Comments on: Personality Types in Parenting

By: Christine

Christine — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 22:22:23 +0000

There’s a Catholic psychologist who wrote a book called “The Temperment God Gave You”, mentioned earlier, that given an excellect Catholic perspective on what our temperements are, what those of our spouse/children are, and how to best handle them all in a family. For example, I’m choleric and my son is melancholic, and the author (Art Bennett) gives very specific, insightful tips on how these 2 opposite personalities can best work together in a Catholic parent-child relationship. Same goes for spousal personality conflicts. Very interesting, very helpful book.

By: The Supporter « A Lee in the Woudes

The Supporter « A Lee in the Woudes — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:12:34 +0000

[...] testing — I’m more familiar with the Four Greek version. But Danielle Bean claimed that this test was close to hitting the mark, so I was intrigued. And it’s true: this “role” seems pretty close at pegging [...]

By: sarahndipity

sarahndipity — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:17:42 +0000

Jen, the times I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs (not the official version, just online tests) I’ve almost always come out as 100% introverted. It makes me feel better to know that there’s at least one other person out there who’s 100% introverted. I had always felt like it was something to be ashamed of or something I just had to change, but I don’t think there’s any way of changing it. It’s just the way I am. Although it is possible to overcome my shyness (which is different from introversion), and in fact I have overcome a lot of my shyness over the years.

By: Jennifer (Et Tu?)

Jennifer (Et Tu?) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 01:33:05 +0000

Thank you so much for this eloquent post. I, too, have found that it has helped me so much just to understand this part of my personality. I recently had a Birkman personality inventory done (my husband’s employer paid for it), and on a scale of 1-100 with 100 being most extroverted, I was a 1. One! Really, it has helped me tremendously to understand that part of my personality.

I feel like I can be a better wife and mother by understanding what sorts of situations are going to make me feel pushed to my limit. It also helps me when I’m trying to help fellow moms — e.g. I once gave advice to a friend who was struggling with leaving the workforce for motherhood, and I kept emphasizing that she needed a little down time to read or be by herself. She was able to get that, but was still unhappy. Now she’s happy and thriving, and it’s because she ended up filling her weeks with lots of activities. Of course I see now that she is a big extrovert and therefore has an entirely different set of needs that I do.

Anyway, another great post! Keep up the good work. Your insightful, balanced posts are always such a delight to read.

By: Laurel

Laurel — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:57:16 +0000

Hi Danielle,

Thanks for a lovely post about one of my favorite psychology subjects! I’m an ENFJ (almost in the middle of the E/I scale) married to my exact opposite. It’s been a wonderful marriage in that we’ve learned to appreciate the other end of the spectrum. It’s also made it easier to parent together, in that we can work together as a team in giving the kids what they need. With one introvert and one extrovert daughter, we have a real diverse group!

One of the real advantages to the Myers-Briggs, in my opinion, was that it helped me to understand why I got along or worked so well with some people, while others made me crazy. I try to remember that as my youngest knows how to push certain buttons in me even today!

Just another wonderful example of how God knits us each together in our own unique way!!

By: Kristen

Kristen — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 00:53:12 +0000

I have been and INFP on the Meyers-Briggs scale since I first took the test back in the 9th grade. Wouldn’ t you know I married and ESTJ (my exact opposite). On top of an introverted personality I also suffer from social anxiety disorder. Being a mom has been difficult in some ways for me. I dreaded going to childbirth class (which turned out to be waste of time when my daughter refused to turn and I had to have a c-section). I stay totally tuned into my kids at the park to the point that I am aware of other mothers staring at me because I’m not interacting with them at all. I find an excuse out of going to all mothers groups. I didn’t need La Leche League because I was blessed with babies who already knew how to breastfeed. I don’t want to go to weekend play groups because as a mother who works outside of the home, the weekend is MY time to spend with MY children. I often feel like this tendency of mine may be in some ways detrimental to my children. My son is a friendly, outgoing baby but my one-year-old daughter is already showing some tendencies of SAD.

In a way it is a good thing I spend 40 hours a week outside of my home. Work is my primary outlet to meet other moms and they push the issue of playdates so my kids do go on a few and play with some other kids. And although my husband works nights and stays home with our son during the day, we send our daughter to daycare to give her exposure to other children and help to bring her out of her shell. (She also has a speech delay and mimicking the sounds and behavior of other children is very beneficial according to the speech therapists we have talked to.) If I were a SAHM, I would probably only go out to get groceries and go to mass.

I don’t feel a need to change who I am, but I do feel a need to modify some of my behaviors so that my daughter will see it is okay to be introverted, but we cannot allow ourselves to be handicapped by these tendencies. No, it’s not always comfortable, but rarely following God is comfortable and I know he is guiding me to be an introverted Mom who can go out of her comfort zone to benefit her children.

By: Mel

Mel — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:54:46 +0000

Sorry, my post came out really weird because I had a 3yo trying to “help” me type…

It’s my dh that’s the nurse, not my brother…

By: Mel

Mel — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:53:05 +0000

“Midwest Mom and Mel — How did we end with these introverted husbands?? I know, opposites attract!”

heehee…
It took me a long time to really understand what it means to be introverted. I come from a family full of extroverts, except for my youngest brother…my calls him “emotionally constipated” and he is surely different from the rest of us, who I guess would have, um….emotional diarrhea? lol… Anyway, to me, for years, being introverted meant being backwards and unsocial. It took some reading on introverted personalities to realize that stuff that was fun for me was actually exhausting and stressful for him. And he’s not backwards and unsocial at all, really, in the right circumstances…in fact, he’s a nurse, and a great one! His patients and their families love him, because he’s a good listener and has that caretaker personality. He’s great one on one.

By: Tina

Tina — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:44:40 +0000

Midwest Mom and Mel — How did we end with these introverted husbands?? I know, opposites attract! It took me a long time, too, to not feel hurt or take things personally when I wanted to go out on a Friday night and he just wanted to stay home, etc. We reached a compromise and decided that on Saturdays we’d go somewhere as a family or have friends over, etc., if Sundays I could just let him relax. We’ve more or less kept to that and we’re both happy. As for the kids — lately my oldest (3) has been frightened by big crowds; she doesn’t like loud noises, and every time another kid at a playgroup or even at the library screams (sometimes too loud, yes, but sometimes I don’t even notice) she gets hysterical and cries and clings to me. I’ve had to cut down on our activities because of this… another isolating incident for me! It’s something I believe she’ll grow out of (I hope!). I have to admit that I went to playgroups and signed up for a ton of things for me probably more than her! So I miss it. *sigh* Something else to offer up.

By: HJ

HJ — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:27:48 +0000

I think the whole personality thing when it links to families is so interesting. It’s interesting how enriching it can be for family life when you understand each other’s different personalities and needs. An example: I am a an extrovert, community-building, freedom-loving adventurer. When my son was little, I loved nothing more than toddler groups, play-grounds, meetings at friends’ houses and walks in the woods. My son is a more thoughtful, sensitive, chill-out homebird. One day, he said to me.: ‘I think we need equal days going on adventures and equal days at home.’ He’s so right. Without stay-home days, I’d burn out (and the laundry would pile up!). Without adventure-days, he wouldn’t experience lots of exciting new things. Once I understood the need for balance, we all became a lot happier. What is it to learn through your kids!