My sister is visiting, so that means you all get to do the work today. This is an open thread — ask me (or readers) anything, tell me (or readers) anything, or make a suggestion for a future Your Turn question. If any questions are interesting enough, I’ll follow up with an answers thread later on. Have fun and be nice!
|
August 28th, 2007 Your Turn: Open Thread135 comments to Your Turn: Open Thread |
  |
|||||
|
Copyright © 2012 Danielle Bean | A Little Leaf Design |
||||||
I would love to hear suggestions on how to end thumb sucking!!!!
Like Amy, I would love to hear about other people’s experiences on the Catholic position of discerning family size in good conscience. My husband and I have just had our first baby, who is 3 months old, and we just ADORE parenthood. Motherhood amazes me more than I could have imagined, and the deliciousness of my baby is something that could never have been described to me.
Having said that, my husband is a little concerned about family size. We are in our mid-twenties, and we have basically decided upon a large family (God-willing!), as generosity with new life is very important to me, however we are open to the use of NFP, as my husband is concerned about finances.
It can be very difficult answering the eternal question "How many children do you want?" as very few of our friends are Catholic, or practising, and we both come from non-Catholic backgrounds.
I would be very interested to hear other people’s experiences. What factors really influenced your decisions about your family? Did you and your spouse have to reach a compromise on family size? How are you managing? And lastly, have you found the experience of being open to new life rewarding?
Catherine…regarding speech delay, we work with a great organization called The National Association of Child Development (www.nacd.org). They work with all sorts of developmental issues. Our daughter is also speech delayed and we work through them with a speech therapist who trains me to do the therapy at home. It is not as difficult as it seems and if you are a homeschooler they are great at supporting that. In fact, we are currently working on all areas with our 5year old and will be doing a full academic program with her. I highly recommend them especially to homeschoolers who think any of their children might have some sort of learning or developmental issue.
what was your childhood like? how many siblings do you have? Was your Mother and Father Catholic too?
EJ,
The best direction that I could point you in would be to get yourself The Catechism of the Catholic Church. (cheap in paperback) Also watch plenty of EWTN and visit EWTN.com. There are so many wonderful programs there. Even though I am a cradle Catholic, it was EWTN that helped me to actually "learn" my faith in my twenties. If you are serious about becoming Catholic you will have to go thru the RCIA course thru your local Cathoic parish. It’s something you will have to go thru, but beware. Alot of the teaching in these courses are "watered down". Ofcourse it does depends on who is teaching it.
SSPX is the Society of St. Pius X. It’s a schism of very devout "Catholics" that broke away from the church after the implentation of vatican II. They bacisically adhere to all the pre vatican II teachings of the Church an celebrate the "old mass" although they are not "under the Pope" and not in union with Rome.
I myself, am a very old fashioned Catholic and go the the "Old Latin Mass", but there happens to be one celebrated at my Roman Catholic parish. I love the Pope and would always want to be in union with Rome.
And once again. EWTN, EWTN, EWTN. It’s the BEST!!!
EJ,
How nice to read your comments. My suggestion is to go to the Catholic church in your community and inquire about RCIA. Generally speaking, RCIA is held in many Catholic parishes and run by priests, deacons, nuns and in probably most cases, lay people. There are usually lay people on the teams in any case. This is a time to ask whatever questions you may have…..and there are no stupid questions! This part does not commit you to anything – simply inquiry. My husband and I have been involved in RCIA for many years and love what it has done for our own faith.
I am a very ordinary Catholic woman, mother of 5, grandmother of 9 to date. My role in RCIA has always been that of a sharer – I have shared my struggles, my joys, and the strength of my faith and the faith of others who have supported me. The Catholic Church has many problems today, but not the Catholic faith. I could never be happy going back to a Latin Mass and not understanding everything the priest is saying. I want to participate not just listen. I never do watch ETWN and don’t miss it at all. Instead, I read a great deal (try Anthony DeMello – great spiritual thinker). I have worked professionally in the Church, see it’s weaknesses, felt it’s pain, known some of the priests who are no longer allowed to say mass. I don’t always agree with the hierarchy of the church and sometimes struggle with the nonsense the Bishops spout. I do believe that we are all the Body of Christ and that lay people have got to work harder, pray more, and be more active. At the age of 70 I am still very active in my parish, volunteering in whatever way I can. I could not ever conceive not being Catholic – my faith is so interwoven in my being. I do know people who haave simply walked away from the Cathholic Church, particulary after the abuse scandal. In the Boston area (where I have lived most of my life) it was particularly bad. I struggled with Cardinal Law and his apparent lack of accountability and responsibility. I have worked with inmates of a prison and accountability and responsibility were major themes!
