced to me that she pooped in the potty and would no long be wearing diapers. The moral of my story? For baby #5 (if and when) – we are going to not worry about potty training, not waste money on books about potty training and let it happen when they decided the time is right, because believe it or not, it will eventually happen.
Red,
That is hilarious! I admit that I would have been disappointed with a tractor for Mother’s Day, but I LOVE that your daughter called me a “farming” woman. Give her a big hug from me!
Amy,
You are too late. We had the trout last night. We took the heads off first, though. And when I say “we” I mean my husband. I did the breading and frying once they looked like they came from the grocer’s. Only problem is now the entire house smells like fish. Should I just open windows or do any of you fishermen’s wives have other tricks for airing out?
Re: telling family about pregnancy
Congratulation on your pregnancy! It is always hard when family members don’t share in the joy. My second child has special needs. The pregnancies after that were not met with enthusiasm by relatives. My grandmother actually cried and told me how sorry she felt for me. I’ve learned to get over it and now with my five children I am always telling others how blessed we are. Yes, it is difficult when they are young, but they grow fast and I look forward to a wonderful future with with my children and grandchildren. I don’t let what others think bother me anymore. In time most of them have come around. The important thing is that I feel we are doing our best to to lead the life has called us to lead and put our trust in him.
Oops. I mean to lead the life God has called us to live and put our trust in Him. (Sorry, a baby on my lap)
This trick works – honest! Take a dish towel, hold it by one corner, stand in the middle of the room, and whirl it over your head, kinda like a helicopter. Really get it moving! If you have a ceiling fan with dangling chains, a chandlier, or anything else low hanging, either sit in a chair or kneel down to do this. I’ve also read to wet the towel with vinegar, wring out well, and whirl, but a dry one has usually been sufficient for me. Fried fish does tend to linger, doesn’t it?
–a fishdaughter then a fishwife, but a catch-and-release girl, myself :>)
Joan, I kinda like the name Cindy
I, too, am gluten free and was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, which led me to quinoa. It’s fantastic stuff, isn’t it!? I still need to try millet, but can’t get past the fact that I used to buy it for my parakeet.
re: adoption
I disagree that the single women who want to adopt should not go for the newborn healthy babies because we should leave those kids for married couples.
I think it sounds crazy. Why shouldn’t the married couples be the ones to stand up and take the kids with special needs as it would appear they have more resources?
It also brings up another thing for me. I saw the documentary of the gay (white, male) couple in Florida that fostered aids/drug addicted babies (at least 4 or 5 of them). Although, I disagree with their lifestyle I was touched by the love and care they gave these kids. At I can’t reconcile my beliefs in this situation. The married faithfilled couples are not lining up at the door to adopt and foster these kids. I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite. These kids did better with this gay couple then they would have in the foster care system.
I don’t think it is right to step aside and let the married couples have all the healthy newborns but the special kids can go into the less than ideal homes..
This is obviously a huge topic with many so many factors to consider. Too many children without a home, it really weighs on my heart. I also wonder if opinions would be different if it were a single Catholic man who wanted to adopt.
Fishy smell solution:
Brownies….muffins, bread, or anything else that will produce a better odor. Its not 100%, but no one ever seems to complain about the results around here!
Thanks # V. I am an English teacher, too! I teach 10th and 12th grade, and now I’m wondering if I could teach A Man for All Seasons for my 12th grade classes. They would probably love the break from Shakespeare and we cover British Literature that year, so it isn’t “off topic”. I read that play in college for a British Lit. class. Did you encounter any issues when you started teaching it in a public school? I doubt it is on the curriculum map, but there is some flexibility at my school. Hmmm. Now the wheels are turning. Thanks for the summer project! Also, do you have any materials or ideas that have worked in the past? I’d really love to keep in touch. My email is eawilliams@henrico.k12.va.us
Hi everyone, Sorry I am a day late but the whole family skipped school and work yesterday for a Mental Health Day. Stress has been building for reasons such as; I was involved in a car accident a couple weeks ago when an elderly man didn’t see a stop sign, ran it and hit my car. My husband has an upcoming court hearing from three years ago when a drunk driver tried to run over his car. Leaving him with permanent back and neck damage and forcing him to sue our insurance company to pay his medical bills since the drunk driver had no insurance. The kids were feeling the stress of the end of the school year with finals etc. So we just all took a day at a local amusement park where the kids rode rides and hubby and I just walked around . Here is my two cents on some of the conversations if anyone is still looking for another view.
Getting along with your Mother,
I have a similar problem only with my Mother in Law. After nineteen, years of praying and bending over backwards I find that for My sanity, the sanity of my children ( ages now almost 18,15 and almost 12) and even the sanity of my husband ( he can’t enjoy my constant venting:-) )I must limit the times that we visit to only a few a year and not for extended amounts of time. I have learnt to love her, if for nothing more than giving birth to my husband .I also demand that my children do the same .This probably isn’t the answer you are looking for but for me Sometimes things never change and for now this is the best that I can do.
Michelle
I would simply thank the neighbor for the offer but decline stating that( since you state that the kids don’t really want to go anyway) those particular children are not comfortable playing away from home. If you have the time you could also possibly invite the Mother to come over sometime with her child and get to know her. Maybe she is not quite as bad as you think. This time would also open the door for you to work into conversation the fact that you don’t let your children watch certain TV shows etc. She may just take the hint and agree to abide by your wishes if your children were there or at least get the hint and not ask.
As far as men who don’t want to” be men” , get married and have families.
