Comments on: Dads and Delivery

By: cjmr

cjmr — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:54:49 +0000

My dh does not do well with blood, and he does not do well when I’m in pain. But he has been there for the birth of both of our children, and is planning to be there for this new one as well.

Despite the fact that sometimes he has to go sit down and look the other way. Despite the fact that last time the nurse putting in the IV did too good of a job of finding my vein, and he looked up from not watching the needle stick in time to see a small river of blood cascading over the back of my hand and dripping down onto the floor.

He doesn’t watch the birth. He doesn’t coach. He just is there for me, holds my hand, and looks at me.

And that’s all I really need him there for.

By: Katherine

Katherine — Fri, 09 May 2008 01:32:31 +0000

DH was there for both of my hospital labors/delivieries. He isn’t a great coach. I think the whole thing makes him nervous. He isn’t sure what to say to me or what to do. But I want him there nonetheless. He is my protector. I’m barely clothed, striving to relax in a hospital, fending off worry, and coping with pain. I don’t need stupid doctors or nurses or nurses or doctors being or saying stupid things. I need an advocate there who knows me and will speak for me if I can’t speak up for myself.

During my second labor/delivery, DH was sick as well. Not nearly as sick as yours, but his stomach and body ached. I admit at the time I had a hard time caring considering he said this to me sitting on our living room floor while I balanced on a birthing ball and, little did I know, was contracting the last few centimeters. But it was important he was there, important he drove quickly and safely while I tried not to push during the 45 minute drive to the hospital through D.C. traffic, important he helped check me in at the emergency room entrance, and important he helped answer questions with me between contractions just before delivering.

I understand that being present but seemingly helpless in such a situation might not seem preferable, but, if it is was me, I wouldn’t opt to miss it for anything.

By: Mary B

Mary B — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:51:49 +0000

We had the screen up for all the CSects in fact they bring in dad after the first incisions. What a shock they had that I wanted to see my last one delivered. They didn’t know how to move the mirrors! I hadn’t really seen any of the others for various reasons.

By: Patty

Patty — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:05:47 +0000

I had my first baby in the hospital and my second two at home. If you had asked me before I was married if I would ever have my babies at home I would have said no. Then I educated myself thoroughly on the subject and now believe it is the best choice for a healthy mom. Bradley classes really helped, and we loved being at home with a midwife and doula. Paul was great. He did exactly what I wanted and nothing more. The last half hour for me is incredibly intense/painful but the rest of labor is really easy, mostly because I am RELAXED. Being at home is AWESOME.

Read more about this subject on my blog:

http://holybananahands.blogspot.com/2008/03/flick-pick.html

http://holybananahands.blogspot.com/2008/04/good-stuff.html

By: Bernadette

Bernadette — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:48:20 +0000

In the early 1950s when I had my seven children, the standard procedure was to remove your clothes, put them in a paper bag and they would crack-open the door a little bit and hand them to DH who was sent home. (Only to be called back very shortly to see his new son or daughter.)

We didn’t expect anything different at that time. Plus the baby went to the nursery so bonding time was non-existant. Reading your post, I see how much I missed. I think my DH would have been nervous at the first baby, but wonderful with all the rest.

By: StephC

StephC — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:54:21 +0000

Danielle, I’m with the previous poster “almost6″– don’t leave us hanging! Do post about Dan & hospital security!

By: Norma Wirth Coffin

Norma Wirth Coffin — Thu, 08 May 2008 11:56:35 +0000

Well, I am the old lady in the bunch, almost 78, and we had our babies in the hospital. In 1951 , after being there with a kidney infection for 5 days, they told me they would start me in labor since I was due, and so 3 hours later, with no one in the room but another woman in the next bed, I had my baby…and I pulled the cord, and hollared, “The baby is here”! Boy, did they come running. That was when I realized I would take after my grandmother , who had a very large family, in Austria, who delivered them herself, and then got up and fixed dinner. I had 3 more children, and with the second child, ( the first was a girl,) a son, I experienced 4 hard pains, the 3rd, my second son, I had 2 hard pains, and with my 4th , my 2nd daughter I had no pains. I had passed a large mucus plug, and called the doctor, and he said to get right to the hospital, and don’t sneeze on the way. God was very kind to me. I never had pains in my abdomin l, only my back. On arriving at the hospital for the fourth birth a nun asked how far apart my pains were , and I told her I didn’t have any pains. Then they examined me, and I heard them running down the hall, like blue blazes to call the doctor, and knew I didn’t have long to wait…I didn’t. Dr. English said, “Gosh, Norma, you don’t give a man a chance to get his coat off.”
So I have no terrible stories to tell, and since I had small babies, the largest being just a bit over 7 pounds, and Patricia, my first, having been born in the labor room, weighed in at 6’3″, I was not cut. After that I asked them to not cut me, and they didn’t. So I never had those terrible stitches I had heard about. As far as childbirth goes , I am the luckiest woman I know, although over the years, some others have told me similar stories. Just wanted to let you know how much I love reading your wonderful column, and enjoy following the antics of your family. The father of my children was the youngest of 13, and boy, do they have some stories. He has died, and I have remarried. Life goes on….

By: Kathy

Kathy — Thu, 08 May 2008 09:39:25 +0000

DH could see over the little screen (for C-sections) if he wanted to – and he did! Which was fine at the time – he found the twins’ C-section delivery an amazing, powerful experience (he’d already been there for the natural delivery of DS1).

We had a bit of a scare – DS2a didn’t cry at first. I was so glad DH was there – with two babies and me immobile, the doctors and nurses were great and we had a great relationship with our obstetrician but we knew the boys were going to be whisked off to the NIC unit and we wanted every precious moment with them. DH followed them up there – I wept alone in recovery, but at the same time, so glad that DH could be with the little guys.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 08 May 2008 02:40:22 +0000

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=559913&in_page_id=1766&ito=1490

here’s another article about dads in the delivery room by renowned birth researcher Michel Odent. It’s VERY interesting. I have to say I take issue with his use of the word NEVER.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 08 May 2008 02:38:00 +0000

You know what, whether your husband wants to be there or not, and whether you want him there or not, you all DESERVE a doula. No matter if you’re planning a natural birth, a medicated birth, a cesarean. No matter what, every one of you beautiful women deserve a doula. And a doula can be your very best friend, or your mom or someone you hire or whomever you want it to be, but she will be your advocate and someone who will love you when it hurts and know your pain, but who can help you birth your baby YOUR way, encouraging and advocating for you all the while. She frees up your husband to just love you and your baby, and keeps you from being abandoned if it is necessary for him to be elsewhere.

I know so many women who think that their husbands will be replaced, I promise, they won’t be. My husband (who is an anesthesiologist, and I’ve had two unmedicated births, ahh the irony…) advocates for doulas for every woman. Especially for those who desire an unmedicated birth. I always want my husband nearby, though. In the room, but not always right next to me. His presence is a great comfort.

I’m sorry to hear the story of Katherine who had a doula, but it still didn’t measure up to her husband — you must have an amazing husband, although I definitely think it would be sad for my husband to miss a birth (a definite possibility though, as we are also military).