Enough rambling from me….my prayers are with you as you figure out your path. Who knows….maybe you will be in my RCIA group!
ozgirl
Welcome to parenthood! I’m a Catholic convert & the openness to life has easily been the best thing about converting from being a Protestant. I’ve got a 4 year old, almost 3 year old, 10 week old and one son in heaven (from a late miscarriage). I’m all about "the more the merrier" because each child brings special gifts for his parents and his siblings.
Finances are a common worry, especially in the beginning. You can help by praying for your husband , reassuring him that he is a "good provider", and doing fantastic work in finding creative ways to curb your family budget. I’ve prayed a lot to St. Joseph about this. He even provided us a fantastic family dinner table from Goodwill last year. I think that a cheerful heart & willingness to own much less than your friends will do much to ease his worries about providing for a large family.
CatholicSpotlight.com, in cooperation with Our Sunday Visitor, is having a drawing for five signed copies of author Amy Welborn’s new book "ProveIt! You." This is the web address:
http://catholicspotlight.com/category/giveaways/
I’ve never read her, but have heard favorable things about her book on the Da Vinci Code. The book being given away is intended for a teen audience. Good Luck!
P.S. Danielle has a link at the side to Welborn’s blog.
To those considering homeschooling (or even those considering NOT homeschooling) – I homeschool in an area of great schools and many, including my own parents and siblings, think I am absolutely crazy. I would not ever tell anyone they SHOULD do it. I often tell others they should CONSIDER it. It is not for everyone. But, all of the comments about starting out are so very true. When you start out with Kindergarten, it is so much easier than one would think. YOu are basically doing all of the things you already do as a Mom (counting, reading, letters,etc.) plus a tiny bit more. It is so enjoyable to watch your child learn before your very eyes. Imagine the joy of watching your child take his first step and then think about the joy of watching your child read his first words. Amazing! And Kindergarten curriculum goes so quickly, allowing more time for parks, day trips, museums, cooking together, etc. For me, it is much easier with three little ones to be on my own schedule than it would be to get out the door with three only to return to pick up 2.5 hours later. I am taking one semester at a time and loving it. A million commendations to those with many children who are sharing their wealth of knowledge with those of us just beginning… Wow!
Ozgirl,
My husband and I have always been open to life, him sometimes more than I. We have used NFP for the 25 years we have been married. There are a lot of factors to consider. One very important one is the emotional health of both parents. If there are any "issues" in this area, this is good reason to postpone pregnancy. You can always speak to a priest or good Catholic counselor about these issues. We have 5 children, and have been blessed very abundantly. As any other family, we have had some major struggles, but I have been happy to have had the opportunity to bring these 5 beautiful people into the world. Right now our youngest is 14, and my husband is the one who is not at all open to life. We have very good reasons not to bring another life into the world right now. However, if we were to be blessed with another, so be it. God knows what he is doing,and he does take care of us. Always remember that. With prayer and discernment you will find the answers.
EJ
I agree with the others, RCIA programs are amazing! I am a convert, so I know from personal experience how helpful and informative these meetings are. Those who facilitate are so friendly and willing to answer even the most basic of questions. Please look into it, I was Presbyterian all my life until I met my husband. He was 1 of 8 kids and has a priest and a nun among his brothers and sisters. It was very important to me to really look into the faith so that we could go to church as a family. I’m not sure what your reasons are for looking at the Catholic faith, but do it! It could be a life changing decision. God Bless You and Good luck!
About discerning family size and practicing NFP. We had four children in six years and hit the wall. Now five years later, the youngest is off to kindergarten and we are considering another baby. It’s taken us this long to get to that point! My main issue now, though, is that I am so incredibally busy after school with the children and I’ve gotten used to the (somewhat) carefree life that doesn’t include strollers, car seats, naps, cribs and highchairs. My question is, has anyone gone back to baby days after a couple year break? I know that my older children will be helpful, and I know that a baby will bring much blessings, but I can’t seem to get over this road block. Should we? Souldn’t we? Age is somewhat of a factor as well, since I am quickly approaching 41.