This might sound a bit odd especially coming from a woman( a married one at that) but maybe( just maybe) the women who feel this way need to take a good look at themselves. Is it possible that the problem could be you ? I have friends ages twenty to in their forties who are single and constantly making the same comments yet these same women are also the ones who want their perfect fantasy guy. One will not date a nice man who is not college educated ,” I need an intellectual” she tells me. One is five foot ten inches tall and will not give a guy shorter than her a second look.One is devout Catholic and the thought of dating even a Catholic man,not as devout as she, unacceptable. the list goes on and on. Add to this list that many women are playing marriage before the vows, which makes it real easy for a guy to be comfortable where he is instead of taking that next big step .I am not saying that this is always the case but in my experience it is ninety five percent of the time. I don’t want to offend but maybe this is just something to think about.
Christina,
Yes the crock pot will cook your beans fully . On the stove I never seem to cook them long enough (even hours doesn’t seem to be enough) but in the crock pot with the lid on gets them perfect.
cindy….. UHHHHH SALLY
He He he !!! I have the same sentiments about millet. Birdseed. UGHHHH.. Quinoa on the other hand ROCKS!! So, do you feel better since going gluten free? It’s like night and day for me!!! Haven’t had the “tests”, but had a really really bad reaction last week to Wise BBQ chips, (didn’t read the label first). Utz is gluten free, so I honestly didnt’ think about it. It was not so Wise to eat Wise potato chips.
Hi all,
Sorry it’s taken me such a long to get back on here.
About a fatherless home not being a “family”, I was trying (unsuccessfully) to say what Anna said: that there is a difference between a mom who is single but not by her choosing (husband left, died, etc.) and a mom who chooses to bring a child into her home and call it a family. I’m sorry, but that smacks of the whole Barney the Dinosaur “any group of people that loves each other is a family”. I’m not saying that there aren’t faith-filled, Catholic single moms out there, struggling. There are. I was one of them. But there are also single women out there wanting to adopt to complete their “family”. And the truth is that they can’t, really. Find “completeness”, that is, by simply choosing to raise a child without a father.
I’ve been reflecting on everything that people have said, and I understand that now we have another baptized soul in the world who wouldn’t have been otherwise. Yes! Praise God! A child is now surrounded by loving people and not in an institution. Hooray! But I think my problem is here is the matter of losing sight of the ideal. I think we all agree that a mother and a father is the ideal. It just seems that when we start defining families in other ways (given my caveats above, please) the lines get blurry. And I don’t like blurry lines. Yes, one more of my struggles.
Thank you, everyone, for this discussion. I was hesitant to start it, knowing it could become contentious.
It is a mistake for us to say a single woman who adopts a child is not a family but a mom who is single because her husband died or left is. I think it is not appropriate to judge the intentions or heart of someone else or to assume their motives are to get “completeness.” Perhaps what is in their heart is pure compassion for the millions of orphaned kids in the world who are not being adopted by “real families”
I’m also wondering if you would carry this idea to a single woman who has an unplanned pregnancy. A woman I know gave her daughter up for adoption. As a result she very stongly opposes that any single woman should raise her child. She believes they should all choose adoption. Maybe that helps her validate her own decision. But to put that on all women is not right.
I do think the desire to have every child on the planet in a loving Christian home with a mother and a father is a wonderful ideal. However, it is not the reality.
Please know I write this in peace. I know you can’t read my tone but I appreciate this type of dialogue. I know your thoughts come from a love of kids and wanting them to all be brought up in love with a mom and a dad.
Hi Joan–the fact that I came back here to see if you responded is pretty funny…Here’s my email: sallyterpsichore@yahoo.com, that way I won’t miss anything. I do feel better, but had more tests done just last week to determine what else may be going on as it’s been nearly two years and I’m still not “normal.” I have a bag of Utz chips sitting in my cupboard at home right now!
Most plain potato chips are fine, oddly, even though real food seems to be a struggle. Send me an email and we can have a chat. I have a gluten free cooking blog of my own 
Thank you, PM, for your peaceful dialogue. This is what I am seeking as well. In fact, that is what I am trying to do by “talking” about concepts rather than people. I’m not sitting up here in my ivory tower saying “you are a family…you are not”. That isn’t my place. I’m trying to look at this through the concept lens precisely because we CAN’T say “you are good/holy enough to adopt…you aren’t”. That is why I appreciate this anonymous conversation, as well. I could be trading controversial ideas here with my next-door neighbor and not even know it. This is a reflection of what women do: ponder things in their hearts.
So, to conclude, simply: I am not defining what a family is for anyone. I am just sensitive to the redefinition of the family as reflected so much in today’s society (gay marriage/adoption, anyone?)
And as for single women who adopt to have “completeness”, I’m not accusing anyone of that motivation. I’m referring to women who actually say that that IS their motivation.
Quinoa is great… or will be once I get around to cooking it (I only really eat it when I’m back home). As for millet, I have cooked it for myself once. The only time I cook with it is when it goes in bread, otherwise it’s for filling juggling balls and feeding birds, right?
coming in late here, but I need advice. I just inherited a nice Weber grill. I grill all the time in the summer but have been using a gas grill. Our grill is dying so I thought I would give the Weber a try. I remember those big bags of charcoal my dad always used. I am wondering if there is a healthier alternative. I know those briquets must be loaded with carcinogens. Anyone know of a good source? We live in NYC so wood is not an option. Thanks!
momofsome,
I understand what you are saying. Thanks for your reply.