Thou art blessed and venerable, O Virgin Mary, who with purity unstained wast found to be the Mother of our Saviour. Virgin Mother of God, He whom the whole world was unable to contain enclosed Himself in thy womb, being made man.
–Gradual, Common of the Blessed Virgin Mary, 1945

Happy New Year! Wishing you all many blessings in 2006!

A Reader’s Question:
Well, I just found out that I am pregnant with baby number five and though I know the news should be met with unalloyed joy I found it necessary to look up your website for inspiration. Consider yourself “bookmarked.” At what point, if any, did you stop hoping there would be a line in the test window? My husband and I will always be open to the possibility of new life, but each pregnancy is more tiring than the last. I don’t know how far apart your children are spaced, but did you ever feel guilty because your youngest child will not be the “baby” as long as she should be? Do you ever feel like you can’t give each child enough attention?

My Response:
Ahhhhh, the mother-guilt starts early, doesn’t it? Even if intellectually we can recognize each tiny new life as an irreplaceable gift from God, that knowledge alone does not prevent our very human reaction of recoiling at the thought of so much discomfort, so much stress, so much work, so little sleep, so little freedom, and so little rest in between.

Babies are indeed blessings– but they can be burdensome too. Having babies is hard work. Having many babies in a short number of years is harder still. Giving voice to the thoughts and fears that come along with an unexpected pregnancy should not cause you guilt. This is a perfectly normal and human reaction. Christ himself suffered fear and dread the night before his crucifixion– not because he would have any other than God’s will be done, but simply because he knew the cross that lay ahead. And he dreaded the pain.

As for your fears about the possibility of older children feeling slighted by the new baby, I would simply tell you this: Although there may be some feelings of jealousy at some point, my experience has always been that the presence of a new baby in the house blesses everyone, littlest ones included.

Your toddler might lose her “baby” throne, but she will gain big sister status. She will gain a new little person in her life to love without limits and who will love her back unconditionally. She will gain a lifelong companion. She will learn the value and importance of caring for those smaller and weaker than herself. She will learn to share. To cooperate. And to love. Surely there are worse things that could happen to a kid.

Of course a mother does have a finite supply of time and attention to give her growing brood and your worries about dividing your attention are real. In my experience, however, having many children eventually becomes a help in this area. As your children grow it will not be so necessary for Mommy to pour every glass of juice, to tie every shoelace, to soothe the baby, and to entertain the toddler every moment of the day. Older kids do many of these things easily. And with enthusiasm.

For now, though, bear in mind that you are newly pregnant and hormones are sure to be running wild with your emotions. For now, be content to answer God’s latest call to motherhood with a simple “yes,” regardless of your worries and reluctance. Your future may not be pain-free, but it surely will be blessing-filled. May God grant you peace as you seek always to know and do his will for your family.

This is so mean.

But I can’t help myself.

On the left… Buddy Lee.

On the right… my Raphael enjoying his first taste of raspberry pancakes.

It’s a mommy thing. We love to watch our babies sleep, don’t we?

Thankfully, 2 year old Gabrielle knows enough to get the rest she needs when she needs it. These days, with holiday excitement and relaxed bedtimes, getting enough rest requires her going unconscious on the living room couch for 45 minutes or so in the late afternoon.

She never seems to sit quite still enough for me to get a good look at her during waking hours, so I have been making up for it during these impromptu naptimes. Maybe it’s because I love to study her soft baby-like features. Maybe it’s because I love how her body warms up as she breathes steady, quiet breaths. Maybe it’s because I love how she remains oblivious to the sibling chaos that surrounds her.

Yesterday evening, when it seemed she might snooze through dinner, I decided that I should head over to the couch and try to wake her. It was dark and warm in there–the soft glow of white Christmas tree lights were all that lit the living room. There was the gentle sound of Christmas music playing nearby. I leaned in close and pressed my cheek against hers. The warmth of her body enveloped me as I held my face next to hers. For just a moment, I lay there breathing with her. Softly. Slowly. Deeply.

Every moment with our children should be so peaceful and pleasurable, I thought to myself.

But then, maybe they all are underneath. Underneath the noise and commotion, the clutter and the pressures of daily living. Maybe we just need to slow down enough to see that those moments are there. And treasure them.

When your carnivorous husband’s Christmas present arrives a few days late, you can use the dry ice the steaks are packed in for an impromptu… er, science experiment.

More cool stuff here.

and read them Angel in the Waters.

So sweet! The words and illustrations come together so beautifully to present a baby’s story beginning from his development in utero before his birth. Okay, so maybe unborn babies don’t know their guardian angels and talk with them in the womb as this little guy does… but then again maybe they do. And it makes me smile to think about it.

Midnight Mass was lovely. As always, I loved the drama of waking the kids at 11:00, dressing them in their Christmas clothes, and bringing them through darkness and cold into the warm glowing beauty of Christmas Mass.

It was lovely, but not without cost.

There was Stephen who could not imagine why I was putting a tie on him in the middle of the night. And made his feelings about the matter known. Loudly.

There was the baby who wiggled and squirmed me into distraction during the first half of the Mass. And then did the same for his father after being handed off in a hurry.

There were heaps of laundry in the bathroom the following morning. Pants that weren’t even dirty now needed full treatment simply because no one thought to fold them neatly after changing back into pajamas at 4:00 am.

There was that pasty scratchy feeling beneath my eyelids as I watched the kids open their presents. And my painful inability to focus on the tiny printed directions for assembling all the doodads and gizmos.

There was the perfectly-timed and quite understandable 2 year old tantrum just as we were leaving Grandpa’s house the following evening. And my (quite understandable??) short-tempered response.

Christmas is a messy thing. There are hopes and expectations, pressures and demands that cause disappointment, anxiety, worry, and work. There are packages that don’t arrive on time, strained family relationships, stacks of dishes to wash, paper-littered living rooms, and crabby babies who feel overlooked in the middle of it all.

But this is why Christ came, isn’t it? Because we need him. Because we are weak. Because we are hopelessly flawed and because none of us can be whole without him. The messiness of celebrating Christmas is unavoidable. This year, may the messiness remind us of our need for a Savior. May it make us aware of our unworthiness. And may it inspire gratitude for the gift of his coming.

Eamon: Hey, it’s Stephen’s feast day! What are we going to do to celebrate Stephen’s feast day?

Me: Well, let’s see… how about if we have cinnamon rolls and egg nog for breakfast?

Eamon: But we just did that.

Me: Perfect!