OlderMom, After having our oldest, I had serious medical complications that scared me to death. Our 2nd baby did not come into our lives until #1 was almost 6-1/2 (after a miscarriage, too). When #2 was 8-1/2 mo old, I had emergency gall bladder surgery (at the time I was 30-1/2), then found myself pg w/#3 just 6 weeks after the surgery. My middle 2 are only 18 mo & 5 days apart (but who’s counting ~ LOL). We thought we were done b/c along w/my 2 younger boys came SEVERE post-partum depression and our house was a very nasty ugly place to be for about 4 yrs (in between the 2 births & until my youngest was 3 or so). Once he was 3, I really ached for another baby but dh didn’t want anymore kids. Of course, we also do not have any medical insurance either & paid for the 2 younger boys & the gall bladder surgery out of our own pockets (month by month for YEARS). In 2003 I found myself pg (on Good Friday) but only 3 weeks later, lost that baby (2 days before Mother’s Day!), and then lost another a few months later. At that point, I was sure that we were "done" and that God was sending me a very strong msg to "quit while I was ahead" w/the 3 healthy boys, depression gone, and 3 miscarriages. Imagine my surprise when August of 2005 I got pg again (we do use NFP but VERY loosely), started spotting just 4 days later & was told that I was most likely going to lose this baby too. My heart was in a million pieces…until an u/s showed a heartbeat & a baby firmly planted in my uterus that was growing strong & healthy (although still quite small as I was only 6 weeks along). God blessed our family w/our first (and only unless God has another surprise for us in the future) baby girl & her brothers dote on her constantly (too much, really). She is the light of our lives…and extra special to me b/c of everything I went through to get here, including a very touch & go labor & delivery which had MANY specialists present & included her having an IV in her head and staying in the hospital extra time. Oh, btw, I was 38 when I had my little girl & my youngest boy was going on 7. Basically all my rambling here is just to tell you that I had spaces between my 1st & 2nd baby & then my 3rd & 4th and have loved & enjoyed every phase of it. Besides, my oldest is going to the local high school this year for 10th grade after hsing his entire life…having the little ones home helps me to focus on something other than missing him (and getting old). lol God bless your family!!!
On potty training – our son was in May and just trained last month. The rewards finally worked, but ONLY after a lot of frustration and a very stern talk from Daddy who just told him it was time and this is what Mommy & Daddy expected, what Jesus expects from him as an older boy, and what would make him proud.
On godparents – it’s pretty slim pickins’ for us with a lot of family that doesn’t practice the faith and not a lot of friends that we frankly feel that close to. How picky should we be? We really look for people that embrace all of the Church’s teachings not just those who could get the required form from their pastor.
TOYS – With 6 people living under one 1700 square foot roof, space can be an issue. We have a 50 year old home with a poor design. Anyway, toys can take over it let be. First, I’ll address what types of toys I allow (try to allow) in. Absolutely nothing with a character. I’ve found that these toys are fun for about 3 days and then I end up tripping over them constantly as they lie in the dark hallway. If I could start over with my current wisdom here is a list of favorite toys: Duplos, Legos, blocks, small rubber animals, small vehicles of all sort, art supplies, tons of Play-Doh to play with at the picnic table only, musical instruments, and of course, a huge bin of dress up clothes for boys and girls and a tea set. I just took a moment to walk through my house and yes indeed that list includes all the favorites. Everything else should be anywhere but here. Now, to address what to do with the over abundance. Before each birthday, everyone in the house goes through their stuff and is required to find 10 things to get rid of. That includes us parents, too. I set up boxes on the dining table, one for give away and the other for trash. It is amazing how much trash is found hiding in the toy bins, boxes and closets. Everyone runs around trying to fill up the boxes as fast as possible. Sometimes the give away box isn’t all that full (even with 10 items each) but at least I can go into the birthdays with some sort of satisfaction that we are keeping things even. My head just spins out of control when the house starts to fill up. Now, when giving birthday gifts think of useful items. For example, my sweet little girl will turn 6 next week. Her gifts include a piano music bag, a pair of pants to match a favorite shirt of hers (she outgrew the current pants), a fleece horse jacket (she needs a fall jacket and loves horses) and finally a pack of kitty notecards, which she’ll probably use as thank yous for all the other TOYS she’ll receive from grandma and Godparents.
MY QUESTION FOR LARGE FAMILIES: How much do you pay a babysitter? I’ve asked around and no with more than 3 kids will ever give a straight answer. I think if they say a low amount they fear being thought of as cheap and if they say a high number they fear being thought of as rolling in the dough. Anyway please be honest. We pay $8.00/hr for all four kids. That can get steep and really limits our ability to go out together. Does anyone pay more when the kids are awake and then drop the hourly amount at bedtime? Be frank and spell out the details, please.
You said anything Danielle,
First I love reading your blog. I get it through Sr. Patricia Proctors daily cards. She is great and so are you. I really admire you living the Catholic faith. Good job girl. I am the mother of 4 grown children. I am a cradle Catholic but to be very honest my family didn’t practice. I don’t feel that my generation really received the full and unabridged truth of the Catholic faith either at home (in most cases) or in our Catholic schools. I went through 12 years of Catholic school and didn’t feel much more knowledgeable then some people of other faiths. I don’t know if we (me) got feel left behind because of all the changes that took effect because of Vatican 2 or what but I feel cheated. I am now 54 and just over the past 6 years I am starting to learn and appreciate our beautiful Faith. I have done many things in my past that I just did not think about in terms of sin but now in retrospect I can see the error of my ways. Some of these things I still don’t really understand but now I have the faith to believe that “Father (God) knows best” and I try my dandiest to live the Faith. I think a lot of things in my life would have been different had I grasp the Catholic Faith better at a younger age but suffice it to say I am trying now. It is a little hard passing it on to my adult grown children but I am trying and hopefully my actions will speak even louder then my words. I want to thank people like you that help us all along our journey. God bless you and you beautiful family. Keep up the great work. Your friend in New Orleans, LA
Dear Older Mom,
I just had my third at 43. We lost six babies after our second son who is about to turn six.
You do get used to moving quickly, sleeping all night, no diapers, strollers, or sippy cups. After six years, it is a shock to see just how long it can take to load up a car or cook a dinner when you have a squalling newborn. The difference, though, is that older kids are a HUGE help. With my first, I remember settling down to nurse and then needing the phone, the remote, a magazine, etc. Now I call one of my helpers.
The biggest blessing of having a baby after a large gap is seeing how my older sons simply adore their little brother. They used to come in every morning to hug and kiss ME! I am now playing second fiddle to baby John. His birth has brought out so much love and compassion. It’s beautiful to watch.
Older Mom,
GO FOR IT!!! What a gift to your other children!! Sounds like God is tugging at your heart. Be not afraid!! One more soul…
Theresia
older than you mom of 8
dear older mom, i had a four to almost 5 year space between my first 3 and my 4th. i am pushing 40 (38). (i had a miscarriage in there which contributed to the large space). i have so so so so enjoyed my #4!!! i nursed him longer, i have such a close bond with him, and right now, my 3 other kids are in school and he and i are home alone and you know what? it’s the first time in my whole 9 years of parenting i have had a toddler BY HIMSELF! i do have to say it was funny to"start all over with the baby thing." i mean, i had been getting full nights sleep for quite awhile before he came along. and i will say, being older, it took more out of me physically. but i am one of those people who takes responsibility for making sure i get some "me" time. i take care of myself because my own state of mind and well being are important to this whole family! so-go for it. and as a side note, my mom has a dear dear friend who just had her last baby at 51 ladies!!!!!!!!;-))))))))) and she is loving it!!!
Dear Older Mom,
I agree with Kelly. The most wonderful thing about having a large difference in age between a new baby and their older siblings is that they are so much help! It is so beautiful to see the tenderness and love they show for the baby.
I too had four children in five years and hit the wall. I was exhausted, suffering from post-partum depression and told my husband, I was DONE! I sold all our baby stuff in a huge yard sale and danced home after registering #4 for kindergarten. I was busy making plans for my new freedom – I could read a book in one uninterrupted sitting, go back to graduate school, volunteer at the hospital – the possibilities were limitless! Well you know what they about God and our plans….LOL.
We were relative newbies to NFP (we started after #3 was born), and not real careful, and I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with baby #5 and boy was I angry! How dare this child ruin my plans! After nine months of prayer and a real hard look at my values, I eagerly welcomed our beautiful baby daughter into the world. I was so in love with her and the older children were so helpful that I knew that God had blessed us greatly. My only regret was that she had no close-in-age siblings, so we had another baby 21 months later! BTW, I was 38 when #5 was born and 40 with #6. I laughed when they referred to me as "of advanced maternal age!" Children keep you young, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As far as the scheduling issue, I will say that was a little complicated at first, but I just dragged the baby along with me in a sling and mostly she slept. Our children at school loved it when I would bring her along because they got to show off their baby sister to all their friends. And when I wasn’t helping out at school, I was able to take her to daily mass with me, we could sit quietly together and coo at each other, or lay down together for a mid-day nap. It was actually a wonderfully peaceful and beautiful time.
As far as all the baby gear goes, I bought a whole lot less of it the second time around because I knew from past experience that babies don’t need half of that stuff anyway and they were always happiest strapped to me and my breasts
!
So my advice is pray hard and discern, but don’t be afraid to go for it if your heart is telling you there’s room for one more. My wise mother-in-law once told me "no one says in their old age, I wish I wouldn’t have had so many children, but many a woman says I wish I would have had more."
ADD and home schooling. My 11 year old son was diagnosed today. What are opinions on medications? I want him to have the help to focus and not have to be nagged by me throughout the day.
Julie: We have had great success with homeschooling our maybe ADD son (we never had him evaluated professionally), by following the Feingold Diet. You can find out more info on it at Feingold.org, but it’s basic premise is the elimination of artificial ingredients from food, most importantly dye. We went from having an overly aggressive, hostile and often angry son, to having a loving, gentle but still very active little boy.
To all SAHM and/or anyone looking for a wonderful business opportunity with a family friendly company. I’ve seen several posts over the months on Mom’s looking to supplement their income, or just looking for a hobby…some way to get out of the house perhaps.
Have you heard of Usborne Books before? Please feel free to check out my website: http://www.UsborneBooksForFamilies.com to view all 1400 of our family books for ages birth through high school and even titles for adults!
Usborne Books at Home (UBAH) is a very reputable and viable direct selling company. Depending upon where you live, you will find Usborne Books in your local library and maybe a few titles in bookstores for name recognition. However, you can only receive them free from a consultant and have access to ordering from 1400 titles by getting in touch with a consultant.
UBAH has been in the U.S. for twenty something years and we are on the verge of huge growth as the Usborne name is starting to become a household name. As a result, we are looking for consultants! There is no risk to signing up and no monthly minimums that you have to maintain. In fact, during the month of September we have a Consultant Starter Kit for $39 plus tax and shipping.
If you would like more information about the business opportunity, please feel free to contact me directly at BSM3@tampabay.rr.com. I live in Tampa, Florida, but the beauty of this business is that you can take it with you where ever you live!
Get rid of your biggest bill besides your morgage, save up to buy a house, put money aside for your children’s college tuition. Usborne is also perfect for homeschooling familes! Many Usborne consultants are homeschoolers as well, and many homeschoolers use Usborne in their curriculum.
If you would like more information on ordering books for your children, please feel free to contact me directly at BSM3@tampabay.rr.com
I look forward to hearing from you and I’m soooo excited to have found Usborne Books! My children love these books and yours will too!
Jen Re: Babysitting
We have six children and do not live near any of our family. The last time we used a babysitter we had five children and I paid $10.00/hour starting when I told the babysitter that I would pick her up (even if we are running late). I do not lower the amount when the kids are in bed (with our kids, keeping them in bed is probably the hardest part of the night). I also pay the babysitter for the time it takes us to drive her home. I think $2.00 per hour per child is pretty standard. However, I no longer use babysitters because I think six kids under 11 is just too overwhelming for a teenager, heck, sometimes it is overwhelming for me! Now I trade babysitting with other mothers of large families because my kids will have other kids to play with and I know the mother is good with a gang of kids. Plus, who can afford to go out to dinner when you have to pay the babysitter $40.00? By the way, I pay girls 10 yrs old to 12 yrs old $1.00/hour to be a Mother’s Helper. I only assign them one child at a time (usually the 2 year old) and their job is to keep that child occupied while I try to get something else done at home. I give my Mother’s Helper breaks and snacks. They must like it because they always want to come back. Just keep the TV off though or you might find your helper watching TV and their charge in your lap!
Regarding the question on babysitting. God has truly blessed us within the past year or so, i have to tell you! we were without a babysitter for so long b/c 5 children under 7 is too much to handle; i even got 2 girls to babysit but that did not work either. So, we turned to God (which we should of LONG TIME AGO!) and begged Him and said a novena to our Lady (in which we completely surrendered) and BOOM!!!- 2 sitters appereard in our life…and get this- they do it for FREE!!!! we go out every friday night once the kids are in bed. In fact, we buy coffees right after dinner so we can stay awake for our date! I am trying to brag here….I am so thrilled and grateful to God for His great generosity. It is something that now i tell all my friends about. God will provide, you just have to believe it and trust He will without any doubt (that is the hard part!).
Best wishes.
I meant to say that I am NOT TRYING TO BRAG! (whopps!
)
Julie & others,
Our fourteen year old son was diagnosed with ADD when he was in third grade. Though he did not have the behavior problems that most people usually associate with ADD he had a very short attention span and was easily distracted. Concentration was just not possible for him.He began taking Adderall XR once every morning and is a changed kid who now has straight A’s in public school. Though I support the decision of many to home school I choose not to especially for a child with such a condition. It is amazing what services are available to any special needs kid in most public schools. This son is in classes with limited students and follows an IEP ( individual educational plan) which addresses his issues. At this time he is well ahead of the material that his peers his age are on. Also my youngest , who just turned eleven, has received speech and occupational therapies at no charge since he was three in public preschool and school. This is great since I know that I would not be able to teach these kids as well as someone trained to considering their special needs.
How do you get so many of us to help you write/fill your blog?
Danielle,
I love reading your blog – you are so witty, and a true inspiration to us all. I’d love to hear about your childhood – what was it like growing up in your house? Did you come from a big family? How did you meet your hubby?
Maureen in NY
Julie and others,
I noted to Catherine below that we work with a great organization called NACD that also works with ADD (and any learning issue you can think of) with really good succsess. You can find them at http://www.nacd.org
I’m pregnant! I just found out this morning and wanted to share with someone other than my husband (he was thrilled when I told him). I thought this would be a good anonymous way to do it! I’m 5 weeks along with our 4th child.
Thanks to all you "Seasoned Moms" who have inspired me with your stories of a baby after a brief hiatus. I see that I’m not the only one who has considered taking the plunge again! I will keep praying about this one!
Also, Diane – I wholeheartly agree with you regarding the public school and children with special needs. I have two children who have mild learning disabilities and my husband & I have been stunned by the level of professionalism and the quality of education that our children have received. This came after we were told that there was nothing our Catholic school could do for our daughter. Five years later she is thriving in public school. Not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate and value what these teachers have done for her. Sometimes you find love and charity where you don’t expect it all, and that makes it even sweeter.
Lisa, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
To Catherine RE: speech therapy
My second child just turned 4 last month and started speech therapy at a local university this week. I don’t know what to say about it to you but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this endeavor.
To Amy RE: child spacing for non-contracepting couples
That’s a tough one. We deliberately delayed a 4th pregnancy because I needed surgery after my third daughter was born. I wanted to wait until she was eating solid foods and not relying on me for milk all the time. She was 15 months old when I had the surgery. My husband and I were in agreement that we needed to wait until I was healed both physically and emotionally before getting pregnant again. We used NFP to delay that. If we were in disagreement about it, though, I think that I would pray fervently. Our Father knows what’s best for us even if sometimes it means children spaced a little closer than we would like or children spaced farther apart than we had planned. I’ll keep you in my prayers. I have 3 children who were all 23 months apart. I completely understand feeling overwhelmed.
Lisa, I just found out yesterday that I am four weeks pregnant with baby #3. Can you all keep my husband in your prayers as he is less than thrilled and I hope that he can see the blessing that this is. Please keep me in your prayers as well that I can feel supported through this pregnancy.
Congratulations Elizabeth! You and your husband will definitely be in my prayers. Feel free to e-mail me anytime.
Here’s a tough one for all you ladies. Is anyone from a large family that doesn’t want to have a large family of their own? I struggle with this daily. I was the second of eight and as much as I love my parents and siblings, I just don’t want to live it again. I’d like to have a different kind of family for my children. I guess my biggest reason (besides finances) for not wanting a large family, is that I want to be more of a part of my children’s lives than my mom was. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother dearly, but time and money were tight growing up and I just don’t want to repeat that. Anyone out there struggle with this too?
I don’t know yet if anyone’s asked about home schooling… My oldest is only 3 and we’re going to take things year by year, but for this year we’re going to do some home schooling with her. I’m trying to decide between Little Saints Preschool and the Catholic Heritage preschool curricula. Anyone out there have comments on either/both of those? I know she’s only 3 and it’s not a huge deal yet, but how things go this year very well might determine whether or not I feel like I can do it for longer than just this year! Also, if anyone would like to offer a bit of encouragement, tips, etc. to this first-time-thinking-of-home-schooling mom, please e-mail me! Thanks.
Clothing storage for big families! Goodness, to season sort or not. Family closets. How much is just too much?!
In response to Tina D.: last year I purchased the Little Saints Preschool program through CHC and I have to tell you I found the whole thing extremely time consuming and overwhelming. It is very labor intensive on the part of the parents. I would spend a lot of time in preparation only to have my son finish things in 5 minutes and say "what’s next?" This summer I purchased the Catholic Heritage Curricula Preschool/Kindergarten program and I’m looking forward to using it. It is a much more streamlined program and offers suggestions on how to incorporate daily household activities into your lessons. Also, we purchased A Year With God (also available through CHC) and I’m looking forward to incorporating many of the activities in that book into our schooling. BTW, I’m technically a first time homeschooling mom (since I didn’t make it very far last year) and the best advice I’ve read on this post is to take it one step at a time. I tend to think "how can I ever teach my children calculus/Latin, when I never took them myself?" but my oldest is only 4! I think I have a lot of time to figure it all out. And remember…its only preschool. Your daughter is blessed to have a mommy who wants to keep her home and she’ll learn more from being with you than a formal preschool could ever teach her. Good luck and God bless!
With all the recalls lately, I was wondering if this has impacted other Catholic families? I am not into politics in the least, but it does scare me about America’s economy and future seeing nearly everything from toys, to clothes to food, to tools, to books, are all made in China.
Also was wondering what other familiies living in cozy conditions do about storage (or lack thereof)?
Thanks!
Lucy,
There are indeed many Catholic families that homeschool. I’m not sure of the numbers or the "huge push" you talk about. Many families thrive homeschooling.
Still other families thrive educating their kids in other ways, ie public, Catholic, private, or a mixture of both. It is not necessary to homeschool to be a faithful Catholic. So it is not anti-Catholic to realize that you probably would not school your kids this way.
In my parish I marvel at the differences of the families I see raising their kids in the presence of the Lord. Some have 1 child and homeschool and another has 12 kids and sends them to public school. God calls all of us in different ways.
One observation I do have that I think is unfortunate is when some families feel strongly about their choice of schooling and make it known that anyone who chooses another way is wrong or has to go on and on about why they think such and such schooling is not good for thier children. (And maybe it is not good for their children but perhaps is good fro another child)
I see it from all sides, the public schoolers who shun homeschooling and the homeschoolers who have to put down the public schools. I guess it is human nature sometimes to want to put down other schooling options to validate your own, who knows?
I for one think God is big and works in many different ways and each family has to discern carefully where and what it is God is calling them to do.
About babysitters…
I’ve not hired one yet (our daughter is only 4 months old) BUT I was a babysitter for a long time right up until I had DD, and I sat for a lot of Catholic families.
This is what I reccomend. If there is a college near you, find out if they have a pro-life group. Or call some different pro-life groups in your area to see if they have any late-teen/college kids who baby-sit. That is how all the families I sat for found me, and my sister. We do not charge anything, parents were to pay us whatever they were able. For larger families, my sister and I would sit together. We saw it first and foremost as a way to support Catholic families and also as a way to get some practice in for our own large families one day (God willing of course).
Any ideas . . .
Just recently my soon to be eight year old said that he did not like how he looks and wished that his whole head was made differently. It made me sad but I also think this is just too young to not like how you look. Does anyone have any advice?
To Joan,
You’ve been in my prayers since I read your comment. I am an adult daughter of an alcoholic, also a quiet drunk. I always kind of suspected something was amiss when I still lived at home, but I was shocked to hear how bad things have gotten in the past two years (my siblings and I are all grown and live on our own). My mom had a very hard time trying to figure out what to do, knowing that things couldn’t go on as they were but feeling like she was talking to a brick wall when she suggested something had to be done. She agonized a lot, tried to talk to her priest who was of no help or offered no support, and talked to me and my siblings about what to do. Finally, I think Dad realized that he was completely not himself anymore, and he admitted that he needed help. My sister and brother-in-law, who live near my parents, approached him along with my mom one evening, and they offered their support while telling him that there are options for help out there. My mom was convinced that he had to make the decision on his own to go to treatment, that he couldn’t be forced into it. He called and set things up (with some of her help), but he decided in the meantime that he wasn’t going to go. We were heartbroken and worried. But we prayed. Things got bad again, and he realized it. The next month, he went off to a month of treatment and seems to have gained a lot from that. He’s such a quiet, shy man, that I thought admitting his alcoholism might not ever happen. But in the admitting, he has opened himself to healing.
I have been so impressed with my mom’s dedication to him, and I think that has been largely why he seems to be doing so much better (nearly 4 months sober). She went to each family day at the treatment center, talked through issues with him, asked tough questions, and sought help from the counselors there. Prior to his month at treatment, she talked a lot about separation. She mentioned moving out and even went to look at some apartments. I was stunned that my family seemed to be falling apart. I am so grateful that she has stuck with her commitment to him, and now, they seemed to really enjoy spending time together.
I thought all was lost. He had been drinking for a good 20 years, I think, and I didn’t really believe that he’d seek the help that he eventually did. Joan, I’ll continue to pray for you and your husband. I’m glad that you have a supportive counselor — my mom could have really used that. From my experience, it seems that your love and support can go a long way. He really needs your love and encouragement, as you already know. Thanks for speaking up here. I know how terribly hard it is to admit this alcoholism. I’m not even brave enough to put my real name up here…
Older Mom –
I hit the wall after 2 kids in 3 years, so don’t feel bad! Actually, I hit the wall of postpartum depression, and I have no family nearby (I had also lost my m-i-l and my dad in those 3 years.) Every time we prayed about more kids, the answer came back "No, Not now." For 6 years. Some days, I thought I would always be sad if we didn’t have anymore. Some days, I thought it would be ok. Then, what do you know, things changed, – and we have a beautiful baby girl. Having a baby has slowed me down, and during the summer, her nap schedule has been kind of haphazard, but her brothers love her to pieces and I get some break most days while they are at a co-op. (without that, I’m not sure I would have coped well this past year.) She is extremely easy-going. A colicky baby would have been harder to take places. But you have a lot of experience and it will all come back to you. And you’d be surprised how much it helps to just be able to hand a baby to an older child for 3 minutes. Hope that helps….
Large Family,
My Mom was one of eleven children , all of which grew up to have smaller families. Three had four children,two had three, four had two, and two had only one each. It has also worked out the other way where a cousin of mine was an only child and plans to have a big family.
Congratulations Lisa !
Congratulations Elizabeth I will keep you in my prayers.
Hi Danielle. I have a 12 1/2 year old daughter, like you, and she is such a sweet girl. She is so helpful, and loves playing with her younger brothers. They romp about outside inventing make believe games and catching grasshoppers. She is starting to develop phiscally and I have only talked briefly to her about it. She still seems so young to discuss this. She is my oldest child and only girl. I want to openly discuss her approaching young womenhood, while maintaining her innocence. I am such a "book person". Any suggestions on how to approach this topic of imerging youg womenhood while protecting her innocence? What have you discussed with your daugther who like mine seems more interested in catching frogs with her brothers than discusssing the possibility of wearing a tampon? Hope you are enjoying your summer as much as we are! Theresa mother of 1 daughter and 4 boys!
ozgirl, Being open to new life has been the highlight of my life, totally rewarding. Definitely some trials, and a lot of hard work- but we only live once, so may as well spend ourselves totally for something so worthwhile! When people ask how many kids we want, I love it when my husband answers "One." That is not the answer they expect with our 7 kids (ages 1 to 10) at our feet. Obviously he is joking, but we really feel our reproductive plans are no one else’s business. Except God’s. And speaking of Him, His plans are often oh-so-different from our own. After having 2 miscarriages in the past 2 years, we figure our plans don’t necessarily count for much. Thy will be done. For people who are discerning having more children, remember that you can be open and do everything in your power, but a baby is not guaranteed. A baby is a gift, and sometimes God chooses not to give that gift. So cherish those sweet little babies you do get!
And about ADD- we have an 8 year old who I’m sure could be diagnosed. He is dyslexic (amazing at writing in mirror image!) and a lot of the ADD/ADHD symptoms can come along with that. I super-highly recommend a couple books by Ronald D. Davis, The Gift of Learning: Proven New Methods for Correcting ADD, Math& Handwriting Problems and the companion book (that actually comes first) The Gift of Dyslexia. Even if your child isn’t dyslexic, but has ADD problems there might be something in the book to help. These books have totally helped me! And my son!!!